


Haunted Grounds

by Fueled_by_Revenge



Series: Haunted Grounds [1]
Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Motion City Soundtrack - Fandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Condoms, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Sex Toys, Strap-Ons, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-31 20:24:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 96,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8592259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fueled_by_Revenge/pseuds/Fueled_by_Revenge
Summary: When Patrick got a music scholarship for a school in New Jersey, his best friends jumped on board with him and drove across several states to go to the same school.Gerard, on the other hand, was an art school graduate stuck in a rut working at a bookstore. But recently, he was very thankful that Patrick ended up in New Jersey.





	1. This is side one, Flip me over

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a college AU that starts in 2002. Fall Out Boy exists, not as a band but as a bunch of friends who decided to go to a college in New Jersey from their hometown of Chicago. My Chemical Romance exists for the most part, but also not as a band. Gerard and Ray are college grads looking for salary jobs who work day jobs near the college while Frank and Mikey are students. Other Bandom people might show up, but it's all up in the air for right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Dead on Arrival" by Fall Out Boy

There's this little store in the nearby college town with a whole lot of character; it sold old records, comics, even coffee. It had gallery space for local artists and a small corner stage in the coffee shop for an open mic night. Growing up, this used to be one of Gerard's favorite place to hide away from the world for awhile. Now with hipster kids and trust fund college students, it wasn't much of a secret. Good news for Gerard, who needed a job after art school didn't play out the way he wanted to. He really liked the town in all honesty. He was able to live away from his parents and his little brother; he still had a roommate but it wasn't like back home with his high schooler brother, Mikey. Occasionally, there was good music that would play at some of the venues. The art scene had a good range of contemporary and new school styles, which gave him an opening for his paintings to be sold. For the most part, Gerard Way's life was like treading water now. Always keeping his head just above the surface to keep from drowning, but never really going anywhere.

Gerard woke up that morning to the sound of a guitar strumming in the other room. He grumbled and flipped open his phone just to immediately close it to see the time. Not too early from when his alarm should have gone off, but early enough for him to be pissed off at Ray. He threw his Star Wars comforter off of him and started to make his way into the rest of the apartment in hopes of finding his roommate and strangling him with a guitar string.

"It's seven in the morning," he growled when he found Ray in the "living room." Why they called it that, he wondered constantly, as they didn't do any living in there but rather ate their dinners and occasionally play games off of Ray's Xbox or his own PS2.

  
"Good morning to you too, grumpy pants," the curly haired man said without looking up from his guitar book. "You said you had to work at ten today."

  
"And I would have gotten up at eight," Gerard lied.

  
"No you wouldn't," Ray retorted.

  
"Closer to eight thirty."

  
"That sounds right."

"What the hell are you doing?" Gerard asked as he walked directly past the couch and into the kitchen. No walls in the apartment made it easy to keep a conversation going. It also made it easy for Gerard to listen in on Ray and his girlfriend whenever they wanted to have a moment in the kitchen. One day he'd come to grips with being a total creep, but it wasn't going to be today.

  
"I've got this one kid in my class," Ray was referring to his guitar lesson classes. For the most part, they were filled with kids, maybe with a few teenagers. But recently Ray found himself offering classes later in the evening for college kids who wanted something to do or to add an elective to spice up their bland resumes. "He plays well enough, I thought I'd move him onto some real songs. You know, besides nursery rhymes?"

  
"Is this the one that keeps coming to the lessons just to show off?" Gerard asked while fixing his well-balanced breakfast of dry cereal and unsweetened coffee.

  
"No, that was Frank," Ray said after finally giving the guitar a rest. The only real thing Gerard remembered about Frank was a single outing he was a part of. He was a tiny little guy and the group figured out he was a minor after he stole drinks from the group and nearly got them in trouble with campus police. But again, Frank was a little guy who was able to slip away unnoticed but eventually crashed on the couch at Ray and Gerard's place. Gerard had to keep reminding himself that Frank was younger than his brother, and every time he did he would get the mental picture of Mikey doing these things. Because of that, Gerard couldn't see Frank as anything other than a baby that needed guidance, but he also didn't want to be the one to push him in the right direction.

  
"It's the one that insisted playing Wonderwall was an achievement," Ray added when he put his guitar back in its hard shell case.

  
"Oh god," Gerard gawked, remembering the story about the arrogant tool who walked into the classroom, announced that he could play like a legend, and then could only play Wonderwall.

  
"Do you keep track of when school goes back into session?" Ray asked.

  
Gerard tried to answer with a mouth full of dry cereal before giving up, chewing it like the grown ass adult he pretended to be, and then trying again when he mouth was empty, "I thought summer classes were still in session."

  
"Yeah, but, don't they bring the freshmen in early to move in or something?"

 

"I don't know man," Gerard mumbled while pulling out the marshmallows from his cereal to eat first. "Your guess is as good as mine."

  
~~~~~

  
The smell of real coffee hit Gerard's senses like a brick wall. One good thing about working at a coffee shop: if you weren't awake before you got there, the smell would wake you up before you clocked in. Thankfully, for his paycheck anyways, Gerard didn't work with the coffee but just with the music with comics. More of his expertise, but it never stopped him from getting a cup while he sat behind the counter anyways.

  
The business was clearly two buildings that were combined into one. The coffee shop side had dark wood and fake brick while the bookstore side had gray painted walls and metal shelving. Even the lighting was off in the two sides, which was really obnoxious if someone stood in the archway between the two. The coffee side was dimly lit, which sucked if you were there to study and the book side was lit up like a doctor's office if a staff member wanted to turn them all on for the day. Most of the comic book side was decorated in old school horror movie memorabilia and the coffee side had very common latte art that the owner had found from dollar stores and home decor shops. Of course, the shop was appropriately named "Haunted Grounds," because of this obscure mix of decor.

  
Gerard was there by himself that morning, thankfully. When there wasn't anyone else there, he got to read the week's new comics while waiting for customers. Given it took him awhile to figure it out, but he could also hook up his iPod to the sound system and subject people to his playlists. Sometimes people liked his choice of music. Other times he would be asked to change it because it pissed customers off so badly. He always wanted a tip jar in front of the counter with a sign that read "$1 for song requests, $5 to turn it off."

  
"Ooh," he heard coming from the front door after the door chime. "Motörhead!" Two guys came in, one who thought two polo shirts at the same time was a good idea and the other who kept pushing his glasses further up his face into his long hair. College kids, Gerard guessed.

  
"Question, my good man," polo shirt asked when he got to the counter. "This isn't the school bookstore is it?" Gerard guessed right.

  
"It's not," he answered truthfully. "We have a lot of students who sell their books here when classes are over. We never know the book lists, but you can check with us when you have the book title."

  
"Awesome!" Polo shirt slammed his hands open palmed onto the counter in excitement. "You guys are so much closer to my dorm and to where all of my classes are gonna be. I don't wanna walk that far just to buy books you know?"

  
"Yeah," Gerard blindly agreed. He remembered the drive, and the train, and sometimes the ferry to get to class in New York City while he lived with his parents. But a fifteen-minute walk between a dorm and a store was too much for this guy. "Are you freshmen?" Gerard asked both of the guys.

  
"Yeah," the guy with glasses said while pushing them up once again. Gerard did not expect such a tiny voice to be coming out of that guy's mouth. He wasn't big, but he still had a presence that made someone not want to screw with him. "I mean... Is it obvious?"

  
"Not really," Gerard lied. "I was just wondering when classes started."

  
"Oh, in like..." Glasses started to trail off, "A few weeks. Three at tops. We're just here early because we're from out of town."

  
"Like way out of town," Polo added while he started going through the plastic crates filled with records.

  
"Can't be that far out," Gerard thought out loud.

  
"Well," Glasses pointed at himself and then to his friend. "I'm from Milwaukee but Pete's from Chicago."

  
"And you came to New Jersey?" Gerard asked in disbelief.

  
"Yep!" Polo, now identified as Pete, said proudly.

  
"Wow," Gerard ran a hand through his hair, pushing most of the scraggly mess out of his face. He thought he was pushing it when he was going to the Big City but these kids crossed several state borders just for college.

  
"Here," Gerard hopped off his stool and grabbed two postcard-sized fliers from the counter. "This is a calendar of the events we do here. It's for next month, and uh... Well, the other side has a coupon for 20% off if you spend at least $100. That might be useful for when school starts up."

  
"Hey, thanks, man!" Glasses said while he took his card and Pete came over to take his.

  
"I just... I used to live in a town nearby and I went to New York every day for class so I kind of know how it feels to be in a whole new environment. Give you guys something to look forward to, you know?"

  
The two were very thankful for the generous offer. Pete ended leaving the store with a handful of old CDs, and glasses, who he discovered went by the name Andy, found an old Anthrax album he didn't have and gripped it like a newborn on his way out the door. After the two of them, the rest of the day stayed very uneventful.

  
~~~~~

  
"Classes start in a few weeks," Gerard mumbled from his place on the couch, face first with his body taking up all of the seats. Ray was walking in the door and seemed unphased by Gerard's lazy behavior.

  
"Well that's good to know," he said as he put his guitar down. "So the bars are gonna fill up this weekend super quick."

  
"Yeah," Gerard moaned. He hated being dragged into Ray's group outings. Most of the people were younger than they were and a lot of those couldn't drink legally. The only real exception seemed to Frank. They only hung out the one time, but it left a lasting enough impression for Gerard to enjoy his presence more than the other people Ray hung out with. And if it wasn't a group of teenagers, Gerard was playing the third wheel to Ray and Christa's dates.

  
Ray slapped the top of Gerard's head, "You need a haircut."

  
"You need a haircut!" He retorted back.

  
"No," Ray laughed. "I need it to grow out. I look like fucking Bob Ross with this crap."

  
The two of them laughed about their poor hair style choices for a minute or two before trying to figure out what they were going to do about food.

  
~~~~~

  
The week went by slowly and for the most part was uneventful. No screaming customers but there also wasn't a lot of people, to begin with. Ray was looking forward to Thursday night and had made a point of dragging Gerard with him. The last Thursday of every month was open mic night for people at the coffee shop. This was the only time Gerard's employee discount could apply to booze, and this cute girl worked the bar in the same Weezer shirt every time. God knows he could never hit on her without choking on his tongue but it was always seeing her with every drink he'd get. When it was over and Ray and Gerard got their pre-game drinks on, they would walk down the street to the bars and hang out for awhile. Once the store was locked up and the metal divider was put into place in the archway, the duo could go over to watch the performances.

  
Quickly the place started to fill with familiar faces; a bunch of regulars that they had become accustomed to seeing. Ray's girlfriend with the single chunky blonde streak, the cute barista with the Weezer shirt, and Frank. Frank had clearly started partying early and was already a loveable drunk. He had hugged everyone he had recognized at the bar so far but stopped at Gerard for an extra long one from behind.

  
"I missed you," Frank sighed.

  
"I haven't seen you in awhile Frankie, what's new?" Gerard asked. He should have asked.

  
"Well," Frank let go of the hug to hop on the bar stool next to Gerard. Before he could even point it out Gerard could see what the younger man was mentioning at. "I got a new tattoo."

  
"On your neck?" Gerard had to ask despite the obvious answer.

  
"Jesus dude!" Ray exclaimed as he entered the conversation.

  
"Screw you guys," Frank rolled his eyes. He gently peeled the tape away and pulled the Saran Wrap off of the area to reveal a very dark scorpion on his neck. "I think it's bad ass."

  
"Okay, Frank. Just... Why?" Ray stammered.

  
"Well - " the little man set himself up like he was going to do story time with a bunch of little kids " - my family is full of musicians and none of them got super famous. So, I'm convinced I'm going to be the first one in my family who does."

  
"And the scorpion...?" Gerard asked, trailing off.

  
"Well it's so high up there, I've got no choice. Make this music thing work cuz I'll never get a real job."

  
"Oh Jesus," Gerard sighed.

  
"Frankie, how much did that cost you?" Ray asked after taking a long drink.

  
"Like $43. The guy who did it just charged me for whatever was in my pocket, and that's all I had,"  

  
"Well you got your money's worth, literally," Gerard sighed into the last bit of his drink.

  
"Wait, why?" Frank asked, completely insulted. It was good work for the money he paid, but it was missing something. Something important.

  
"There's only seven legs. Four on one side," Gerard pointed out which sides, despite how Frank couldn't see it. "And three on the other."

  
"What?!" The younger man shot up from the stool before running to the bathroom. A good long moment later, they could hear him coming back to the table, screaming and cussing about the screwed up tattoo.

  
"I think you should ask her," Ray said, quickly changing the subject to the cute barista girl.

  
"I don't know man," Gerard mumbled into his glass.

  
"She's been wearing the same Weezer shirt for the last few open mic nights. So she's obviously your type!"  


"Weezer's more your thing man," Gerard said, digging his finger into sides of his eye to clean them of funk very quickly. "You sure she's not flirting with you?"

  
"I have a girlfriend," the curly haired man pointed out proudly.

  
"Who you're ignoring to hang out with my sorry ass?" Gerard laughed.

  
"Yeah, ignore that part. I'm just tired of seeing you unhappy. Go find someone, they don't have to be your Mrs. Right. It can just be your Mrs. Right Now." The curly haired man chugged the rest of his beer.

  
"What if I don't want a 'Mrs. Right?'" Gerard mocked.

  
"Then get a 'Mr. Right.' Just stop making yourself miserable, man!" Ray knew about his past dates. Not in extreme details, but enough to get the idea across.

  
"I just don't..." Gerard trailed off. He thought it was more of an issue of him not being good enough to date someone compared to being an issue of who he could potentially be with. Ray knew it as well but he kept trying to push his friend out of his comfort zone every now and then. "You know what? I'm going to do it."

  
"Really?" Ray asked, bewildered that his friend was getting out of his to go talk to a girl.

  
"Yeah," Gerard fixed his shirt and grabbed his jacket from the back of his seat. "And when it blows up in my face, I'll blame you."

  
"It won't. Trust me!" the curly-haired man shouted as Gerard walked up to the bar.

  
There was a decent amount of people standing up by the bar, so Gerard tried to be patient. He thought it was at least the polite thing to do since Weezer girl got paid for making drinks and not for being hit on by creepy ass guys. As the line got shorter, he could see the barista talking to someone. That specific someone had dark hair with bangs long enough to hide the part of their face that was facing Gerard. The person flipped their hair with their head in such perfect timing for him to recognize that it was Polo - or Pete, he had to keep telling himself that these people have names. Immediately thinking that Pete had beat him to the punch, he tried to turn away and back out of the terrible situation but not right before, "Haunted Grounds guy!"

  
Gerard turned around to be face to face with Pete. All the people who were waiting for drinks had dispersed from between them, so it was just the two of them. Pete threw his arms open for a hug like the two of them knew each other really well. Gerard was expecting to fail at something he was used to doing: being rejected. And now he was going to fail at something he wasn't used to doing: being friendly.

  
"Uhhhhhhhhhh... Hey!" He gave into being hugged but only to do a safe side hug and not fully give into the strange man's temptation. To make matters worse, Gerard could see that Pete had company. He saw Glasses, now with a lip stud under the center of his bottom lip, and some curly haired dude who also had a bottom lip ring. Gerard reminded himself that they had names again before realizing he didn't know the taller skinny dude.

  
"So, we were so excited that you gave us those little post card things," Pete was talking with his hands. "We wouldn't have known about this otherwise."  
  
"You guys are doing open mic night?" he felt compelled to ask.

  
"No, we're supporting a friend," Andy answered. Again, that voice does not match his demeanor at all. Even though he knew it, it still threw Gerard off.  
"He came here from out of town with us and hasn't done anything since we got here," the taller guy piped up. "We thought it would lift his spirits and he's been super excited since we mentioned it to him."

  
Gerard nodded away like he was intently listening to what they were saying but he desperately looked over at the barista for an out. He looked up in time to see Weezer girl lean her body over the counter and give an open mouth kiss to a pink haired girl in a black dress. When he saw the two of them exchange "I love you," and separate, he accepted that she was already taken. He sighed and looked at the guys in front of him. "What's your friend doing tonight?"

  
"Singing," Pete answered. "Oh, and playing guitar!"

  
"Sounds fun," Gerard agreed to have his night not be ruined by his own creepiness and just let the girl be happy. Maybe he could just chill with these guys and Ray. They didn't seem that much older than Frank or Mikey, so they couldn't be all that immature. "I've got a friend waiting at a table by the stage if you guys want to join."

  
Pete looked back at the group who all nodded in some sort of agreement. "Sure!"

  
When Gerard approached the table, Ray shot him this concerned look. He couldn't read the look on his friend's face correctly and it didn't help that a completely drunk Frank was laying on Ray's shoulder. How was Frank drunk after such a short amount of time? He could only wonder.

  
"Remember the guys I was telling about that stopped by the shop earlier this week?" Gerard's eyes were begging for help. Mostly that Ray would either catch on to what he was doing or shut the whole thing down.

  
"Yeahhhhhhhh," Ray answered. Their little-drunk friend stirred from the noise and sat up in his chair.

  
"Well their friend is performing tonight and I figured they could have good seats." Since it wasn't shut down, the group of college students joined them at the table.

  
"That works. You guys have names?" The lot introduced themselves to Ray and nearly passed out Frank.

  
Andy reintroduced himself. As did Pete. The taller guy was Joe, and "taller" wasn't even the best word for him since the whole group was pretty short, but it now meant Gerard had zero excuses for calling them nicknames.

  
The group got settled down in seats and quickly lost in conversation over college majors, how they all came from Chicago except Andy, and what music they all had in common. Frank hadn't said a word the whole time but stared intently at Joe's mouth. After a while, it bugged the new guy enough to say something. "Dude, are you okay?"

  
"I like your lip ring. I want one," Frank blurted out.

  
"Frank!" Ray slapped the side of the teen's head; he truly was the mom of the group when he needed to be. "I need you to stop doing stupid shit!"

  
"So, what is your friend playing?" Gerard quickly tried to change the subject.

  
"Some Joy Division song, right?" Andy asked his friends.

  
"Yeah, he said something about it relating to his - Oh hey look!" Pete cut himself off by pointing to the stage.

  
Their friend was on the stage with his guitar and anxiety in hand. Between his large glasses and his trucker hat, Gerard couldn't see his face but the guy's nerves were clear to see. He did, however, see the guy lick his lips before finally saying into the mic, "My name is Patrick and this is 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' by Joy Division."

  
The first few notes off of his guitar flowed so effortlessly they gave Gerard chills. He was glued onto this man, every strum his fingers made, every lip bite and heavy sigh did not go unnoticed. Patrick's shoulders loosened up when he moved up close to the mic and started singing, "When routine bites hard..."

  
Gerard was lost in the words. He hadn't heard someone sing with such soul in their voice in a long time, and to be an amateur just struck him. The singer's body started to move more with the music as the song went on and Gerard couldn't help but smile. The boy was warming up under the spotlights. Moving more freely and singing like no one was watching; in reality, not many people were, but no one was going to tell him that. Gerard loved watching him, it was almost a shame that it would have to come to an end.

  
With a sung note that made Gerard shutter from amazement and a few guitar riffs later, Patrick finished up. "Ummm, yeah. Thanks," he told the audience before walking off stage with his guitar behind his back and it's case in tow. The crowd applauded but nothing was as loud as Pete cheering and running up to his friend.

  
"You were amazing! I told you, you'd be great! You had nothing to worry about!" Pete led Patrick over to the table where the group sat. "So guys, this is Patrick!"

  
Patrick gave an awkward wave before trying to sit between Joe and Pete as his safety barrier. Up close, Gerard could see more of his features. The younger man had a baby face that was framed with sideburns and long auburn hair. He looked so drastically different from his friends with their dark hair and black clothes with band merch with his camouflage trucker hat, bright orange polo, and olive green jacket. The black guitar case covered in stickers looked like it fit in better with the group than he did.

  
Pete did a quick introduction to everyone new before the conversation turned into just Patrick and Ray talking about guitars. Gerard spent the rest of the night watching Patrick. His smile that took up half of his face. The weird reactions he would make when talking to his friends. The way he kept fixing his hat to help cover his face. The stories about how he grew up with Joe and then they met Pete. Then they all met Andy somehow on their adventure to find a school with majors they all wanted, which ended up being in New Jersey.

  
He was very thankful that Patrick ended up in New Jersey.

  
~~~~~

  
Gerard woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. His mind was spinning with thoughts of the singer from the night before. He was still kicking his ass for not getting a phone number, but he didn't think his mind would jump to wet dreams so quickly. He lied in bed for a few long minutes trying to decide between taking a shower to cool off or taking care of his problem.

  
He eventually decided on jacking off in the shower. He found that the Patrick in his dreams was skinnier, and not exactly the same man he had watched sing yesterday. His sleeping brain still registered it as Patrick but it wasn't until he was awake that Gerard realized that wasn't the guy he wanted. He wanted his dreamy, pudgy, smiley Patrick with the sideburns.

  
With enough soap in his hands, he started pumping his cock in long slow jerks. He bolted his eyes closed so he didn't have to look at what he was doing. He could imagine it was someone else doing it, or that he was getting himself started to fuck someone else. He wanted it to be Patrick so bad. Enough dirty thoughts started running through his head before he started picturing what it would be like to let Patrick have his way with him. It had been awhile since he was taken, but he was too damn horny to think about prepping or how it would hurt if he didn't. He was so desperately clinging to the idea of having sex with Patrick that he didn't care how it would happen, just the thought that his little fantasy could happen.

  
He leaned back against the shower wall and quickened up his pace. He could feel it in his lower gut that he was getting close. He cupped his free hand over his mouth to keep himself quiet; the shower was too close to Ray's room for his own comfort. He pushed the image of Patrick back into his mind, and he clung onto it until he finally came in short spurts.

  
Gerard slunk to the floor in the midst of the afterglow still thinking about Patrick. He barely knew the guy but was masturbating to the idea of having sex with him. That time last week, Gerard was doing the same thing but to the image of Weezer shirt girl and now it was some random guy he barely knew. Unlike the other girl, he at least had a name with this fantasy.

  
~~~~~

  
A week had passed by quickly without any word from the Chicago crew. It really was a shame that they were all too drunk to get any of their numbers. Gerard would silently pray that one of them would walk into the store while he was working so he could try to make another connection. With classes starting soon, the chances of that happening kept increasing. At least that's what he had hoped for.

  
That afternoon was slow, so slow that he had succumbed to his stupid idea of the tip jar. He found an empty tin can and cleaned it thoroughly in the sink to get all of the dust out of the inside. Once it was dry, he used glue to get a piece of scrap paper to wrap around it. Then came Gerard's handiwork of writing in sharpie on the side. He should have written in the paper and then glued it on in case he made a mistake, but he decided to be as careful as possible. In the middle of writing "change," he heard the door chime open. "Hi, I can help you in a minute."

  
Once he finished the word "song" he proudly dropped the tin can in place on the counter next to the register. He looked up to see Pete drop a rolled up dollar into his jar. "Misfits please."

  
"Oh sure!" Gerard was surprised to say the least. Before he could even look into his iPod to see what songs he could play, he scanned the shop for his new favorite fantasy. The blue jersey was to the back of Gerard, but if the black trucker hat in the top of a head of messy auburn hair was any indication, that was Patrick. Real Patrick. Not the Patrick from his dreams.

  
Gerard quickly went back to the iPod to keep himself from looking creepy, again. "I haven't seen you guys in awhile. What's up?"

  
"Classes started," Pete swayed back and forth. "Dorms were reassigned. Thankfully Patrick just went from my roomie to Joe's, but now I've got this annoying dude next door and we needed a break."

  
"Yeah, roommates can suck," Gerard wasn't referring his roommate, because the last two years he'd known Ray had made his life personally better. A couple clicks on the iPod later and Astro Zombies filled the air. Pete walked away with a fist in the air, silently going, "Yes!"

  
Gerard could barely contain his excitement; Patrick was there. Patrick was there in the store. Patrick was next to him after he shuffled over from the counter. "Can I help you look for something in particular?"

  
"No I'm just looking," Patrick noted without looking up. He already had a stack of records sitting next to him as he going through the boxes.

  
"You've got quite a selection already," Gerard tried to laugh.

  
"I like music," Patrick answered. Either he was in the zone or he was shutting Gerard down.

  
"I can tell." Then he noticed something in Patrick's pile. "You like Prince? I have a good copy of Purple Rain."

  
Patrick looked up, and it was the first time Gerard noticed how colorful Patrick's eyes were. They were mostly blue with a little speck of yellow towards the middle. But more than anything, right now they were staring at Gerard. "How good?"

  
"Uh yeah," he was caught off guard. "Lemme go to the back and you can look at it." Gerard power walked to the back room and ripped his phone out of his pocket as soon as the door was closed. He flipped his phone open and texted Ray as quickly as possible without looking suspicious.

  
"Patrick n store.. Got him 2 talk 2 me!!!" There was brief discussion awhile back with Ray over his infatuation with Patrick but it never went any further than his roommate congratulating him on the new crush.

  
"Gr8. Don't fuck up," was the reply he received right when he found the Purple Rain record. Gerard rushed out of the room to the two guys talking over the record boxes.

  
"I think you should go for it," he heard Pete say.

  
"I don't think that's what's going on, Pete," Patrick said under his breath. "I just want the album."

  
Gerard approached the two handed it to Patrick who then treated it like an ancient relic. The younger man examined the sleeve carefully, looking for any tears or bends, before pulling the record out and studying the grooves. "Do you have a record player so I can hear it?"

  
"Uh, no," Gerard commented. "I had one in here but it was sold awhile back."

  
"I have one in my room, but I don't want to buy it just to figure out it doesn't work."

  
"Well ummm... How about," Gerard offered. "If it doesn't play, you can bring it back. Get your money refunded."

  
"Really?" Patrick asked.

  
"Yeah, no problem. I mean, anyway to get you to come back and see me, you know?" Oh no. Gerard could hear himself being creepy and weird again. Patrick didn't react to it, but Pete did. His dark haired friend was leaning on the boxes with his head in his palms as he watched the conversation going on. Gerard caught the dreamy look in his eye and shot him a dirty look, but it only made Pete's smile larger.

  
"I know, you seemed so interesting," Patrick spoke, completely unaware of his friend and Gerard's confrontation. "Your curly haired friend was too busy talking to me, he kind of took over the whole night. I don't think we even got all of your names."

  
"Oh this is Gerard," Pete pointed out.

  
"Oh, well - " the young man put his hand out " - Patrick." Gerard took his hand to shake it, and took in the sight of Patrick up close and personal. His smile spread so far on his face, it practically touched his sideburns. The gleam in his eyes sparkled when he smiled. He showed off his teeth between his pink lips. It was a lot to take in and memorize for later.

  
They must have been taking forever because Pete waved a tattooed arm between the two men, "Hey, I just got a message from Joe. We gotta go soon."

  
"Oh shit," Patrick grabbed his small stack of records and held them, along with the Purple Rain album on top, close to his chest as he followed Gerard to the register.

  
"Okay, uhmmmm," Gerard started punching in the prices into the keypad, "We have a deal that if you sign up for an account, I can get you twenty percent off now. Then it's five percent for every twenty dollars you spend. I can't remember where it caps off, but you know?"

  
"Oh god yeah," Patrick was elated. "But can I use my name, or does it have to be my legal name?"

  
"My account says 'Luke Skywalker.' So you're fine." He heard Pete let out a "nice" by the door while waiting on his friend.

Patrick started giving him information. His name was Patrick Stump. He lived in the Russell Dorms on campus. He was at least 18, but when the birthday was placed in, it was confirmed he was actually 19.

  
"So it doesn't need my phone number?" the customer asked.

  
"No it doesn't need it," Gerard replied. "We won't call you or anything."

  
"But what if I want you to call me?" Patrick asked but his voice cracked towards the end, making him sound like a confident five year old. Pete coughed in the background to cover his comment of "hint, hint."

  
Gerard's eyes lit up. He was getting hit on. This had never happened to him before while he was sober. "I uh, oh shit..."

  
He must have turned red because Patrick took the sharpie he was using earlier and grabbed his left hand to write a phone number on his palm. It had a zip code he had never seen before, which had to be from Chicago.

  
"Here. Call me later, okay?"

  
Gerard was stunned for a second and it took Pete in the doorway to bring him back into reality, "Hey Trick! You still gotta pay, remember?"

  
All flustered and embarrassed, Patrick quickly grabbed his wallet and swiped his card, repetitively apologizing the whole time.

  
"Okay, if it's debit, I need to see an ID to verify its you," Gerard announced the policy. The teen looked up in horror; he was starting to get why there was that question about the legal name. He couldn't figure out why, but it was scaring the hell out of Patrick.

  
"Wait, but-but," he started stuttering. "I-i-i just gave you all of my information for the account and-and-and..."

  
Pete hopped up to the counter with his card and driver license in hand. "Tricky, I got you. I think you owe you anyways." Once everything was paid for and bagged up, the tension was released and Patrick calmed down instantly. Ashamed of his overreaction, he grabbed his bag and started apologizing over and over until he left the store with a hyperactive Pete following his shadow.

  
Gerard stood in the store alone for awhile, completely convinced it was all his fault, before finally thinking aloud, "I fucked up again."

  
~~~~~

  
"He's adorable though." Gerard was going through his day with Ray and Frank as he had a towel on his head. He forgot that today was the day he agreed to let the college student dye his hair. In reality, it was his fault to make plans when he was drunk.

  
"So you've said." Ray was sorting through his songbooks for a specific one. "Twice even."

  
"Just, what did I do wrong?" he threw his arms off of the chair.

  
"He's got a stupid real name," Frank said with a gulp of a stolen beer. "He's embarrassed and got all smooth talking when he thought he could get around it."

  
"What the fuck," the mom of the group looked up at the resident baby underage drinking. He wasn't so much concerned about laws as he was the drink. "Is that my beer? You little fucker!" Next thing he knew, the two of Gerard's friends were running around the apartment chasing one another over a beer that Frank had already finished by the time Ray tackled him to the couch.

  
"Why are you two in my life?" He asked the two guys rolling around on the floor. The two were up and straightening out their clothes when Gerard concluded, "Bad life choices."

  
"You love us, shut up," Momma Ray said on his way out of the room.

 

"You should call him," Frank announced his idea from the couch. "Make it seem like it wasn't a big deal and just let it flow."

  
"Like how? You have more confidence, tell me what you'd do," he pleaded.

  
"First, I'd be asking a girl out."

  
"No homo. Got it. You've made yourself abundantly clear."

  
"Well," Frank pushed his hair out of his face. "He likes music? Wait til one of the bars has a live band or something and take him on a date. Ask him the day before. Don't bring up the name thing unless he does."

  
"So just ignore it?" Gerard asked.

  
"Dude, he might have serial killers in his family. Or be a millionaire and want people to take him seriously. If he's a millionaire, I will kill you to date him first."  
  
"What happened to no homo?"

  
"Gay for pay, dude. Gay. For. Pay."

  
"Both of you are stupid," Ray said on his way into the kitchen.

  
~~~~~

  
He waited until Thursday night to call Patrick up. The next night a few local bands were going to be playing at the High Watt and it seemed like a safe bet. After work that night, he got undressed and put on his pajamas before giving in and calling Patrick up. The number was greatly displayed over his art desk on the back of a receipt. He didn't want to wash his hand but it also seemed really desperate. A few dials tones later and the phone picked up, "Hey is this Patrick?"

  
"Is this Gerard waiting three days to call me like a preteen girl?"

  
"Maybe," he chuckled. "You know with you guys having classes and me having a work, I just wanted wait for the right moment."

  
"You wanted to wait until you had the confidence to call me."

  
"That too."

  
"What's up?"

  
"There's this band playing at the High Watt tomorrow. I was wondering if you wanted to go?"

  
"Like as a date?"

  
"It can be."

  
"So a date?"

  
"Sure. A date."

  
"Okay, I don't have a car so you'll have to pick me up. Can you do that?"

  
"Yeah!" Gerard exclaimed. "No problem."

  
"Great. I don't have classes tomorrow, so text me when I need to be ready. I'll send you the address."

  
~~~~~

  
Gerard didn't go on campus that often but he knew where some of the dorms were. The Russell dorms were only distinctive by being on a hill. He parked the car in the first vacant spot he found close to the main entrance. Before he could even get his phone out to text Patrick that he was there, he saw the teenager run out of the double doors to the car. His red polo was a blur when he ran up but it was alarming enough for the older man to see him in time.

Gerard unlocked the doors and Patrick hopped in the passenger seat, "Whoa man! There's no rush!"

"Yeah there was, I needed to get out of there," he put his seat belt on while he talked. "Pete was being weird about me being out tonight. I had to leave before he got weirder."

"Weird like how," the driver turned in his seat to see behind him as he backed up.

"Like sex talk weird. Like I've never been on a date and he thinks he's my dad or something."

"Friends can be weird like that." He flash backed to Frank asking him numerous questions about how gay sex worked and whether or not Gerard was gay and how it worked to not really have a sexual preference.

"I'm just," Patrick sighed. "Thankful to get out of the dorm for awhile. Thanks for driving, man."

"No problem, but I gotta ask in case I get a beer, can you drive?"

"Yeah, I drove all the time back in Chicago. I just don't have a car here."

"How'd you get here if you didn't have a car?"

"Well, Andy brought his van. Joe has a truck. And on the way here, Pete and I took turns driving the uHaul."

"All for a school in New Jersey?"

"Well I'm here on full scholarship."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was in marching band and now I'm in college marching band. Sad."

"No man, that's cool. Your college is done and paid for if you can keep yourself together. That's amazing."

"Yeah, thanks..." Patrick trailed off. The sound of the car driving through town became monotonous fast. Gerard took it upon himself to turn on the car radio. It was playing some ads but he didn't want to change the station in case the Top 40 stations he had programmed played something that his fate would disapprove of.

"Is your hair different?" the teen asked.

"Uh yeah," he answered. "I let Frank dye it. I won't cut it, so that was somehow the compromise with my stupid friends."

"It looks nice, though," Patrick added.

"Thanks. I thought the black would match my clothes better," he ran his hand through his hair as he nervously talked about himself. It still had that newly dyed hair smell and he liked sniffing it while it was still there. It was weird but Mikey still smelled new sharpies when they came out of package, so it must just be a Way thing.

The radio ads ran into a song announcement that broke their silence on the way to the bar. "This next one is for all the lovers out there. Go get yourself someone if you don't have a date tonight, so this song can play all night." Then the heavy drums of blink-182's "First Date" came onto the speakers and the two burst into a fit of laughter.

Patrick almost perfectly played the drum beat on the dashboard with his hands as Gerard sang along. When they arrived at a red light, it gave him the opportunity to preform with an imaginary microphone and focus all of his attention into his date. "In the car, I just can't wait. To pick you up on our very first date."

"Is it cool if I hold your hand?" he offered his hand over to Patrick, but the boy was too busy keeping beat to play along. He did smile from sideburn to sideburn while watching Gerard, though. The light turned green and the driver went back to singing without the theatrics, "Do you like my stupid hair? Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?" When the chorus hit, Patrick stopped his dashboard drumming to sing along. The car was filled with both of their voices singing like little school girls. While he couldn't throw his voice like the younger man, Gerard still had some talent in his vocal cords. He still felt comfortable singing around his date, but he wasn't going to show off.

By the end of the song and in turn their impromptu karaoke session, Gerard was pulling into a parking spot behind the bar. He probably could have found a spot in the front but it was so packed already, he didn't want to fight it.

Patrick turned off the radio before the car was turned off. "Were you actually nervous about tonight?"

"I mean yeah, kinda," Gerard answered. "It's been awhile since I've been out with someone, and I didn't want to fuck up."

"Like how long?" The boy asked.

"Well, with a guy or a girl?" Gerard answered nonchalantly. He didn't realize that he might not have told his date that he had dated both in the past.

Patrick paused for a second, before picking a choice. "Just your last date, or relationship, whatever."

"Middle of college. Three or four years ago. A guy. The closest I got since then was asking this girl who works open mic night at Haunted Grounds."

"So you're afraid you'll screw up tonight?"

"A little bit," Gerard nervously laughed.

Patrick leaned over in his seat and pressed his lips onto Gerard's. "You're fine." He was grinning like an idiot when the two got out of the car. "Now, admit it. You didn't miss the target in our very first kiss," Patrick referenced the song from earlier.

"Well, you did it," he answered. "I just sat there."

The two were IDed at the door for the show. Patrick's ticket in ended up costing Gerard $15 because he was a minor, which was $10 more than his own ticket and more than he wanted to pay to be honest. Patrick didn't seem to notice or care his date's dilemma because he was spending the next twenty minutes smelling the bold sharpie X's on his hands. Just like Mikey would have; must be a teenage thing.

None of the three bands that were supposed to play were up yet, in fact they still had about an hour to kill since Patrick ran out of his dorms to the car; Gerard had at least expected to get dinner or something but the whole ordeal had thrown him off. The bar didn't offer food, or even snacks like peanuts to sit on the counter, so the two were trying to fill themselves up on diet cherry coke and cold beer. There was some chairs and tables on a platform the other side of the venue, and after deciding that they could still see the bands play if they got up there soon, the two moved chairs and a table right up to the railing and faced the stage. It was comfortable for the most part, even if the railing was a cold hard metal.

"So," Patrick leaned on the metal and took a sip from his coke, "Why did you ask me out on a date in the first place?"

"Well," Gerard started. "You seemed really interesting, you and I both like music, and you wrote your phone number on my hand."

The teen smiled, "I'm not usually like that to be honest. I hope you don't mind."

"It was ballsy move, but it paid off didn't it?"

Patrick nodded in agreement. He put his drink down on the table to readjust his black trucker hat. "But before that even," he started. "That night we met, you spent the whole time staring at me. I'm still trying to get why." Damn. If Patrick had caught on to that, then it meant he was creeping hard again.

"Well, I could just tell," Gerard answered honestly. The teen stared back at him for a moment. In his mind, Gerard just found as his secret and his whole life had been compromised. "I mean your voice that night and the way you dress."

He convinced himself he had to tell Gerard the truth, right then and there. He wasn't really lying, but also didn't want to disclose that kind of information about himself. "I mean, Gerard, listen man-" he started but was cut off when his date didn't realize he was talking.

"You're something special, and I knew I'd kick my own ass if I didn't at least ask you out you know?"

A wave of certainty flowed over him while his body un-clenched. This guy was amazing and while he owed it to him to tell him when the time came, it wasn't that time and for now Patrick was just going to enjoy their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case anyone wants to listen to it while reading, Fall Out Boy did a cover of "Love Will Tear Us Apart" so you can get an idea of what Patrick would have sounded like during open mic night. https://youtu.be/kzCJkm711rk


	2. Oh baby let me in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Honey, This Mirror isn't Big Enough for the Two Of Us" by My Chemical Romance

"So you two didn't shack up?" Frank brought his homework into the apartment and had his collection from four classes strewn across the floor and coffee table. Gerard was using the computer to update his resume before he could give it to Frank on a CD to print. If the boy was going to steal their food and booze, he was surely going to get some free prints through the school.

  
"No we didn't," he answered. "I took him home after the show and we were making out before that jackass with the bad haircut started screaming from the window."

  
"Wait, Pete? Pete was screaming at you guys?"

"That'd be the one," he said each word with an angry tap at the keyboard.

"Pete doesn't even live in the Russell dorms; he lives with Andy in the Colton building."

"Of course he does," Gerard groaned. Of course the whole Chicago crew was hanging out in the dorm waiting for Patrick to get back so they could play Twenty Questions. Of course there was no reason for Pete to be screaming out of a window in a crowded college campus at nearly two in the morning.

"You guys gonna go out again?" Frank asked.

  
"Please..." Gerard groaned and didn't even realize it. "I mean, god I hope so, but I have no idea."

  
"So," the college student put his textbook and binder on the coffee table along with his pencil without making a noise. He quietly got up from the couch to retrieve Gerard's phone that was still plugged into the wall to the charge. "If you were gonna text him, to like...try to make plans, do you think he'd be opposed to it?"

  
"I think he would," Gerard kept typing away, completely oblivious to what was going on behind him.

Frank flipped the phone open and went into the texts. No new messages from anybody so he created a new one. "So do you think 'Patrick less than three' might want to do lunch or do you think dinner would be too intimate?" He was already texting away with the speed of a teenage girl on a mission.

"Patrick less than three?" Gerard questioned. "Wait, like, Patrick with a heart emoticon?"

"Yeah sure, just answer the question. Lunch or dinner?" Gerard turned around to see Frank still tapping in letters into his phone. Mortified that everything he had worked for was going to get ruined by this boy's need to be in everyone's business, he lunged from the chair to tackle him down. The boy must of gotten used to it from all the wrestling with Ray because Frank shot himself out of the way and ran into the bathroom. The door was locked before Gerard was even off of the floor, let alone trying to pry the door open.

"Frank, don't you fucking dare!" he screamed at the door.

"Just answer the question," he heard from the other side. "I'm trying to get you laid. The least you can do is work with me."

Gerard started grabbing his hair roughly through his hands. It really was getting long, maybe he would have to cut it. "Suggest dinner. Then maybe a movie or something."

It was eerily quiet for the next few minutes until he heard from the bathroom again, "He's asking about Wednesday night. Just pizza and a movie at his place."

With a sigh of relief, Gerard replied, "I can do that." Not soon after, the door opened and Frank handed him his phone back. "Wednesday after work. He's got the movie, you get the pizza. Also, he's really smart. He knew it wasn't you by the second text."

Confused, he started going through his phone to see the messages. "How are you sending complete sentences through text?"

"Lots of practice. Now go, I've got to pee," Frank said slamming the door.

~~~~~

Wednesday night could not have gotten there fast enough. Gerard tried to text as he walked to the other side of the car to grab the food, but was failing to get the words right. "Which dorm is yours??" he attempted to send before he got the two pizzas and bag of drinks.

He got a response but not on his phone. "Fifth floor, room 8, sweetheart!" It wasn't even Patrick. It was fucking Pete again. He groaned and made his way into the building and then up to the elevator. Maybe he could bribe Pete to just go the fuck away. He had two pizzas, maybe the guy could take one and leave the couple alone for a minute.

He knocked on the door and was greeted by the guy with the lip ring; one day, he'd get their names right but things were moving too fast for him to pay attention to anything besides Patrick. "Hey, Gerard! How's it going man?"

"Uh, great!" he stepped into the dorm and got a good look at the place. "I'm here to dine and wine with the boy." The dorm room was cozy. There was a living area almost half the size of the living room at his apartment that was filled with tiny furniture and a tiny television with a tiny DVD player stuck in. On the back wall was three doors that were separated from the main space by a little cove, which he could only guess was bedrooms and a bathroom.

"Hopefully not actually wine with the boy," Lip Ring noted.

"Well yeah, you guys are minors," Gerard laughed.

"And straight edge." Lip Ring was not playing. It felt less like Gerard had been led on by Patrick and more like he had slapped the group in the face with a major insult.

"Oh god I'm so sorry; I didn't mean anything," he tried apologizing.

"Dude there's nothing to be sorry about, I'm just trying to catch you up to speed."

As if on cue, Patrick came out of his room, which Gerard noted meant he was right about the mystery doors. "Hey!" The boy didn't have glasses on this time but still had a hat on, making it the most signature of his looks at this point. The Mariners shirt threw off the rest of the look with his black and white hat and black pants.

"Hey, Pat!" Gerard noted a slight wince when he said his dates name, but he didn't make anything of it. "I brought food, it's just pepperoni though."

"No, man that's fine - " the teenager looked over to his dorm mate " - Joe, can you please get Pete out of my room?"

"Did he think he was staying?" Joe inquired.

Joe.

Not Lip Ring.

Joe.

One day he'd get these names right.

"He thinks he's going to be my chaperone for the night or something."

"Just..." Joe mumbled something under his breath on his way to Patrick's room.

"Here," Patrick said as he grabbed the boxes from Gerard. "Let me take these." He walked over with the boxes into the cramped kitchen.

There was no stove, no dishwasher, and the fridge was about half the size of Patrick. It was mostly counters with drawers and cabinets overhead. The counters themselves were mostly littered with small appliances like the microwave that still had its packaging stickers and the coffee machine that looked like it had seen better days. With the two of them practically hiding in the corner of the dorm, Patrick whispered over, "I'm waiting for them to leave. They promised I'd get the place to myself for the night and now they're being difficult."

"Seems like it's just Pete to be honest," the older man noted. He made room next to the coffee machine for the soda. If they were straight edge, Gerard wondered what was up with the coffee machine. Maybe the soda was a mistake too.

"It kinda is. Joe knows I can take care of myself but Pete still thinks I'm a baby or some shit."

The teen was pulling plastic plates out of the cabinet when Joe walked by, pushing Pete out the door. It didn't stop him from shouting out at the couple, "I have my phone, don't be afraid to text or call! I know the code word if you need to use it, but still be safe while we're out!"

Joe pushed him out the doorway before looking back, "Just lock the door for me? Thanks." Then he left.

It was super quiet in the room by themselves. By themselves. Gerard was in a room, with Patrick, by themselves.

Patrick moved the makeshift coffee table closer to the couch so the two of them could put their plates down if they needed to. "So I picked two movies randomly, but I'll let you make the final call."

"Oh no," Gerard joked. "Too much pressure, man."

"Well," the teen bent over to grab the DVDs from the crate that held the TV up. While it gave him a great view of Patrick's ass, the teen's jeans were anything but flattering. "I've got Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill?"

"Someone likes Tarantino," Gerard noted with a mouth full of pizza.

"More like..." Patrick paused. "I like Uma Thurman."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I was really obsessed with the dance scene from Pulp Fiction for like ever," he said and then followed up with the John Travolta dance from the movie on his toes and everything. Gerard lost it and turned into a fit of fully belly laughter. Thank god he had swallowed that last bite or he would have died choking. The teen laughed along but took that as a sign to put that movie selection into the DVD player while the older man kept laughing away. Towards the end of his giggle fest, Gerard pulled Patrick onto the couch with him.

They started watching the movie like they weren't on a date: the two eating their food, commenting on specific scenes, quoting various lines, and getting up to go back to the kitchen occasionally. Half way through Samuel L Jackson's "Does he look like a bitch?" rant, Gerard had an arm around Patrick's shoulders and the other on the boy's waist while their mouths were preoccupied with one another's. The teen had a handful of the man's Motörhead shirt and the other on the back of his neck.

"Not exactly the most romantic movie to make out to," Patrick said breathlessly when he broke their make out session for air.

  
"I have a knack for awkward moments," Gerard told him. He made a pinching motion towards the boy's hat, like he wanted to grab it, "Can I get rid of this for a minute?" When he was answered with impatient nods he took as a yes, he pulled the hat off and tossed it on the floor. Their lips were back on each others again but now Patrick was laying back on the arm of the couch trying to pull Gerard on top of him.

The older man straddled the teen with his knees on both sides of Patrick's hips. Before going back to kissing the boy's face, Gerard threw his leather jacket off in a messy haste that it almost knocked the TV onto the floor. He brought his hands back onto Patrick's hip and the arm of the couch. He felt arms wrap themselves around him and little hands grip into his back of his shirt. He hadn't felt this good with another person in a long time.

He was completely ready to pull one of the condoms out of his wallet and fuck Patrick into the couch, or let Patrick fuck him; whichever the teen preferred, Gerard would do it regardless of how long it had been since he was on the receiving end. The hand he had on Patrick's hip for stability rose up to the boy's shirt to wander to his chest. Patrick had some kind of athletic shirt underneath that was tucked into his pants that Gerard tried to pull it out to feel his palm on the teen's skin.

This is what snapped Patrick back into reality. He broke their kiss, grabbed the hand invading his clothes, jerked his face away and hid it in the crack of the couch. Gerard was breathless and puzzled as he looked down at the boy. Patrick's eyes were bolted shut and it almost looked like he was going to cry.

"Oh my god, Patrick, are you okay? What's wrong? What did I do?" Gerard's mind was racing faster than his mouth could produce words. He quickly moved to the other end of the couch sitting on his knees watching to see what would happen. Did he hurt him? Did he do something wrong?

Patrick sat up with his back to the arm of his side of the couch, knees to his chest the best he could get them. "Sorry."

"No apology needed," Gerard said. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just didn't want to get ahead of myself," Patrick answered.

"Patrick," the older man started. "Have you ever...?" He couldn't even finish the thought. He knew Patrick was young, but he didn't think he'd be inexperienced too. He should have thought of this.

"No, I have," the teen said. "A few times even. It's just..." Patrick trailed off and ran a hand through his shaggy hair to get it out of his face. "One of the last guys I was with had this thing. He called it a 'Fuck-It List.' It was like a bucket list of different types of people he wanted to have sex with before he died. I was  just another thing for him check off the list and it scared me. I don't want to be treated like that again."

Gerard's heart sank. How could anyone treat Patrick like that? Then again, he was prepared to have sex with this teenager he knew for only two weeks on their second date. Was he really any better?

"I just got so excited about someone being interested in me I got ahead of myself," Patrick said sadly before he sunk his head into his knees. "Or maybe I was just excited over the idea of having sex again that I bit off more than I can chew."

"Oh god, no," Gerard sighed. "I don't want to make you do something you don't want to do. We can do other stuff until you're ready . Or nothing at all, your choice."

Patrick pulled his face up and Gerard could see the red starting up in the boy's eyes. He might've cried right then. "But you're so much older, and so much more experienced. I don't want to bore you."

"It's my fault," he admitted. "I'm used to experienced partners and somehow thought you were going to be the same. I keep forgetting that even though you're an adult, you're still hella young."

"I'm not that young," Patrick scoffed. "I just have so much baggage I don't want to unpack onto you yet."

"Then I'll wait."

The teen shot him a puzzled look. "You don't mean that."

"No, I do. Give me a date number I can wait for, or an anniversary month we can work for. If you're still not up for it, we'll try again."

Patrick pulled himself out his slump and leaned across the couch to wrap his arms around Gerard's shoulders. When the older man wrapped his arms around the boys waist, Patrick took the opportunity to kiss Gerard and bury his face into the open crook of his neck. "I don't think you know how much means this to me."

He didn't love the boy, hell he barely knew him in all retrospect, but he would be damned if he ruined what could be an amazing relationship because he was turning into a horny old man. "I gotta be honest. You were really ballsy when we met in the bookstore, I didn't think you'd be a big teddy bear."

"Blame Pete," Patrick sighed. "When you went in the backroom, he told me to go for it. He got me all emotionally pumped up and gave me some pointers. And now I'm falling on my ass."

"You're adorable," Gerard chuckled. "Stop worrying so much."

"It's hard not to."

After readjusting their bodies to lay comfortably on the couch, the two went back to watching the movie. And commenting on it. And quoting lines they remembered.

Before it was over, the front door was thrown open and one annoying ass Pete ran through the dorm with his hand covering his eyes. "I can't see anything!" he screamed. He could see well enough to not run into anything. "I'm not looking, I'm not looking, I'm not looking!"

"Dammit Pete," Patrick pulled his head off of Gerard's chest to yell at his friend. "You don't even live here!"

"Well that's what you get for not locking the door," Joe commented on his way into the dorm.

"Oh dammit," Patrick realized his mistake. Still wouldn't have stopped Pete. Then he would have just done the same thing after Joe unlocked the door.

Pete popped up from the other side of the couch, "I see a jacket and a hat on the floor!" This boy was too much. How did they tolerate him around them all time? Let alone bring his ass to New Jersey?

"Nothing happened. Go away," Patrick groaned.

Pete whined, "I set you up, tell you how to fuck safely and this is how you repay me?!"

"Dude chill," Gerard butted into the conversation. "It's not like I can get him pregnant or anything."

There was an eerie silence for a moment. By the time Gerard realized it was happening, he could hear Joe from the kitchen, "Well that answers that question."

"Guys," Patrick groaned again. "Just leave it."

~~~~~

"I don't know man," Gerard said into his cereal. "It was weird. Like, beyond weird."

Ray was in the middle of making his lunch. Gerard had slept in late on his day off and had recently woken up. Conversation in the kitchen turned into a news report about the night before.

"So let me get this straight," Ray started. "He turned down sex, both he and his friends got weirded out when you mentioned that you couldn't him pregnant, and he had a really creepy ex that took advantage of him?"

"Yeah, the guy had this creepy list of types of people he wanted to have sex with before he died and Patrick was one of them. I think he was a minor and was taken advantage of because he didn't know what to expect or something."

"I don't think it was because he was a minor," Ray mentioned. "I mean he might have but I don't think that was it."

"What do you mean?" Gerard asked with a mouth full of cereal.

"Don't jump to any conclusions but..." Ray paused. He looked for the right words while putting his sandwich together on his paper plate. "I don't think Patrick's male."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I think he's scared to come out about it because someone already took advantage of him. His friends are overprotective and over supportive. And he's terrified of intimacy because it might out him before he can do it himself."

"So you think Patrick's a girl?" Gerard was confused as hell. Where the hell was Ray getting these ideas? Did he not see what Patrick looked like?

"No I think he might have been born a girl and now he's living life as a man full time."

"Ray," Gerard stammered. "Wh-where are you getting this?"

"I watch a lot of documentaries. I like to be educated on things."

"No, I mean on Patrick!" Gerard yelled. His friend put a hand up in his direction as a way to tell him to calm down. He took a deep breath and let it out before asking again, "Why do you think Patrick's a girl?"

"Remember when you two first talked? He wouldn't use his ID which probably has his legal female name," Ray started counting on his fingers. That was number one. "Overprotective friends who reacted to the comment about getting him pregnant. Won't let you see his chest, which isn't typically sexual on men. And that last ex wanted a type of person, and if Patrick is transgender, then that's a special type of person that you wouldn't come across everyday unless you knew what you were looking for." That was four.

"But he doesn't look like a tranny," Gerard pleaded his case.

"Dude don't say that," Ray winced. "That's like 'faggot' where only certain people can say it, and even then I don't think the guys can say it."

"But he's got sideburns," Gerard started on his case again. "And a flat chest. And his hips aren't huge."

"The amount of drag shows we've been to should tell you that all of that is superficial," Ray took a bite of his sandwich. "Plus hormones, dude."

"How does that work?"

"Like," Ray still had his mouth full. He started again when he was done chewing. "Like that stuff old people take to feel young again. But instead of old men taking testosterone, it's a female body adding it to themselves. Or something. I'm not completely sure."

"So what do I do?" Gerard pondered aloud.

"Do you like him?" Ray asked.

"Well, yeah."

"You like guys and girls. Why should this _guy_ be any different? Just don't be a creep about it."

~~~~~

Gerard found himself looking it up on the Internet for most of the night. He didn't want to be a creep, but he also didn't want to be in the dark on this whole issue either. He tried to immerse himself in as much of the material as he could; it was almost embarrassing.  
  
Most of what he found was Live Journal blogs and forums on a site called Susan's Place. There he was able to see one guy tell the story of his entire transition, pictures detailing what the hormones were changing on him in addition to the guy's current updates on his chest surgery. It all intrigued him and it made him feel closer to Patrick.

Then the creep factor set in. This wasn't Patrick, or his life story. These were people who only had this one aspect of their lives in common in Patrick. It would be like applying Ray's life story to Gerard just because they both were born in the same year and grew up in New Jersey. They weren't the same person. And this was all if Ray's suspicion was right.

It was almost five in the morning when he had this realization.

~~~~~

Work was hell that day. Not too many people but barely any sleep didn't help at all. It was all Gerard's damn fault though. He had to know what it all meant even if it meant being he had to borrow happiness from the next day to get it. He was really lucky he worked next to a coffee shop. There was only an hour or so left in his shift before he needed to close up when Patrick showed up. He was delighted to see the boy's sunshiny face when he looked up from the sound of the door chime. "Hey," Gerard smiled. "What's up?"

  
"I'm done with classes for the week," he said while fixing his glasses. "Joe was driving me around and we drove by the store. I figured I'd stop by to spend some time with you before I get started on homework and junk, you know?"

"I've got a little more than an hour left here," he admitted to himself that he wanted to close early from the lack of business and just go hang out with Patrick, but his boss would kill him. "Plus I've got to clean the place before I close it, so add another twenty to thirty minutes."

Patrick leaned his crossed arms over the main counter, "Can I hang out til then, or are you going to kick me out?" His grin was adorable.

"I wouldn't," Gerard laughed. "Just don't ruin anything." Patrick walked away to go rummage through the records, which seemed to be his favorite part of the store.

Suddenly all of things Ray had mentioned the day before and all of the research from last night hit Gerard like a brick to the face. How could Patrick be a girl? Or female? Or born female...? Gerard was trying to get the words right for the sake of being respectful, but his head was spinning like crazy with all of the possible other explanations.

So instead, like the creep he is, Gerard started in on a mental checklist of all ways Patrick could be female. "You never told me how the Prince album played," he mentioned, trying to get a response so he could analyze the boy's voice.

"Like a dream," Patrick replied. His voice was deep, but then again, Gerard had aunts with naturally deep voices. Plus the whole hormone thing he had read about the night before. Patrick could have been on them for years; some doctors will let minors take them in some special cases. "I'll let you listen to it next time you're over."

"Sounds like a date," he said, and walked around the counter to get a better look at the boy. He tried figuring out the teen's body structure, more than anything, he was looking for the feminine curves of large hips and a chest. Patrick had slightly larger hips than his waist, but so did Gerard. It was actually common with heavier guys. As for a feminine chest, he couldn't tell. Could have been bound up with a little slack from being heavy chested or had just been what Frank affectionately referred to as "man boobs."

He started to close in on the record shelves to get a better look at Patrick's face. He wanted to see if the boy had an Adam's apple, or if he could see edges on the sideburns that could only come from them being artificial. Gerard tried to make it look like he was fixing the signs, but the teen could sense that something was wrong.

"Are you okay?" Patrick looked Gerard dead in the eye. At first the older man was scared that he had been found out, and was shocked like a deer caught in headlights. "You're acting weird."

"S-sorry," he apologized. He went back to actually fixing the signs to not throw his cover.

"Gerard?" Patrick asked. When he looked to face the boy, he could see the genuine concern in his face, mostly radiating from his blue eyes behind thick-rimmed frames.

"Long night," he lied. "Didn't get a lot of sleep. Then long boring day at work. It's just... Taking a toll on me."

"Okay," Patrick sighed. "Had me worried for a second."

"Worried? About what?"

"Well," the boy took a deep breath and his whole body stiffened up. Gerard almost wanted to panic. "Our last date ended badly. I thought I had ruined everything for us." It was more Patrick's friends than it was Patrick. After they came back and the whole incident went down, the whole night was on an off note. Joe and Pete kept making comments to Patrick about how he "should be himself," and it ruined the whole night.

"Your friends made it kinda awkward," he commented. "Maybe next time it can just be the two of us? Like really just the two of us."

"That was it? Not the no sex thing?"

"That's what you're worried about?!" Gerard was shocked. He legitimately thought it was Patrick's friends but instead it was Patrick's intimacy issues. "That's not it at all."

"So we're still on?" Patrick asked, his eyes glued onto Gerard. It was right there that he had decided that he didn't need to know about Patrick, or rather that it didn't make a difference in their relationship. He really did care for the boy and wanted to continue this thing they had going on between them.

"Yeah, when I'm done here we can go out."

By the time the shop was closed and Gerard was finished cleaning up, which admittedly went faster because Patrick helped with sweeping, the only place open was a sandwich shop that had less than thirty minutes until they closed. The two got their sandwiches to go and found a bench in the school quad to sit and eat.

  
"Not the best way to spend a Friday night when you're in college," Gerard said before taking a bite of his BLT.

"Better than what I've had," Patrick was still fumbling with the wrapper on his turkey club. "High school was all about band, especially after I got accepted here on scholarship. I didn't get a whole lot of nights off."

"Damn man, I'm sorry," Gerard apologized.

"Don't be," Patrick finally opened up the paper on his sandwich. "I really like it now that I have more free time. When spring semester starts I have to go practice to play at some of the games, but until then, it's all school and dates with you."

Gerard smiled. They were dates. He never knew what to call them or to say that the two of them were dating, so he was glad to hear the boy acknowledge it.

"So what is this? Date number three?"

Patrick finished the bite of food in his mouth before counting on his free hand, "The bar was the first date. Then the movie night. And now, if you want to call a date."

"Impromptu date. Spur of the moment date."

"That's one thing to call it," Patrick laughed. "You're keeping count until you get me in bed aren't you?"

"No," Gerard lied. Not entirely. "I thought we were waiting to get to know each other better. You never set a date amount anyways."

"I was hoping I wouldn't have to," Patrick said into his sandwich.

"Would it make you feel better?"

"Kind of. But then I'm afraid I'll just freak myself out and screw up."

"I have had really bad sex experiences," Gerard confessed. "There is no way you'd screw up."

"You say that," Patrick sighed. "But you barely know me."

"Then let's change that," Gerard said confidently. He turned his whole body around in his seat so he was facing his date. "I'll go first. My name is Gerard Way and I'm 25."

Patrick laughed, "Are you serious?" Gerard just nodded his head so the boy went ahead, "I'm Patrick Stumph, the 'h' is silent so my best friend convinced me to drop it, and I'm 19."

He was starting to open up, but he was still nervous and Gerard could see it. "Ask me anything," he told the boy.

"How many people have you dated?" Patrick asked.

"Three girls, two guys. You make it an even three on both sides."

"So you're bisexual?" Patrick had turned his body so the two were completely facing each other.

"Basically. I don't really know, I just go with the flow. Okay now your turn."

Patrick didn't look like he wanted to answer honestly. He pulled his legs up so he could lean his arms and his half eaten sandwich on his knees. "I dated one girl in high school and it didn't really work out. Four guys since. I think I'm just gay because I've never been attracted to girls since that one."

"It works. Obviously no judgement from me," Gerard added. "But see! We're both not extremely experienced."

"You've still got me on age," Patrick said with another bite of his sandwich.

"You're just 19, that's not that young. My brother's almost the same age."

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah," Gerard told him. "Mikey. He's taking a gap year between high school and college. Then he took this semester off to work full-time. He said he'd come here in the spring, but he keeps making excuses."

"I've got two older siblings. Meghan and Kevin."

"So you're the baby?"

"Yeah and my mom makes sure of it," Patrick sighed. "I have asthma and some other health issues that my siblings didn't and she worried all the time. I got babied and spoiled a lot."

"At least you weren't spoiled rotten."

Patrick laughed. "I like to think so. Your brother call you anything stupid growing up?"

"Idiot. Stupid. Typical sibling stuff," Gerard finished his sandwich and balled up the paper. "Nothing too nasty."

"No nicknames?"

"Oh yeah. He shortens my name a lot. Usually just to Gee."

"That's cute, I was trying to think of something to call you," Patrick smiled. "For me... It took awhile but my friends call me 'Trick.' Also just shortened."

"So you don't like 'Pat?'" Gerard asked.

"Not at all."

"I've noticed you wince at it. I wanted to ask but I also didn't want to push the issue."

"Well, that's what we're doing now," Patrick smiled again. There was something in his closed mouth smiles that just warmed Gerard's heart. He was adorable.

"I wasn't gonna ask, but if we're at that point can I ask you something?" Patrick looked worried. "Just back to when we met at the store, and you were signing up for an account. Did you freak out over your last name? Cuz it's just a letter. I can still accept card payments and junk."

"It's a little more than that," Patrick said, covering up what was remaining of his sandwich with the paper. "I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Patrick, whatever it is," Gerard pleaded with him. "I promise you that's it's not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be."

"With my experience, it's usually a bigger piece of baggage than people are willing to take on in a relationship."

"Frank thinks your parents were murderers," Gerard tried to get to the boy to laugh. "Or that you're super rich. Like Bill Gates rich." It was working and Patrick was starting to smile, teeth and all. "He also said if you're rich, he'd go gay for you. I don't know if that's a compliment or just creepy, but we might need to set him straight."

"Definitely," Patrick laughed. "I am not rich in the slightest."

"His other guess was that you had a stupid embarrassing name, but if it's just a letter difference, you can shove your student ID in his face."

Patrick's smile dropped and he bit his lower lip as he went back to zoning out, like he was thinking about something and was deep in thought about it. He sighed, "What would you call us?"

"What do you mean?" Gerard asked.

"Would you say that we're dating?"

"I'd like to say we are."

"So what does that make me?" Patrick asked, his eyes were wet like tears were going to start running down from his eyes.

"I hope my boyfriend. Patrick what's wrong?" Gerard asked.

"Just," Patrick put his legs down and lifted himself off of his seat just enough to pull his wallet out from his back pocket. "Remember that real fast." The boy opened up his wallet, the sound of the Velcro ripping apart was the only thing between the two of them for a moment. He continued to look through the pockets until he found his student ID. When he took it out, he immediately handed it to Gerard before putting his head in hand.

Gerard looked at it, puzzled, not understanding at first glance what the issue was. "Patrick?"

"Look at my name, and tell me if I'm still your boyfriend."

Gerard looked down. His eyes went to the picture first; Patrick was smiling, not wearing his hat but his typical black glasses. He then started in on all of the other information. He swallowed hard when he saw the name on the card:

STUMPH, MARSHA P.

 

Ray was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Patrick's mom is named Patricia if anyone is curious about the naming process.  
> Also, after five attempts, I finally got the editing down to where its easier to read. I'm writing all of the chapters in Werdsmith (an app) so the formatting is a bit of a challenge on my phone.


	3. My heart is on my sleeve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Chicago is so Two Years Ago" by Fall Out Boy ft Justin Pierre

"And then you freaked out?" Ray asked the following morning when Gerard had explained in great detail what had happened the night before.

"I like to think that I didn't," Gerard dramatically said with both hands up in his defense.

"What'd you do? Tell him something stupid?" Ray looked away from his roommate to go back to packing up his gear for his class later in the day.

"I told him," Gerard felt his chest get heavy like it had that night. He didn't have a crying Patrick in front of him, but he still felt bad about the whole incident. "That it didn't make a difference to me. If he wanted to be my boyfriend then I will try to be the best one I can."

"And then," Ray paused. "You freaked out."

"I didn't freak out!" Gerard yelled. "I told him that I might say stupid shit, or I might do something really dumb because I don't know any better. But, I gave him full permission to punch me in the face if I do. Let me learn and put me down the right path. Don't be nice about it even."

"I'll make him a spray bottle. Treat you like a cat," Ray mentioned while putting his guitar in its bag and then lifting the bag onto his shoulders. "Or we could get a jar. Like a swear jar, but call it the 'Gerard is stupid' jar."

"You're not helping," Gerard glared at him.

Ray laughed him off, "I gotta say though, three dates in and you're already taking on some pretty heavy baggage. You like this boy."

"I do," he sighed.

"Good," Ray grabbed a box of god knows what that he needed for his class, "You need someone like that in your life. Grab the door for me, will ya?"

Gerard ran over and opened up the door and waved Ray off. With the apartment empty and being by himself, he didn't know what he'd do for the rest of the day. Initially, Gerard thought about watching Saturday morning cartoons but decided against it in favor of bugging Patrick.

He stopped at a fast food place on his way there and decided to drop by unannounced. Probably a bad idea in case he got the food order wrong, but if that was worse thing he could do, then he'd eat both of the biscuits. He knocked on the door, hoping to god he got the right one because without Pete yelling out of the window, he had to rely entirely on memory. When Joe opened up, he knew he had the right one.

"Hey, is Patrick home?" Gerard asked. Joe didn't have the door completely open, but he could see a flash of colors running into a room from part of the living room that the door blocked. It looked like Patrick, and that was his room. "What the fuck?"

Joe opened up the door all the day and let Gerard walk inside. Pete was in his pajamas sitting on the floor at the coffee table. Books, binders, and paper were covering the whole thing. There was enough stuff there for Gerard to guess that they were doing homework. "'Trick heard you and rushed into his room," Pete reassured him. "He wasn't all together. I guess he had to make himself presentable."

"Oh," it took Gerard a second to realize that it meant that Patrick wasn't binding. He also probably wasn't supposed to know about that either. "Patrick told me about the...thing." He made a vague gesture with his free hand at his chest.

Joe and Pete shot shocked glances at each other from their sides of the room. Gerard didn't need to turn to look at Joe to figure out what they were doing.

"Oh," Pete grinned from ear to ear. "He likes you a lot then."

Just then, Patrick came out of his room, still wearing the same blue pajama pants and black shirt with technicolor David Bowie on it, but now with a presumably flatter chest. "Hey!"

"Hey," Gerard smiled and pulled up his fast food bag. "I got you breakfast."

"Thanks, but we already ate. I'd enjoy your company, though." Patrick closed the gap in the room between them and kissed his boyfriend with a quick peck on the lips. Gerard half expected a comment from one of the friends about the two of them and their PDA, but instead, Pete commented on Patrick's choice of head wear.

"You seriously just put on a hat for your stupid boyfriend?" He looked up at Patrick as the two guys sat on the couch.

"It was either that or wash my hair," the younger boy commented about the camouflage trucker hat. It had some record company logo, but Gerard wasn't paying too much attention to the hat as opposed to Patrick.

Gerard pulled the contents out of the bag and put it on the one empty spot on the coffee table. "I got two sausage and egg biscuits and two little milk cartons if anyone wants them."

"Yes!" Pete exclaimed as he grabbed one of the biscuits. He noticed the couple's weird looks before explaining, "Sorry dude. I can't stand that almond milk shit you have going on."

"Wait," Gerard paused and looked at his boyfriend. "You're not a vegetarian, are you? Like you didn't have to eat that sandwich last night."

"No," Patrick replied while grabbing his books from the table. "Andy tried to get all of us to go vegan with him and now I can't stand cow milk. That's all that really happened after those three weeks."

"Worst three weeks of my life," Joe commented from the kitchen.

"Yep!" Pete added with a mouthful of breakfast biscuit.

"You guys should let me come over and cook for you one morning," Gerard offered. "I can make some bad ass pancakes."

Patrick leaned onto his shoulder and brought an arm up so his fingers could play with Gerard's hair. "Maybe after midterms. Classes are crazy busy until then."

"Sounds like a deal," Gerard said. Patrick didn't move when he and Pete got back to reading. In fact, he only moved his hand when he needed to write something down but he moved it back as soon as he was done. The students went about their business like Gerard wasn't even there, and he enjoyed every minute of it.

When he had to leave for work, Patrick made a big deal of meeting Gerard out to his car and kissing him goodbye. "I'm glad you stopped by, even just for a little bit."

"Yeah, I wanted to show you that I was serious."

"Serious about?" Patrick asked.

"Being the best boyfriend that I can be."  
  
Patrick grinned and buried his head in Gerard's chest and grabbed both sides of his open jacket to wrap his head in. The taller man took advantage of this and wrapped his arms around the boy and kissed the top of his head. He rubbed his hand down the boy's back. He could feel the difference in the chest binder under Patrick's shirt and Gerard just didn't feel the need to comment. It was short, like a sports bra but it had more of an athletic material. Not the one Patrick was wearing on movie night. The boy looked up right when Gerard looked down which prompted another kiss for the two. "I really got to go. We'll make plans for later, okay?"

"Okay," Patrick sighed, still smiling like an idiot. "Call me when you get out? Or have your friend text me since he's so good at it."

"That's never happening again," Gerard mentioned as he let go of Patrick. The boy let go of Gerard's jacket and the two separated. Gerard watched Patrick stand on the sidewalk as he backed the car out its parking spot, and he kept wat hing the boy as he waved the car out of the parking lot.

Back in the dorm, Joe was typing away at his laptop and Pete was still going at the books. Patrick walked in with a goofy grin on his face, and both of his friends took note. "You really like this boy," Pete didn't even look up.

"Did you really tell him that you're trans?" Joe asked straight to the point. Joe was like Patrick's Ray; he worried about him and it was sometimes overbearing.

"I did," Patrick said while closing the door. He pulled his hat off and ran his hands through his hair. He didn't care that his friends saw his bad hair, but Gerard was a different story.

"You think that was a good idea?" Joe asked.

"Kind of," Patrick sat on the couch. "I think he knew something was up, and he was trying to tell me that it didn't matter so I dropped it on him. I wanted to see if he really didn't care about it."

"Well," Joe sighed. "He brought you breakfast and not flowers, so he seems to get it. I think he's seriously into you."

"I hope," Patrick said right before he grabbed his book again.

"Next time," Pete mentioned as he poked Patrick in the leg with his pencil. "Ask him to bring orange juice."

Patrick grinned. He was really glad his friends were this accepting of his boyfriend. He was also really happy about his boyfriend being so accepting of him.

~~~~~

Gerard parked behind Haunted Grounds and walked up to the door, and was tieing his green apron uniform around his waist as he walked. Not even three seconds into the building and his coworker was running up to him.

"Dude! I got to go!" Justin was already flinging his apron off and trying to straighten out his clothes in the process, but also proceeded to mess his hair up even further.

"What the hell? It's not even noon," Gerard commented. "I've still got like ten minutes until I need to clock in."

"Yeahhhhhhhh," Justin started. "But I've got band stuff. We got a gig tonight, a Saturday night gig! I've got to go get my stuff!" He went to go throw his apron in the backroom rather than take it with him. He was damn near almost out of the door when he remembered his keys were in the backroom as well and sprinted back to get them. Thank god there weren't any customers in the store, but their manager would get a kick out of the security tapes if Gerard tipped him off.

"Good luck tonight," Gerard said as he was clocking himself in with the computer behind the counter.

Justin was already running out the door, "Thanks, man! You're the best!"

Gerard just rolled his eyes. Justin's band was his life, and to a point, Gerard wanted something like that. He wasn't sure if it was the group of people who were a mini family for the sake of music or just to have something creative that he was that passionate about.

~~~~~

  
Gerard came home later than usual, which wasn't a big deal except Ray was relying on him to be the designated driver for him and his girlfriend. The two were deep in a conversation on the couch when he walked in. "Sorry guys," Gerard dropped his jacket and apron by the door then promptly closed it. "Justin bailed, so I was closing alone."

"I'm gonna kick Pierre's ass one day," Ray commented, earning him a slap on the chest by Christa.

"Don't say that," she whined. "Don't beat people for stupid reasons."

"No, Ray's right," Gerard interrupted. "He bails a lot because of his band. I work over 50 hours in a week if I have a full shift just because I'll end up covering for him."

"Never mind, kick his ass honey," Christa said nonchalantly.

"Just, lemme grab a water bottle before we go," Gerard said quickly, racing to the fridge. "Where are we going?"

"I was thinking the High Watt," Ray mentioned. "Live music, supposed to be a few bands."

"Maybe you should invite your boyfriend," Christa added. When Gerard closed the refrigerator door he could see her face beaming. "Ray told me you've got somebody, now."

"What all did he tell you?" Gerard asked, eyes staring right at Ray. He hadn't even told Patrick that Ray knew, let alone that Ray was the one who had hinted to him about Patrick's issue.

"I told her you had a boyfriend," Ray shot an equally concerned look back at Gerard that told him that he hadn't said anything too revealing. "We can wait if you want to call him up."

Gerard had taken the opportunity to change his clothes in addition to calling Patrick. He was in the middle of pulling his shirt off when the phone picked up.

"Hey, Gerard!"

"Uh, hey, Patrick," he mumbled while getting his shirt off. "I was gonna be the DD for Ray and his girlfriend tonight, you want to tag along and be my date?"

"Where are you going?"

"That place I took you to see those bands play. If you remember that bar?"

"Oh yeah," Patrick noted. "I remember. I can go if you can pick me up."

"Great, it's like a double date!" Gerard exclaimed. "See ya in like twenty minutes?"

"That'll work, see ya," Patrick said and hung up the phone. Gerard flipped his phone closed and went back to his shirts. He ended up with the same Motörhead shirt from his movie date and a brown and black hoodie before he made his way out of his room.

"Patrick's coming," he said while putting his hoodie on. "I gotta pick him up, so I'm ready when you guys are."

The couple looked at each other for confirmation before shrugging in agreement that they all could leave. Christa left first with Gerard tailing her to get to the car while Ray locked up. Whenever she was part of bar night, the three of them had this down like clockwork. While in the car, Christa started to ask questions from the backseat. "So what's his name? Patrick?"

"Yeah," Gerard said while backing up the car.

"Is he from New Jersey or just here for school?"

"He's from Chicago. He got a full scholarship to be here." Gerard put the car in drive and drive out of the parking lot.

"So he's younger than you? By...a lot?"

"Kinda, he's just 19."

Even Ray laughed about that one, "I didn't think he was that young."

"Be glad you're in the backseat," Gerard commented at the mirror, but Ray just smiled boldly at him.

"You like him?" Christa broke the mini fight with her question.

"Well yeah," Gerard laughed. "I wouldn't be dating him if I didn't."

"How long have you two dating?" She put a lot of stress on the word long.

"Like two weeks or something," Gerard shrugged.

"Okay I've got one," Ray piped in. "Do you need to drop Christa and I off before you drop him off tonight?"

"Why would I need to do that?" The couple in the back of the car just looked at each other. God, was the boy dense.

"In case you two need some alone time?" Ray added.

"Oh," Gerard realized. "I don't think we're at that point yet."

"Well, just in case, I don't have any problem with Ray staying with me tonight," she offered.

"We'll see how tonight goes," Gerard reassured her.

When they pulled up to the dorms, Patrick was already waiting outside. He was distracted by someone yelling from the window, but it was too dark for them to see to who it was. Gerard guessed it was Pete.

"Aww, he's wearing the same shirt as earlier," Gerard commented to himself.

"You saw him today?" Ray asked, pulling himself up with the driver's seat to look at Patrick on the sidewalk.

"Yeah, after you left, I went got him breakfast before I had to go to work."

"That's adorable," Christa added. "He looks like a baby."

"I said he was young," Gerard added.

Patrick was still talking to whoever it was when Gerard flashed his lights. That got the boys attention long enough for him to see the car, wave at the window and run up the passengers side. "Hey, long time no see," he said when he opened the door and took a seat. Before his seatbelt was even fastened, he took a second to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. Which is when he noticed the couple sitting in the back. "Oh hey!"

"Yeah, you remember Ray, right?" Gerard asked.

Patrick had a confused look on his face. "Yeah sorry, I forgot your name to face for a minute."

"No big deal," Ray shrugged it off.

"Really sorry, but if you're Ray, whose the tiny guy with the bad tattoo decisions?" Patrick asked.

Everyone else in the car simultaneously replied, "Frank."

"Okay," Patrick nodded at the weirdness of the group. "That clears that up."

"And that's Christa, Ray's girlfriend," Gerard pointed at the only girl in the car. She lightly waved and smiled. Patrick turned in his seat to see her and waved back. "So who was yelling at you this time?"

Patrick turned back to Gerard, "Joe. He wanted to know if he needed to leave the place for the two of us tonight."

Gerard noted Christa elbowing her boyfriend in the rear view mirror. Apparently, everyone thought Gerard and Patrick were getting laid tonight. "Well, we'll see. Let's see how it goes at the High Watt first."

~~~~~

It should have hit Gerard earlier. He had to work late because his coworker was in a band that had a gig that night. The High Watt had live bands playing that night. There was Justin Pierre by the bar, doing his weird ass hand movements while dancing along to music on the speakers. Gerard didn't hate Justin. He just had a problem with how Justin interacted with people. Namely people's dates. When Gerard and Patrick separated from their group to go to the bar, he tried desperately to go to a bartender who wasn't near Justin. Still didn't stop him.

"Hey! Gerard!"

Fuck.

"Hey," he said through the teeth of his fake smile. He also took this time to pull Patrick closer and kept his hands on the boy's hips. He wasn't being territorial about Patrick, but he had seen Justin with other people's dates before. "You playing here tonight?"

"Hell yeah! Wouldn't have been able to do it without you man!" He took a large gulp of what was in his drink was and directed all of his attention to Patrick. "Who's this? This isn't Mikey is it?"

"Hi, I'm Patrick," the boy introduced himself. He tried to put his hand out to shake Justin's but the crazy-haired man took it as an opportunity to kiss Patrick's knuckles.

"Justin. I was gonna say," he chuckled. "You don't look like Gerard."

"Well, my brother doesn't look much like me either," Gerard commented. He didn't want to turn aggressive about it, but he didn't want people touching his boyfriend. "Well, we're gonna get our drinks and get out of your hair. Good luck tonight!"

Gerard pushed Patrick away before Justin had the chance to lure them back into a conversation. Once the two of them had their drinks, they left the building for its closed off smoking area. Patrick didn't smoke, but the area was mostly free of people.

"I take it you don't like Justin," Patrick said between sips of his diet cherry coke.

"I don't hate him," Gerard admitted. "I've just known him long enough to know that he creeps on other people's dates. It's annoying and I didn't want him to do it to you." Patrick nodded to Gerard's statement but didn't have anything to add.

"I have a question, and you can tell me to shut up if you want me to," Gerard added the last bit quickly.

"It's a trans question, isn't it?" Patrick asked. It was weird to hear the word come out of his mouth. Like it was no big deal. Maybe Gerard was making a bigger deal out of it.

"Kind of, it's about your ID," he said.

"Oh," Patrick put his drink down on the ledge between them and pulled his wallet out. He fumbled with it for a minute before pulling two cards out. He handed them both to Gerard before putting his wallet back into his butt pocket. "This one is fake, but this one is real. The only real difference is my name. Pete found a guy before we left Chicago."

"You didn't even make yourself legal to drink?" Gerard laughed.

"Straight edge, remember?"

"That's right. Does it bother you that I drink?"

"No," Patrick shook his head.

"What about how I smoke?"

"Still no."

"Damn, you're perfect," he said and made the boy blush. He handed the cards back and the teen quickly put them back in their spots in his wallet.

"I mean... There's this thing I've always wanted to try," Patrick admitted.

Gerard raised his eyebrow while downing what was left of his beer. "Like?"

"I think it's called shotgunning. Not the drink one but the smoking one."

Gerard almost choked on his beer and spilled a bit on the ground and his shirt. After catching his breath and fanning his shirt out, he had to comment, "You know that's for pot, right?"

"I know, but..." Patrick trailed off. "I've always wanted to try, it seemed really hot when I read it on Urban Dictionary."

"Finish your drink and we can try it with regular cigarettes," Gerard offered.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah," Gerard shrugged and smiled. In reality, he wanted to do it because he was sure that the boy was going to freak out or cough out a lung, and either reaction would just be adorable. It was mean, but Patrick wanted to try it.

The boy damn near drank his coke like a shot of whiskey, crushed the plastic cup and ran it along with the empty beer cup into the trash. Gerard smiled as Patrick was practically skipping back to him with excitement. He pulled his pack of smokes out of his back pocket, opened it and pulled one out along with the lighter he stashed away. He tucked it between his lips while he put the pack into his pocket and brought his hands back to light up the cigarette. Patrick was so enthralled by the whole process, he didn't really catch when Gerard took a drag and beckoned him to lean in. The older man ended up blowing upwards to avoid the boy's face before trying again. Patrick caught on well enough the second time to open his mouth when Gerard leaned in. It wasn't much of a kiss as that wasn't the real purpose of it, but he still found himself putting his hand on the back of Gerard's head to deepen it. Once the two of them broke apart, Patrick released the smoke in a downward motion. No coughing. No wheezing. He was like a pro. Gerard took the edges of his hoodie and wrapped Patrick up with it. The boy slid his arms around his waist and let the older man rock the two of them from side to side.

"Wait," the thought hit Gerard like a brick to a window. "Aren't you asthmatic?"

"Yeah..." the boy grinned from ear to ear. "I'll be alright. I've got an inhaler on me for emergencies most of the time."

"You're gonna give me a heart attack one day if you keep this shit up." They kept rocking back and forth slower and slower until they stopped completely. Gerard was really enjoying the quiet. Possibly a little too much. "I really don't want to watch the bands perform," he said with the cigarette in his mouth.

"Because of Justin?" Patrick looked up.

"Yeah," Gerard agreed. He took another drag of his cigarette before putting it out prematurely on a nearby ashtray. It still had some life, but Gerard's hands were busy with something much more important. "Maybe when he's done, we can see the other bands."

"How do we know when he's done?" Patrick asked. There was a band playing at the moment and even though they couldn't see from outside, Gerard guessed it wasn't Justin's band by the sound of the singer.

"We'll hear songs about suicide and alcohol abuse and when that band is done, we'll know it's time," Gerard joked.

"Sounds deep," Patrick mentioned not sounding the least bit insincere.

"It's really not when you hear them. He sings all the time at work."

"Well, what would you write about?" Patrick asked.

"Like... Vampires. And killing stuff. And vampires in love killing stuff."

"That sounds so much better," Patrick laughed.

"Well, what would you write if you wrote songs?" Gerard scoffed at the teen.

"I help Pete write songs a lot, actually," Patrick said proudly. The two untangled themselves so they could get a better look at each other. "He wants to be a songwriter for people. Like, sell his lyrics to musicians. He has the talent, just not the voice to back him up."

"And what do you guys write about?"

"Breakups. Being better off alone. Wanting someone who doesn't want to be with you."

"That's actually kinda deep," Gerard admitted. "Pete really writes like that?"

"Yeah, he's kinda bitter," Patrick said. "He's been through some nasty breakups, and he knew that while he'd be miserable for a few weeks at most he could immortalize the girl's nastiness for eternity in the form of a song."

"That's..." Gerard paused. "God damn."

"He's right though," Patrick grinned.

The two went back to their cuddle session with Gerard occasionally landing kisses on the top of Patrick's head. He started to rock them back and forth again before he stopped to ask the question, "Do you want to take Ray and Christa up on their offer?"

"What offer?" Patrick asked with his head still buried in his boyfriend's chest.

"Oh right," he suddenly remembered that Patrick wasn't in the car for that part of the conversation. "Like Joe's offer, but that I could drop Ray off at Christa's place for the night so the two of us could stay at the apartment."

"I don't know man," Patrick mumbled.

"We don't have to be sexual, just intimate, and only if you want it." The boy had a confused face for a second before Gerard explained. "Like we can lay next to each other for hours talking about God knows what. We can keep cuddling. I can draw Sharpie tattoos on you. We can sleep next to each other. The list goes on."

"Did you Google these?"

"No, I just..." He felt a tinge of embarrassment when he said the words. "I made a list of things we could do if you didn't want to have sex. I think there was close to a hundred before I stopped."

Patrick laughed into Gerard's chest, "You're so amazing."

"I try," he admitted. "I try really hard."

"We'll try your place. I want to see where you live anyways."

~~~~~

After getting a second round of drinks, the couple decided on checking out the band. Sure enough, Justin's band was up at the moment and even though he didn't want to, Gerard was actually enjoying them. Once he ignored all of the jerky movements Justin did while playing, or not playing, or singing, or just standing there, they weren't that bad. "I like them," Patrick commented.

"Yeah, if you want a CD I can get you one from work," Gerard mentioned and then took a drink of his soda. He had to sober up for the next two hours to be able to drive home. Let alone take Ray and Christa home.

"But won't they get more of the money if you buy it here?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah, but I get an employee discount if I can bring it up when he's not at work."  
  
"I don't think that's the point," Patrick protested.

"Normally I wouldn't want to screw over the band but this is the same guy who made out with your hand," he added. His boyfriend nodded in agreement before bringing his attention back to the show.

The last song finished and Justin announced, "Thank you, everybody! We're MCS! Support your local scene!" The lights came back on and the band started taking their stuff apart. The stage was a rush of people moving from place to place.

"MCS?" Patrick asked.

"Motion City Soundtrack," Gerard answered. "I don't know the story, I just know the name."

"Different," the teen noted.

A tap on the shoulder brought Ray to Gerard's attention. "Hey man. What's up?"

"We're wondering if we could change plans real fast?" Ray asked, Christa behind him.

"To what?" Gerard was puzzled. He was supposed to be the DD. Traditionally, he got one drink in and then sobered up the rest of the night.

"I haven't hadanything," Christa mentioned. "So we're wondering if we can cut the night short and I can drive us all home?"

"Actually," Gerard remembered their conversation from earlier. "What if you drop me and Patrick off and then the two of you go wherever?"

"Yeah," Christa grinned as if she knew what their night was going to lead to. "No problem."

"I'm gonna get another drink if I don't have to drive. I'll see you guys outside," Gerard passed his keys over so Christa could start the car without him and then started to make his way to the bar with Patrick following behind. He went up to the bartender and gave his order out.

Patrick poked him in the side, "Can I have a drink?"

"What? No!" Gerard snapped. "You've done enough for the night."

"Really?" Patrick asked, trying to set on some charm on. He was not a puppy trying to get a treat.

"Sugar, don't even," he said and handed his money off to the bartender. "I think you've adventured enough for the night. Besides, I have stuff back at the house." He got his beer and drank it along the way to the car. The plastic cup was pitched into an open trash can on his way out the door, and Patrick had to comment about how Gerard couldn't have tasted it. The older man shrugged, "Never really drank beer for the taste."

Christa had the car running by the time the couple had walked up. Gerard initially went to jump in the back seat when he noticed that Ray wasn't in the car he opened up the door and talked to Christa through the gap. "Where'd your boyfriend go?"

"Something about a bathroom," she said. She said it too casually for Ray to be puking so he must have just had to pee before they left. He kept the door open and leaned on the roof of the car to wait on Ray.

He gave up on waiting for a minute and poked his head back into the car. "Thanks for driving, Christa. I know it sucks since I was supposed to."

"Yeah, Ray said something about Justin being weird and how he wanted to leave this bar and go to another one. I really don't want to bar hop tonight, so I think we're just gonna crash."

"Wait, what was Justin doing?" Gerard asked. Patrick was already seated in the back seat of the car with an elbow propped on both the seats to the side of him.

Christa looked back and noticed Patrick intently listening in on the conversation. "I'll tell you tomorrow," she said. "Or whenever I see you after then."

"Okay," Gerard sighed. It obviously had to do with Patrick.

Ray popped up by the car when Gerard wasn't paying attention and the crew was able to quickly get themselves together and leave. The High Watt looked like it was starting to get packed anyways. The whole ride back to their apartment was filled with Ray and Patrick talking about bands. Gerard wasn't sure how the conversation turned into that so quickly, but once it did, the two didn't stop.

"Uh no," Patrick disagreed with Ray. "The Blue Album was better than Pinkerton for sure."

"Oh hell yeah, but you're leaving out the Green Album which trumped them both, combined."

"Not even, the only good single off of the Green Album was Island in the Sun and you know it."

"Ooh, those are fighting words," Ray turned to Gerard, "I need you to get your boyfriend under control because this is a reason for treason."

"I can't," Gerard threw his hands up in defeat. "I like his face too much." Patrick was beaming. Even if he wasn't exactly winning the battle over Weezer albums, he had already won Gerard over and it was all that mattered.

The car pulled up into its space close to the apartment complex. There were multiple floors that could be accessed from the sides but Ray and Gerard's apartment was on the ground floor and had direct access. This really only worked out when they were grocery shopping and needed to haul a lot of food for a short distance, but in reality, that never happened with their small paychecks. So it really worked when the two of them moved in and not a moment since. Christa turned off the car for a minute to pull Gerard's house key off of the key fob. Instead of handing back, she handed it Ray who slid it back to Gerard with a folded up roll of condoms hidden in his hand. "Here, man."

Not wanting to freak Patrick out who didn't seem to notice, Gerard tried to hand them back. "Dude, I don't think I'm gonna need these."

"Can you take them so I feel better?" Ray asked, not grabbing the roll from his friend.

Gerard gave up on trying to hide it and unfolded the condoms. He ripped the group in half and handed the remaining two back to Ray. "Then take these for me, alright?" he asked while he pocketed the other two.

Patrick had already left the car while Gerard was saying his goodbyes. Once he was out of the car and up to the door fumbling with his key, Gerard grumbled under his breath, "Just let Ray be the mom. Don't let it freak you out."

Patrick waved the other couple in the car off as they backed out of the parking spot. "I wasn't worried. Do I need to be?"

"God no," he said as he got his apartment door opened. He let Patrick in first and followed behind to turn the lights on and shut the door. The boy aimlessly wandered around the living room, absorbing all of the atmospheres into his memory.

"I was expecting more black, and more band stuff," Patrick commented about the cream walls and beige furniture.

"Yeah, you get that more in my room," Gerard said, locking the front door.He remembered Patrick wanting a drink at the bar and immediately thought of the stuff they kept in the fridge. Hopefully, Ray wouldn't kill him if he offered a beer to the boy. "Do you want anything, like a soda or whatever?"

"I think I'm good," Patrick made himself at home on the couch. Gerard couldn't help but picture the things he could do to the boy on that couch, but he knew he'd have to wait. He didn't want to scare him off too soon.

"Sorry about springing tonight on you last minute," he said and sat on the couch next to Patrick.

"It's not like I was doing anything," the boy grinned.

"I know but like-" he started but Patrick cut him off.

"No seriously! I wasn't doing anything. Stop worrying so much!"  
  
Gerard let out a heavy sigh because admittedly, the boy was right.

Patrick asked again, "So what are we doing?"

"What do you want to do right now?"

"I almost want to take you up on those sharpie tattoos," Patrick said as he leaned back on the couch.

"Oh yeah?" Gerard was a little shocked. He didn't think Patrick would be interested in any of the nonsexual intimate things that he offered earlier. "Give me a second."

While Gerard went to go get his markers from his room (the cheap set of sharpies because he didn't want to use the good Prismacolors on someone's skin), Patrick was removing his shoes and socks. He was also in the process of removing his hat and glasses when Gerard came back. "Do you want to move this into my room?" he offered.

Patrick's eyes lit up in what he thought was fear. "Are you trying to get me in bed?"

"Well, yeah but no," he stammered out. He didn't think of it like that at first until Patrick brought up his bed. "There's more room in there for you to spread out and it's a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch. Not trying to get into your pants, unless you wanted something on your thigh."

"Well," Patrick said, getting up and grabbing his stuff. "I was thinking on my feet so I can see it for the next few days, but the guys couldn't give me shit."

"That works," he agreed. He led the boy to his room and opened the door. He immediately wished that tonight had been planned better so he could have cleaned. His room wasn't atrocious, but his dirty clothes pile was overflowing from the hamper, his closet was open to all of the art supplies and black band tees, and his art desk was covered in papers. His bed was completely unmade, as it had been for the last two weeks. Little too no organization going on in his whole room. "I guess, make yourself at home," he sighed, wishing he had planned better.

First Justin, and now his bedroom.

Everything sucked.

Patrick didn't mention anything, but put his stuff down by the foot of the bed and straightened out the comforter. He did, however, comment on the comforter, "Star Wars? Really?"

"Hey I've had it since middle school," he pleaded his case. "It's a part of me."

Once the bed was somewhat made, Patrick sat at the edge with his feet hanging off the edge. "I think it's sweet. Hanging onto your youth."

"Gee, thanks," Gerard laughed while putting his markers on the ground. He took advantage of the timing to remove his jacket and shoes so he could be more comfortable while he worked on the boy's feet. Patrick's feet were tiny but not like baby feet. Gerard was really glad he didn't have a foot fetish or this whole experience would have an awkward for both of them.

"So what do you want for a foot tattoo?" Gerard asked, trying to set up his work station of sharpies in color wheel order. Starting with red of course.

"What was it you said you would write songs about? Vampires?" Patrick leaned his elbows onto this knees so he could see better. Probably regretting his decision to take off his glasses now.

"Vampires in love killing people," Gerard answered.

"Do that," the boy said quickly.

"Okay, um," the artist opened up a red sharpie to start him off. "I'm going to block out the shapes at first with the red and then go back with another color for detail and junk. That work?" Once he saw Patrick nodding, he went to work. He didn't really know what he was going to do at first, but he had a vague idea to start off with.

"You actually look like you know what you're doing," Patrick commented.

"Yeah, I went to art school," he said, not looking up from his work.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, I went to school in New York. Lived at home, traveled for class. Killed me. Don't know how you guys are handling it here, being so far away from Chicago."

"Well," Patrick started. "I've got my second family with me."

Gerard smiled at the genuine sweetness of the boy's words. It must be amazing to have a group of friends like that. Willing to travel with you. Willing to love and protect you like a brother. Must be amazing.

"What do you do?" Patrick asked. "Like art wise. Like paintings or what?"

"A lot of paintings. And a lot of work in markers. Sometimes other mediums, but I like markers a lot." Gerard hadn't thought about his art in awhile. He had fallen into a rut when it came to his art. Being in a repetitious daze of doing the same thing week after week hadn't helped much.  
"This isn't bugging you too much is it?" Gerard tried to change the subject quickly back to his drawing.

"No it's fine," Patrick answered. "A little itchy when you put the marker sideways, but I can deal with it."

"You know I'm going to have you draw something on me, right?" the older man asked.

"I'm gonna draw a dick if you actually want me to draw something," the boy replied. They both chuckled for a minute before Patrick added, "I don't know what to put on you if you actually give me a marker."

"What about some of those lyrics you write? Pete can't write all of the good ones, can he?"

"It feels like it."

Gerard switched from red to black and started to make out people from his generic shapes. He took hold of Patrick's foot for good measure that his line work wouldn't be sketchy. Well, sketchier than usual. "Have you ever made any of them songs? Like with rhythm and shit?" Gerard asked, still looking up from his work.

"A few, but," Patrick leaned back with his hands on the bed and looked up at the ceiling. "We'd rather sell the songs than do something with them. I don't think I've ever liked any of them enough to want to sing them for someone else."

"Why not? You've got an amazing voice," Gerard commented.

"Thanks," he said to the ceiling.

There was a long moment of silence before Gerard switched to the other foot. "So there isn't a single lyric you've written that you absolutely love?"

"A lot of our songs are about heartbreak," he reminded the artist. "Even the ones I help with."

"Well, I didn't say that they had to be happy," Gerard said solemnly. He remembered what Patrick had said about his ex that took advantage of him. The boy had probably written so many angry lines about that man he could have written a whole album.

"Good, 'cuz most of them aren't." He looked up to see Patrick's face, and even though most of it was hidden by the boy's legs, he could still see the emotions building up in his eyes.

"We can change the subject," Gerard offered.

"Sorry," he apologized under his breath.

"No, no I get it," he tried to reaffirm Patrick. "It was a rough part of your life and you want to get past it." Gerard put the top back on his marker so he didn't make any straw marks while he gave Patrick his full attention. "What was it you said about Pete? He may feel like shit for a few weeks but his words will immortalize that person's shittiness forever?"

Patrick let out a short chuckle, "Yeah."

"You have that power over that asshole. You do not have to let him destroy your life. You can make him look like an ass forever." He took a hold of one of Patrick's hand with free hand, "I mean it. Forever. You have that power. Don't forget that."

Patrick had tears forming in his eyes. "I need you to stop talking for a minute."

"Okay," Gerard honored his request and looked at the floor in slight humiliation that he made his boyfriend cry over his words. He just wanted Patrick to feel better, not worse. He was really was a fucking creep.

"It's really pretty." Gerard looked up, almost puzzled before he realized Patrick was looking down at the sharpie tattoo. "Kinda gory looking, and it's upside down, but it's pretty."

"Well, its only upside down to you," he added. "And the gore is just from the red I used to get the figure down."

"It looks like blood," Patrick was entranced by the drawing on his foot. "Like all over their faces."

"Yeah, it kinda does."

"Too bad it's gonna come off when I shower and shit," the boy sighed.

"Well, I have a camera. I can take a photo of it."

"You don't have to do that for me," Patrick shook his head.

"Actually..." He trailed off. Gerard was slightly embarrassed by it, but he really liked the work he did. It would be washed off eventually, but if he took a picture of Patrick's feet he could replicate it later. "I think I might want to redo this as a painting or something."

"Not with my feet right?" Patrick felt compelled to ask.

"Okay, you're the one who suggested I draw on your feet!" Gerard laughed so hard he got Patrick laughing with him. "I could have done this on your arms, but nooo."

"Shut up," Patrick laughed. "It's great, go get your camera." Gerard shot up and went to his closet. Despite his room being hot mess of unorganized clutter, he knew where everything was. A few seconds flat, he grabbed his camera, still in its box, and brought it out. He put the box on the floor before he started to open it up. He didn't use it for anything other than taking photos of his art that were too big to be scanned, so it stayed in the box the rest of the time.  
He turned it on and made sure it worked properly before he started readjusting Patrick's feet to get the most of the drawing in the shot. A couple tries and some bright flashes later and he had a photo good enough for him to keep so he could try to remake his vampires later.

"This is so weird," Patrick said when Gerard was done.

"Again," Gerard sat down on his bed next to his boyfriend. "You wanted it on your feet."

"So the guys wouldn't see it!" Patrick exclaimed.

"Just remember that," the older man started going through the camera options to pull up the photo he had just taken. "Here."

Patrick looked at the tiny screen between them and saw the artwork upright as Gerard had seen it. "That's so cool." He tried admiring all of the little strokes on the camera before occasionally looking down at the actual piece on his body. "I can't believe you did that so quickly, that's amazing."

"Well you know, expensive ass art school taught me how to make a bad ass sharpie tattoos." The two of them laughed at Gerard's poor joke before Patrick started going through the other photos on the camera.

"I'm not going to see your dick in here am I?" the boy felt compelled to ask.

"If you see anything besides my drawings then we both have a problem." Gerard put his head on Patrick's shoulder as the two went through all of the photos. Every few photos, the boy would ask questions about a piece of artwork, and Gerard would answer the best he could. All of the paintings were technically hidden around his room: behind his desk, under his bed, above his clothes in his closet; but getting them would have meant that he'd have to leave Patrick's shoulder. This carried on long enough that two found themselves laying on the bed side by side with the camera above their heads, still looking at pictures.

"You're amazing," Patrick commented when they got back to the original photo. He handed the camera back to its owner who took it and put it away on his end table.

"What did I tell you, though?" Gerard looked at Patrick laying his head on his boyfriend's chest. "Nonsexual intimacy." The boy just smiled and laid his head back on Gerard's chest.  
The two were enjoying the quiet of just each other's breathing until Patrick had to ask, "Are you trying to go to sleep?"

"Trying," Gerard answered. He didn't even open his eyes.

"I can't exactly sleep with this thing on." It took the man a second to realize what he was talking about. "If you don't care, then I can just take it off in the bathroom and come back. Or I can sleep on the couch or whatever. It's really late, I told Joe I'm not coming home anyways."

"I am not letting you sleep on the couch," he started. "If you don't want to sleep in the bed with me then I'll take the couch. But it's not a big deal if you can't sleep with that... Whatever."

"It's called a chest binder. Here," Patrick removed himself from his position to get up from the bed. "I can change in the bathroom and then come back."

"Wait," Gerard started to protest. He'd never admit that he really didn't want Patrick to see how poorly managed the bathroom was, but at the same time, he wanted to make the boy feel comfortable. "It's not that big of a deal. You can change here. I can look away if you need me to."

Patrick was standing in the middle of the room, thinking about his possibilities. "If it's not that big of a deal..." His words trailed off as he pulled his shirt over his head by pulling on the back of it. Once it was off, the only thing covering his chest was a short beige colored sports bra looking top. He draped the shirt onto the back of the desk chair near him before pulling at the Velcro on the beige top. While he put the top down in the seat of the chair, Gerard got a good look at him topless. It was definitely a feminine chest, but years of hormones had given him some hair in the cleavage. He still couldn't quite register it was female. To him, this was still Patrick. Different from what he had initially expected, but still was his boyfriend all the same.

"Sorry," Patrick apologized as he slid his David Bowie shirt back on. "I know I'm not what you signed up for. You wanted a boyfriend, but you got me."

"Baby, don't even," Gerard shut down the boy's pity party. "I just want you to be comfortable." He waves his hand to beckon Patrick back to bed with him. The boy smile lit up and went from sideburn to sideburn before returning to his spot back in his boyfriend's arms. After some readjusting, Gerard was able to get the comforter over the two of them so they could sleep comfortably.

"See, what did I tell you?" Gerard asked, slipping in and out of sleep. Patrick looked up with tired eyes. "It's comfy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weird note - AO3 wouldn't let me add Justin Pierre as a character, which is a shame because I love Motion City Soundtrack. He also goes by Justin Courtney Pierre in case you guys want to look him or the band up; be warned though, the band is no longer together.


	4. The bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Centuries" by Fall Out Boy and I used the CD booklet to make sure it was the right lyrics.

Gerard woke up tangled up in his Star Wars comforter along with Patrick's strong hold on his waist. They fell asleep with the boy laying on his chest but woke up with the little boy as the big spoon. Desperately, he didn't want to get up. But he had to eat. And get Patrick home. And get to work later in the day.

As he pried himself away from the tangled mess of arms and legs, he was very careful not to wake his boyfriend up. With every little movement, he watched to see if he'd startle Patrick awake. The most the boy ever did during the whole ordeal was move his head from the end of the pillow to the other.

Gerard immediately set to work. First cleaning himself and then the bathroom. With only his boxer shorts on, he tried to tidy up the sink from all of the clutter. All of the things on the sink from toothbrushes to hairbrushes went under the sink (even Ray's, which he knew he'd have to pay for later). Then he set off to the kitchen. He put away all of the dishes by the sink, where he was possibly making too much noise while trying to make none. A wet rag was dragged across every surface he could think of to clear them all of dirt, coffee grinds, and leftover food. Finally deciding that the apartment was presentable enough, he went back to go get changed.

Gerard was terrified for a split second when he realized the door to his bedroom was still open. Maybe he had been too loud and woke Patrick up and now the boy was running away. Millions of little ideas raced through his brain in between the hall and the cracked open door, but with a loud audible sigh he was able put his mind at ease when he found Patrick still in bed, awake, but still in bed. "Hey," he grumbled from behind the pillows.

"Hey," Gerard said quietly. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"It's fine," the boy started to stretch from his blanket cocoon. "I was up before you were done in the shower. I was wondering what was taking you forever."

"I wanted to clean," he mentioned. "The place was kind of a mess."

"I live with Joe. And Andy. And _Pete_. I'm used to messes."

"I bet," he laughed. "But I needed to impress you."

"So you cleaned your apartment in ten minutes?" Patrick pulled himself up so he was sitting with his back to the wall. Beds in corners had their advantages.

"Ray and I are pigs." The boy raised an eyebrow. "Mostly me. I'm a slob."

"Is that you wouldn't let me in the bathroom last night?"

"Yeah that was one of the reasons," Gerard admitted. "That and I, uh... I didn't want you to be scared to open up to me about stuff. Cautious I can get, but I don't want you to be scared. I'm not going to get freaked out and leave."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" Patrick asked.

"I'm trying to be a good boyfriend," Gerard shrugged.

"Can you go get it for me?" Patrick motioned for his shirt on the desk chair. Gerard didn't even really respond before he got up and picked it up. He tried not to take too long touching the material but it felt just like one of those Under Armor athletic tees. He quickly handed it back to Patrick before sitting next to the boy on his bed. "I won't answer everything, but I can answer some questions. I'm probably the first trans man you've ever gotten to know, so I imagine you don't know a whole lot."

Given that this was his opportunity, he didn't want to start asking stupid questions or dive straight into the extremely personal ones. "What is this?" He lightly pinched the fabric that Patrick held onto with two of his fingers.

"It's called a chest binder," Patrick started. He unfolded and then refolded the fabric to show off its shape. It looked like a sports bra but with a giant piece of Velcro to the side. "It binds my chest in a way that makes it look masculine. Like... Boobs-B-Gone."

"And you can't wear it all the time?" He wondered why the boy wouldn't wear it all the time it made him feel more comfortable.

"No. It literally pushes my breast tissue into my lungs. Sleeping with it is dangerous, and wearing it for hella long periods of time can make it hard to breathe." Patrick put the binder down onto his lap.

"So you don't wear it around your dorm?"

Patrick paused as he looked for the right words, "Sometimes I don't. The guys are used to it. They've found me passed out a couple times because I'd wear it for too long or I'd try to nap with it on, so they got really used to seeing me without it. Whether I liked it or not."

"Do I need to worry about you wearing it too long?" Gerard wondered aloud.

"I've gotten better over the years. Haven't had an incident in at least two." They hadn't looked at each other after awhile. They both looked at the wall with Gerard's desk propped upon it for awhile, like they were both spacing out. It was quiet in the room between the two of them. The only noise for awhile was the sound of Gerard's laptop running. "Anything else, or do you want me to go over the basics?"

"Ah..." The question took him off guard and he tried to find something to cover up his slip up. "Your sideburns? It took me forever to grow mine out," the older man commented.

The boy laughed. "Okay, umm," he paused. "Remember when I said I was the baby in my family? All these health problems and everything? Well, when I came out to my parents - which admittedly may have taken awhile - but when they opened up to it, they took me in with arms wide open and made sure I was going to get the best treatment in Illinois. So my mom started with a therapist because she didn't know where to go but she knew I was depressed so it was a place to start. The therapist wanted to get me started on hormone therapy, but I was sixteen, and it was unheard of for minors to get hormones. But they tested my blood and my testosterone levels were super low, which was weird for me 'cuz I had a deep voice and already kinda looked like a boy, so they got me started. And technically, once they got me started on a medication, they didn't have to stop it. Four injections a month for six months, and then down to two and now I'm down to one. By the time I was seventeen, I had sideburns and chest hair but even now I can't grow real facial hair. But that's just like all the other men in my family, so I guess it's typical."

"Injections?" was the only thing Gerard could comment on after the long story. He was terrified of needles, and the idea of getting shots four times a month for the rest of his life was greatly unnerving. He actually felt like a needle was going through his arm as he had the mental image of a tiny Patrick getting four shots simultaneously in the arm. 

"Yeah, I give them to myself."

"How?!" Patrick laughed at Gerard's comment.

"I get my hormones in a vial, and I take it out through the needle and then stick myself. Usually a thigh, but I had to get my butt back when I first started." 

"You stick yourself?" Gerard was flabbergasted. The boy was laughing it off, but Gerard was fixated. A shot? In the thigh? A self-administered shot? In the thigh? How could anyone stick themselves with a fucking needle? 

"Yeah, makes me hate tattoos though. I hate the process so much, I'd never get stuck up willingly."

"Jesus Christ," Gerard groaned. He could not shake out the feeling of his legs being pricked with imaginary needles. It was creeping him out to no extent.

"You don't like needles?"

"Terrified."

Patrick laughed. "Remind me not to do my shot in front of you."

"In your thigh? Every month?" Gerard could not get over the needle to even comprehend the point where Patrick was benefiting from them.

"Yeah like," Patrick moved the Star Wars comforter out his way to undo his pants. He pushed them off of his hips just enough to show off a blackening spot about the size of a pen dot on his thigh that was surrounded by some older bruises. "Like I did my shot a few days ago."

Gerard couldn't contain himself and he rolled over into the corner between the bed and the wall with his face in his hands. While he was too busy trying to get the mental image of needles in his boyfriend's thigh out of his head, Patrick was laughing at him and pulling his pants back up.

"You're amazing," the boy was catching his breath back from his fit of laughter.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry!" Gerard apologized and flipped back over to look Patrick in the face. "I'm like - freaking out and stuff!"

"But you're freaking out over needles, not about me!" Patrick's smile was full of teeth and happiness and Gerard couldn't think of a time he'd seen the boy look like that. For a split second, he had a sense of pride that he was what made the boy make that face. "You're amazing," Patrick repeated.

The older man took this as an opportunity and wrapped his arms around the teen, careful to aim for his waist to avoid his chest, and pulled the boy into a kiss. Patrick dropped his binder into his lap to put a hand behind Gerard's head and deepen the kiss. The boy pushed his tongue into the mouth waiting for him, not aggressively but it still forced a low groan from deep within his throat. He pulled the older man's bottom lip into his mouth to graze his teeth against it with a tugging motion. When the boy let go, Gerard was breathless and had to hide his head in the crook of the boy's neck. Patrick still smelled like the bar from last night; the salt from his sweat, the cigarette smoke from their shotgunning adventure, and the lingering smell of booze still sitting on his skin.

He wanted to get drunk off of it.

"We gotta stop," he said breathlessly. He didn't want to keep going unless Patrick really wanted to. Even if he really wanted it.

"Yeah," Patrick sighed in agreement. "I really got to pee."

Gerard threw his head back in a fit of laughter which earned him another kiss from his boyfriend. "This is why I like dating you," he confessed.

  
  
~~~~~

 

The boy took a shower after the two eventually untangled themselves from bed. Patrick was way too short to be able to wear any of Gerard's pants so he had to make due with his pair from the day before and a shirt borrowed from the disorderly closet of band merchandise. After much discussion and debate over music choices, the two decided on one of Gerard's older Smashing Pumpkins shirts just because it was a little larger than the rest.

Breakfast would have been a larger ordeal had the refrigerator carried more than a few eggs and half of a jug of half of gallon of regular milk, but Gerard was making mental notes for the next time he could make a meal for his boyfriend. If it wasn't for the bacon hidden away in the vegetable drawer, he would have had to take the boy out to a diner.

Small talk conversation over eggs and bacon quickly turned into the two watching the news while sitting on the couch with their plates. The day was quickly progressing on and Gerard knew he had to get the boy back home and go to work; he just wanted to wait a bit longer.

"Joe knows you're here right?" he asked, knowing that he had to ask sooner or later.

"Yeah, I texted him last night. When we were waiting for Ray to get to the car."

Oh shit.

Ray.

The car.

Ray still had his car.

He could take Ray's car, but knowing his luck, that was just asking for something bad to happen. It wasn't too worried about his own vehicle, given how he'd trust Ray with his life, so couldn't imagine how his car could be any different.

Gerard had quickly taken out his phone and started texting Ray about the car situation so frantically thatPatrick took notice, "You forgot he had your car didn't you?"

"Maybe," was all he could answer without looking dumb.

"I think I can call Joe and he can get me in the truck, no problem," the boy offered.

"Yeahhhhhhhh," Gerard pondered the thought. "I still need to go to work though."

Right then his phone rang with an irritated Ray Toro was on the other line. "I am driving home, what do you want?"

"My car, I need to take Patrick home and go to work by noon," he grumbled. The boy next to him tried to hide his smile and chuckle in a bite of bacon but it was obvious.

"And you couldn't just take mine?" Ray asked.

"Not an option and you know that."

Ray groaned loudly, "I'll be there in like five minutes, tops, so please have yours on."

Suddenly Patrick leaned against Gerard with his face near the phone, and with his best sultry moan went, "Ooh, harder Gee, harder."

Gerard was beet red and freaking out over the over dramatic display. The words went straight to his dick, so he quickly covered himself to keep Patrick from noticing, despite how that was possibly what Patrick wanted to do all along.

"I'm done," Ray added before ending the phone call, probably with a loud clack from the flip phone.

Gerard was still stunned with a bright red flushed-out face. But Patrick was leaning back into the couch almost in a giggle fit, while the older man continued to sit there. mouth agape. "Why?!" he found himself asking.

"Ray was giving you so much shit last night, I thought I'd get back at him," the boy continued with his giggles.

"You get to take the condoms and throw them at his face," Gerard tried to calm his nerves and shook his hands out in the process. 

"Why was he so damn fixated on getting those to you?" Patrick asked, still smiling like there wasn't anything wrong. But Gerard didn't answer. He bit his bottom lip, trying to avoid saying anything dumb but the boy could line up the dots. "Ray knows, doesn't he?"

"Kinda..." the man tried to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, like spilling the beans and telling one his best friends about his boyfriend's deep dark secret. "Ray was kinda the one who told me to get over it."

"Wait... what?" Patrick was confused. "What did you have to get over?

"Before you came out to me," he started with an awkward pause breaking his thoughts. The boy stared at him intently, almost like every word that came out of his mouth was going to be carefully inspected. "We had that movie date and I said something about not getting you pregnant and your friends got freaked out."

"That's why you were freaking out the next day," Patrick realized.

"And then, I said something to Ray, he told me what could have been a possibility - and ended being true - and told me to grow the fuck up," Gerard said honestly. "He told me if you were..."

"Trans," Patrick finished the sentence for him.

"Yeah, trans." It felt like a curse word almost. Like he wasn't allowed to say it, and he needed permission before saying it. "He told me if you were trans and asked me I thought that it would make a difference. When I told him I didn't know, he said I needed to grow up. His reasoning was that if I've dated both men and women before, why were you any different?"

"Good intentions, bad presentation," the boy commented.

"I mean," Gerard sucked with words when he needed to say them aloud; at least with writing, the reader can't tell where he struggled the most, or if he was spending too much time trying to get the thoughts from his head onto paper. But instead, he ended up with word vomit, where he just blurted out all the thoughts that were in his head at the moment. "You're different in so many other ways. Like, the music thing. I've never dated anyone who was this into music, let alone that talented. You're so interesting to talk to, even about mundane things, but you always have something to say. You're still so young and lively and I haven't been with anyone like that in forever!"

"Stop," Patrick interrupted. "I've got you. I'm the first trans guy you've gotten to know. You don't know how to say things. But you mean well. I got you."

Gerard groaned into his hand. Why was he so bad at this?

The front door unlocked and Ray walked through the doorway. He was in different clothes from last night, but that was a perk of dating the same girl for the last few years. "You two are gross."

"We actually didn't do anything," Patrick smiled as innocently as he could. "Honest."

"Still gross." Ray went off to his room to go drop off his things. Gerard pulled the condoms from his wallet from his back pocket. He handed them to Patrick who patiently waited for Ray to walk back into the room from the hall. As the curly-haired man walked by to get to the kitchen, Patrick threw the two wrapped condoms at Ray's unphased face.

"See, no babies," Patrick announced proudly.

Ray stood there, only slightly irritated. "Just. Why?"

"Gerard told me that you're the reason we're dating," Patrick grinned. "We should name our first born after you."

"Oh god, don't. That's so weird," Ray commented and then looked over his roommate. "He's perfect for you. Don't let this one get away."

Patrick wrapped his arms around Gerard's shoulders and leaned into his boyfriend while looking Ray dead in the eye, "I won't!"

"What all did he tell you? 'Cuz I might have made something for you to get his ass in line," Ray walked over to the couch and leaned into the back of it.

The couple separated just for Patrick to tell Ray, "That he was being an idiot and you told him that if he's dated boys he can me. I'm still a boy. Just with a little assembly required."

"Good, lemme get this thing," Ray walked off to the kitchen and came back with a squirt bottle.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Gerard didn't even need to see his name on it to know what Ray had made. He wasn't a pet that needed to be trained.

"And even though it says 'Gerard's being stupid spray,' I give you full permission to spray me first," Ray said as he passed the spray bottle to Patrick.

"Why would I spray you?" the boy asked, already putting his finger on the trigger.

"I told your stupid boyfriend that if he's dated both guys and girls then he needed to stop being a bitch. Different anatomy or not, he needed to get over himself. You're too good for him and he needs to catch this once in a lifetime opportunity to date a guy so clearly out of his league." Patrick put the spray in Ray's face but didn't pull. At least at first. "You pass."

~~~~~

"So when are we going out again?" Patrick asked into Gerard's neck. The boy was sitting on the hood of the car while he waited for his answer. The two had started a habit of making out by Gerard's car outside of the Russell dorms. The couple were very well aware that Patrick's friends could see them from the numerous interruptions all the other times the older man brought Patrick home, so they made a point of making a show every time the boy was dropped off.

"When are you free?" Gerard pulled himself up by his hands.

"I have morning and afternoon classes Monday through Thursday, so I don't have a free night until Thursday," the boy answered.

"I can see you during the day you know? I'm not a vampire," Gerard laughed at his own joke.

"Yeah but I want a night with you," Patrick said. "I can get the guys out or we can go to your place if you can be alone. I can get loud sometimes."

He didn't quite get what Patrick was alluding to, but when he did, he didn't know what to do with himself. "Wait?! Patrick are you sure? It's not too soon?" Gerard started questioning the boy.

"I know you a lot better, so I know you're not taking advantage of me," Patrick started playing with the draw strings of his boyfriend's hoodie while he looked absentmindedly at Gerard's chest. "And we're going to have to discuss the mechanics of how we'd do it. I'm not like other trans guys. I don't do it the same way."

"We can take all the time you need," he reassured Patrick. "There's no rush."

"But I want to," the boy said. "I know you do too."

"I'd love that," Gerard mumbled. He pressed his lips back to Patrick's softer one. He was almost lost in the warmth of the boy's mouth, the faint smell of the menthol on his skin, and the feeling of whatever Patrick was doing with his hands on his shirt until a noise came from an open window.

"Hey 'Trick?" It was Andy. Not as annoying, but still. "We gotta leave soon for that study hall thing."

"I got you, man," Patrick yelled back once Gerard ducked his ears safely from the noise. Afterward, the boy looked up at him with puppy eyes, "I gotta go."

"That works," Gerard smiled, 'sand then he got up on two feet and helped Patrick off his car. "I got to get to work anyways. We'll text later, okay?"

Patrick just nodded and waved before going into the building. He looked slightly embarrassed, but Gerard wasn't going to push the issue. He needed to head off anyways.

~~~~~

Gerard was the only at work for a short while after he relieved his manager, Brian. He figured as much, especially if Justin had a show the night before. The guy was probably too drunk to come in that morning. After a few hours, we waited for the store to clear, put up the barrier between the bookstore and the coffee shop and went outside for a smoke. He thought at first that he could wait awhile longer until he needed a smoke, but Patrick's words were not leaving his mind. Like a catchy song, those words were stuck deep in there but like a verbal earworm. "If you can be alone..." rang over and over again in his head. He flipped his phone open, hoping that his shift was almost over but it was just a few minutes after three in the afternoon.

Like clockwork, Justin showed up a few minutes late for his shift, but obviously hungover. "Hey man."

"Hey, good show last night," Gerard lied as he snapped his phone back into this pocket.

"Yeah, I don't think I should work after shows ever again," Justin laughed as he took a seat next to Gerard. "So what's new with you, man?"

"Are you trying to ask me about my boyfriend?" Gerard sighed. He never got back to Christa about what was said last night, and honestly, he didn't think he ever would need to. He knew from experience the things that Justin had said; maybe not word for word, but he had been there for drunk story time enough to get the idea.

"Kind of. I can't tell if you're out of his league or is he's out of yours," Justin said with a sneer in his grin.

"I think he's out of mine," Gerard chuckled. This was the side of Justin he enjoyed. Before the guy was using drugs heavily and drinking all the time. Then there was that whole thing about Justin hitting on people's dates because he didn't understand boundaries. Or Drunk Justin didn't know.

"Why are you hiding him from people?"

"We haven't been together long," Gerard said with the cigarette still in his mouth. "He just started school here too."

"Oh god, he's a baby!" Justin grabbed Gerard's shoulders. "You know that there are laws against that right?"

"He's 19, it's perfectly legal," Gerard inhaled the last bit of his cigarette before smashing it into the concrete with the back end of his shoe. "One of my friends told me you were talking about him after we left."

"I did," Justin admitted. "Just that I think you're in over your head with someone that pretty. Might have sounded worse, but whatever. I was probably drunk."

"Probably," Gerard knew damn well he was drunk.

"I know I'm handsy sometimes," Justin put his hands up in an act of innocence. "But not so much when I'm sober, sometimes. So whatever I said or did, just try to take it at face value."

"You kissed his knuckles like he was a princess," Gerard chuckled at the thought of their encounter from last night. Patrick was too nice for his own good; he didn't say anything about it and because of that, Justin was going to walk all over him or worse.

"Yikes," Justin winced. "I'll let you punch me. Or I can kiss your hand." He had Gerard's hand being held by his own and was bringing up to his lips before Gerard really caught on that _his_ knuckles were about to be kissed. 

He slapped his hand out of Justin's and abruptly stood up, "'Cmon man, I gotta get back to work."

~~~~~

"What R U doing?" Gerard decided he'd text Patrick about plans for later in the week.

"About to shower," was the reply. Like the creep he was, he instantly thought of naked Patrick taking a shower, how he had thought of his now boyfriend that one night in the shower right after they had just met, and then how wrong the image was in all of his mental images of Patrick. He was slightly ashamed that he didn't know any better.

"I can call you," he received another message from Patrick. "Joe just got in before me."

After he replied a "go ahead" message Patrick called him, "What are you doing, Gerard Way?"

He loved the way the boy said his name like it was a secret he had to keep from people but he told everyone anyways. "Sitting in bed. Trying to make plans for the week."

"You want to take me up on my offer?" Patrick asked. It sounded so nonchalant like the offer was to go to a movie or to grab something to eat.

"Yeah, if you're still up for it," he added that last bit quickly. "No pressure."

"I-i mean... I want to," Patrick stuttered. "I've done it before no problem. We haven't been dating long but I can tell you're not going to leave when we're done."

"Want me to buy concert tickets to solidify that I'll still be dating you?" Gerard offered.

Patrick laughed on the other end, "I don't think you need to."

"Would it make you feel better?"

"Not really," the boy sighed. "Then I'd feel like a gold digger."

"Well I don't have that kind of money, so can calm down." The boy laughed on the other line and it made Gerard silently smile on his side. "I'm off on Friday if you want to try Thursday night. I can still go out with you on the other nights if you can wait until I've closed up shop around eight."

"Yeah we can do dinner one night, and if I can get Joe out, we can do Thursday night. I have a writing session with Pete on Saturday, so that works." He talked about it so casually. Like they were planning their week of activities like an old married couple. Get the kids to soccer practice on time on Thursday, make sure to go to the Smith's kid's birthday party on Saturday, schedule to have sex somewhere in between.

"Do I need to bring anything, or..." Gerard trailed off, not knowing how to ask Patrick if he had everything they might need for the night.

"I have condoms and lube," Patrick said. Again. So casual. "I'm more concerned about how we're going to do this."

"Yeah," Gerard didn't really have an answer.

"Like..." the boy started. "I can do either, like top or bottom, I just need to know so I can get my stuff set up before you come over. Nothing kills the mood more than having to stop just to strap yourself up."

"Oh!" he exclaimed. He had thoughts about getting dominated by Patrick, but thinking is different than doing. "I mean if that's what'd you like. What would you rather do?"

"Honestly," Patrick sighed. His voice was breaking a bit. "I like taking it more, but like... I don't do the front, if that makes sense. I think it hurts. I don't feel good about it. It just doesn't work out at all."

"So like... You just like anal?" Gerard asked. This was such a surreal experience for him. He couldn't use any of the correct terminologies without feeling like a doctor, a sex ed teacher, or a guy with a creepy fetish.

"Pretty much," the boy answered.

"I mean, as far as who's doing it, we can do either or both, whatever you want to do," he said a little too quickly. He was trying desperately to make the teen happy and to not screw up their relationship.

"Calm down dude," Patrick laughed. "It's not a huge deal."

"I'm just trying not to screw up," he admitted.

"Then how about you screw me?" Patrick asked with a click of his tongue that almost made Gerard melt.

The older man's mouth fell open. "How are you so ballsy one minute and so sheepish the next?"

"My friends are weird and it's starting to rub off."

"I like it, but I like both sides of you, so," he shrugged like Patrick could see him.

"Hey, uh... Joe's out of the shower so I'm gonna take my chance," the boy told him.

"Oh okay," he stammered. "See you later then?"

"Yeah, see ya. Bye!" Patrick hung up the phone. Gerard was still sitting on his bed, phone in hand and now horny as hell.

"Dammit Patrick," he sighed when he saw the tent in his boxers.

~~~~~

The rest is the week had kinda dragged on. Patrick was swamped with class and homework and Gerard ended up pulling an extra shift when Brian ended up sick. Inventory was never fun but neither is homework. The only thing keeping from hurting anyone was his plans to catch dinner after work with his boyfriend.

Halfway in between labeling the E and F sections, Gerard felt a warm cup rest on the back of his neck. He jumped up slightly, only to look back and see his boyfriend with a paper coffee cup in each hand from next door. "Mocha seemed like the safest choice."

"I love it," Gerard took the cup and stood up. "Hey, Justin. I'm going to take my fifteen-minute break and be back in a sec, okay?"

At first, he heard some kind of vague response but it was followed by the sound of a box of books falling to the ground. Justin tried to look casual and leaned on the glass counter with his chin leaning in a hand. "Hey, Patrick!"

"Hey Justin," the boy waved as he and his boyfriend left the store. When the door was safely shut behind him, Patrick had to say something. "He's so fucking weird."

"I know, we just deal with it," he added before wrapping both arms around Patrick, careful not to drop either of their coffees. "I missed you."

"It's been like three days," Patrick found himself laughing.

"I know, but," Gerard shrugged it off as if he didn't have the words to describe it. "Do you mind if I smoke?" When the boy shook his head, he took the opportunity to grab his back from his back pocket and lighting up quickly.

"I hope you don't mind," Patrick said while sitting on the curb. "I know I should have called or something, but I don't have time for dinner tonight."

The older man tucked the pack and the lighter away before sitting down next to his boyfriend. "I don't mind," he lied. He was really looking forward to it, even if it was something crummy like the sandwich place again or a late night trip to one of the diners that were always open. But beggars couldn't be choosers, so he had to make due with the little break he got with the boy he had at the moment. "Like I said, I missed you."

"So what's the plan for tomorrow night?" Patrick asked. The question almost made Gerard choke on his smoke as he inhaled it.

"All I know is we're going to your place," he said once he could finally breathe, now with cigarette and coffee in the same hand.

"Yeah, I've got Joe on board to go to Andy and Pete's place for a movie marathon," Patrick said into his cup. "So we'll actually have the place to ourselves."

"That's great." Gerard was actually really nervous about the next night. He couldn't make any sense of it in his mind; if he wasn't a virgin and Patrick wasn't a virgin, then why was he so nervous?

"Are you okay? You're acting weird again," the teen asked with honest concern in his tone.

"I was all on board to fuck you or get fucked awhile back before I knew how bad your experiences were and now I'm scared that I'm going to be another one," he confessed.

"Gerard," Patrick said softly as he pulled his boyfriend's head close to his so their foreheads touched. "If you're there in the morning then you won't be the worst sex I've ever had."

"I'll let you handcuff me to the bed so I won't get away," Gerard said right before Patrick pulled away.

"Kinky, but no," the boy said and went back to his coffee. Gerard didn't have a witty response to give back in time so the two of them sat in the comforting silence of each other's company before the nerves got the best of Patrick. "Are you sure that's it?"

"I promise," he said proudly before whispering to ease Patrick's mind. "I know I don't have any experience with someone like you, but I can be patient and I will stop at any point if you need me to. I don't want to be another bad experience or just a notch in your bedpost... I really like you, you know?"

Patrick let out a content sigh and leaned his head onto Gerard's shoulder, "I'm glad I'm not the only one."

The front door opened, and then bore three knocks to it. Neither persons of the couple looked up to see Justin's irritated face, but they both knew it was there when they heard him, "Dude it's been fifteen already."

"Maybe I can get another thirty to make up for you being super late this morning?" Gerard barely peered over his shoulder to see Justin jump back.

"Fair enough," the crazy-haired man said before returning to the store. The couple went back to their quiet cuddling for the next few minutes that they had alone.

~~~~~

"You finally moving out?" Ray was brushing his teeth while watching his roommate pack up a bag.

"I'm staying at Patrick's tonight," Gerard grabbed another shirt from his closet so he had something to sleep in and put it into his duffel bag.

"Do you have-"

"He has stuff, I'm packing extra just in case," he interrupted Ray. Over the past week, he had had enough conversations with his roommate about condoms and he didn't want to have another one.  "We're good."

"Good, because as much as I appreciate the sentiment, I don't need a child named after me running around here. At least until you move out, then you can do whatever you want."

"Cute," Gerard dropped his bag right outside of his doorway and closed his bedroom shut. He didn't think anyone would go through it while he was gone, but he was still cautious. "Now move, I need to get my stuff."

"It's under the sink, mother fucker," Ray said as he walked out of the way and into the living room.

"Dude," he sighed. Obvious revenge for when he stuck Ray's stuff under the sink so Patrick would think the place was somewhat clean. He rolled his eyes and grabbed what he had in the cabinet under the sink, sorting through what he needed to put in the bag and what he could just put back in the bathroom when he came home.

"Should I expect to see you tomorrow?" Ray called from his spot on the couch.

"I'll call you if we don't run off to Atlantic City. How 'bout that?" Gerard yelled back.

"That'll work."

~~~~~

He knocked on the door to the dorm room, his heart beating as fast as his knuckles hit the wood. He had been waiting for this chance for awhile and now that it was here, he was afraid he'd ruin everything. The whole smooth facade had melted away when he got to know the boy better and now he was afraid of opening up and Patrick would get to know the real him. Oh the power of a cute face.

The door sprung open with Joe on the other side. "Dude, calm down. We don't need you to break the door."

"S-sorry," Gerard stammered as he walked through the door. Patrick was there, sitting on the couch watching something on the tv.

The boy looked up with his bright blue eyes, "Oh hey, you're early." The blue polo he had matched his eyes but with a black collar and skinny stripes that matched his thick rimmed glasses. The camo trucker hat and his khaki pants on the other hand threw the whole look off.

"Yeah," the man shrugged. "I didn't know when movie night was starting."

"I can leave," Joe offered.

"It's okay, there's no rush or anything," Gerard said. He didn't want to kick Joe out because it wasn't his place, but he was also told that he wasn't going to be here. But then again, maybe Joe could be a buffer, to keep him from doing something stupid. It wasn't like he was going to rip off his clothes right then and there and screw the boy into the couch, but he didn't want to be an awkward like teenage virgins either. Maybe, just maybe, Joe could ease the two of them into the night...?

"Hey, Gee?" Patrick asked. He hadn't used that nickname before - well, once, but that was when the couple were trying to scar Ray for life - so Gerard's head snapped to the direction it was coming from. "How about we just go listen to music in my room?"

He nodded and readjusted his bag to bring it with him as he followed Patrick into the boy's room. Joe waved them off with some witty banter that no one really paid attention to. Patrick's room fit him so well. The walls were a light blue, obviously painted before the students lived there, and covered in posters and magazine clippings. There was a twin sized cabin bed in a light colored wood with a plain headboard pushed into the corner and a matching desk between the bed and the closet. Every surface in the room was covered in college clutter, but it was neatly organized, unlike Gerard's room. The closet was closed, so he couldn't get a look inside to see if his clothes were also folded up as nicely as the rest of the room. Even his desk chair was empty of any randomly thrown clothes or books. The only thing slightly out of place were the two guitars, but the acoustic one was in its sticker covered case and resting next to the bookshelf while the black electric one was on a black stand between his bed and the door.

"You can just drop your bag wherever," Patrick said as he closed the door behind him. Gerard dropped his bag and any plans he had for the evening by the door; he decided to let the boy lead because he couldn't mess up that way. "You still haven't heard the Purple Rain album I bought from you, have you?"

"No, I haven't," the man said. Patrick actually meant listen to music? Gerard was so glad that they weren't going to rush into things. He could deal with listening to music for awhile before trying anything. Patrick sat on his knees on the floor and pulled one of the drawers from under his bed open and a small portable record player was pulled out.

"It's not the best but it was small enough for me to take with me," Patrick said as he started putting it together. It was black and covered in stickers, much like the guitar case. "I've got a bigger one at home, but it was my grandpa's in the 60's. But it's basically a flipping table."

"That's cool," Gerard took a seat on Patrick's bed, noting how it was already made.

"Here," Patrick pulled out another drawer from the bed, showing off the record collection he had with him. "How about you pick the soundtrack to start us off instead of me playing the same album over and over again?"

"Uh, sure," Gerard hopped off his seat before it could even get warm and took a look at the collection while on the floor with Patrick. It all seemed pretty classical, especially the classical music, so it was hard for him to find something that wasn't a safe pick. He kept flipping away at the choices until he found something that caught his eye. "Elvis Costello? Seriously?"

"Hey, he's amazing!" Patrick snatched the album from his boyfriend's hand.

"I know, but, that's such an old choice," he laughed.

"I'm about to make you eat those words." The boy took the record out of its sleeve and put it to work on the player. Once the music filled the room, he put the records back into their drawer and closed it shut. Gerard was already back sitting on the bed so the teen sat next to him. "Just lean back and enjoy it. Let the words get through to you." With Patrick helping him find a comfortable position, he laid back onto the pillows and tried to listen. His tiny boyfriend put his crossed arms and head on his chest and continued to lecture. "I refuse to let you talk shit about this album. It's a classic."

"I think it's as old as me, if not older," Gerard laughed. The boy ignored him and just concentrated on the music, eyes closed. The first song was short so Gerard missed it so he had to listen intently on the second one. The beat started off really slow and sensual in comparison to the first one, he found himself lost in it so much that his hand was running up and down Patrick's back. When the beat broke into the lyrics, he stopped his hand short of the boy's waist line.

Patrick pulled himself up on his hands to be face to face with the older man. "Keep going," he breathed out and leaned in until their foreheads met. Their lips melded into one another's as Patrick's soft lips pulled on Gerard's lower one until the boy was able to bite it gently with his teeth. Meanwhile, the boy managed to get his legs around one of Gerard's with a knee pressing into his groin. With a loud moan, his whole body let out an involuntary shake. He started craving this sensation of the teenager taking over and devouring him. It was the new drug he wanted to be an addict of.

Patrick's hands were groping at his chest when they were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Hey, uh, Patrick?"

The boy's tongue glided over the roof of Gerard's mouth right before they parted with a kiss. "What's up, Joe?" He didn't even look at the door. He was too busy with what he had in front of him.

"I'm leaving for movie night. I'll lock the door, but just reminding you that I'm staying over there tonight." Patrick brought his hand from groping his boyfriend's chest to gripping his boyfriend's cock. Gerard bit down on his lips and threw his head back. He didn't want to make a noise with Joe on the other side of the door, but Patrick was making that hard, _really_ hard.

"Alright, have fun!" The boy looked back at the door so he wasn't screaming in Gerard's ear. He waited patiently for the sound of the front door closing over the music before continuing going back to playing. Or so the man thought.

Patrick got up from the bed to turn the record player off. Gerard sat up, stunned as he watched the boy put his record player away. "Was that it?"

"No, not even," Patrick opened up the drawer to put the folded up box back in its place. "I just get a little aggressive when flinging clothes off, so I want my stuff put away first."

Gerard's eyes lit up. Aggressive? His Patrick? The polo and khaki wearing music nerd? The same boy whose bedroom was immaculately clean? 

"Speaking of," Patrick pushed himself up and pulled Gerard to the edge of the bed. Once he was happy with Gerard's legs dangling off the edge, he put his hands on his boyfriend's shoulders and tugged his jacket off. Sure enough, it was just thrown into the corner.

"And shoes." He knelt down and carefully unlaced the bow of Gerard's sneaker before chucking it into the same corner as the disregarded jacket. The other shoe met the same fate and soon his socks followed suit as well. Patrick had a hand on each of Gerard's thighs and a look of hunger in his eyes.

"You sure?" Gerard was gripping the edge of the mattress to see what the teenager was doing. He had been around long enough to know what anyone on their knees while sitting in between his knees were going to do.

"I've done this plenty of times before," Patrick answered as his small hands massaged the man's inner thighs. "I've wanted this for awhile. I just needed to be sure you weren't using me..." He carefully reached up to Gerard's fly and his hands make quick work of the button and zipper. "And that I wasn't using you."

Gerard let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "What do you mean?"

Patrick sat back on his butt, and rested his hands on Gerard's knees. "I mean, I wanted to have sex, but mostly for the fulfillment of having sex. I didn't want a relationship or anything and I knew I'd be using someone the same way I was used." He sighed loudly. "But I told myself that someone would come along and it wouldn't be like that and I could still get what I wanted. I just had to wait a bit."

Patrick's hands glided up to Gerard's waist and he took a hold of jeans. With some help from the other party lifting himself off of the mattress, he was able to get the pants off just enough and let them dangle around his knees. Gerard was hard and his dick was proudly showing it. Patrick gave him an experimental lick through his boxers and the man threw his head back towards the wall with a throaty moan.

"I know this sounds dumb," Patrick kind of squeaked out. "But I still need to get warmed up."

"Okay," Gerard muttered, as he started to get more comfortable on his elbows. "What do you need me to do?"

"Well I'm already down here," Patrick laughed. "So unless you don't want me to, I'm gonna suck you off, but I need you to be loud and make a lot of noise. It really turns me on." The boy had said it all like it was his dinner order. He really had done this a few times.

"Yeah, yeah, I can do that," Gerard nodded frantically. Patrick went to take his glasses off, folding them neatly and placing them safely by his guitar stand to keep them away from the action, and Gerard put a hand on the boy's hat. "Can I like...?" He didn't know ask exactly, but when the boy got the hint and nodded, he pulled the hat off and flung it over by his clothes. He then put his hand through Patrick's hair gave it an experimental tug. "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," Patrick smiled. "Just don't pull too hard. It's taken me awhile to get used to my hair being this long." He hooked his thumbs into the waist band of Gerard's boxers and pulled them down. His cock sprung free and it made the teen's baby blue eyes widen with hunger. It was just as pale as it owner with the exception of the rosy pink tip already leaking. Patrick gave it another long lazy lick from base to tip before drawing the thick tip into his mouth. He moaned loudly as he took more into mouth.

Gerard watched, intently at everything the boy did. He liked to think that it hadn't been too long since he'd felt someone else on him, but his body was too eager to feel anything that Patrick would offer. He tried to be as vocal as possible and he hoped that was turning Patrick on.

The boy took in as much as he can and used his right hand to pump what it wasn't in his mouth. Gerard wasn't not huge but he was still a lot for Patrick to work with. He had done this a few times before and but was by no means a professional. He pulled off and let the saliva fill up his mouth before going back to the cock before him, spit now dripping down for him to work up with his pumping fingers. Gerard's grip tightened but he didn't push or direct the boy do anything. So he instead concentrated on the vibrations of the boy's mouth, bolted his eyes shut, and continued to be as vocal as possible.

Patrick looked up half lidded through his eyelashes from time to time, just to see how Gerard was doing. The man still had an ever tightening grip on his hair, but now the teen could see that his boyfriend has given up on watching and just had his head thrown back. Gerard realized about half a minute too late that Patrick didn't have a hand on his shaft anymore and the boy was taking all of him into his mouth. Not being able to resist the temptation anymore, he started rolling his hips to get himself further and further down the boys throat.

Like a warning signal, Gerard's heavy panting turned into a chant of "oh my god"s and "please"s and "Patrick"s and at one point a very long and drawn out, "Oh God, please Patrick!" He felt Patrick cup his balls and continue bobbing his head. He couldn't help himself from putting both of his hands through Patrick's hair right as he tried to warn the boy, "I'm so close, I'm so close..."

Gerard didn't get the words out before he jerked his hips up into the mouth before him, his voice cracking into a high pitched moan as he spilled down the boy's throat. Patrick swallowed what was given to him before he pulled himself off with a breathless gasp for air and then a cough while stroking his boyfriend off until the man was soft again. Gerard steadied his breathing and blinked away the blurriness from his eyes. He hadn't expected it to take him out like that, shaky legs and his heart pounding out of his chest. He looked down at the end of the bed and saw Patrick still sitting in the floor, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"C'mere," Gerard grumbled. He didn't wait for the teen to protest and just pulled him up into the bed with a hand under each of the boy's arms.

The two were about exchange kisses before Patrick reminded him in a hoarse voice, "I swallowed you, remember?"

"I don't care," Gerard said before their lips crashed into one another. He could taste himself on Patrick's tongue, more than anything he could taste that waxy residue left on the roof of the boy's mouth. When the couple pulled apart, he had to comment, "That was fucking amazing."

"I told you I've done this before," Patrick smiled. The boy moved over to his boyfriend's neck and kissed below his ear. The kisses turned into licks, and then into bites. "I'm so horny, but do you need to smoke or something?"

"No," he grumbled back to Patrick. "Lemme get my clothes off though." He kicked his pants and boxers off in the direction of his other clothes but with no intention other than getting them off his body. He pulled his shirt off from over his head before he realized his boyfriend was still fully dressed. "And maybe get yours off."

"Are you sure?" He could not comprehend how Patrick could be worried now. The boy just sucked him off like a pro and right then the boy was worried about being naked.  
  
Gerard gestured to himself, "Seriously?" He wasn't toned. He wasn't thin. He wasn't much to look at, but he was willing to give what he had if Patrick would take it. But then it hit him again. Patrick didn't have the same kind of body to give.

"You're not going to freak out?" Patrick pushed his hair back with both hands, like he was trying to hide himself.

"Baby," Gerard pulled the boy close, and then brought their foreheads together with Patrick's face cupped in his hands. "Please. I won't freak out."

Their lips pressed together and it calmed the boy's nerves. He shuddered into Gerard's open mouth and pulled away when the hands on his cheeks fell to his shoulders. "Promise?"

"Promise," he replied. Next thing he knew, Patrick pulled the hands off of his shoulders and then pulled the shirt off of him. He let out a shaking breath before going to remove the binder. The loud rip of the Velcro was the only thing breaking the silence. Both his polo and the long white chest binder were in his hands before he shucked them along with his other clothes.

"Okay?" Patrick asked.

"Okay," Gerard agreed. He brought his hands up towards the boys chest, "Do you like it here, or-?"

"No," Patrick quickly replied. As an alternative, Gerard wrapped his arms around the boy with his hands on his bare back and pulled him into a deep kiss. Patrick sat up on his knees, legs straddling Gerard's hips, and he grinned into the kiss. The man ran his hands down Patrick's back and the boy ran his hands down to Gerard's chest.

"Where's the stuff, I want to make you feel good," Gerard mumbled as they parted ways. Anything to convince Patrick he was serious at this point.

The boy licked his chapped lips, and looked over at the headboard. "Under the pillows. I didn't want to kill the mood." The man turned quickly and raced his hands under the pillows until he found a short roll of condoms and a travel size container of lube. He brought them back and the boy was working on the buttons of his khakis. For some damn reason, Patrick thought pants with multiple buttons and no zipper was a good fashion choice and at that moment it was a terrible decision.

"Seriously?" Gerard asked when the last button finally came loose and Patrick started to wiggle out of his pants.

"Yeah, I didn't think about that," the boy laughed. He scooted his legs out of his pants and tossed them over to the designated clothes pile. Just like he had done with Gerard's boxers, Patrick looped his thumbs into the waistband and started to pull them off of his hips. "You sure...you're not going to freak out?"

"You can hit me or spray me with that shit Ray got you if I do," Gerard promised. That eased Patrick enough to pull his boxers down to his knees, showing off the last bit of hidden skin. When the red boxers topped off the clothing pile like a cherry, Gerard got a good look at his boyfriend. Patrick still had a lot of feminine features going on, and this was the most obvious. Years of hormones had flattened down his lower lips. What Gerard had to guess had started out a clit (from the many hours of extensive research) had grown in length and gave off more of a masculine look of a small cock, small but still masculine. He must have been staring for too long trying to soak in all of Patrick's features because the boy coughed loudly to bring his attention back.

"Sorry, you're just..." He couldn't find the right word but he needed to say something before the boy got freaked out. "I'm really bummed out you said anal only, so I can't go down on you to repay you for giving me the best blow job ever."

The boy laughed and hid his head in the crook of Gerard's neck. "You're so stupid. You're perfect."

"Remember that when I'm done fucking you, because trust me the allure will go away," Gerard spun the top off of the lube and poured some into two of his fingers. Convinced it was enough, he slicked up the digits the best he could. "How am I doing this? Do you need to lie down or something?"

"Have you never fingered somebody?" Patrick asked as he slid off his boyfriend and laid on his back with his head at the foot of the bed.

"Yeah... But they were girls," if he had to be honest.

"Have you ever been fucked?" Again. Patrick. So casual. When Gerard gave a verbal confirmation the boy replied with, "Then just get me loosened up how you were."

"I wasn't."  
  
That apparently wasn't a good answer. "You weren't prepped?" Patrick spat out as he sat up onto his elbows, stomach and chest rolling in folds. "You have never been fingered?"

"No, sorry," Gerard said like he had something to be sorry for.

"I-i," Patrick stuttered as he sat up, elbows on his knees. "I feel like I need to teach you, but that wasn't the point of tonight."

"You can still teach me," he said offered. "Just on you, I guess."

"Yeah, yeah," Patrick repeated himself as he nodded nervously. "Well...lube up your fingers. Do like two for now." Gerard brought the two fingers he already slicked up into view. "Or whatever. Start off with one, I think it helps to have two ready, but that's just me. And don't slam it into me, like tease me, turn me on."

Gerard just sat there, his eyes fixated on the sight before him and the words going through his ears and straight to his groin. It wasn't until the boy sprawled out in front of him called his name a few times that he realized what he was supposed to be doing. He pulled himself closer so that he was sitting between Patrick's legs, and ran his index finger down the boy's ass crack.

Patrick sighed really loud and fell back into the bed, "There you go. You're getting it." Gerard kept his finger pressing up against Patrick's asshole to tease him until the boy pushed back hard enough for the finger to push past the tight muscle. The teen barely let out a grunt and closed his eyes. Gerard shouldn't have taken this as a challenge, but he pulled the one finger out and started to test his limits with the two. They both went in with very little resistance but all the boy's muscles clamped down as soon as they were in. His eyes darted up to the Patrick's face when he heard a loud audible gasp. "I told you. It helps to have two."

Gerard was set. He had his left hand on Patrick's hip and his right hand pushing into the boy with his fingers curling and his wrist twisting ever so slightly at every other thrust. Patrick's lips quivered with every little moan coming out of him and that's enough to tell Gerard that he was doing this right.

"More," Patrick said into his arm.

Gerard heard him perfectly but the word and the whimper that accompanied it went straight to his cock so he asked the boy, "More?" just to be a tease.

"More." Patrick's eyes opened just enough to look up through his eyelashes before shutting them and putting his head back up against his arm.

Gerard pulled his hand away to add more lubricant to the fingers he was using and the third he was adding. He looked up at the sight of his boyfriend; body flushed, hiding his reddened face away from embarrassment, his whole body drenched in sweat while his heavy chest heaved up in down with his panting. And he wasn't even touching the boy at that moment.

The third finger met up with the first two and it sent a shock up Patrick's spine that made the boy arch his back and grasp at the mattress edges. It was such an amazing experience to know that he was the one doing that to the boy.

"I'm ready," Patrick said between pants. "I want you."

"Yeah?" Gerard asked but still kept thrusting his hand into the boy. He sped up the pace and curved his fingers to feel around. The boy kicked at him with a free leg in response.

"I want you," Patrick repeated. The thought finally hit Gerard and he pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the blanket. He found the condoms that were put aside and fumbled with the packages. He dropped it once he got it out of the wrapper and struggled trying to get on the right way without messing up. Patrick watching his every move didn't help much, either. "Sombrero up, baby."

"I know, I got this." Gerard pulled it down to the base of his cock and grabbed the lube container again. He was already slicking himself up when he asked, "You ready?" He saw Patrick nodding furiously so he took his cock in hand and positioned himself at the boy's hole. Once he pushed the head in, his eyes darted up to Patrick's face to watch the teen bite his lips to keep from moaning too loud. Gerard pulled himself closer as he entered the teen, inch by inch, and decided to watch it as it happened. When he had practically docked himself into the body below him, he pressed his forehead against Patrick's. "Who are you being quiet for?"

The boy's body shuddered and he forced himself to move his arms into a more comfortable position: one wrapped around Gerard's shoulders and the other propped up to feel up his boyfriend's chest. "Neighbors. I don't want to be too loud."

"I don't really care," Gerard said with a thrust of his hips that made the boy throw his head back into the mattress. "I want to hear you. Just like you, it turns me on."

Patrick's eyes fluttered open but avoided eye contact like he was embarrassed to look up, "I can get loud. Like 'noise complaint' loud. That's the problem."

Gerard sat up on his hands and started to set a pace, slow and drawn out, but it was making the boy squirm. "Let me hear it." Like the words said washed away any doubt in his mind, Patrick's lips opened up into a small moan. His voice was just warming up.

"Oh god," he rasped out. He kept his right hand on Gerard's chest but his left had moved down to the man's arm. "Please. More. Please..."

He did what he boyfriend asked and moved his hips faster. Almost every thrust was rewarded with a moan or a throaty groan coming out of Patrick. He was right, he was loud. Gerard started kissing and nipping at the boy's neck, which didn't help the noise problem any. Patrick had set up a chant of "oh god" and "oh yes" in between each groan and whine. Gerard knew he wasn't going to last long if this kept up.

"I want you on top," he suggested into the boy's ear. "Can we do that?"

Patrick whimpered with a, "Oh god yes," as a response.

"Okay, hold me," he said leaning his whole body towards the boy with a hand hooking under his back and the other on the boy's hip. When Patrick wrapped his arms around his shoulders, Gerard hoisted the two of them up without ever slipping his dick out of the boy. Given that it took damn near all of his strength to do it, being able to have his boyfriend looking down at him was worth it. Now with Patrick's legs were straddling his own, he wanted to go back to the fast pace he had set before the change but he found he couldn't move quite as well. Thankfully, his boyfriend had it under control as Patrick lifted himself on his knees and proceeded to fuck himself on Gerard's cock. It was working out for both of them.

"Gee, baby?" Patrick whimpered out in between his thrusts. "I'm so close."

"Me too, 'Trick," he said with a quick kiss. "I want you to get off first. What do you need me to do, baby?"

Patrick reached behind himself, grabbed one of Gerard's wrists and forced it down to his smaller cock. "Just rub me, okay?" He sealed his words with a drawn out kiss before before burying his head into his boyfriend's neck.

Gerard was almost a little too excited that he got his hand on Patrick's dick. It was definitely smaller in every way but it still throbbed under the pressure of his fingers rubbing against it. He also found himself fighting the urge to press his fingers into the opening beneath the cock. If it made the boy uncomfortable then he wasn't going to do it. He just kept rubbing his hand up and down on Patrick's needy member. The boy's moans began to take a louder turn and Gerard knew to buck up faster. It quickly became more than Patrick could handle as his orgasm takes over and makes his legs shake uncontrollably, back arch up, his nails to dig into Gerard's back, and let out a throaty moan while cumming that would surely get a noise complaint from his neighbors. Gerard, meanwhile, moved both hands to tighten his grip on the boy's thighs and continued to fuck the boy through it. With his own orgasm closing in on him, he lost his steady pace and continued thrusting erratically until he spilled into the condom with a wordless gasp.

They were still for a good moment until Gerard was done. He desperately wanted to just fall back into the bed but he realized that he was the only thing keeping them both up since Patrick's whole body was limp. With one arm went behind him to brace himself, the other wrapped around the boy's waist, he slowly dropped the two of them back onto the mattress. After plenty words of encouragement, he pulled himself out of Patrick and safely rolled the boy onto his side.

Gerard closed the gap between them with a kiss on the boy's forehead, "That was amazing, but I need to clean us up." Patrick was still panting for air so all he did slowly nod to acknowledge the words said to him. Initially looking for a rag or a towel, Gerard gave up and settled on cleaning himself off with his tshirt from the discarded clothes pile. He pulled the condom off, tried to tie it a few times, and then tossed it into the trash can underneath the desk. He came back to the bed and found Patrick dozing off.

He carefully used the shirt to wipe away the sweat glistening on the boy's body, being very mindful not to drag the fabric across the teen's breasts. Patrick's eyes opened up lazily about the time the shirt was touching his cleavage. "I have not," he started and then closed his eyes. Gerard was worried until he saw the smile creep on the teen's face. "Been that thoroughly fucked in a long time."

The man grinned back, "So not the worst sex ever?" He tried to fix the boy's screwed up hair with his empty hand, but nothing was getting it to set right.

"Far from it," Patrick answered. "But I can't do a round two."

"Good, cuz I'm too old for another go." He got the boy to laugh, mission accomplished.

"You're twenty five!"

"Which is like six years older than you, respect your elders," he said but it just made the boy laugh harder. When Patrick stopped, the two got caught up staring at each other in the afterglow. Eventually it broke, and Gerard reminded himself that he was trying to be a good boyfriend again so he had to ask, "Do you want me to get you some clothes?"

"Yeah, that'd be great," his boyfriend sighed. With the boy directing him while remaining unmoved on the bed, Gerard was able to find a plain gray tee and a pair of Chicago Bulls sweat pants in the closet. Just as he thought from earlier, everything was folded nicely and organized perfectly; the clothes were even sorted by color. He tossed the boy's clothes onto the bed while he walked over to his discarded overnight bag for his pajamas. Gerard already had his red flannel pants on when he noticed Patrick was struggling with his own, unable to get them on with his legs loose like spaghetti.

"Here, let me help." He scooted the teen over to the edge of the bed and grabbed hold the sweats. That's when he saw it; the bruises he had left on Patrick's legs. "Oh shit, I am so sorry!"

Patrick was too busy staring at Gerard's face to realize what he was freaking out about. He looked down to see the multiple purple marks on his thighs and laughed. "Oh my god, that's amazing!"

"I-I-I am so sorry, Patrick!" he repeated.

The boy ignored him and kept looking at the little marks, then placed his hand at cocked angle above them. "These are clearly just your fingertips. That's impressive."

"You're not freaked out?" Gerard asked through the spaces of his fingers as he hid behind his hands.

"No," Patrick shrugged. "It's on my thighs, which can be covered up if you can get my pants on me." Gerard apologized again and then helped with the sweats, one leg at a time and then carefully over the boy's ass with some assistance. Patrick was able to get the shirt on himself and pulled the comforter back to climb in bed properly. Once he was convinced that his boyfriend wasn't going to fall over on wobbly legs, Gerard joined him under the covers.

"Seriously though? You're okay?" He had to ask again to ease his mind.

Patrick nuzzled himself in position to sleep on bare Gerard's chest. "I'm fine. The bruises aren't that big of a deal."

"Was it the worst sex you've ever had?" he asked again. He wrapped his arms around the boy to get comfortable.

"Again. Far from it. How about you? How did I do?" Patrick's eyes were closed already. He really had gotten tired. Put a whole new spin on the phrase 'fucked senseless.'

"Best blow job ever, followed by really awesome sex." He patted the boy's back like an athlete, "You did good kid."

"Gee, thanks," Patrick grumbled and then pat his boyfriend's chest right back. "You're a good fuck, Gerard."

He tried to think of a witty response but gave up and decided on another kiss on the boy's forehead. "Good night, Patrick."


	5. Come on, come on, kiss my battery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "F.T.W.W.W." by My Chemical Romance

He woke up to the sound of a shower running in another room. It took Gerard a minute to process that it wasn't Patrick because the boy was still clinging onto him. That meant the boy's roommate was back for the day. He groaned in response to the realization but didn't do much about it. There was too much enjoyment in the morning cuddling session he had going on with his passed out boyfriend. When the teen stirred against him, he knew it wasn't going to last much longer.

"Hey baby," he greeted Patrick when he saw his eyes finally open. "Good morning." The boy looked up, smiled, and nuzzled his face into Gerard's armpit of all things while mumbling something completely unrecognizable. "I think Joe's here," he said while playing with the teen's hair. It was still a mess, and he really didn't want to get a look at how bad his hair could possibly be.

"Yeah," Patrick sighed. "That ruins my shower sex plans."

"Not necessarily," the older man grinned. Internally, he lit up. Shower sex was something he always wanted to try, but never got the guts up to ask to his dates or knew that the answer would be no. 

"I'm joking. I'm not that comfortable with my body. Or for my friends." Gerard almost wanted to pout but he wasn't going to push that onto his young boyfriend.

"Speaking of," he started. "Where do you keep your stuff? I woke up in the middle of the night with the lube bottle in my back. God knows where the other condoms flew off to."

"The drawers under my bed," Patrick started but stopped himself as he needed to stretch. "There's that cabinet door in between. There's a box where I keep everything."

"Can I put it up?" When he saw the gentle nods, he untangled himself from the trap of arms and legs. He wanted to take care of things like the good boyfriend he was trying to be, or showing off to be at least. He found the bottle where he had thrown it into the room the night before, and went to the cabinet door on the bed. Gerard got down to his knees and opened the door and the box in question was right in his face. It was filled with several different sex toys, a small cardboard box filled with at least a hundred different condoms, and a plastic zip lock bag with a few different bottles of lube. "Uhm, Patrick?"

"Oh yeah I forgot, I look like a nymphomaniac with that box," he shrugged. So nonchalant. Like Gerard had found a collection of stamps instead of dildos.

"How are you so casual about sex?" Gerard asked. He still couldn't get over the box, but he opened up the plastic bag and dropped the little lube bottle along with the other ones like he was cleaning up.

"I was terrified of it, and then I had it, and decided if I didn't make a big deal about it then it wasn't that big of a deal or scary as hell," the boy sat up to watch his boyfriend on the floor.

"That still doesn't explain the adult toy store underneath your bed. You could seriously open up a shop." Gerard closed the cabinet door and returned to sit on the bed. He decided on leaning to his side, because it was too early to be upright but too late to go back to sleep.

"That's actually where I got it all from," Patrick moved so he had his back to the wall. "There was one going out of business in Chicago right after I turned eighteen, and I went a little crazy with my birthday money. I didn't know what to buy so I kinda bought one of everything that looked cool. I mean...Pete didn't help."

"I can imagine, he must be responsible for the industrial pack of condoms down there," he chuckled and sat up so he could sit next to the boy, his back also on the wall. If he had to be upright, he might as well be in good company.

"Well the shop dropped a few of them into every bag regardless of what you'd buy so they were selling these boxes of sample packs for like fifteen bucks," Patrick fell over slowly so he was laying in Gerard's lap. "Pete didn't really help though. He was seriously in my ear going off, 'You never know what kind of guy you gonna get.' My friends are assholes."

"Your friends are amazing," Gerard ran his fingers gently through the boy's hair. There was no fixing it without water, but it was calming. "They came all the way to New Jersey for you."

"They still have their own dreams and shit. Joe and Andy are doing two different kinds of business degrees. And Pete's doing same music one I am. The other two knew they could do that just about anywhere, so when I got the scholarship, they all just followed."

"Still, they're here for you," Gerard commented. Patrick grumbled in response, so he added, "Seriously, they're great for you."

"Yeah, they really make the whole fresh start thing not so scary," he commented into his boyfriend's lap.

"Yeah, you've mentioned that," Gerard thought aloud. He thought about Patrick's ex for a second, the one who had ruined relationships for the boy. Sometimes, avoiding questions work out for the best, but if they were going to continue their relationship as is, he wanted to know. "Did you do it because of that ex?"

"Yeah," Patrick answered. "He made things difficult in my group of friends. He ended up leaving the group but not before making my life hell."

"What did he do?" Gerard asked running his fingertips down Patrick's back.

"He uh... He left. What was worse, he planned it all from the beginning," the boy sighed. "We had mutual friends, and we had met a couple of times while out with our friends before he asked me out. And two weeks in, he pressured me into bed to with him. I was so nervous. I had sex before him, but that wasn't the scary part for me. He was this guy in his late twenties and I just felt so special. I was barely seventeen. I thought I had done something right for once, because here was this super mature guy who could see past all of my issues and see the real me and was treating me like a prize. And then came the point where I was talking about going to college and he got really freaked out when I got accepted full scholarship into Loyola, a school in Chicago. I still had the rest of the year left in high school so I didn't get what the deal was. And then he told me...

"He showed me his little Fuck-it list. He had already slept with a trans woman and now he wanted a guy. And he got to knock minor off his list too. Lucky guy." Patrick didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let it out and his whole body shook. Gerard's hand was still rubbing his back, comforting him as he let out the skeletons from his proverbial closet. "His whole plan was to date me, screw me, and then watch me go college somewhere else so he never had to see me again. That's why I went to New Jersey. For a fresh start."

"I'm not going to leave you like that," Gerard told him firmly. He couldn't tell if he was falling in love with Patrick yet or not. It was way too early for him to get that deep. But he had feelings for this boy that he couldn't explain yet. "I couldn't do that to you. I promise."

He didn't know it yet, but... That was the first lie.

~~~~~

The couple were already dressed, somewhat groomed, and chilling on the couch when Joe finally got out of his bedroom. "Hey you two."

"Hey," they said simultaneously.

"You made a lot of noise last night," Joe said while walking to the kitchen.

"What?!" Patrick was shocked. He turned to stare at his friend with his arms dangling over the edge of the couch. "I didn't know you were home!"

"I wasn't," Joe opened up the cabinets to get out dishes to make his breakfast. "The neighbors left us notes on our front door. I found them when I came home this morning."

"No!" Patrick had his face in his hands from embarrassment.

"What does it say?" Gerard was intrigued, maybe a tad bit too much.

Joe pulled the first one out of his back pocket. It was already folded up but the tan tape was visible at the top. "If you two are going to fuck so loud that we can hear you two doors down, invite me to join. If not, shut the fuck up." Patrick groaned loudly and slid further into the couch. Joe threw the paper onto the counter.

"Are there more?" Gerard asked. He shouldn't have gotten that excited over this. Patrick was obviously bothered by this whole thing, but he couldn't help himself from indulging in on this. 

Joe put a finger up to signal that the couple needed to wait a moment, and then he pulled another out of his pocket again. "The lube must be banana flavored, because you sound like monkeys fucking..." He turned the paper around to show the drawing, "They drew a banana dick."

"That's amazing," Gerard commented.

"And the last one!" Joe announced while he pulled the last one out of his hoodie pocket. "There must be a church going on in there, because of how much that mother fucker keeps saying 'oh god.'"

"I need a church," Patrick slid up against Gerard to hide his entire face. 

"Dude, it's not as bad as when I used to have girls over," Joe said as he walked over to hand Patrick the notes.

"What did you get?" Gerard asked. What could be worse than a banana dick left on your dorm door for the whole world to see if they passed by?

"A ball gag - and a note saying that I should use it on my girlfriend next time we have sex," Joe said on his way back to the kitchen.

"Holy shit," Gerard laughed and looked at Patrick. The boy was holding the notes in his hands and looking at them intently. None of them had room numbers to say who was responsible, but the terrible banana penis was enough of a signature for all of the notes. "What are you going to do with them?"

"Well," Patrick flattened the papers. "We have a weird tradition within the group."

"Tradition?" What the fuck was this boy going to do with them?

"I have to put them up in my room until I'm dating someone else. It started with Andy."

"Andy got a lot of tail," Joe added. "And some of those girls were loud."

"Where are you going to put them?" Gerard was worried at this point. The boy's room was immaculate, and even though his walls were covered in posters, none of them were pornographic.

"I have to put them on the inside of my door," he said. "Again, tradition."

"This is hilarious," Gerard laughed.

"Never thought you'd get one," Joe yelled from the kitchen. "Let alone three!"

"Just shush," Patrick was already retreating to his room to get the whole ordeal over with as soon as possible.

That had left Gerard and Joe alone in a room together. This was the first time he had been alone with just one of Patrick's friends since the two of them started dating. "What are you making?" he tried to ice breaker his way into a conversation.

"Breakfast. But we don't have a lot, I need to go shopping," Joe was going through their cabinets and their mini fridge to find food. Breakfast was about to just be made up of dry cereal if they didn't have any milk besides the carton of Patrick's almond milk.

"You want to go out? My treat," he offered. He didn't think he was necessarily in a bad place with Patrick's friends but it never hurt to make their relationships better. They were kind of like a gang of older brothers keeping the boy on a short leash all the time. Maybe he could get on their good side enough to let the leash go entirely.

"Like where?" Joe closed all of the opened cabinets.

"There's a Denny's on the edge of the town. Near a Walmart." It seemed like a simple offering. Food always seemed like a safe bet, and he could bring Patrick along with him as a barrier. 

"So breakfast and grocery shopping? Like old people?" Joe asked.

"More like... Like adults," Gerard kind of winced when he said it. The two dorm mates were just teenagers after all.

Patrick came back from his room, face exhausted from dealing with the crap left on the door. "What are you two talking about?"

"Your boyfriend is buying breakfast!" Joe grinned. Maybe this was a bad idea. Offering college kids a free meal didn't sound too good to his wallet.

"You sure?" Patrick asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, my treat." Gerard smiled at Patrick. He reminded himself again that he was trying to be the best boyfriend he could be, and that meant dealing with Patrick's friends because they were part of the package. "And then we're going to go grocery shopping, just for you two though."

"We have money from the school. Like our food allowance, we're just lazy," Patrick tried to explain.

"Well, now you two get to go to the store, 'cmon!" Gerard stood up with his bag in hand.

~~~~~

Joe was a toddler in the backseat with his constant questions. He insisted that he had to sit in the middle of the backseat despite how it made it harder for Gerard to see the traffic behind him, so the driver was able to see every strange facial expression the young man was capable of making. Which surprisingly was a lot.

"Why don't you have a job?" Joe asked with a smug look on his face.

"I do, I work at that bookstore with the coffee shop," Gerard looked at him through the rear view mirror.

"I meant a real job, you went to school and have a degree, so why don't you have a real job?" he asked with a click of his tongue against his lip ring.

"Joe, relax," Patrick insisted.

At a red light, Joe pulled himself up to rest between both of the front seats. "Remember back when we were in high school and there was that girl who was dating that college aged guy and we all thought she was so cool? And now we're in college and we know he was a loser because he couldn't date someone his own age?"

"Joe." Patrick glared at him.

"I didn't know Patrick was as young as he was when we first met," Gerard tried to break the sudden tension.

"How old are you?" Joe fell back into his seat when the car started driving again.

"Twenty-five." He tried to concentrate on driving to keep himself from beating the kid.

"Two years ago, Patrick was a minor and you were twenty-three," Joe announced from the back seat.

"You were in Chicago two years ago; I wouldn't have known you guys," Gerard said like that was a good excuse. "Besides, I wouldn't date a minor."

"Then what are your intentions with Patrick?" He asked, completely ignoring the boy in the front seat.

"Do I get to speak?" Patrick snapped at his friend. This caught Joe off guard. "We're dating. We enjoy each other's company. He's interesting, he thinks I'm interesting. He likes me, I like him. He liked me before he knew I didn't have a dick and it didn't scare him away after he knew. And right now, he's putting up with you. So shut the fuck up!" Patrick threw himself back into his seat with a loud huff. The car was silent with the exception of all of the road noise.

"See why we're protective of him?" Joe broke the silence.

"I would be too," Gerard admitted.

"Well, I approve," Joe grinned like he had won an argument. "You seem like an alright guy. You can even handle me giving you shit like a pro."

"Thank you mother," Patrick said dryly. "I didn't think I'd need your approval."

"Your mom would not approve of him and you know that," the kid in the back commented.

"Why not?" Gerard was suddenly worried about his chances with Patrick's parents were ruined, despite them being over twelve hours away.

"You don't have a real job, you can't take care of their baby," Joe added. "But you know, they don't have to know about that."

"They don't even know about him," Patrick mentioned. His boyfriend gave him a concerning a glance before reverting his eyes back to the road. "Sorry, not like I'm avoiding it or trying to hide you, it just hasn't come up in conversation. I don't want my mom worrying about every little thing so I only tell her the big things, like school and what Joe, Pete and Andy are up to."

"I mean," Gerard shrugged. "I haven't told my family about you. But I don't talk to them that often."

"You two should meet each other's families for the holidays," Joe pipped in from the back seat. "It'll be like a movie. I can be the talking cat."

"Joe, shut up for once," Patrick pinched his temples, like the pressure would make his friend stop being dumb.

~~~~~

"What are you getting Patrick?" Joe leaned over to peer at the boy's menu. Patrick glared at him over his glasses and under his hat, which admittedly must have been a struggle. "What?"

"You can't talk to him like that and then expect everything to be okay," the boy grumbled.

"You're still on that?" His friend laughed and looked at Gerard for help.

"Its okay," the older man offered to his boyfriend.

"No, its not," Patrick dropped his menu angrily. "You keep doing this shit. You did this back when I was dating Chris. Between Pete lying to him that I was a virgin and you interrogating him, he ran off. Can you people be happy for me for once without running my dates away?!"

Thank goodness for the waiter coming back with their drinks, or someone would have had to say something that might have regretted later.

"Patrick you're like a brother to us, we're very over protective of you," Joe started when the waiter walked away.

"Pete has a brother and a sister that he doesn't do this kind of stuff to. You have a brother that you don't do this sort of shit to. Why is it all reserved for me?"

"'Trick..."

"No, apologize." Joe looked at Patrick liked he had grown a second head. "Apologize."

"Patrick?" Gerard put his hand on the boy's shoulder but Patrick just shrugged it off.

"Patrick, you know why we're over protective," Joe added.

"You don't have to be an ass about it," the boy insisted.

His friend nodded in agreement, "I know. I'm sorry man." Joe looked over at Gerard, "I don't think you're bad for him. Really."

"I get it," he said. "I've got a brother. He's about your guys' age. I get it."

"We're just worried," Joe said with a loud sigh.

"Stop, I'm not a baby," Patrick mentioned.

"I've seen you hurt more than once and I never want to see it again." Joe was stern, with not an ounce of humor in his voice. Gerard could only imagine what Patrick's friends had done when they found out that terrible ex. Maybe they all hung out at Patrick's place until the boy was emotionally ready to take on the world again. Maybe they beat the shit out of that other man. Maybe his body is still missing somewhere in Lake Michigan after being drowned one night that the Chicago Crew would take to their graves.

"So I'm not allowed to date anyone ever again? Do you understand how idiotic that sounds?" Patrick was leaning on the table towards Joe like it was an interrogation.

"Let us weed out the creeps," his friend offered. "At least then the chances of you being hurt like that again are lowered."

"Can you trust my judgment at all?" Patrick was still glaring at him.

Joe sighed, "One day. Eventually."

Patrick kept glaring, but when the waiter came back for their food orders the conversation dispersed. He ordered a breakfast platter, while his friend ordered the breakfast slam with the most amount of meat on the plate he could possibly get, and his boyfriend ordered the pancake breakfast.

"What's with you and pancakes?" Patrick asked.

"They're amazing," Gerard laughed at the notion. "Why are you dissing one of my favorite foods?"

"You did not just say 'dissing' like a bleached out white boy," Joe gasped.

Gerard tried protesting but Patrick interrupted with, "That was a whole new level of lame. You're lucky I like you." He took a gulp of his water to avoid his boyfriend's eyes.

"Well, at least you like me," Gerard said like he won.

"You two are cute," Joe commented.

"You're not weirded out by a gay couple in your group of friends or anything?" the older man asked.

"No, far from it," Joe shrugged. "Patrick's had boyfriends before."

"But did they hang out with you guys a lot?" The only real ex-boyfriends he had known about was the terrible one and whoever that Chris was that Patrick just mentioned a few minutes before.

Patrick asked, "Are you worried or something?"

"No, I'm trying to figure out if I'm special," Gerard said and smiled at Patrick. The boy smiled back like they were all alone with one another without the boy's friend sitting awkwardly across the table.

"Of course you're special," the boy hid his face while adjusting his glasses. "You make me feel better about myself and you make my head all fuzzy."

"You know that there are drugs that do the same thing right?" Joe piped in.

"But you guys are straight edge," Gerard commented.

"Yeah, but that was another Andy thing." Joe rolled his eyes when he said his friend's name.

"Yeah," Patrick agreed. "Anytime we did something stupid Andy found a way of fixing it and changing our lifestyles. Like the two weeks, we all went vegan."

"Andy," Joe answered.

"Straight Edge for six months because Joe kept getting terribly drunk."

"Andy."

"The weird four months where none of us could shack up because Pete kept tailing this girl in high school even though he was already 19."

"Completely Andy."

"It's helped us a lot but it's always been Andy who makes these decisions. Like none of us are allowed to make these decisions on our own," Patrick grumbled.

"After college, dude," Joe grinned. "Then we can be our own people."

"I think you need to just set up boundaries," Gerard offered.

"We need to find a way to say, 'Hey man, your way of life is great and all but we'd rather kill ourselves living like rock stars,' that won't make him kill us," Joe found himself laughing with Patrick.

They weren't fighting anymore.

~~~~~

"You start out with the produce and make your way to the meats and cold stuff," Gerard was laying down the law on the correct ways to buy groceries. Patrick was listening intently but Joe was trying to get his shopping cart to go fast enough for him to ride it into the fruit section and was a lost cause. "Then you get your bread and eggs and stuff that would break or get squished otherwise."

"What about nonfood stuff?"

"We get that before the cold stuff, but make sure it's bagged separately," the man proceeded to teach the amazing ways of proper grocery shopping.

Finally with Joe tailing them, the group set off inside the store. Produce seemed to only mean two types of fruit, two tomatoes, and a package of bagged salad. Gerard grabbed the bread, despite what he said earlier, just because it was it close in proximity. He put all the fragile stuff in the top part of the cart so it wouldn't get squished. Joe and Patrick tried to plan at least two weeks worth of meals while walking through the aisles. Mostly small meals since it would be just the two of them. Mac and cheese seemed to be the favorite.

"We can add tuna or hot dogs and make it taste better," Joe tried to offer.

"Like what Pete kept trying to do to ramen?" Patrick was pulling down a box from a shelf that he could reach. "I think I'll pass."

"Then I want a can of tuna and I'll try it," Joe said smugly from his spot behind the cart.

"You can do a lot of cool stuff to cheap food," Gerard tried to offer. "Like we can go back and get some vegetables if you guys want to try that."

"Patrick will cook it if you offer," the friend felt like mentioning. "But I'm super lazy."

"True," the boy laughed.

"Try those bouillon cubes for flavor for everything," Gerard offered help again. "Even the blandest of foods can taste better. And a lot of bland food can be bought in bulk for cheap."

"Like rice and pasta and stuff?" Joe pipped in.

"Yeah," Gerard nodded. "And I've been in your guys' kitchen, I know you have the room for it."

"I don't think we have containers for it though," Patrick said.

"Well, Walmart, right?" Gerard shrugged. A five pound bag of rice and a big bag of dry pasta should last the boy's awhile. The lot didn't cost them too much from the food stipend so they were able to buy some small containers of spices to add some flavor. The two boys would talk about what they could make and just based off of Joe's lack of cooking knowledge, Gerard had to guess that Patrick was the only reason the guy was alive and hadn't starved to death. Patrick had made sure that almost everything was non name brand to save a little bit except for two boxes of Cheese-Nips. Had to be the Nabisco brand or Patrick wouldn't eat them.

"Seriously?" Joe raised his eyebrows.

"If I have to live off of ramen than I can at least have my favorite snack," Patrick dropped them into the cart.

"Then I get some dumplings from the oriental section," Joe reasoned.

"Fine, your money though," Patrick was already walking away.

"I can get it," Gerard tried to once again be the good boyfriend.

"No, baby," the boy said. "I get money from the school remember?"

"I know but," the man shrugged. "I want to treat you."

"You did that this morning," Patrick smiled but he quickly stuck his hands in the pockets of his denim jacket.

"That's gross," Joe interrupted. They really shouldn't be talking like they were all alone with the overgrown toddler pushing the cart.

"I meant breakfast!" Patrick snapped at his friend. "You were there too!"

"I can still be grossed out," Joe rolled his eyes and pushed his way down the aisle.

~~~~~

Back at the dormitory, it took four trips between the three of them to get all of the food in the kitchen. The boy's didn't buy an excess of food, but the bags of pasta and rice were kicking Patrick's ass. He only got one at a time up the flights of stairs before he couldn't handle much more physical activity.

"Okay guys I can't do this much longer," Patrick crashed face first into the couch.

"You okay 'Tricky?" Joe looked over from the kitchen while dropping off the last bag onto the counter.

"It's my chest," the boy grumbled from the couch.

"Get your binder off," Joe went back to unpacking food from the bags. "You've been incident free for like two years; I'd like to keep it that way."

"Joe you know I can't!" Patrick just continued to lay on the couch which honestly wasn't helping him much either.

Joe looked over at Gerard who was cleaning out the plastic containers for food. "Tell him he's okay. He's putting up a front for you."

Gerard stammered for a moment before he walked over. He knelt down so he could look at the boy eye to eye. "I just need a minute," Patrick told him before he could a word in edgewise.

"You've had a few already," Gerard started to go into lecture mode. "Go take it off so you can hang out with us."

"You know I can't," the boy said his through his teeth.

"I have seen you without it, I have seen you without anything, to be honest," Gerard added that last bit for emphasis but he could hear Joe groan when he said it. "You need to go take it off."

"This is different. This is casual," Patrick sighed.

"Remember the night at my place?" the older man raised his eyebrows. "How's this any different?"

"Very different," the boy groaned. "Like, it's very domestic."

"I can go get the Cheese-Nips and take them to my place," when Gerard said it, the boy's eyes lit up in fear. "Hold them hostage."

"You wouldn't?"

"I would. Go take it off."

Patrick got up from the couch and walked off to go into his room. "You mad man. Threatening to take my crackers."

Gerard was already in the kitchen when the boy shut the door. Joe was drying the containers when Gerard came back. "How did you do that?"

"Take what he loves the most to get what you want him to do," the man shrugged.

"What parenting book did you steal that from?" the teen laughed at him.

"None, I just did what I needed to. You want the rice in that one?" he pointed at the container that Joe had finished drying. "It'll work."

Patrick's door opened and the two guys in the kitchen waited for him to turn the corner before saying anything. The boy had rid himself of his jacket and his shoes along with the binder. He didn't even make note of it or give the others a chance to talk about it. "What do you need me to do?" he asked.

"I'm thinking that cans will go in here," Joe opened up a cabinet.

"On it," and the boy went to work.

The older man tried not to stare at Patrick's chest the whole time, but he caught himself making short glances, just to see if he could tell the difference in good lighting, but he never said a word. The only discussion was about the task of putting up all of the groceries. Gerard had made a point of spending some money on snacks for the teens; they weren't so close to the end of the food budget that would have to put things back, but the older man didn't want the teens to use up their whole balance. When they were done putting things away and cleaned up their mess, Gerard threw a pack of popcorn into the microwave while the guys played around with the TV. He came over with a bowl filled with popcorn and sat on one of the end seats of the couch. When the group decided on watching South Park reruns, Patrick and Gerard cuddled on the couch while Joe sat on the floor eating the popcorn from the bowl in his lap. Gerard was careful about where his hands and arms laid because Patrick still haven't his binder on. It was a good thing so the boy could safely breathe and all, but the man wondered if the dangers had already passed, especially since Patrick was starting to snore into his chest.

"You want any?" Joe offered the bowl to the couple above him.

"Naw, I'm good," Gerard looked over to the boy in his lap to ask him if he wanted any, but Patrick was already asleep. "Umm, should I move him?"

Joe turned around to see what was going on. "No, he's not binding right now. Let him snooze."

"Well," Gerard sighed. He tapped on the boy's arm and shoulder until his eyes peeked open. "You're falling asleep. You want to go lay down?"

"Little bit," Patrick grumbled. He stretched in his seat before getting up, stumbling around Joe while trying to make his way to his room. "You wanna follow?" Gerard just nodded, a little in a daze because he wasn't expecting it but he followed nonetheless.

"Should I leave?" Joe whispered.

"I don't think anything's gonna happen," Gerard whispered back.

"Oh no," Patrick called over the two of them; they weren't being as discrete as they thought. "Something might happen, so be prepared." The boy smiled and made his way into his room.

Gerard turned back to Joe who was still sitting on the floor and the boy commented, "Just don't be loud or super gross."

The man nodded and walked into the room that Patrick had left the door propped open. He shrugged his jacket off and toed his shoes into a neat pile by the boy's guitar. He crawled his way into the bed and up to the boy already leaning against the pillows. "Hi," Patrick squeaked and wrapped his arms around Gerard's shoulders. He took that as an opportunity to give the boy a quick peck on the lips before crashing his whole weight into the mattress. "Seriously?"

"I feel like I need a nap," the man grumbled into his boyfriend's hair.

"What is wrong with you?" Patrick giggled.

"Shut up, you like me," the older man snuggled up to the boy.

"You're right," the boy squeaked. "I do like you." He started planting kisses on the man's face with every comment he made. "I like you. And your face. And your stupid hair."

"I'll get it cut."

"No you don't," Patrick kissed his lips this time. "I told you I like it. All the shagginess makes you look good."

"Well," Gerard propped himself up on his elbows. "I won't cut it if you don't shave your face. I like your sideburns, they make you look all manly."

There was a hand pulling up Gerard's shirt. "Keep talking."

"You keep wearing those weird ass hats but it's adorable as hell," he said pulling the boy's hat off, it was always uncomfortable to try and make out with that thing on his head so far. The hat ended up ultimately tossed somewhere on the floor.

"Weird one, but keep going," Patrick said breathlessly.

"Your eyes are amazing," Gerard pulled off the boy's glasses, he was more careful with these than he was the hat. It ended up on the desk, but it took him a minute of struggling to keep from falling off the bed. He turned back, "I could spend hours staring at them if I wanted to."

"Why?" The boy blinked a few times. Gerard would have bet good money that no one had said anything about how good Patrick's eyes looked before he came along.

"There's so much color in there, it's like an artist's dream," he said as he pushed some hair out of the boy's face. "I could get lost them. For as long as you'd let me."

"That is so..." Patrick trailed off but he had this look on his face that masked what he was thinking. Sweet? Amazing? Loving? "Gay."

"Oh come on," Gerard said with a huff. "We're two dudes, what did you expect?"

"I know," Patrick cuddled up closer so his head was under his boyfriend's. "To a certain point, I just like saying it."

"You're such a dork," he pressed a kiss onto the top of the boy's head.

Patrick rolled over onto his other side, facing the wall, and pulled Gerard's arm over his waist. "I really am tired though."

"Then go to sleep," the older man buried his nose in the boy's hair. They still hadn't showered that morning and Gerard could feel the difference in the greasiness of Patrick's hair.

The boy rubbed his ass against Gerard's front, "But not that tired."

"You're killing me," he sighed.

"You like it, I can feel you," Patrick turned his head just enough to look at his boyfriend.

"Maybe, but what if I don't want to?" He snickered at the thought. If Patrick could play hard to get, he could play too.

"That's good too," the boy rolled back. "Then we snuggle until we fall asleep."

"Alright, but..." Gerard's hand roamed down to Patrick's butt pocket on his jeans. "What if I want to?"

Patrick's smile stretched across his face but he hid it in his arm. "We can still play around."

"But your friend's in the other room," he reminded the teenager.

"I can be quiet," Patrick turned back around to face the older man.

"No you can't, remember the notes posted on the door this morning?!"

The boy put a hand behind Gerard's head and pulled the man closer so he could whisper, "You wanted me to be loud last night, and now I can be quiet. I can be very versatile."

Gerard groaned lowly; those were just the words he wanted to hear. "Do you need me to grab lube first or when we need it?"

"You can grab it, I think we'll need it soon," Patrick purred into his ear. He kissed away at the older man's jawline, making sweet little noises in the back of his throat with each kiss.

"I gotta..." stop, mostly, is what Gerard thought. He didn't want cum in his pants and we was nearing that possibility. "I gotta grab a bottle." He had to pull himself away from his boyfriend's tightening grip on his shirt to step off of the bed. The little cabinet door opened up easily, and he looked into its box before grabbing the giant plastic bag. He legitimately couldn't remember which one they had used the night before so he settled on one that had been opened and used significantly.

A quick grab of a condom from the box of hundreds, and he was back on the bed and back in Patrick's arms. They were back in their previous positions with Gerard spooning the teenager facing the wall. Patrick twisted himself enough for the two could still kiss passionately, until the boy got impatient. He started rubbing his ass up against Gerard's leg, before purring, "I want you to fuck me so bad."

"Oh god," he let out, probably a little too loudly. He was working on removing his jeans aggressively, "Do you want to move? This is such an awkward angle..."

"No I can work it," Patrick said, pulling his pants and boxers down simultaneously. He stopped them perfectly so just his ass was exposed. "Just lube yourself up."

He struggled with the condom wrapper a little longer than he admitted to; there was something about these ones were kicking his ass. Gerard gave up trying to rip it with his fingers and used his teeth before popping the little rubber out of the plastic and getting it wrapped around his cock. Bottle in hand, he lubed himself up sufficiently and decided to wipe the excess against Patrick's hole. That worked, he realized as the boy groaned when the man's fingers were against him. Gerard decided ultimately to put a little bit of lubricant onto his fingers before ditching the bottle in the pillows. It was easier to finger his way in than it was last night, not because the boy was still stretched by any means, but because Gerard wasn't as scared of hurting him.

Patrick was making little mews into his arm to keep himself quiet. "Yes, baby," was all he managed out before clasping a hand over his mouth.

"If you're gonna be loud, we can stop," the man offered with a reassuring tone. "I can send Joe out to a movie or something."

Patrick quickly released the hand off of his face, "Don't talk about my friend while you're finger fucking me."

"Oh God," the words hit him hard. He put his arm underneath Patrick's head, which gave the boy something to hold onto while he was being thoroughly stretched out. "Tell me when."

"Keep going," the boy groaned. There were three fingers digging deep into him before he finally made a notion to stop making so much noise. He buried his face in the nook of Gerard's elbow while they kept digging deeper into him. He moaned into the flesh but still kept himself quiet. "Do it."

"You sure?" He felt compelled to ask every time. Patrick nodded with a few whispers of "please" when Gerard pulled his fingers out, wiped them off onto the blanket and started to push his dick into the boy.

If it wasn't for the arch of his back as he was entered, Patrick biting his bottom lip like his life depended on not making a sound would have gone unnoticed. It didn't help Gerard's case any when the boy propped up his leg so he be fucked as deeply as possible in their crooked position. He found himself kissing the boy's neck just to keep from moaning. At this rate, he was going to be the one to out them to Patrick's roommate.

"Do we need to move?" Gerard asked softly between thrusts. "Like... does this feel good to you?"

"Yeah, it feels good," Patrick said with a glance back. "But you keep asking, so do you need to?"

"Kind of, I don't feel like I'm doing a good job here." If he had to be honest.

"Here." Gerard caught on quickly, and held the condom at the base while Patrick pulled himself off. The boy kicked off his pants easily but had to actually pull his underwear off. "Up, up, up," he ordered Gerard to pick himself up just enough for the boy to crawl underneath him.

"Okay, okay," he laughed as the boy propped himself on the pillows.

Patrick brought up his legs, wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard's shoulders, and whispered, "I wanna play a game."

"Like what?"

"First one to make a noise, loud enough that Joe can hear - and he will fucking tell us - loses."

"Loses what? Like what could I win?" Gerard's mind was an ocean of possibilities but couldn't reel a catch in.

"What do you want to win?" The boy said it with such a gleam in his eye, it was hard not to laugh.

"How about," Gerard thought about it for a minute. He could have gone with something sweet but all the blood he had was in the wrong head. "Winner fucks loser the next time we hook up?"

"Ooooo." Patrick was so excited he was doing a shoulder shimmy. "You think you could handle it if you lost?"

"I've done it before but I won't be losing," Gerard said and then pushed his cock back into Patrick's ass.

The boy opened his mouth in a gasp but still stayed quiet. He was hell bent on winning. Patrick wasn't even going to be nice about it; he wrapped his legs around the man's hips and met each thrust with a breathless gasp. "You're not winning at this," he pulled an arm off the man's shoulder and grabbed a hold of his shirt. "I've been doing this for far too long."

"Try me," Gerard growled in the boy's ear. "I can keep fucking you until you're begging me to stop."

Patrick giggled, "I will stop right now and pull that rubber off and give you a blow job that your grandchildren will be talking about for centuries." The boy was looking at him dead in the eyes with a gigantic grin on his face. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"Better than last night?"

"Oh baby," Patrick purred. "That was just a warm-up."

Gerard groaned. Not too loud, but just enough for him feel himself losing. He tightened his grip on the boy's hips and started thrusting at a more furious rate. The only sound in the room was his balls slapping against Patrick's ass.

The boy's eyes rolled into his head. "Where'd you put the lube?"

"You loosing it?" Gerard actually sped up, but the boy wasn't doing more than breathing heavily. One of his hands left the boy's hip just to grab the bottle in the pillows.

"Not yet," Patrick grabbed the lube and popped the cap open. He squeezed enough to slick up his cock, before snapping the bottle closed and tossing it back behind him and then started rubbing himself closer to completion. "But...You're gonna be."

"Oh," he was loosing. Fast. The boy was fucking himself and jacking himself off and wasn't making more than a whimper. Gerard was loosing even faster. "Oh god."

"What baby?" The boy was still gasping, but without a sound. "What's wrong?"

"Stop, you're not getting to me." Gerard closed his eyes shut and bit down on the insides of his lips to keep making a noise.

"Oh, Gee," Patrick pulled himself up to whisper in his boyfriend's ear. His grip on the man's shoulder tightened and he bucked a few times before hooking his ankles together. Honestly, he was cumming hard. Harder than he had in a very long time. But he literally bit his tongue to keep from doing anything more than a tiny moan. He was coming back to himself when he had to make the game go in his favor. "Come on, baby."

As soon as Patrick had tightened around him, Gerard was having a hard time keeping himself together. The boy was planting little kisses into his neck as he let out a loud moan. He was loosing the game faster than he was loosing control. "Ah! Fuck!"

"Come on," Patrick purred, and then licked the man's jaw.

"Oh my god!" He yelled it over and over again as he came into the warmth of the body beneath him. It was ending quickly with a few more thrusts before his arms started to go out from under him. Patrick was running his hand in little circles on Gerard's back as the older man was steadying his breath and regaining his composure. After carefully pulling out, Gerard laid his head on the boy's collarbone while catching his breath, still staying mindful of his hands that were just laying by his side. "Oh...my god. That was amazing."

"Yeah?" Patrick played with the older man's hair while he calming down. He had already unhooked his legs and relaxed his whole body, so he got to sit there and watch Gerard with a big grin on his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah," the older man sighed heavily as he cuddled up to his boyfriend.

"Well, guess what?" Patrick whispered into his ear.

"What?" Gerard asked, looking up in a daze.

"I won."


	6. Hell or glory, I don't want anything in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "She's my Winona" by Fall Out Boy

"I was told to hand these out," Gerard found himself in Patrick and Joe's dorm with little flyers printed on orange printer paper. He helped make them and have them shrunk down to fit four to a page, so he knew all about the event in case questions ever popped up.

"What's this thing?" Joe looked at the one handed to him.

"Frank's party," Gerard answered. "It's his birthday and we're letting him host it at our place."

"Says its a Halloween party," Pete commented. It was really easy to hand the invitations out to the whole Chicago crew since they always hung out here.

"That's his birthday." Gerard got to hear all about how excited Frank was when it came to his party. It was going to be on Halloween. It was going to be his birthday. It was going to be his twenty-first birthday. It was going to be on a Friday night. He was so flipping excited.

"Lucky bastard," Joe looked over his copy.

"It's at our place," Gerard informed the room. "Frank needed more space than his dorm and his roommate hates him and his taste in music so we offered. We are in an apartment complex but there's always loud stuff going on, so we won't be shut down."

"Awesome, party at the grad place!" Joe threw himself onto the couch.

"Is there going to be...?" Andy looked up in time for Gerard to sit next to Patrick on the couch, squeezing in between his boyfriend and Joe.

"Yes, there will probably be alcohol," the man admitted. "But I'm trying to get someone to be in charge of drinks so I can put X's on the minors hands." Andy nodded so he eased up a bit.

"I missed you," Patrick wrapped his arms around Gerard to pull his boyfriend in for a kiss that turned into a brief impromptu make out session; three deep kisses, really. It was interrupted by Joe coughing loudly.

"Didn't you guys just see each other?" Joe glared at them.

"Like three days ago," Patrick admitted.

"And it was at my work," Gerard added. "So we had Justin up our asses."

"Kinky," Joe scoffed. "So tell me, what's it like to make out with two guys with glasses at the same time?"

Gerard damn neared choked when the thought hit him. "That's gross dude," Patrick said as he glared across his boyfriend at his friend's smug face.

"I've heard you two before, that's gross," Joe said as if that was his final straw.

"So he's planning this thing a month ahead of time?" Pete asked, pushing the mental image of his friend in a three-way into the deepest reaches of his mind. "It's still September."

"He's like the baby of the group," Gerard rolled his eyes. His boyfriend's friends were so fucking weird. "We just try to channel his excitement into things that won't end with him dead in a ditch."

"Why do you guys hang out with him?" Andy was getting up from his spot on the floor. "He's so young compared to you guys."

"Well, why do I come around here?" Gerard shrugged it off. "You guys are much younger than me. My life just led me in that direction."

"Actually," Andy pipped up from the kitchen where he wandered. "I'm twenty-two."

"Seriously?" Gerard asked in disbelief.

"Yeah dude," Pete waved his flyer to bring the attention back to him. "I'm twenty-three. I just hung out with the babies at their school because they were both so great at playing music; and I didn't even know Patrick to start off with, Joe introduced me to him."

"Seriously?!" Gerard thought he was hanging out with guys that were practically babies half of the time.

"I kinda thought you knew that," Patrick looked up at his boyfriend.

The man just shook his head, "Nope. I thought I had years on you all."

"Well yeah," Pete smarted off. "Just not as much as you thought."

"Holy shit," the man sighed.

"Well how old is Ray?" Patrick looked up with his big blue eyes.

"My age," Gerard told him.

"And Frank?"

"Will be turning twenty-one next month."

"And what about your brother? You tell me he's my age all the time."

"Twenty-two. As of last week."

"What the hell?" Patrick was stunned. All this talk about him being Mikey's age, and his boyfriend's brother has him by three years.

~~~~~

"Can we make plans for this week?" Patrick said in the parking lot. They had taken their car lot make out sessions back a bit since the boy's friend's didn't watch him all the time. Didn't stop Gerard from sneaking in a kiss or two, but it wasn't as much as they used to do.

"What's good for you? I'm working a full shift this week, but I'm closing so I can stop here when I'm done."

"Then any night you want, but I don't want to just spend nights with you."

"Like dates? Like real dates?"

"Yeah," Patrick closed the small gap between them. "We haven't done dates in awhile. I miss it."

"I don't blame you," Gerard wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. "You want to do a movie?"

"Depends on what's showing, but sure."

"But we could still spend the night with one another," Gerard was still trying to be discreet about it despite being all alone, but... "You know, you did kinda win the game the last time we were together."

Patrick grinned from ear to ear. Their game didn't just end with Gerard having a screaming orgasm, completely losing, but with Joe sitting in the living room announcing how loud the man was when they were done. "If you're still up for it," the boy was grinning still.

"I'm keeping up my end of the deal," the man said proudly.

"I'm trying not to make a dirty joke about your end," Patrick licked his lips trying to keep from saying something stupid. The man got the mental image and tried not to laugh because there was nothing sexy about what he was picturing. "But if you're still up for it, we can do Thursday or Friday night."

"Up for it? We had a deal!" Gerard laughed.

"I know but," the boy shook his head. "I don't want to pressure you into something you don't want to do."

"I've done it before," the man tried to not sound desperate. At this point, he just wanted to defend himself.

"By a guy who didn't even prep you? Not exactly a good first experience."

"It wasn't a one-time deal."

"Seriously?" Patrick was awestruck. Who kept having sex with people who didn't even prep them correctly? What did Gerard not know about?

"Yeah, no. I was with that guy for, like, three months or so." Gerard tried remembering the whole dating experience he had with that guy, if it could be called dating even. They were both high all of the time and the guy was the singer of a band that Gerard frequently saw in New York. Not getting fingered was probably at the bottom of the list of horrors that those two had done.

"And he never...?" The boy was still beside himself that his boyfriend had gone through with that for so long. Sure Patrick himself didn't always top, but when he did, he took care of his partner.

"Nope. Not once."

"Oh baby," Patrick sighed and hugged Gerard tightly like it made up for some bad sex he had nearly five years ago.

~~~~~

Back home, Gerard was answering emails on his little computer in his underwear. Laundry day. Ray was doing most of the same, but was on his phone talking his girlfriend about whose parents they were going to that Thanksgiving. "I know it's over a month away but I just want to plan our trip as soon as possible," Ray said loudly as he walked from his bedroom to the dryer in kitchen. "Because it's a longer drive to your parents place than to mine. I'd need to get the car worked on."

Gerard ignored the conversation and tended to responding to his emails. For the most part, they were kind rejection letters for the jobs he had applied to. One of which popped out from the rest. It was from an old classmate. He read as far as the introduction before he got smacked up the side of his head. "Ow! What the fuck?!"

"Your hair's getting long." Ray's phone had been snapped closed. He was done talking to Christa for the time being, but Gerard had zoned out too far so he didn't realize it had ended.

"Speak for yourself man," he said as he rubbed the back of his head.

"That's the point though. It's gonna grow out and look all fluffy," Ray was using his hands as he talked. "Any good job offers?"

"Kind of," Gerard started and then turned back to the screen. "I've got an old classmate who needs someone to help him with a project."

"Like a paying project? You still got the rent to pay in addition to loans, man." 

"Looks it will be if it gets it picked up," he mumbled and pushed a handful of black hair out of his face as he reread a sentence off of the email again. "He's trying to pitch a show."

"And he needs an artist for that?" Ray walked away, doing god knows what because Gerard was too interested in his emails to look and see what his roommate was doing.

"Well, he does if he's going to pitch it to Cartoon Network."

~~~~~

"That's amazing ass news man!" Pete announced from his spot on the floor.

Gerard had interrupted the weekend writing session, but then again, his boyfriend had invited him when he tried to relay the good news over the phone. "Thanks! Again, so sorry for just barging in here," he said before he finally took a seat on the floor next to Patrick.

"Shush! I told you to come here," Patrick pulled the older man into a tight embrace. "This is great news. You're moving up in the world."

"Maybe, I'm maybe moving up," Gerard reminded him. "I might be moving up in the world."

Patrick let go long enough for him to sit back down on the couch, before commenting, "You're going somewhere and that's all that matters."

"Are you going to end up moving?" Pete brought them back to reality. Gerard didn't really know what it all meant as far his relationship with Patrick and he didn't really want to think about that now.

"Maybe one day," Gerard admitted. "But for right now, I'm staying here until next week when I'm going to go to New York for a week to work on it and pitch the storyboards to Cartoon Network executives."

"Next week?" Patrick asked. "That's fast."

"I'm surprised it wasn't sooner, this stuff usually happens really fast."

"Are you going to get out of work that soon?" The boy readjusted himself to lean against his boyfriend.

"Brian likes me," Gerard shrugged. "He'd step in if he'd had to, especially if Justin is a no show. Which, we know he will be."

"How does he have a job?" Patrick sighed and rubbed his hands against his face.

"I don't really know anymore." He put his head on Patrick's. He sighed loudly and took in the atmosphere; Patrick smelled like a sweet shower gel and his clothes were freshly washed, Pete on the other hand looked disheveled and was making the only sound going on in the whole room as he was angrily writing words away at a yellow-paged notebook. "I hate that I dropped in on writing day."

"It's seriously not that big of a deal," Patrick ran his fingers up against the man's arm. "I wouldn't haven't invited you if we were too busy."

"You know, I've never actually heard any of your guys' songs."

"Seriously?!" Pete looked up from his papers.

"Never."

The two younger men looked at each other, trying to decide if they should play anything or not. "The town one...?" Patrick asked, deciding for both of them.

"Uh, I think we're talking about the same one," Pete flipped through his pages looking for the song. He passed the notebook over when he thought he found the right one.

"No not the Chicago one, the other one," Patrick passed the book back. While his writing partner looked through the other books, the boy got up to grab his guitar that he ditched when Gerard arrived. With guitar in hand, he took a seat on the couch.

Pete passed a different notebook his direction, "What about this one?"

Patrick read over it for a second, "Yeah, this one."

His friend got up to grab his bass from behind the seat he was sitting in. "It might sound a little weird because of the electric bass and acoustic guitar but you can kinda get the main idea."

"Whatever works," Gerard shifted in his seat but never got up from his spot on the floor.

"Okay," Patrick pulled the paper close so he could read the lyrics closely. He gently played his guitar for a few notes, making sure it was tuned before strumming away beautifully. The older man hadn't seen the boy play or heard him sing seriously since they first met. He almost forgot how much he loved it.

"When I wake up..." Gerard lost himself in Patrick's face. They way the boy stressed the words between his plump lips, and how his eyes were bolted close at certain times when he was really into the words.

"I'm willing to take my chances on, the hope I forget... that you hate him more than you notice, I wrote this for you."

"For you, so," Pete echoed as he played along.

"You need him..." Patrick pulled his head up. "I could be him, I could be an accident but I'm still trying. And that's more than I can say for him."

The two looked at each other again and Pete counted them down to their chorus, "One, two, three, four..."

"Where is your boy tonight, I hope he is a gentleman. Maybe he won't find out what I know. You were the last good thing about this part of town." A few strums of his guitar and they were done. The song was far too short for that to be the full version and he really didn't want it to end.

"That sounds so good," Gerard leaned back into the couch. "A little sad, but, good."

"That's all Pete." Patrick pulled the guitar strap off of his shoulders. "So don't read too far into it."

"But I've been there a few too many times," Gerard sighed and ran his fingers up and down Patrick's leg. "So I feel you, man."

"That's what I'm hoping for though - " Pete put his bass down beside him " - There are all these songs about hanging out in clubs and getting shit faced or how much you love somebody but there's nothing for the kids who just want a chance to prove themselves or the ones who got their hearts broken by someone who doesn't even care. There needs to be something for them."

"That's amazing," he commented as he watched the boys put their stuff away. "We need more of that. Kids need more of that."

"Yeah, like I think of how I used to wear these Iron Maiden shirts like body armor when I younger," Pete said with a shake of his head. "Kids don't have that right now."

"Well, one day they'll wear your songs like body armor," Gerard added. He knew these two were trying to write songs so they could sell them off to people one day, but who knew if they were going to sell them off to someone who would make their words famous?

Pete looked up and smiled. "I've never thought about it like that. Thanks."

~~~~~

Later that night, Gerard was trying to sleep. Trying being the biggest part of his struggle. His mind was tossing and turning with all the possibilities of what could happen if this storyboard venture worked out. Most of what he thought about was not positive in the slightest. He could try to make it work by living there and traveling to work in New York, but that would be expensive. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper if he lived in a little more north like in Newark or Hoboken. But then he'd never be with Patrick. Hell, if he was working the way he thought he would be, he'd never get to see Patrick regardless. So there wasn't really a good enough reason for him to stay there. He could just see the boy on weekends.

Then it dawned on him; weekends. Patrick did homework on weekends. He wrote songs with Pete on weekends. He hung out with Joe and Andy on weekends. He shopped for food on the weekends. He lived on the weekends. Gerard couldn't take his life away from him. Then there was the other option of bringing Patrick with him. Then the boy would lose everything, again. He'd have to give up on college, his friends, his life, anything he had work for. All over again. Patrick had left everything for a fresh start. And here was Gerard, possibly ripping it from under him.

He didn't realize he was crying until he felt the tears were rolling down his cheek. He pushed them away with the back of his hand. Gerard put a lot of thought into what he was going to do before he finally did it, but he grabbed his phone out from under his pillow and quickly texted his boyfriend. He looked over his message a few times before deciding on spelling out the words.

"Ignore me if you're asleep. But I can't sleep. Mind's full of thoughts about New York."

He covered his eyes with his forearm while he waited for an answer. All of these thoughts were racing through his brain and it killed him that he couldn't shut this shit off. He almost gave up on hearing an answer when his phone buzzed.

"Not asleep yet."

He tried to send a message back but barely ten seconds later his phone buzzed again, this time with a phone call. "Hey. Sorry."

"No it's fine," Patrick sighed on the higher end. "I'd rather you tell me what's wrong than let you stay up all night."

"I'm just," Gerard started but paused to get his words right. "My brain can't process all of these thoughts at once."

"Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

"What's going to happen to us if I get that job? I'll be in New York, I won't have time for us."

"Gerard," the boy said quietly. "Don't worry about that, we'll be alright. I'll be distracted with school and you'll have your job. We'll still have phones and emails and weekends."

"We won't have weekends," Gerard tried protesting. "You'll have your writing sessions. And your homework. And a life."

"But I don't really have a life right now," Patrick laughed. "I'd just spend less time doing stuff on the weekend and do it all on weeknights."

"That's not fair to you though," Gerard grumbled.

"Don't even start. Listen to me right now. You're going to take this opportunity, and you're going to New York next week."

"Yeah but, Patrick-" he was quickly cut off by the boy making his point.

"You're going to give it your all and you will take it seriously. And when you get the job, we will worry about what to do with ourselves when we get to that point."

Gerard smiled at his boyfriend. The boy was everything he wanted and more. "Thank you."

"No problem. This is nothing for you to lose sleep over."

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well you wouldn't have anything to lose sleep over right now," Patrick chuckled.

"Don't be hard on yourself, I like you too much for that shit."

"But really though, if we weren't together you wouldn't give this job opportunity a second thought. You'd just do it." Patrick had a point. He would have left after Brian gave him time off, gave Ray a big enough heads up to not rent his room out while he was gone and given this job opportunity his all.

"But you're a part of my life now. I have to think about you."

"We've been together for three months," Patrick said matter-a-factly. "Don't put your life on hold for me. We'll make it work when you get the job."

"Speaking of," Gerard shifted around in his bed. "I'll be leaving Sunday. I really do want to spend some time with you before I leave for a week."

"Well, you still get Friday's off, right?" Patrick asked.

"Yeah. But I'll be getting Saturday off too, just to give me time to pack."

"I'll just have Joe drop me off at your work on Thursday and I'll go home with you. Just get the place to ourselves and I'll get him to taxi me."

"Sounds like a date," he smiled into the phone and rolled onto his pillows.

~~~~~

"So..." Gerard dropped to his knees next to Ray's bed. He was rarely ever up before the other man, but he couldn't sleep after he had made plans with Patrick, so he took this as a great time to get what he wanted. "How much do you love me?"

"I love sleep way more than you," the other man grumbled, not bringing his head up.

"But remember, I might be leaving soon." Gerard wasn't moving from his spot on the floor. "Like forever."

"God, we could only hope." Ray still wasn't getting up.

"Come on, just hear me out." Ray brought his head up, eyes glaring into Gerard's smiling face. "Can I have the place to myself on Friday? Like all day?"

"Patrick?" It was all he really needed to ask.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take home with me on Thursday."

"Aren't you working?" Ray asked while bringing his head off of the pillows, barely.

"Yeah, Joe's gonna drop him off and then he'll come home with me. Hopefully alone."

Ray continued glaring at him. "And this couldn't wait until I was awake?"

"It did, I've been waiting for you to wake up." Ray rolled over so he couldn't see Gerard, as in completely out of sight and mind. But Gerard kept pestering him. "Is that a yes?"

"I'll call Christa."

It took until another three hours, but Christa said yes.

"What are you planning on doing with Patrick for a whole weekend? Unless it's sex - in which case - don't tell me," Ray was wide awake at that point.

"I want - " Gerard spun around in his chair " - To spend the weekend proving that I can be more than a boyfriend."

"How long have you been with this kid?" Ray was shocked with his friend being stupid.

"Like three months, but think about it," he ran a hand through his black hair. "If I leave next week and come back with a possible job offer and he still wants a relationship while I'm in New York, I need to prove that I'm a good ass boyfriend. A good enough one to put up with while we're doing this long distance."

"New York and New Jersey aren't exactly long distance," Ray dropped into the couch with a loud thud. "It's about an hour drive to a train station and then a thirty minute ride to the city. Take you less than an hour after that for subways and taxis, depending on where you'd be."

"But would you go all that way just for someone you didn't want a relationship with?"

"Well, no," his friend answered with a scoff.

"Exactly! That's why I have to be amazing now while we're still together all the time," Gerard grinned like he had it all figured out.

"I'm not saying that you should drop everything, but," Ray looked over from his spot on the couch. "Think about it a little bit longer. Patrick's young. He's still a baby. Don't you think he should live a little bit before he settles down?"

"What are you...?" He was genuinely confused. Patrick made him happy and he did the same for the boy, so why wouldn't he want them to stay happy like that together?

"Just think about it," his friend sighed and shook his head. "You're twenty-five. You're already thinking about white picket fences and houses with your family of two-point-five kids. He's in college. He just started, even. He's thinking about careers and getting started in life while you're trying to domesticate yours."

"That's not what I'm doing," Gerard shook his head. "Like, at all."

"I don't think you're gonna propose to the kid, but I'm just asking you to think about him for a minute," Ray tried telling his friend as firmly as he could. "Don't throw away a relationship with him because he's young but don't push a future into him that he doesn't want. Let him figure it out."

"We've talked about it already," he looked up in fear. "But I can't make him think that it'll work out if I don't show him what we have to work for. Okay?"

"Okay," Ray nodded. "I get you. What do you need me to do?"

"Wednesday night, after work," Gerard regained his composure long enough to put a string of thoughts back together. "I'm going to clean this place. Just well enough that I don't look like a slob. I'll take care of my room, obviously. I just don't want you to mess up anything behind me."

"Go it," his friend agreed and continued to nod. "What about food and stuff?"

"I'm gonna get that before work." He turned his chair back to the desk long enough to get a piece of paper from a pile of them. "I made a list. Food, some cleaning stuff, anything else I can think of."

He was too busy looking over his list that he didn't even notice that Ray had gotten up until the paper was taken out of his hands. His friend looked it over and smiled. "I got this, okay?"

"What? Why?" Gerard was confused. "Why would you do this for me?"

Ray smiled, "I have a feeling about this boy and you. He's either going to break your heart, love you forever, or both. And I don't want crap like this coming between you two. So just let me do this."

"You don't have to do all of this," he said looking up at his friend.

"If I want you to leave this place and let my girlfriend move in, I think I do."

"Thanks man."

~~~~~

Monday, he made a list of things that needed cleaned around the house and stuck it to the refrigerator before leaving for work. He came back that night to seeing that the dishes and counters were knocked off in red ink and a few more items were added at the bottom. Ray had a handful of paper plates left on the counter with a note saying, "We'll use these for the week. Leave the dishes alone."

Tuesday morning before work, he washed and folded all of his clothes, his sheets, and his blanket at a laundromat so he could use the big appliances. Everything stayed folded until he came home that night. Gerard stayed up until nearly two in the morning, cleaning out his closet, putting his clothes up nicely, and putting his desk area back into the neat display it looked like when he first moved in. He _even_ got a washcloth and dusted.

Wednesday morning he was almost late for work. He slept on the couch with an old blanket to avoid sleeping in his bed. Ray was careful to let him sleep, knowing that his roommate was up until the early hours cleaning God-knows-what. He did make a point of getting into his friend's phone to scratch down some numbers; namely Patrick's and Joe's numbers. Gerard came back from work a little earlier than usual. He found the apartment still in the same state as when he left it, with the only thing out of place being the blanket and pillow he had thrown on the couch the night before.

"So hey," Ray called from the kitchen. "Don't get mad but I went through your phone and got Patrick's number."

"Why'd you go through my phone?" Gerard put his apron on the couch. "And why did you need to talk to Patrick?"

"I actually got Joe's from him, and then asked Joe what Patrick's favorite meals were," Ray was putting food from plastic bags into the fridge. "He said your boyfriend likes Korean, and shrimp, so I picked stuff for that. So you'll get one good romantic meal with the two of you alone."

"That's," Gerard was stunned, but not too stunned to speak. "That's amazing. Holy shit dude."

"Directions are printed out and taped to the inside of this cabinet," Ray tapped the cabinet he was talking about.

"You're amazing!" Gerard didn't even wait for permission but he hugged his friend from behind.

"It's okay, chill!" He tried to pull the smaller man off of him, but it wasn't working out. "If you don't stop, I'm taking all of this back." That got him to stop. "Seriously, I think he's good for you. You shouldn't let him go, and I'm willing to help you keep him."

"This is too much," Gerard walked away with his hands over his face.

"Don't you have something else to clean before he gets here tomorrow?" Ray finished putting the last of the groceries away.

"Just the bathroom," Gerard grabbed his apron from where he left it. "And I'm going to do it after you leave in the morning so I don't mess any of your stuff up."

"Got it. Then I won't find any of my things under the sink, this time?"

"No guarantees!"

~~~~~

Ray left early in the morning with a bag packed for the weekend to stay at Christa's. It left Gerard plenty of time to himself to clean up the bathroom, once again. It seemed like damn thing was never cleaned unless Patrick was over. He almost couldn't wait to go to work that day. With his apron tied and somewhat presentable, Gerard was ready for this day to be over with so he could take Patrick home.

"What are you looking so smug about?" Justin asked as he walked in.

"Long weekend, plus New York," he kinda blew off the question. Mostly because he knew Justin was mad that he got to have a whole week off while he was working on a new job. "A lot to look forward to."

"Yeah, Imma get that overtime check with you being gone," the crazy-haired man smarted back.

"If you can even work a whole shift straight," Gerard laughed as he went to go clock in.

"You watch! I'll take your boyfriend out on an expensive date while you're away!"

"We get paid biweekly, Justin," he felt like reminding his coworker. "We'll both get paid when I get back."

"Ah, damn."

The day dragged on, hardly any customers besides the kids who would come over from the coffee shop. Eventually four o'clock came around and Justin left for the day. He was maybe a little too happy to see the other man leave for the day, but he couldn't help it. The next few hours of waiting for his boyfriend to show up just made him just a giddy little mess. In fact, he was getting a little overly excited every time the door chimed.

It was about the fifth time it chimed before Patrick walked in, two bags in hand with him. "Hey!"

"Hey!"

"Can I borrow your keys so I can put my stuff up? I tried to pull it all but there's still a bag in Joe's truck."

"Oh yeah." Gerard dug his keys out of his pocket and tossed them over to Patrick, who failed to catch them immediately. In fact, it took nearly two times for him to get them off of the floor.

"Thanks, I'll be back!" Patrick rushed out the door. The older man laughed at his adorable boyfriend. He didn't want to use the _L word_ , just in case it scared the boy away, but he was definitely getting there. A few minutes later, he boy popped back into the shop, empty-handed. "Sorry about that."

"Sorry about bringing your stuff?" he chuckled. "It's fine, Patrick."

"I know, it's just..." he shrugged a shoulder and smiled back. "It just felt like a lot of stuff considering I won't be there long."

"What did you bring?"

"Well clothes," Patrick sighed as he leaned on the front counter. "Some basics like deodorant and a toothbrush. Condoms." The last one made Gerard choke.

"You know I have stuff at my place, right?" he whispered, like someone could hear him in the empty business.

"I know but..." Patrick did his little shoulder shimmy again, like his boyfriend could read his mind. "I needed ones that would work with my stuff."

"Are you allergic to something?"  
  
"No like, my stuff," the boy tried to get the idea into Gerard's head but it wasn't working. "Latex and latex don't always mix."

"Oh!" Gerard realized what he was talking about. He did lose their little game from last week, after all. "Yeah."

"Are you blushing?" Patrick giggled.

"What? No!" Sure enough, Gerard was three different shades of red from his cheeks to his chin.

"That's adorable," Patrick said as he walked off. He wanted some new music to listen to, and went for the CDs instead of his usual vinyl pick.

"I'm not adorable," he grumbled. "I'm manly as hell."

"Which is still adorable," his boyfriend mentioned, face over the CDs.

The last hour and a half seemed to speed by before the two of them realized it. Patrick sat by the door watching Gerard sweep up the floors, spray down the counters, and take the trash out through the back. The older man wouldn't dare let the boy help him, since Brian lit into him the last time he let Patrick clean. "Okay," Gerard announced from the back. "Almost done. I'll clock out and we can leave."

"Great, I'm kinda getting hungry." Patrick dusted off his butt as he got up. "Where we going?"

"Home. Well, my place," he corrected himself as he made his way to the front of the building. "I've got stuff to cook for the night."

"Oooo!" Patrick pulled his boyfriend in for a hug. "Look at you, getting all romantic."

"Well yeah - " Gerard put his hands on the sides of the boy's face " - I've got to step up my game. I'm about to be gone for a week, I don't need you finding a replacement."

"Three months; I'm not replacing you any time soon," the boy sealed his words with a kiss.

"It doesn't feel like three months," Gerard said quietly, his lips ghosting over Patrick's.

"It will be, on Monday."

"And if we don't get going, we'll still be here on Monday."

"Then let's go..." Patrick grabbed a hold of his boyfriend's hand and led Gerard out of the door. Once outside, the older man locked up the door and made his way over to the car, hand resting on Patrick's back as he guided the boy along the way. He noticed all of the bags in the back of the car as they approached the vehicle.

"Did you bring your guitar?" he asked.  
  
Patrick just nodded. "Yeah, it kinda bugged me when you said that you hadn't heard me sing from the other the day. I figured I'd make it up to you."

"Make it up to me?" Gerard walked over to the driver's door. "What do you mean?"

"Well I was thinking." Patrick hopped into the car the same time his boyfriend did and worked on his seat belt. He was the only one who had problems with the damn thing. "If our first date was in the middle of July, and Pete only skipped out on one writing weekend, then that means that you missed out on ten of them. So I owe you ten songs. Of your choice."

"Ten songs?" Gerard started up the car.

"Yeah."

"And I pick?"

"Whatever you want."

"What if I don't want songs?" He tried giving the boy a hard time.

"Then I'll think of something," Patrick smiled back, baring his teeth in his cocky comment.

"You're gonna make me regret it, aren't you?" Gerard started driving his car out from the back parking lot.

"We'll see."

"You're fucking adorable," the older man chuckled as he drove the car onto a main street.

"That's why you date me," Patrick lounged back in his seat.

"You're much more than that... give yourself some credit."

"Like what?"

"Like..." Gerard trailed off. "I like talking to you. Even about stupid stuff. You make me laugh even when you're not trying." Patrick rested his arm on the door and then his head into his hand. The older man had a second to look away from the road and could see that the boy was listening intently, but with a vague expression on his face that Gerard couldn't read. "There's times I've spent with you that when you leave, I feel extremely inspired to do... stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Patrick asked.

"Music. I haven't thought about music in so long. My grandma taught me how to play piano and how to sing when I was younger, and I just couldn't stay like that when I got older. And now I want to go back to it, like I'm writing again. Songs, stories. And not just 'vampires in love killing stuff,' but stories with depth. Songs with meaning. And I haven't been like this in forever and I don't know what about you brings this out in me, but I _love_ it."

He froze when the words slipped from his mouth. Time seemed to freeze with him in the car since they pulled up to a red light. Maybe Patrick wouldn't notice, or think he had said something else. Maybe it could just be slid under the rug, and he could ignore it.

"You want me to say it first so you don't have to?" Patrick asked. The older man looked back and the boy was still sitting like he was earlier.

"Say what?" He tried to play dumb, but it wasn't working.

"You know what. Because I think I feel the same, but I don't want to make something out of this too early."

"Three months. It's too early," Gerard sighed. The light turned green and the car went back into drive. He was only five minutes or so from his apartment, so he was thankful he didn't have to sit there longer than he needed to.

"Three months, eight or nine dates. Three little words."

"Which together are very big. It's a very big phrase to just throw onto our relationship." Gerard's fingers were tapping at the steering wheel while he drove. He was more nervous right then than he had been any other time in their relationship so far.

"Then don't throw it," Patrick sat back up in his seat. "Wait until you're comfortable. There's no rush." The boy put his hand on top of Gerard's which sat on the gear shift.

"You're really gonna be here when I get back from New York?"

"Gerard," the boy chuckled. "It's just a week. If we can't survive a week, how are we going to make it through another month, or a year?"

"Yeah..." He had to admit that the boy was right. He was putting a lot into making this weekend work, as if they weren't adults that couldn't talk these out or manage their time better. "You're right."

They were steadily approaching the apartment, which eased up the whole situation. He still couldn't get it out of his head, so the remainder of the ride was spent in silence. Patrick's hand still rested over his, even with every change in gears. The car closed in on the parking lot and then to the ground floor apartment that didn't look like home in that moment. He parked the car and didn't move his hand to turn the car off yet.

"I'm sorry," Gerard apologized.

"About what?" Patrick looked up at him.

"I want to stop being like this and just say what I want to and what I mean. But I'm always afraid of the outcome and my head automatically goes to the worse possibility."

"Then talk to me. Tell me what's going through your head." Patrick tightened his grip on the other man's hand. The same words he had said earlier in the week when they were talking about New York in the middle of the night.

Gerard thought long and hard before finally deciding to speak. "I'm a creep. I don't want you to be freaked out and leave when you figure that out. So I don't want to let my guard down and let you break my heart. If I don't say the word, then I can't let you in."

"Gerard, look at me." He didn't at first, but Patrick had tilted the man's head towards him with two fingers. "I'm a freak of nature. There is no way that you're going to do anything that would creep me out more than anything I've had to do just to be as happy as I am right now."

"You're not a freak, don't talk about yourself like that," Gerard said.

"Then don't call yourself a creep. I'm used to breaking boundaries so I can do it for you if you need me to," Patrick pulled away to unhook himself from his seat belt, not having any problems with it this time, thankfully. He came back with his hand back on his boyfriend's cheek. "Gerard... I don't know your middle name."

"Arthur," he answered with a laugh.

"Gerard Arthur Way, I love you, more than words can describe." Patrick pressed his lips into the other man's, pulling on the man's jacket with tight fingers.

"Patrick," he muttered when they pulled apart. He paused; he wanted to repeat the same sentiment given to him but he found himself falling short.

"Martin," the boy answered, knowing exactly what the older man was doing.

"Patrick Martin Stump... with the silent H," Gerard grinned. "I could ramble on for hours about how much I love you, and it would never be enough."

"Well, we've got a lot of time for you to tell me," the boy gave a quick peck on the lips after his words. He kept pressing kisses into Gerard's skin.

Like his cheek. "But."

And his neck. "I'm."

And his collarbone. "Hungry."

Gerard laughed and put his hands on the boy's shoulders. "I'll fix you something, I promise. I got stuff for tonight, remember?"

"I'm looking forward to it," Patrick sighed pulled away. "But seriously, I love you. Way faster than I thought I would, but it just feels right."

"I couldn't have said that any better." Gerard got out of the car right after Patrick did. While he helped with the bags, he held onto two of the smaller ones with one hand so he could get the door unlocked. Once inside, he flipped the switch to light up the living room and placed the two bags by the couch. The boy followed him and dropped his one bag and the guitar next to the other two that were brought in.

"So you really got Ray to leave?" Patrick asked, watching Gerard go over to the kitchen to start cooking.

"Yeah we've got the place to ourselves." The older man started pulling pans so he could get food into the boy as soon as possible. He got out of work a little after eight, so starting that late wasn't helping with either of them. "I'm gonna fix dinner if you want to put your stuff up. I don't want to ditch you, it's just getting really late."

"No, I got you." Patrick laid out on the couch. "What are you making?"

"This honey glazed shrimp thing," Gerard read the brief description that was printed out and taped to the inside of the cabinet. He couldn't pronounce the Korean so he took a good guess while reading the ingredients in the middle of the page.

"You mean like..." The boy got up from the couch before he even got comfortable and rushed over to the kitchen. He was going through the groceries to see if he could find it, and when he did, "Oh my god. Gochujang shrimp? I love this shit!"

"Yeah..." Gerard nodded when the boy said the word properly. "Go-chee... yeah."

"How'd you know?" Patrick was super excited now.

"Well... Ray called you and then Joe or something." He tried remembering how the whole process had happened. "But Joe told him what your favorite foods were."

"You're too much." The boy leaned on his arm for an awkward side hug, before popping back with, "I'm gonna prep the shrimp."

"What, no," Gerard protested. "The whole point was that I was supposed to make you a romantic dinner."

"Well, now I'm gonna help." Patrick went to the sink and washed his hands before touching anything. "Consider it a bonding experience." Next thing he knew, the boy was setting up the shrimp to be cooked on top the stove (with the use of the grill top that Ray so generously let him "borrow") while Gerard finished mixing up the honey glaze. It wasn't long before the two of them were eating off of their plates while sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Is it good?" Gerard waited until he was a few bites in before asking.

"It's really good, actually," Patrick answered with mouthful of shrimp. "This is fucking amazing. My mom used to make this all the time when I was younger."

"Be honest, as good as your moms or better?" The older man decided to dig in and try himself. It didn't taste bad, but the spices were just too different on his pallet.

"Different, because she buys local stuff but it's as good as you can get when you're eighteen hours away from home," Patrick said before quickly taking another bite.

"So can I do it again?" Gerard was grinning like an idiot.

"Hell yeah!" The boy was almost done eating it. He must have really liked it.

"You want mine?" Patrick looked up at him with his mouth full, looking like a chipmunk. "I'm pretty full off of one."

"How?" Patrick mumbled around his food and Gerard laughed at him.

"It's not my taste in my food, the spices are a bit much. I'll get something else, later." The boy gave him a look that almost broke his heart. Like saying that he wasn't a fan of his boyfriend's favorite food was grounds for breaking up.

"Maybe I can make you something?" Patrick offered up once he had finished his food in his mouth.

"Don't worry about it," Gerard tried to shrug it off as not being a big deal but his boyfriend was being persistent.

"No, seriously! Let me make you dinner, or we can do it together; bonding experience!"

"How about dessert or something? Most of my favorite foods are like... breakfast foods," he offered and pushed his plate over to Patrick.

"Then I'll make you breakfast tomorrow morning!" The boy snatched up the food remaining and put it on his plate. "Don't go to bed hungry over me."

"I won't." Gerard put his chin in his hand as he watched Patrick finish his food. The boy was adorable; every now again, he would savor the glaze on his fingers like the average person would with Cheeto dust. His eyes actually rolled into the back of his head when he got one really sweet drop. "You're addicting to watch."

Patrick looked up, suddenly embarrassed that he was getting a little too excited about his food. "Oh god, sorry!"

"No no no, it's a good thing. You're fine, sugar. I love watching you most of the time."

"You're so weird," Patrick giggled. He sucked on his thumb for a good second, trying to get a rise out of his boyfriend. "Stay weird for me, okay?"

"Of course." Gerard leaned in and pulled the smaller boy into a kiss. He could still taste the spices on Patrick's lips, but the honey only made it sweeter. He pulled away, licking his own lips to savor the flavor, and noticed how flushed the teen's face was. "What do you want to do?"

"Like now... or in the morning?"

"Like now."

"Uhm..." Patrick looked down at his food, and played with the only two shrimp left on his plastic plate. "What do you want to do?"

"The only desert I have is ice cream sandwiches in the freezer, so we could eat those and watch a movie or something," Gerard offered.

"Maybe something else?" Patrick looked up like he had something planned.

"What else you got in mind?" Gerard implored. He wanted to see where this was going, and for once, he wanted to play hard to get.

"Nothing dirty, yet, at least." Patrick finished up the last of his food before putting his empty plate on top of the already discarded one on the table. "It's just... I like talking to you too, and unless it's at your job I don't feel like I get to talk to you. Ever."

"Well - " the older man sat up straighter, or straight as he could with his hunched shoulders " - What do you want to talk about?"

"You've told me about Mikey, but what about your parents?" Patrick leaned on the back of the couch.

"My parents?"

"Yeah."

"My parents were great," Gerard fiddled with his thumbs as he talked. He hadn't thought about home in awhile. "They split awhile back. I think it affected Mikey more than it did me, but it still sucked. They still come together a lot just to see the two of us, like we're still a normal family."

"You always will be though," the boy shrugged. "You might see them on separate occasions or whatever, but they're still family."

"You too?" He caught on quickly. No one talked like this about family unless their parents were split up too.

"Yeah, back when I was eight."

"I hate that our conversation just went to this," Gerard threw his head back in laughter.

"But we're talking," Patrick pointed out.

"Yeah..." He was right though.

"Which one do you look more like? Your mom or your dad?" Patrick picked up his legs so he could rest them on the couch with the rest of him, crisscross style.

"It's weird, Mikey and I both look like a weird mix of them both but not more or less like one of them." He hadn't put this much thought into it. "Why you want to know?"

"So I can picture them in my head. And not just picture your mom as you with a wig or something."

"That's not far off though," he admitted. "Just picture platinum blonde hair and long nails."

"Holy shit," Patrick laughed.

"I'm just gonna picture your mom as you with more hair; sideburns and all." Patrick laughed harder.

"Worst part," the boy confessed. "Her name is Patricia, so she's basically me."

"Seriously?!"

"I was kinda named after her; at first I was named after a grandparent but I remembered hearing her say if she say if she had another boy he'd be named Patrick. So I kinda jumped on it when I got the chance...cuz, you know," Patrick kind of trailed off.

"Oh yeah." Gerard realized what the boy was hinting at.

"Did you forget?" The boy questioned the sudden realization. "That's adorable."

"I'm not... I'm handsome," Gerard pouted.

"Whatever you want to call it," he giggled as he uncrossed his legs and leaned across the couch. "But, I want to cuddle with you while we talk about whether or not you're handsome."

He pulled Patrick into his arms and let the smaller body cuddle up to him. "You're the adorable one."

"Sure, you just keep telling yourself that." The boy played with the strings on Gerard's hoodie. "What else do you have planned for tonight?"

"I didn't think that far ahead..." he admitted.

"So your plans were just to feed me and fuck me?"

"I don't want to fuck you if don't want-"

"Oh no I'm game," Patrick gleefully said and then looked up with a huge grin on his face.

"Seriously?" Gerard sat up a bit.

"Yeah!" The boy sat up with his exclamation. "Besides, I think you owe me."


	7. And the collision of your kiss that made it so hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Cemetery Drive" by My Chemical Romance

They managed to move into the bedroom after discussing it on the couch. Gerard sat nervously at the end of his bed as he watched the boy go through his bags, taking out a condom container and a familiar looking bottle of lube. He'd done all of this before but for some reason, this time _was_ different. He couldn't place why it was different, but it damn near scared him. "I still lost our game, remember?"

Patrick looked up at Gerard's words with his large doe eyes. "I remember. You still want to?" the boy offered and all the man could do back was nod in Patrick's direction. It's not even like the words were on the top of his tongue, they just weren't there at all. "Just let me get ready for a minute, then we can do it, okay?"

"Okay," he sighed as he kept nodding but the anticipation was killing him. "What do I need to...do?"

"Take your clothes off?" Patrick laughed at him. "Ease up a little bit? You're so tense. You know we don't have to do this."

"No I want to," he said, removing his jacket. "I just... I want you to feel good too, and I don't know if that can happen if you're like... cuz it's not you, so does it even feel good?"

"Trust me, I'll be fine," Patrick told him and pulled his shirt off. "You know, we don't have to do this."

"No! I want to," Gerard caught himself before he got too loud. "I want to. I'm just..."

"Nervous?"

"Yeah."

"Here I've got an idea." Patrick went back to his little bag of toys and pulled something out. He handed it to Gerard who didn't even realize what it was before the bulb was in his hand. "There's something I can do for you, but you got to do that for me first."

"What is... is this an enema?"

"Yeah, have you not used one before?"

"I haven't and-and I'm concerned t-that you might be-" Gerard was stammering so bad he dropped the enema onto the floor. He didn't even want to look at Patrick, so he hid his face in his hands and just started silently praying for this all to be over.

Patrick simply waited for the enema to stop rolling around on the floor and picked it up. "We don't have to do this. We can do something else."

"That's not-" The older man covered his face in pure embarrassment.

"I got you, baby, I've got an idea." Patrick pulled Gerard's hands away to give him a quick peck on the lips before grabbing something (something that Gerard didn't want to look at to try and figure out what it was) from his bag and retreating to the bathroom. "I'll be back," Patrick added right before closing the door behind him.

The older man sat on the end of the bed for what felt like an eternity in agonizing silence waiting for his boyfriend to come back. When Patrick did eventually make his way back to the bedroom, the toy had disappeared. "Okay, this might be easier for you."

"Where did the... things go?" He worried himself about it so much that the obvious conclusion wasn't even the first thing in his mind.

"We'll use them when we need them, okay?" The boy grinned and sat beside him. "Just calm down a bit, it'll be fine." He had a hand on Gerard's hip and the other on a cheek while he pulled the other man into a deep kiss. That seemed to do the trick. He pulled Gerard onto the bed to lie down next to him while keeping both of their mouths occupied. Patrick ran his hands up his boyfriend's shirt before working it off of him.

Once it was tossed onto the floor, the teen started working on Gerard's pants, never once letting up on the kisses he placed on the older man's neck. "Oh god, keep going 'Trick."

A smile crept onto Patrick's face as he started sucking on a sweet spot on Gerard's shoulder. "I want to leave little marks on you," he said with his lips against Gerard's skin. "That only you will see while you're gone." The older man groaned at the thought while the boy kept working on his pants; a button was stuck and it was taking him a moment or two to get it unhooked. Patrick finally pulled his boyfriend's pants down, boxers as well, and shimmied down to suck on the half hard cock that popped up. Patrick sucked gently on the head while putting his knees on the floor, going to the position he initially wanted to be in; he needed to put Gerard first for a minute before he got there, and it was all paying off. "If you want to stop at any time, tell me."

"O-Okay." Gerard blinked his eyes back to normal vision.

Patrick licked the shaft from base to tip in one long lap, before pulling away to grab lube from his bag. "I'm going to go slow. Okay, baby?"

"You don't have to," Gerard tried reasoning.

"I think..." The boy pulled the pants down all the way to get access to his boyfriend's hole. It helped to pull him far enough off the edge for his knees and everything down to dangle off the bed. "I need to go slow for you; let you savor this like you should have your first time, and let you get used to it."

"I'm sorry I'm being such a baby, Patrick," the older man talked to the ceiling. "I don't want to ruin tonight, but we can keep - gah!" He jumped when he felt a cold lubed up finger run up between his ass cheeks.

"You okay?"

Gerard heard the boy ask from between his legs and he gave a verbal confirmation.

"Can I keep going?"

Gerard gave the same confirmation while biting his lips from the inside of his mouth. Patrick pressed the first finger in and went back to sucking the cock before him.

Gerard threw his head back, "Oh god..." The boy pulled his finger out and quickly replaced it with a second finger. With two fingers alongside one another, he was able to feel around for the older man's prostate a whole lot better.

Patrick knew he found it when the thighs beside his head shook furiously and Gerard gasped like the air in his lungs had been sucked out from him. "That good?" he asked when his mouth was free.

"Pat...trick, please..." Gerard was gripping at the bed with white knuckles. A few more finger grazes to his spot made him shudder even more. When Patrick pulled out the two fingers that had been working him, he started to whine a bit. "Baby, please I can do thisssss..." Gerard trailed off when a third finger met up the first two and reentered him at a lazy pace. Patrick had become a little too preoccupied with the cock in front of him (sucking the head, lapping at the length of it before attempting to deep throat it the best he could) that he started to lose track of what he was supposed doing with his other hand.

"I'm not gonna last." The older man had his eyes bolted shut, somehow thinking that if he opened them, Patrick and everything that was being done to him would disappear. "Baby, I need you to fuck me."

"Okay, but I don't think I've-" the boy started before he got cut off.

"I don't care," Gerard groaned and shook his head. "I can handle it, I've done it before."

"Okay," Patrick agreed and pulled his fingers free to clean them on his pants. "Then I'll go slow. I don't want to hurt you."

Gerard brought himself up on his elbows to watch his boyfriend come back onto the bed and into his arms. "Are you going to...?" he paused his thoughts before he tugged on the boy's chest binder.

"I'd like to keep it on." Patrick pressed a kiss into the older man's forehead. "So I can feel like a man for once."

"Baby," Gerard tried arguing.

"Don't," the boy protested. "Let me do this. This one of the ways how I feel good, okay?"

Gerard didn't even question it. He didn't need to understand all of Patrick's reasons. All he had to do was respect them and go on.

"How do you want to do this? On your back, on all fours, in my lap...?" the boy reassured him by rubbing his arms with gentle hands. "The list goes on but I don't want to pressure you into one thing if you want to do another."

"I want to see you." The older man retracted his legs from hanging off the bed and sat up straight, or as straight was he could get it when someone was about to fuck him. "So I guess, I can sit..." He really didn't want to finish the sentence. It was embarrassing.

"Here, how about I let you go at your own pace. I can do that if you're in my lap." Patrick pulled a condom out from his pocket and put it between his teeth. He then had to talk through his teeth, like a genius, "Then if it gets to be too much, we can fix it from there."

"Okay," Gerard agreed despite not really knowing what he was going to be doing. He watched as Patrick pulled away long enough to pull his pants down. "Oh, that's where it went!"

All the boy could do was smile at the sudden reaction to him being strapped under his clothes. With pants shucked onto the floor, he pulled the condom onto the flesh colored dildo. "Yeah, I figured you'd do better if it was a little more natural in timing."

Patrick pulled Gerard up enough for the older man to get the idea. "What do you mean?"

"I was afraid that... If I got you worked up and then pulled away to strap myself up, you'd freak out," the younger man admitted. Gerard tried arguing but the boy shot him a look and he couldn't say anything afterward. "Here, put your knees on my sides."

"This just feels so weird..." he admitted while he did what he was told.

"Why? What about this weird?" Patrick asked. He didn't sound like he was concerned about it being weird in his case, but more so that he was trying to calm his boyfriend down.

"Being this venerable," Gerard shivered as he said it aloud. "I know you've done this plenty of times but it just..."

"Is it cuz you're not used to this, or because I'm not natural?" Patrick started to second guess himself.

"The last time I did this," he sighed and moved his hair out of his face quickly. Gerard was stressing himself out more than he needed to be. "I was extremely... high. I was trying to front earlier but now I'm scared I'm going to screw up."

"We don't have to do this," the boy tried to tell him again.

"No I want to, I just..." He pulled Patrick's hands into his own and placed them on his hips. "Show me what to do."

"Okay," Patrick's words shuddered this time. "I'm gonna use the lube, to slick myself up, and get you more... slicked up. And then we'll start." He pulled a hand away from the other's hip and grabbed the bottle he tossed onto the bed. He fumbled a bit trying to single handily squeeze some onto his makeshift dick, but he managed to get enough on there with plenty leftover to thoroughly slick up Gerard's insides. Patrick purposely hit the man's prostate again just to make a point, which he could tell was being made very well; especially when the older man arched into it. "I want you to think about this for a second. Think of how good you've made me feel and I don't have one of these."

"Seriously?!" Gerard asked in between the strokes.

"Yeah, it's a male only thing," Patrick chuckled. "So picture how good I'm gonna make you feel when I just keep pounding into this." He pulled his fingers away and Gerard ached at the emptiness. Instead, the boy positioned himself at the older man's entrance, and instructed, "Grab my shoulders and pull yourself down. If it hurts, you stop."

Gerard just nodded, grabbed hold of Patrick's shoulders, and slowly sunk down while his boyfriend held the fake cock in place. He was gasping at the initial fullness; it shouldn't pulse like a real dick but he could feel some kind of throbbing sensation from it and it still filled him up and moved like it was really attached, someone. He could tell that Patrick had done this before and that the boy had plenty of practice to get this right. Gerard started sinking down further and further until he could feel base nestled at his ass cheeks. He wanted to say something about how good he felt, but all he could manage between his gasps and moans was, "You...so good."

"I'm good?" Patrick chuckled. "Can you move?"

It started out with Gerard lifting himself by his legs and lowering himself back down but his legs were turning into mush. So Patrick took over, putting his boyfriend on his back for better leverage; he was serious about pounding into the man's sweet spot. It worked, possibly too well since all Gerard could do for the most was moan into Patrick's ear.

"You look so good right now." He kissed Gerard's cheek, purposely so he could keep hearing the moans.

"Liar," the older man whimpered when his thoughts strung together.

"No really." Patrick placed more kisses on his boyfriend's face. "You're all flushed out and your lips are swollen pink and the whole thing looks beautiful on your pale skin."

"Shut up," Gerard groaned but the boy kept going.

"But baby, you're so pretty," he slowed down his thrusts so he could speak clearly.

"Stop," he moaned and stopped moving back against the boy and threw his head to the side with an arm covering his face. He didn't want to be a part of this.

"Really?" Patrick pulled the arm out of the way to tell him, "I don't think anyone has ever told you how good you look. Like, ever. You just need to hear it more often."

"I'm not..." Gerard looked at Patrick's face which just smiled back at him. No one ever told him anything like that before and he was too far down the rabbit hole to think it was genuine. He had been called pretty or handsome but only by people who related to him (so obligated to lie to him) or by people who were high, horny, wanted to get something out of him, or high and horny while wanting to get something out of him (so lying for the purpose of getting what they wanted). But for the first time in forever, he thought someone meant it. Like they weren't lying. He slid his arms up Patrick's back and pulled the boy into a kiss. "Oh god, I love what you do to me."

"What do I do to you?" He slowed the pace but made each thrust deep, putting Gerard on the edge of his completion. "Keep telling me things 'til you cum, baby."

"You-ah," he gasped, still backing onto Patrick's dick. "You make me feel... like my skin's burning."

"You're getting close, baby?"

Gerard let out a noise that was something between a moan and a whimper but completely out of a porno. "A-and... you make me feel like I'm not a hot mess."

"You're gorgeous," Patrick whispered against Gerard's neck as gripped tightly on the other man's hips. "I want to hear you scream until your lungs give out. Can you do that for me?"

Gerard bit his bottom lip while he nodded, trying to keep himself from getting too loud, but it took him a moment to warm his voice up into a whimper. He was so sure he was leaving claw marks on the boy's back with every moan. "I-I can do it 'Trick, I can do it-" Gerard was cut off by Patrick smashing their lips together.

"I ain't gonna last much longer either baby," he drove the thought home with a harsh snap of his hips. He snaked a hand down to tug on Gerard's leaking cock. "I want you to go first, just like how you take care of me."

"Oh god!" Gerard shuddered at the touch. "Patrick please..." it turned into him chanting it over and over again as he continued being thoroughly fucked. With a low groan that cascaded up into him moaning so loud he almost sounded like he was crying, his legs stiffened up and he bucked into the hand pulling him off until he spilled over Patrick's fingers. Both of his arms and mouth went slack with the last spurt as he finished but he still tried to keep his arms tight on the boy's back and was failing miserably.

"I'm gonna..." Patrick winced for a moment. "Can I keep going, or are you too sore?"

"I'm good..." Gerard was still coming back down to earth, but he spat out the words the best he could. "Do what you need to."

"Thank you, I love you so much, baby." Patrick kissed the older man deeply and sped up his pace. He was frantically thrusting into Gerard and rubbing the base of the dildo against himself the best he managed. The older man figured it must have quickly paid off with his boyfriend bucking into his open body and loudly moaning into the silence of the room. Patrick slumped onto the body beneath him, "That was... fuck."

"Yeah?" Gerard sat up on his elbows and smiled.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," he carefully pulled out of Gerard as he spoke. "But I've got to take care of this." Patrick rolled over and quickly worked the snaps on his thighs and hips. In a flash, he had off of his legs along with his boxer briefs.

Gerard eyed the boy's body being all bare and then he saw the boy grab a tiny pink remote that was held up by his boxers and pull the attached string out from between his legs. When it finally hit him what it was, Patrick pulled the still vibrating egg out with a moan and shut it off before chucking it and the strap-on to the floor with a thud.

"That's the biggest I can handle without freaking out, so don't get any ideas," the boy said pulling his boxers back up.

"You seriously were able to get off on that?" Gerard sat further up, gaining more control of his limbs.

"Yeah," Patrick grinned and melted into the pillow. "Took a few tries but if I use the vibe, I can cum about the same time as the other guy."

"I'm super impressed, honest," the older man laughed it off. "I need a minute. I'm chill with cuddling or talking or whatever, but I kinda want my pants though."

"I got you." The boy shot off the bed (and by shot up, it meant the closest thing that Patrick Stump could do after four attempts to sit up on his own) looking for them. Patrick went through the clothes until he found Gerard's boxers. "Are you going to need help? I can help you put them on."

"Let me try, at least." He took it from the boy and managed to get them up his legs with no problem. Gerard got them up to his waist with a little work but he wasn't sore or achy like Patrick had been after some of their sessions.

"Do you want me to go get something for you to wash yourself up, or help you in the shower?" Patrick was taking off his binder and replacing it with his shirt.

"If I can get a minute I might be able to go for a round two." Gerard pushed his hair out of his face, gravity finally putting it in his way in the first place. "I don't want to clean up if we do this again."

"While I'm down for round two, I don't want to do this again," Patrick said jokingly as he motioned at the dildo he had grabbed off of the floor. He was careful with it in his hand to put away, even as he was taking the condom off of it. "Anything else I'm good for."

"What do you feel like doing?" the older man felt compelled to ask even though he could clearly see the boy was putting everything back into his bag after wiping them down with little cleaner wipes he had along with the toys.

"Whatever your little heart desires," Patrick smarted off as he zipped up his little bag of tricks.

"Am I getting shower sex?" Gerard asked with a giant grin as he fell back into the bed.

"What is it with you and shower sex?!" The boy came back into the bed with a plop.

"I've never had it!" He tried to laugh it off. "It seems really appealing!"

"I am clumsy as fuck so that shit ain't happening," Patrick said while he cuddled up to his boyfriend. "You feeling alright though?"

"Yeah, my legs are fine." Gerard smiled at the boy. "That was amazing earlier. I can't believe you were able to do that."

That must have came out wrong because of how quickly Patrick spat back, "Able to do what?"

"I just... it makes sense that I can get pleasure from you, but I just can't get over how you were able to make it work for you," he attempted to say. "Like I want to know if there's anything else I can do to make it work better for you."

"What are you getting at?" Patrick melted into his boyfriend's chest.

"Like... you made me feel amazing. I want to do the same for you," Gerard said as played with the teen's hair. "It doesn't have to be the same thing every time. Like, what do you want to do? What have you always wanted to do? And don't worry about me, just... what do you want to do?"

"I don't..." Patrick groaned. "I don't really know."

"There's nothing that could scare me away," the older man chuckled. "Trust me." He had a few partners in the past who had dirty fetishes that just the thought of doing them would scare the pants off of some people. There was nothing he could think of that the boy would ask for that he wouldn't do. Well, nothing that seemed characteristically like Patrick.

"There's..." the boy paused for a good moment before getting it together long enough to just give up. "I just want to cuddle for a minute."

"Sugar, don't do that," Gerard groaned and threw his head back into the mattress. "Anything you want. I'll do it. And if you don't come up with something, I'll just start throwing stuff out there."

Patrick grumbled, not really saying words.

"We don't have to do anything tonight. I just want to talk and open up some opportunities."

"I..." Gerard looked down to see the boy hiding his face, and the parts the older man could see were clearly glowing red. "There's something. It's just... really intimate. Not really sexual like 'sex' sex. Just, intimate because of how it connects us. I don't think I can ask you to do that for me yet."

"Tell me what it is," the older man offered. "Maybe, just maybe, if we talk about it, it'll take all of the scary aspects of it away."

"It's... I jack you off but I'm positioned like your dick is mine so I can feel like I'm just masturbating." Patrick let out a heavy sigh, "But you know, like I'm normal."

Gerard was stunned in pure shock. Not that it was weird or anything. It just wasn't what he was expecting to come out of Patrick's mouth. "That's... intimate was the right word."

"See it's weird," the boy groaned.

"I mean we can still do it, but like," Gerard needed to get his words right.

"Just, don't worry about it," Patrick cut him off.

"But Patrick-"

"Don't."

It had gotten so quiet in the bedroom that he could hear the whirring of the fan in the kitchen. "Let me break this awkward silence," Gerard offered. The boy looked up at him, almost growling. "What about oral?"

"What about it?"

He started playing with Patrick's shaggy hair as he spoke, "Do you like it?"

"I mean it's okay - you're big but you're not gagging me or anything," the young boy reasoned.

"No, I mean on you." Patrick's eyes widened. "Do you enjoy it or is it another genital problem? Or a problem with your genitals? I think I'm wording this right."

"Honestly," Patrick rolled over so he could lay on his belly while he talked. "I've never tried. Or..." he trailed off.

"No one's ever offered?" He had to guess that of the boy's ex's had been really selfish in the past so Patrick had never had the opportunity. "You want me to try?"

"I don't know..." Patrick felt squeamish at the idea and it showed.

Gerard ran his fingers down his boyfriend's side, "We don't have to, baby. I just want you to know that it doesn't scare me. I want to make it all less scary for you."

"That whole 'talking it out thing' makes it a hell of a lot scary," the teen said with a smile. "It's less of me being scared of being treated like a girl and it's a lot of me desperately wanting to feel normal."

"You're perfectly normal, baby."

"But I'm not - " he shook his head in protest " - It's just... I'm a work in progress."

"One day it'll be all done..." Gerard smiled sweetly and brushed his hand over Patrick's cheek. "And you'll wonder why you were so worried."

"I know, I can't wait. " Patrick leaned into Gerard's hand with a sigh. "But until then, I'll just be a walking ball of anxiety."

Gerard pulled him in for a kiss, and Patrick deepened it on his end. The boy pulled him on top of his smaller body and ran his hands through Gerard's hair. "Do you want me to try something?" he asked the teen when they pulled apart for air.

"If you want to." Patrick bit his bottom lip, clearly nervous. "But, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it."

"I can go slow, but only if you want to," Gerard offered as he placed little kisses down Patrick's neck as his hand made its way to the boy's waistband.

"Oh god, do it." Patrick let out an irritated growl, almost like he was letting the older man do it just to get it over with.

Gerard grinned up at the boy. He pulled the boy's boxer briefs down to the boy's knees and pushed the shirt up enough to bare a little more of the boy's chubby stomach. He looked up in time to see the boy bolt his eyes shut, so he had to intervene, "I'll keep looking up at you but you don't have to watch. Just focus on how it feels. Okay?"

"Okay," Patrick squeaked. The older man took his time examining the boy's body before doing anything yet. This was the first time he got a real good look at Patrick and there was nothing stopping him this time from staring. All of the delicate folds had flattened out. The little hooded cock poked out proudly. Gerard couldn't believe his eyes. He could do whatever he wanted to this part of Patrick's body to make the boy feel good, but he felt like he stared long enough so he gave an experimental lick along one of the sides.

"Oh God..." it must have been good. He did it again and got the same response so he kept going at it. He was careful with his kisses on the sides of the folds before kissing the little head. Gerard looked up and noticed Patrick's jaw was slack open while he moaned away. He went back to licking the outer layers while the boy's legs shook around him.

"I'm gonna try something but I can't really talk while I do it, okay? Gotta tell me if it's too much." He punctuated that last word by blowing air onto Patrick's skin.

The boy shivered with an "O-Okay."

Gerard couldn't hold back; he wanted to make the boy feel amazing and he had an opportunity. One lazy lap with his tongue at Patrick's lower lips and he pushed his tongue into the boy's body. The boy didn't even need to say anything; he slowly pulled at Gerard's hair while his thighs were clamping down around his boyfriend's head.

But Gerard kept going and the boy was thankful for it. Patrick's toes were curling. He had never felt like this and it was amazing. He groaned into the sheet and buried his face into it. "Please," he gasped. "That feels good."

Gerard licked at the boy's cock, tongue sliding it back and forth. A long draw back to the bottom and he went back to thrusting his tongue gently in and out of Patrick's body. He kept at it, setting a pattern of sucking on the boy's tiny cock, licking away at the entirety of it, and then using his tongue to spear into the boy.

"Oh god, oh god, Gerard?!"

"What baby?" he pulled back enough to ask but Patrick pushed his head back down.

"Don't stop," he groaned right when Gerard's jaw started to cramp up.

Regardless of how it was starting to hurt, he put everything he had into getting his boyfriend off; the faster Patrick could finish, the sooner this was over and the sooner he could his jaw back. The older man started rubbing his thumb in little circles on the boy's asshole. Patrick was bucking up against him quickly as he went back to tongue fucking the boy. Gerard felt his hair get pulled harshly right as he felt the thick thighs close in on his head and grinned like a mother fucker because he knew exactly what he had done.

"Oh god, I'm there... I'm there, I'm there, aah!" Patrick's legs were shaking in every which direction and his little cock was pulsating under Gerard's tongue. It was obvious that he had came hard, and when he was done the boy's body was limp and laid out on the bed.

Gerard waited for him to calm down before moving away. "You good?" he asked while stretching his mouth out.

"Yeah," the boy answered, not getting up from his spot. "That was... that was awesome."

"Good." Gerard pushed himself up onto his elbows. "You need a minute or do you want me to get you together?"

"What do you mean get me together?" Patrick moved his head to look at his boyfriend's concerned face.

"Your pants are on the floor, your shirt is up above your chest, plus you're flushed out like you're got a sunburn..."

"I am thoroughly fucked," he chuckled and threw his head back into the mattress.

Gerard went to the floor to get the discarded underwear and helped get them over Patrick's legs. "You're welcome."

"You're amazing," the boy admitted and fixed his shirt.

"So, for your first time, how was it?" He leaned on his side to watch his boyfriend's face.

"I..." Patrick trailed off but he was smiling like an idiot. "I could do it again."

"Great, 'cuz I really liked it," Gerard purred and slid an arm underneath the boy and cuddled up to him.

"Did you now?" he raved as he moved onto his side and mirrored the words said to him earlier. "Because I get how I can get you off but I don't know how you can get off."

All the older man could do was huff. Patrick was right, even if he was being a little turd about it. "You're absolutely right."

"This is just new for both of us," the boy snuggled up closer and grabbed a hold of the infamous Star Wars comforter to bring over the two of them.

"Baby, relationships are weird period. This is just a different side to a relationship." He kicked the blanket around a bit until his legs were comfortably covered. Patrick snuggled up to him even closer and Gerard smiled at the little limbs wrapping around him.

"I know... you're amazing by the way." Before he could get a word in edgewise, Patrick added, "I've dated around before but no one's been as patient as you or as understanding. You're amazing."

"No, you're amazing." Gerard leaned in to kiss the boy but Patrick pulled away. "Wait-what?"

"You went down on me, like less than five minutes ago! I'm not letting you kiss me!"

"Seriously?" Gerard chuckled. "Baby do you not remember going down on me and then making out with me? I mean it was like three weeks ago but you totally did it!"

"That was different!" Patrick hid his face in the pillow.

"Only because you probably clean yourself more than I do," he snapped back.

"That's so gross," the boy laughed at him. "We're showering in the morning, right?"

"Sure," Gerard agreed to it, even if it meant ignoring his hard on. He'd get to it eventually if it meant he'd have to jerk himself off in the middle of the night while pretending to pee. Or he could ignore it and hope that it would go away. Either way, there was no way he was bugging Patrick about it; the boy was almost passed out in his arms.

"And then we'll try shower sex," the teen said with a quick peck on the lips.

"Fuck yes!" the older man happily announced his joy.

"You good though?" Patrick looked up with his tired eyes, clearly needing to sleep.

"Yeah, you go to sleep baby," Gerard pressed his lips to the boy's forehead. "I'll see you in the morning."

Patrick nuzzled up closer, knowing he was as close as he could get. "Night, Gee. Love you."

He didn't want to open his eyes, sleep was already setting in and kicking his ass, but he relaxed his grip on his boyfriend. He knew damn well that Patrick would be there when he woke up, but for a moment Gerard convinced himself that he needed to hold on as long as possible. "Love you too."


	8. But this time, I mean it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Title from "Demolition Lovers" by My Chemical Romance

If it wasn't for the neighbors that were up before them making a bunch of noise, the couple would have slept all day. The boy got up first and rested on his side to watch Gerard sleep. He smiled as time lingered on in his mind. He could count the hairs on his boyfriend's head or time his breathing. He wanted to run his fingers down the older man's skin but he was terrified of waking him up and spoiling the moment too soon.

There was a loud crash and some cursing on the other side of the wall.

The damn neighbors.

Gerard jolted up from the noise and then groaned from being awake. "Well good morning," Patrick pushed the black hair out of the other man's face.

"Yeah, morning," the older man continued groaning. "Sorry, the neighbors can be loud."

"I was already up," Patrick kept playing with the hair he grew to love as spoke. "I was just laying here watching you."

"I thought I was the creep," the older man chuckled and closed his eyes again.

"Well, we attracted each other." Patrick pushed the hair away from Gerard's face and kissed the man's lips.

"You sure you want to be kissing me?" the older man laughed. "Remember what I did to you last night?"

Patrick was blushing at the thought of Gerard going down on him the night before. "It's been awhile, you're good," the boy said while pushing the mental image out of his mind. "We still need to clean up. Unless you want to spend all day in bed."

"Don't tempt me." Gerard smiled back at Patrick and slid his arm behind the boy to pull him close.

"So you don't want shower sex?" Patrick asked, looking down at Gerard who was snuggling into his chest. He couldn't quite see it perfectly but he could tell that the older man's eyes had popped open. "So I'll take that as a no?"

Gerard was already hopping out of bed and rushing out of the room and into the bathroom.

"Seriously?" Patrick threw his legs off of the bed and slowly followed Gerard into the other room. The door was still open as he was going to the bathroom looking for stuff. "Baby. Do you need me to go grab a condom?"

"Oh yeah," he noted aloud. Gerard was so excited, he forgot about all of the necessities. Patrick retreated back to the bedroom so he went ahead with running the water. "Hey baby, what about a bath instead of a shower?"

"You're too into the idea of shower sex, just go with a shower," the boy called from the other room.

"I know but - " Gerard took his pants off, leaving himself bare " - I can get at you better if we're both laying down."

"Oh damn," Patrick groaned when noticed his boyfriend's body. Still not the most exquisite male specimen he had ever seen, but one of the best he had seen in person, let alone got to call his boyfriend. His mind did, unfortunately, wander off to how he didn't look like that; even to how he might never look like that. He tried to push all of that out of his train of thought to get back on the track of having shower sex with said boyfriend. "But, baby I got this. Just hop in and give me a minute okay?"

"Okay," Gerard blindly agreed and jumped in the shower, getting himself slicked up. He started to worry for a split second that Patrick might not be down for this and had just agreed for the sake of making him happy. The boy was so reserved about it when they first brought it up, and the two of them didn't really warm up to this. No battle plan, or thinking this out in any form or fashion. Just throwing themselves into the shower. "Baby, are you sure you wanna do this? We can do something else, I don't want to push youuuu-"

Patrick had snuck into the shower without him noticing and had a hand on his cock. That shut him up fast. "I got you. I threw some condoms in the shower caddie."

"Got it," Gerard grumbled and let his head fall back while he just focused on the sensations of the water coming down and his boyfriend pulling him off.

Patrick was leaving little kisses on his shoulders and working his way down the older man's back. "Turn around, or I'll have to go between your legs." Being careful, Gerard turned around to the boy on his knees. Patrick wasn't completely naked with a white shirt and his underwear on, but if that's what he needed to wear to get through this, then the older man wasn't going to comment.

"Don't get too rough, because I don't need you slipping," Patrick chuckled before taking Gerard's half hard cock into his mouth, pumping the other half he couldn't fit into his mouth with his hand.

"Oh god..." the older man groaned. He purposely backed up so he could rest on the shower wall while the smaller man was sucking him off. "I don't want to fuck up but please let me grab your head, or maybe your shoulders." Gerard giggled about what he said for a moment, "Hehe, head and shoulders."

Patrick pulled off long enough to comment, "Only you." As soon as the boy felt hands tugging at his hair, he went back to nursing the cock head. Once he had most of it back in his mouth, he hummed gently as he bobbed up and down on it. Mentally, he wasn't feeling all there; like he was putting up a front as far as his masculinity was concerned, so he decided to just concentrate on making Gerard feel good. He loved the noises his boyfriend was making and he was going to keep at this if it meant that Gerard would keep sounding like that.

"God sugar, you're amazing," the older man moaned.

Patrick made a point of humming while he worked and the vibrations went straight up the other man's spine. The boy pulled off for a minute just to watch the hard cock bob in his face. To a point, he was jealous; his boyfriend had this magnificent looking dick that was long and had just enough girth to make it count. Another point was that he didn't have to share it with anyone else and it was just being used to bring pleasure to the two of them privately.

He thumbed the rosy pink head and noted the string of precum that came off with it. Patrick couldn't do that.

He licked at his thumb to taste the saltiness. Patrick couldn't taste like that.

"Patrick?" Gerard watched the whole ordeal play out because the boy had spaced out for a little too long. "You okay?"

"Just thinking...sorry," the boy sighed.

"Baby, we can stop," Gerard offered.

"No, no..." Patrick shook his head and pushed the shower water out of his eyes so he could see. "Give me a second."

Gerard just snapped the water off and dropped to his knees. It was really hard to keep his junk from destroying the moment and he was well aware of the pun. "No, baby, you are not okay. We got to stop."

"I'm fine," the boy lied. "Really. Let me get back to-"

"Nope, we're doing something else." Gerard reached out of the shower and grabbed a towel to wrap it around his waist. He hopped out of the tub and threw the other towel in Patrick's direction. "What do you want to do? We can go back to the bedroom, we can turn this into bath sex, or ooh - we can just switch places. You just lean against the wall and I'll eat you out!"

"Stop it!" Patrick snapped. He was still sitting in the tub holding his chest with his arms tightly crossed over himself, the towel still just laying on the edge of the tub. "Okay, I'll admit it... I'm having a moment... it's just bad for me right now, and I don't want to be reminded that I'm not a man right now."

"Oh my God, Patrick." Gerard dropped to his knees and leaned over the tub, towel loosening around his hips. "Where did this come from? What... what happened? What freaked you out so we don't do it again?"

"I don't know," the boy said as he let out a shaky breath. "Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. And now I'm just jealous of you. And your fucking normal body."

Gerard ran his hand in small soothing circles up Patrick's back. He would never completely understand what it was like to want to change every aspect of yourself because you know that it's wrong. He also knew he would never understand how bad it was to have a sudden wave of anxiety over how his body didn't match up with his body image. But he was going to his best to make it right. "What can I do?"

"I don't know..." the boy groaned. He woke up that morning feeling so good about himself but in a matter of minutes, it had all come crashing down.

"Do you still want to do something, like... you know?" He tried hinting at it but he didn't want to say it and get snapped at again.

"Not immediately, but I'm sure I'll come around," Patrick said quietly. "I just totally ruined this for you."

"What if...we shower, like normal showering," Gerard started. "And then we go back to the room and we try that thing you wanted to do last night?"

Patrick's eyes lit up. "You mean the...?"

"That intimate thing, yeah. Or nothing at all, I'm just trying to make you happy right now."

"Okay," Patrick groaned. "I can try that. I'm sorry."

"No baby." Gerard pulled the boy in for a kiss. "It's hard enough to deal with this crap on your own, I get it. But I want to help you get through it, because if I can't help you now, what's going to happen a year or so down the road?"

"Got it." The teen smiled back. "What if... we don't shower, and we just take a bath?"

"Do you want that?" the older man offered.

"Kind of." The boy pushed his hair out of his face so he could see better. "But I feel like I destroyed your dream of shower sex because I couldn't keep it together for ten seconds. So we can make a compromise."

"You act like I don't have all weekend with you." Gerard smiled so much at the thought that his cheeks hurt.

Patrick looked up at him and smiled back, not nearly as big but it was a start. "You wanna try again?"

"We can try something, here." Gerard pulled at Patrick's shirt and started to tell the boy, "I'm going to get a bath started and I'm going to sit behind you, where neither of us can see anything and I'll wash your back. I still smell like shit, so we have to wash our asses regardless."

The boy laughed at the comment but went along regardless and let Gerard take his shirt off. He had eased up enough to not _immediately_ cover his chest, but he waited until his boyfriend started the water up again and climbed back into the tub until he uncovered himself. Patrick turned all the way around and leaned back into Gerard's chest when the older man slid a pair of arms across his middle. "I'm still wearing my boxers."

"Keep them on if you want to. I'm just going to wash your hair and back at most for you," Gerard informed him as he grabbed a plastic bottle from the nook on the wall. "My shampoo is some menthol smelling musky shit, but if you don't like that I can grab Ray's from under the sink real fast. His stuff is from some Mexican market and it's not even in English but it smells amazing so I sneak a handful of it occasionally."

Patrick smiled, one of those big smiles that stretched across his face where the edges would touch his sideburns. "This is fine. I didn't know Ray was Mexican, though."

"He's not, he's Puerto Rican and something... I'm a terrible friend," Gerard admitted. He put a questionable amount of shampoo in his palm before closing the cap and putting it back into the nook. Within seconds, he rubbed his hands together to foam them up and then work it into the boy's hair. Without a hat on and with the water weighing it down, he didn't realize how long Patrick's hair was. He reached over to turn off the water before they flooded the bathroom and then went back into his position while working on the boy's hair. "But it's like super fruity and I get busted for using it in like two hours because he'll smell the difference. I like it but I don't know how you'd feel about smelling fruity."

"Yeah," Patrick groaned into the touch. He hadn't had someone wash his hair since he was in middle school when his mom took him and his sister to get their hair cut on a 'girl's day.' He forgot it how good it felt. "I don't do smells that might make people think I'm not... you know."

Gerard bit his lips from the inside of his mouth and then sighed loudly through his nose as he tried to think of a way to say what he was thinking nicely. He eventually decided that he couldn't be nice about it and went with being blunt. "Being honest here, not even sugar coating, but even though you are not the manliest guy I've ever dated you are by far not the most feminine I've ever dated."

"Really?" Patrick didn't know what direction this conversation was going, but he was willing to hear the man out.

"Yeah like..." he trailed off as he took his hands away to rinse them in the water. "You know that show Dog Eat Dog, and one of the challenges is to figure out from a line of like twenty people which one is biologically female? And the whole line of people is filled with individuals who are blatantly men in dresses who are just there for the paycheck and then there are a few drag queens who didn't do their makeup quite perfectly that day and some that are so on point that you just don't know?"

"They did a male version too, but regardless, it was really offensive," the boy answered him. In his mind, this conversation was going south, but he was still willing to hear the end of it.

"Yeah well, as blatantly offensive as it may be if I were to take all of my ex's and put them on a runway and tell the contestant of some sort of show that only one person up there was transgender, no one would guess you," Gerard said quietly. "And I'm not saying this as some kind of thing to bash anyone but just to make you feel better. I'm always going to see you as a guy. Everyone around you sees you as a guy. I get why you have those moments where it feels like you're not doing anything right and you're not manly enough, but even on your bad days I'm still going to see you as Patrick."

If he could see the small boy's face, maybe he would have understood why Patrick was so quiet.

"And I understand why you'd want to change your attributes but you're always going to be manly enough in my eyes. Like I'm dating you for you. Even if there are parts you don't like, and you want to fix them or get rid of them, I'm still going to love that part of you 'cuz I'm still going to love you." He took a moment to look around for some kind of cup in the bathroom and saw the canister that he had his roommate used for Qtips and got up briefly to grab it. Once it was emptied onto the back of the toilet, he filled it with bath water and used it to rinse out Patrick's hair.

"Patrick?" he asked ever so carefully. "Are you okay? Was that too offensive? Are you going to hit me or something?"

The boy turned around and caught him in a deep kiss so quickly he dropped the canister into the water. Patrick had fully turned around and was sitting between his open legs with a hand on his chest and the other on his cheek, but it was the wide eyed shocked expression on his face that really caught Gerard off guard. "You mean that?"

"Absolutely," he said lovingly. Their lips met and he took his time for his tongue to graze over the roof of the boy's mouth. He was going to draw this out for as long as possible because it had quite honestly felt like he hadn't gotten a chance to be this sweet and delicate with Patrick since they first got together.

The boy was running his fingers through the dark hair framing Gerard's face as he slid up closer to the older man. Patrick didn't even care that his bare chest was pressed into his boyfriend's because at the moment they were just skin on skin and that's exactly how he thought about it. "I want you."

"God," he groaned when they let go of each other for air. "That was fast. Do you want me to like...?"

"Yeah, just let me." Patrick pulled away and went up to the little shower caddy. He grabbed one of the little packets and dropped back to his knees, wet boxers being dropped along into the water. The boy was already ripping the condom open when Gerard realized they had something missing.

"Oh, shit, lube?" was all he managed to say, tearing away from the rose colored magical moment they had going on.

"I got it, just, get your dick out of the water for a second," Patrick said so casually. Once Gerard had his hips out of the water, the boy rolled the condom onto him and then backed out of the tub. He pulled a towel off of the rod embedded into the wall, wrapped himself with it the best he could, and stepped out of the bathroom. "Please still be hard when I get back!"

The older man looked down at his cock just to comment, "Not a problem." He used his foot to turn down the drain and let some of the water out while he was waiting for Patrick to come back. He heard some cursing going on in the other room and he started to get concerned. "Patrick?"

The boy was rushing back into the bathroom when he tossed the lube bottle. Gerard didn't even realize it was coming towards his face until he was fumbling with it falling into the water. "Oh shit," Patrick exclaimed when he realized what was going on. "Sorry."

"Just," he beckoned the boy back into the tub with him. "Get in here."

Patrick didn't take the towel off until he was back in Gerard's arms. He felt so comfortable like this, being able to hide all of his flaws by pressing his body into the other man's instead of layers and layers of clothes. He was waiting patiently for Gerard to finish slicking himself up before he felt fingers in between his ass cheeks. "You don't have to do it for long," the boy groaned into the older man's neck. "I'll be alright."

Gerard was already pressing a finger into the boy. "Just let me get you worked up. Or at least opened up." He was barely holding the boy by a hand on the arm, so Patrick had to hold most of his weight up on his own.

"I'll be fine, just hurry up," Patrick whispered.

"Okay, I feel like I'm repeating you from last night," he interjected. "But bodies don't work like that."

Patrick swatted at the hand that was inside of him. "Move your hand... just hold your dick up."

Gerard did what he was told and held himself up while the boy lowered onto him. They both groaned as Patrick placed himself firmly in Gerard's lap. "Mmmm, baby."

"Call me the other thing," the boy demanded. He wrapped his arms tightly around Gerard, as if the older man was suddenly going to leave. His blue eyes were shining with desperation and his boyfriend wasn't going to leave him hanging, so long as he knew what word Patrick was asking for.

"What 'other' thing?" Gerard asked as he started to move his hips upwards.

"Sugar..." Patrick murmured as he met his boyfriend's gentle thrusts. They were going slow which was a nice change of pace. Gentle caresses, slow thrusts, tentatively kissing one another until Gerard let his mouth wander lower.

"You like it when I call you 'sugar?'" He kissed the center of the boy's chest, careful to avoid the breast area.

Patrick closed his eyes and concentrated on moving up and down on his boyfriend's dick. He didn't mind being kissed there so much if he just could ignore what was near his boyfriend's face. "It gets into the back of your throat. Like you're growling. I think it's hot."

They had both slowed down greatly; the aggressive sexual appeal was going away, and all they could do was lose themselves in each other. Gerard was careful not to leave any marks and made his kisses and bites under the boy's ear quick and soft. The grip he had Patrick's hip, however, was anything but gentle as he leaned into the back of the tub. "I'm gonna take care of you," the older man whispered into the boy's ear. "I've got you, sugar. Come on."

"Oh god," Patrick was trembling along with his voice. He pushed the older man's head over for a kiss, lips parting for their tongues to meet. When they parted, he kept hovering over Gerard's lips. "I'm almost there."

He wouldn't pull away, for either of them. "C'mon Patrick. Don't hold back, sugar."

Patrick pulled the older man in tighter, both of his arms locked in tight around Gerard. "Touch me," he begged. "Please?"

The water had died down so much, they were basically sitting in a small puddle, but there was enough for Gerard to sink his fingers into the tub to get them a little wet before bringing them back to rub down Patrick's cock. He brought his lips back to the boy's; that was a good place for his lips to stay, and neither one of them wanted to change that. Just slow kisses, tender touches, gentle thrusts. Neither one of them had really done that before, especially with each other. Patrick felt safe in his arms like nothing was going to happen to him, so long as Gerard was holding him. So they could do this forever if they had the time.

Until Patrick's lips trembled and pulled away from his boyfriend's. The boy's voice was quivering and failing to find words while coming so forcefully. His whole body crashed forward into Gerard's violently, and the older man held onto him until he was done shuddering. A few more shallow thrusts and Gerard was right behind him; his grit his teeth together at first because he didn't want to leave a mark on Patrick but he went against it when he was finally spilling into the boy caught his boyfriend's lips with his own. The older man was trying desperately not to moan into Patrick's mouth, but the last wave of his orgasm took all self control away from him. Coming back to reality, Gerard tightened his grip on the boy, who was still coming back to earth himself.

He held Patrick in his arms until both of their legs stopped shaking. "Oh baby," he repeated for what must have been the hundredth time. "You're amazing."

Patrick was breathless on his chest, trying to find words to say. "I've never... done that."

"Bath sex?" Gerard asked, convinced he knew what was going on.

"No," the boy argued, voice hoarse. "I've never done it so gently. Or kindly..."

"Sensually?" he tried to offer a different word as he ran two fingers slowly down the boy's back.

"Yeah," Patrick agreed. He brought a hand up to Gerard's chest. "But I feel like I can do that with you, and that's a first for me."

"I think the last time I was ever that slow and careful, was probably my first time," he admitted, not really wanting to sound like a douche to his young boyfriend, but it just kind of came out that way.

"I love you," Patrick said with a chuckle as he nestled his head further into Gerard's chest.

They had said it a few times over the course of that weekend but every new time he said it, he meant it more. "I love you, too."

The boy smiled at him and pulled him up by the back of his head into a deep kiss. "I need to get washed up before I eat, and I'm really hungry."

This earned a giggle out of the older man. "I'll make breakfast, I promise. I need you to get up, though."

Patrick pulled himself up enough to let Gerard carefully remove the condom and chuck it into the trash bin, then wrapped his arms around the older man's shoulders. "I'm still shaky."

"You sure you don't have blood sugar problems?" They had never discussed it previously, but it was worth a shot every time that Patrick got like this. "You haven't eaten anything today, and you just burned a bunch of calories."

"Maybe," the boy groaned against him. Such great post-coitus conversation. Breakfast and diabetes? Patrick rolled his eyes internally when he thought to himself, 'Yep. He's a keeper.'

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up so you can get dressed, and I can cook," Gerard laughed it off as he added more water to the tub.

~~~~~

They had stopped playing around in the bathroom long enough to both get clean and somewhat dressed. Patrick had said something about needing to be completely dry before he got his shirt on (which Gerard thought had to do with the binder more than a shirt) so he retreated into the bedroom while Gerard got started in the kitchen. He had the pancake mix (eggs and the instant mix because he was still a broke art school graduate) going when he saw the time, it was already after noon. "Dammit," he cursed while he was whisking the mix away. "This is not okay."

"What's not okay?" Patrick came up and embraced him loosely from behind.

"I just..." He was flustered, to say the least. "I just saw the time."

"It still Friday," the boy reminded and started rocking the couple as he shuffled from foot to foot. "You don't leave until Sunday."

"I know but," he grumbled. "I didn't want to spend the whole weekend in bed with you. No offense."

"None taken," Patrick said with a kiss on the older man's neck. He let go long enough to move over to the side and hop up onto the counter, after a few tries of course. "But what are you trying to do this weekend that's so important that we can't lay in bed all day?"

"I just..." He didn't know how to word it in a way that wasn't creepy or made him look sad and lonely. At least in his mind. "If I get that job-"

"When you get the job," Patrick interrupted.

"When I get the job," Gerard smiled when he said it. "I want to give you an idea of what life would be like when you're done with school. So we'd have something to look forward to when the times get rough."

"You're adorable," the boy giggled.

"No I'm not!" the older man started to argue. "I'm manly as hell."

"Sure, baby," Patrick kept giggling. "You act like there are other people here I'd go for in this town. You'd be in New York, not California. I could still see you."

"But what if our weekends were full with work all the time?" He started to worry about it worse than he already had. "Next semester you're going to be taking on marching band practice. And school. Schoolwork will just get harder as it goes along."

"Baby, the way you're worried about it now - " Patrick looked at him with such a sweet smile that Gerard couldn't help but smile back " - you wouldn't let our relationship die. Even if this whole college thing goes to shit and it just ends up being a repeat of Chicago, I'd still have you. Seriously, you're just like that song Pete and I sang for you the other day. As far as I'm concerned, you're the last good thing about this part of town. I'm not letting go of that."

Inside Gerard was beaming but he wasn't going to show it, Patrick, quite yet. He still had a lot of pride and he wasn't going to break it down in front of the boy this early in the relationship.

"What about a date? Like a real, you take me out and we go do something kind of date?" Patrick offered.

"What do you have in mind?" Gerard went back to cooking, hoping to finish it soon so they could actually start their day and whatever date thing they could plan last minute.

"I don't know, a movie maybe?"

"Well..." He started breakfast with pouring the mix into the pan. "Then I don't get to spend time with you. Like really spend time with you."

"'Cuz then we'd be looking at the screen the whole time," Patrick agreed. "Same problem with one of the bars. We'd stare at the bands instead of each other."

"Yeah, and that's only if there are bands playing at the bars. There almost always is, especially on a Friday night, but you know." They were starting to run out of options. That's what sucked about living in a college town; if the college wasn't doing anything fun, you'd be stuck with nothing to do. "Do you want to drive around town or something? 'Til we find something to do?"

"Maybe... what about where you grew up?" Gerard side eyed Patrick like the boy had lost his mind. "How far is it from here?"

"Belleville's like an hour or so, on a good day." The older man knew where this was going but he also knew that his boyfriend was going to get his way and didn't want to fight it.

"Can I play tourist in your childhood? You can be my guide." The boy was smiling like an idiot.

"Only if..." Gerard flipped the pancakes for the first time, now golden brown. "We don't leave the car; people know me there and not everyone knows I date boys. And we don't meet my family."

"Afraid your parents might not like me?" Patrick asked while he kicked his feet off of the counter, still grinning like an idiot.

"They don't know... about me. And even if they did know, I'm more afraid of my parents running you off. Like I'm picturing my dad bringing out the baby pictures to talk about how stupid I was as a kid or my mom trying to convince you how our future babies would be like based on me and Mikey." All the possible horrors ran through his mind at once and it was killing him to think that he wasn't being that over dramatic in reality. His parents were a force to be reckoned with that someone needed to be mentally prepped for.

"But one day, right?" The boy smiled at him and he almost missed it since he didn't look over right away. "You're not planning on hiding me or them away from each other forever?"

"Oh god, never," he sighed and leaned in so he could peck the boy on the lips. "You gotta meet them one day but I can't just throw them onto you like that. You got to mentally prepare for the onslaught of weird religious questions, asking what you'd name our kids, and God knows what else."

"Sounds like my parents," Patrick giggled. "But if we had a boy I'd want him named after Elvis Costello. That's a make or break deal for me, so know that up front now."

Gerard almost dropped the pan from laughing so hard. The comment came out of nowhere and it threw him for a loop. When he was mostly composed back together, he leaned into Patrick's face for another kiss. "Deal."

~~~~~

The drive up to Belleville was mostly highway. It took a hot minute to get past two separate accidents, so they hit a drive through for drinks once they got into town. "You realize that I'm going to have to get out of the car to hit a bathroom right?" Patrick took a long sip from his coke.

"Yeah, but I ain't going in behind you." Gerard had pulled the car up to a parking spot so he could rearrange his wallet with his debit card back in his possession. "People don't know we're together here."

He looked over in time to catch Patrick's puppy eyes before the boy rolled them into the back of his head. "I love you, but my grandma still lives here. And a bunch of people I went to school with."

"Do I embarrass you or...?"

"No!" the older man interjected. "Just... you know how you left Chicago for a fresh start?"

The boy nodded, still sipping from his drink.

"I left Belleville for a fresh start," Gerard continued. "And a lot of bad things are still here from my past. I don't want to drag you down with it."

"You know you're just in a new chapter of your life, right? It doesn't mean all the past ones didn't exist," Patrick said as he put his soda into the drink holder.

"But I don't need to go back in the book either," Gerard sighed. "I just want to show you around."

"Then come on!" The boy had tried his best to lighten the mood. "What do you want to start with?"

"Well... we're not that far from my mom's place, so..." he offered. He saw the excited look in Patrick's eyes so he just sighed and put the car in reverse to get out of the parking lot.

He purposely went the long way so he could park next to the neighbor's obnoxiously bright painted truck, just in case his mom was walking around. When he turned the car off, he pointed to his left. "The house with the old-timey fence. I grew up there. My mom still lives in it."

"Oh God." Patrick undid his seat belt so he could lean across Gerard to get a better look at the house. "The one on the corner right?"

"Yeah."

"It's so big though," the boy commented. "And old fashioned. Not at all what I pictured in my brain."

"What did you think of?"

"Like one of those houses, that's all full windows and gray walls." Patrick scooted closer to the window, completely in his boyfriend's lap, just to get a better view. "Like in the Jetsons or whatever."

"I think my house is older than the Jetsons." Gerard smiled at Patrick trying to get a better view. He was trying not to make anything of it, but he did have a cute boy in his lap. It took a lot of concentration to not get hard off of it. Maybe he just needed to think about things that would turn him off, like his brother or his mom. Perfectly on cue, the front door to the house opened up and a small middle-aged woman with platinum blonde hair popped out with a small dog dashing outside with her. "And there's my mom."

The boy gasped lightly, "Are you sure we can't talk to her?"

"One day, just not today, okay?" He tried pleading but Patrick didn't need to be told twice.

"I got you." He leaned into Gerard a bit, but their position and Patrick's awkward angle didn't really allow them to cuddle. "She's exactly what I pictured though."

"Nice, so that means your mom is just you without a hat, right?" He got a playful slap to the chest for it, but it was worth it.

Like the little stalkers they were, the couple waited for Gerard's mom to get the mail and then go back inside before leaving the neighborhood. Deep down inside, Patrick was super excited he got the chance to see his boyfriend's mother but he wasn't going to say anything. Just like the older man, he had too much pride to start showing this side of him.

Gerard drove to the old high school he graduated from. The school was still in session, even though it was close to letting out, so they made sure they were a good distance this time.

"I fell so hard for her," he continued his story about his high school crush. "So when her boyfriend got pissed at her and put the pictures all over school, I was devastated."

"Damn," was all Patrick could add to the conversation.

"Well," Gerard sighed. "Where to next?"

"Place you had your first kiss, so I can outdo her or him," the boy said smugly.

"Well that was in the school and I'm not asking a janitor to let us in so we can suck face. Pretty sure there are laws against that kind of thing."

"Then we can do it out here." Patrick leaned over and kissed Gerard's cheek before the other man could even react; the older man had barely turned his head before they had locked lips. The boy was really hell bent on outdoing whatever girl or guy managed to kiss his boyfriend first. He had a hand on the back of the man's head and was sucking on his tongue. When they parted for air, the boy had to comment, "Did I outdo them?"

Gerard groaned loudly. "Way better." He went right back to having his lips on the boy, kissing passionately until the school bell rang. Like they were teenagers again (well both teenagers) the sound made them part ways drastically across the car. When they realized just how silly they were both being, Patrick and Gerard both started laughing uncontrollably.

"We're so stupid," the boy commented in between his giggles.

"Boy, I am stupidly in love with you." He brought the boy's hand up to his lips. He didn't kiss the boy's knuckles, especially since that possibility got ruined a long time ago by Justin.

"Me too." Patrick let his thumb graze his boyfriend's cheek while he savored the moment. "I think we need to leave soon. Before the cops kick us out for making out near a high school."

"Yeah, probably," Gerard chuckled. Patrick quickly pecked him on the lips before pulling away to put his seat belt back on. "Where do you want to go now?"

"Well... show me something cool, and then we go home," Patrick said while digging his soda out.

"Cool?"

"You're an extraordinary unique human being, and you're going to tell me that's there's nothing cool here? The place you grew up?"

~~~~~

"It's actually called the Fortress of Solitude." Patrick stood in pure amazement at the sign. He thought it was a joke at first when Gerard called it that because surely, that couldn't _actually_ be the name of a comic book store?

"Yeah, plus we're technically in Newark but whatever." Gerard led the way inside as if he was walking back into an old home. The store was still how he had remembered it; it was only a few years ago, but it still felt like a long forever ago. He guided his boyfriend around the store for a minute, mostly bringing him over to some of his favorite titles on the graphic novel wall. He was pointing out some of his Alan Moore favorites when he saw a familiar face, or rather a familiar back. He pondered a moment if he should go and say something or just try to ignore the other person until they left but decided out of all of the people he knew and cared about, this was someone he could share with Patrick. He leaned in close to whisper to Patrick, "Do you want to meet someone important to me that isn't one of my parents?"

"Are you going to introduce me as your boyfriend?" the boy smarted off.

"He knows about me liking boys, I'm more worried about him saying something to mom," he admitted. "But still."

"Then yeah, absolutely," Patrick agreed with a smile. He didn't catch that comment about Gerard's mom at first, but then again, he was too excited about getting to meet someone who knew his boyfriend that he would blindly agree to anything.

Gerard took the boy's hand and led him over to the corner where the other man was standing. He let go of the boy's hand long enough to sneak up to the other man, quietly before shouting in the other man's ear, "The fuck you doing?!"

The skinny man nearly jumped out of his skin, but when he realized who it was he wasn't going to punch them, "Oh my god, Gee! What are you doing here?!"

The two embraced in a tight hug and when they parted, Patrick could see why. The other guy just looked like a skinnier Gerard with glasses. Same taste in music based on the Smashing Pumpkin shirt, but his jeans had to made for a teenage girl and not a young adult male.

"I was showing my boyfriend around town; we drove past the house and he got to see mom for a minute." The older man motioned over to the boy, before introducing him, "But this is Patrick."

"H-hi." Patrick didn't know how to introduce himself so he started with a handshake for a second but the other man pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Hell no, if you're dating my brother you get a hug."

Patrick just let it happen, the other man's bony arms were digging into his sides but he didn't say a thing.  
  
"You'll let him talk to me but you won't let him talk to mom?" the younger Way started questioning his older brother.

"She still doesn't know man. I don't want to dump that on her one day with a boyfriend. Come out and then bring a guy over is a better way to do it," Gerard said nervously. "Mikey let go of him."

"No, I'm gonna take him to go see mom," his brother replied while doing the same rocking back and forth thing that Gerard would do with the boy. "This one's not like the other ones."

"You just met me," Patrick tried to protest.

"There's not on ounce of black on you, you don't look like Hot Topic exploded on you, and you grow real facial hair." Mikey finally let go of him just to put his hand on each of the boy's shoulders and lean down to whisper, "You're way out his league, run while you still can."

"You're hilarious," Patrick chuckled. "I love you already."

"Seriously?" Gerard asked from the sidelines. "Took you way less time with him than it did for me!"

"Wait - how long have you been two been with each other?" Mikey whipped his head over to ask his brother. "And I'm just _now_ meeting him?"

"Like three months," he answered, fidgeting a bit. "Again, mom still hasn't met him."

"I think he's embarrassed by me." Patrick leaned back into a bookshelf, until he realized how they weren't solid enough to use for support.

"He should, if he introduced you to our mom he'd be the least manly one in the room," Mikey snapped at his brother.

"Screw you," Gerard said through his teeth.

"You know I'm not lying," Mikey joked. "He's the manliest guy I've ever seen you date."

Inside the boy was beaming, like the brothers had talked to each other using telepathy about the couple's conversation from that morning. "Can we go somewhere a little more private to continue this? I'd love to get to know you since he won't let me talk to your parents."

~~~~~

"And the rest was history," Patrick said into his drink. Mikey had asked how they met and this time he had taken it upon himself to tell the story as opposed to his boyfriend. He had gotten up to the weekend while the group had finished their meals in an old diner that the brothers and their old friends used to frequently visit.

"He would date a musician, I swear," Mikey shook his head as he said it. "He's always been attracted to music. Just never had the push to go and do it."

"A long time ago, Mikey and I went to a concert and we both left there saying we were gonna do it for life," Gerard started rambling on. "I just kind of fell out of it."

"I'm gonna get you to play my guitar when we get back, I swear," the boy added with a poke from the back of his fork.

"You don't wanna hear me sing," the older man spat back and they both started laughing. They were giggling for so long, the other man had his hand on his cheek while he waited for them to calm down.

"I don't think I've ever seen him this happy with another person," Mikey commented about his brother. Patrick smiled and looked down at his plate like it was something to be embarrassed about but Gerard put an arm around his boyfriend's shoulder. "You bring out a goodness in him I haven't seen in awhile."

"Seriously?" Patrick still didn't know how to take it. How was he a good influence on the older man?

"Why won't he take you to see our mom?" Mikey pointed at his brother to make his point.

"Because mom still doesn't know... and I want to come out to her and then bring a boyfriend instead of just bringing a boyfriend," Gerard groaned as he repeated exactly what he said back in the comic book shop.

"And you're okay with that, being put in the shadows?" Mikey redirected himself over to Patrick.

"It was really tough when I came out to my parents, and it wasn't exactly on my terms," the boy answered, still leaving out how exactly he came out. "So just let him do what he needs. Don't try to push him into it."

"Baby?" Gerard tried to ask. 

"I came out because I had a mental breakdown and at first my parents weren't very accepting," Patrick told Mikey. He was well aware his boyfriend was listening but he didn't want to look over; he might have had another breakdown right then if he had. "It was really damaging and my parents have never really apologized or even acknowledged what they did. And it's still affecting me in my everyday life. It took awhile to repair all of that and I wouldn't wish that on anyone, so I encourage people who still haven't come out to loved ones to take their time and do it when it's right. You don't get a redo on that."

"Baby." Gerard pulled the boy close to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm so sorry."

"It's gotten better, just like everything else with me, but it took time," he admitted as his boyfriend kept rubbing a hand on his back.

"Maybe, he can say something between now and Thanksgiving and then you can come over to visit. You know we don't live far," Mikey offered.

"Maybe," Gerard agreed, sort of. "I don't want to push anything onto him if it's only been three months."

"Maybe just a dinner then," his brother offered. "I'm just trying think of a time when mom, dad, and grandma will all be there. We don't want to drag her all the way down here for nothing."

"Yeah, maybe another time though man, we got time," the older brother countered. It would be alright in his mind. They had time before he rushed his boyfriend to his family. Meeting his brother was a big step for him already.


	9. Let me see the dirt, under your skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Death Valley" by Fall Out Boy.

The drive home was at night and in the rain, so Gerard drove as slow as possible because he thought his line of "we got time" might have been his famous last words. He had the radio on before the storm picked up, but the weather report wasn't anything to sing to and Patrick was losing his mind with the sound of the raindrops.

"How far away are we?" the boy asked, clicking his fingers on the door lock. "I'm starting to get worried."

"I'm gonna guess like ten minutes, maybe fifteen tops," Gerard answered, eyes glued to the parts of the road he could make out in the rain.

"Okay," Patrick sighed. He put his head back to the headrest but he was on edge with this storm. His mind was wandering as the raindrops hit the car. He was mentally writing songs about raining in the city and being left out in the downpour while waiting for a lover while hitting his fingertips against the car door. He was actually putting music to a line in his mind when a random vehicle on his side of the car caused him to jump.

"The fuck?!" Gerard shouted as a car pulled out in front of him, he was able to safely stop his car to avoid an accident but regardless. When he was done being shaken up, he let out a long breath. "We're almost home. It'll be alright."

Patrick made a mental note that both he and his boyfriend kept calling it home. He wondered if he should ask to move in but without a car, what was the point? It wasn't that far from the school, but he didn't want to have Gerard chauffeur him to and from classes. He was pushing it into the back of his mind, so he wouldn't think about it again; if he kept thinking about it, he'd want to ask his boyfriend and he thought if the other man was fighting to say 'I love you' this soon, then he really shouldn't push the moving in together issue. "What are we gonna do when we back?"

"Hopefully, stay dry and cuddle," the older man chuckled. The rain was starting to pick up again. He didn't see lightning but he did hear the thunder starting. An actual storm warning was going off on the radio, and Gerard just groaned in response. It was gonna be a bitch to get into the apartment. After the day they had he wanted nothing more than just a cuddle session under some warm blankets. Maybe a movie. Or lazy sex. But more than anything, he just wanted to be back in the warm apartment.

"Today's been long, but like, a good long, ya know?" Patrick announced between the two of them. "I feel like all we've done is drive and eat but I'm glad I got meet your brother. I really got along with him. Maybe we'll make plans to meet up behind your back."

"You wouldn't dare," he chuckled at the thought of Mikey sneaking into his apartment to hang out with his boyfriend, or worse, sneaking into Patrick's dorm to truly hang out with one another behind his back.

"Oh no," the boy said very morbidly. "I'll call him up like a week before your birthday and we'll plan something big and do it all in my dorm so you'll have no idea and then I'll call you all sultry like so you think you're getting birthday sex and then you'll show up and the whole group will be there in my living room screaming 'surprise.'"

That was a lot of thought into something that wasn't even close to possibly happen. Still didn't stop Gerard from saying something stupid.  "So... I won't get birthday sex?"

"You think with your dick a lot," Patrick chuckled as he threw himself back into the seat.

"Yeah I know," Gerard groaned as he pulled the car into his parking space. He didn't have an umbrella in the car and he had a jacket but his boyfriend didn't. But Patrick had a hat and he wanted to be really selfish and keep his jacket but he knew in the back of his mind that he shouldn't. He was turning the car off and taking his seat belt off as he told his boyfriend, "Here's the plan. I'm going to give you my jacket, and I'm gonna run for the door and when you see it open, you run for it. Okay?"

"Why don't we just run like hell together?" Patrick looked confused as all get out. The rain was beating down on the car hard and he could hear the thunder loud and clear. "Then you can lock the car and we can go."

"Can you at least take the jacket, baby? I want to keep you dry," the older man was already pulling it off.

"But what about you?" the boy questioned when the jacket was shoved onto him.

"Please?" Gerard tried pleading with him. He was still going to try to be the best boyfriend he could, and this was one of those make or break moments.

Patrick sighed loudly, and just accepted it. "Okay, go get the door."

Gerard took a deep breath then braced himself for the onslaught of nature, and then he bolted out of the door with his keys in hand. The rain was pelting him, hard. It was freezing compared to the September wind and he regretted every minute of this. He got up to the door and fiddled with his keys and the door lock; an old building meant old locks and old locks don't work as easily as a newer lock. A few tries and he pushed his way through the door. The air conditioning hit his wet body like a body slam from a polar bear and he was terribly regretting his decision to give his boyfriend his jacket.

He turned around to see Patrick coming towards the apartment, jacket being used as a shield over his head as he ran as fast as his little legs could take him. When the boy was in the living room, Gerard could tell he was only slightly drenched with the jacket doing such a good job with keeping him dry. Gerard, on the other hand, was drenched and when the boy noticed, he was snapped at, "Baby, why are you standing there? Go get changed!"

"Oh yeah," Gerard muttered out when he realized what he was doing. He quickly went into his room after locking up the front door, as if Patrick couldn't do that part on his own. He was shivering and shaking his way to his room, desperately wanting to get out of the drenched and cold clothes. Gerard had his shirt over his head when he realized that his boyfriend was keeping his shadow warm. "'Trick do you need to change, too?"

"No, but your jacket," the boy was offering it up, not exactly folded nicely but not quite a lumpy wet mess like the rest of Gerard's clothes.

"Ummm, hamper's over here." The older man pointed to it and took his shoes and socks off with just the socks making it into the laundry basket. Patrick took one look at the remaining water glistening off of Gerard's body and decided he needed to drop off the jacket and leave. He put the denim jacket right on top of the other dirty laundry and tried to make his way out of the room but his eyes kept darting back to his boyfriend's topless chest. Gerard was too distracted with picking out clothes from his closet to notice Patrick eyeballing him. He had pulled two shirts out when he felt the boy's arms slide around his waist and just let the dry clothes drop to the floor. When he turned around, he had to push his wet hair out of his face to see his boyfriend's hungry eyes, but he didn't pull away.

"How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" Patrick sounded so cheesy but he said it anyways. They were both soaked at this point, all his fault from feeling the need to hug the older man despite how he was barely wet from the rain, but it was so worth it. He had Gerard's hands on his back, a mouth on his own, and a loud moan shared between the two of them. He loved being like this, completely melting under the older man's control, and he could feel his boyfriend warming up to him as if Gerard felt the same.

He groaned against Patrick's lips, while he cradled the boy's face in his hands. "Can I just...?" He trailed off, but the boy knew exactly what he was asking for and pulled away to pull his shirt off.

His hat was knocked off in the process but he didn't stop until his shirt was on the floor. Laughing for a split second at his carelessness, Patrick recouped long enough to bring himself back to Gerard and pulled the other man's hands to his chest. "I want you to do it. I feel safe enough with you. Especially after everything you said this morning, I think we can take it a new level."

"Y-You sure?" Gerard asked with his fingers trembling at the Velcro edge of the boy's binder. His voice was breaking, and he didn't want to be broken out of whatever spell Patrick had him under.

"We ran in here in a downpour," Patrick said softly, threading his fingers into the other man's wet hair.

"You're standing here shirtless, soaked, with your hair in your face," he continued, pressing his lips into little butterfly kisses on Gerard's throat, feeling the pulse quicken underneath his touch.

"This is something out of teen romance movie. I'm too exhilarated right now to let you ignore this opportunity that has been served to us on a metaphorical silver platter without having you screw me into the mattress," he whispered into the older man's ear.

"Bed," Gerard growled, very demanding. He pushed the boy back into the bed in question before there could be any debate about it. He didn't know where this side of him came from but he was enjoying every minute of it. He crawled on top of Patrick who welcomed him with open arms and then made quick work of the Velcro on the side to make the boy just as bare as he was. If he had taken even a small moment to admire all of the soft curves and subtle muscles before him, he thought Patrick might have covered up and receded back, so Gerard pulled the boy up into his arms so they both were sitting on the bed as he devoured his boyfriend's mouth.

"Jesus," the teen muttered against him when they parted. He widened the gap between his legs just enough for the older man to wedge himself between them. "Keep going, I like this side of you." It started slow with little nips at the boy's neck, then he started sucking on Patrick's collarbone, until the boy protested, "No marks, please. At least not where the guys can't see."

"So you can think of me while I'm gone?" Gerard growled against Patrick's stomach. He started working on the sleek metal of the boy's belt buckle, feeling the little shakes of his boyfriend's hips to help get the belt out of the loops of his jeans. "Now I'm picturing you touching yourself while I'm gone, wishing it was me."

Shuddering into the bed, Patrick grabbed hold of the head making its way into his pants. "Keep talking..."

"About you?" Gerard blinked up, trying to get his boyfriend back into focus.

Patrick didn't want to look down. He knew if he made eye contact it'd be over and it wasn't even starting. "What are you thinking about?" he asked the ceiling. "Like if I was touching myself, what would I do?"

Trying to keep up the momentum he had started with this aggressive approach, Gerard propped himself up to start undoing the laces on Patrick's shoes. "Ideally, I'd want you home alone so you could make as much noise as you wanted - maybe in the shower, so your neighbors wouldn't bug you the next day - but I'm picturing you stretched out on the tiles while you're stroking your cock."

The boy hid his face in his arm but Gerard could hear the groan clearly. Patrick had to clear his throat before he could say anything, "What else? What else am I doing?"

Both shoes were chucked by the laundry hamper and the socks followed them shortly after. The older man manhandled his way up to the boy's waist, before stopping abruptly to look down with hungry eyes. "Are you thinking of me in the shower or are you just thinking about getting off?"

Patrick winced at the tight grip holding his hips down into the blanket, but he wouldn't look down or let his arm move; he'd start begging if he made eye contact. He started blinking up at the ceiling before he admitted, "I'd be thinking of you, trying to get me off. I'd try to make myself cum pretending it was you."

Without a comment, Gerard jerked Patrick's pants and boxers off on one swift movement. He dropped the clothes along with the others discarded on the floor and looked down at Patrick in a dominant display. "Show me," he said quietly. When the boy just stared back with a shocked look on his face, Gerard elaborated with, "Show me what you would do without me."

Patrick bit his bottom lip with a shudder, and then let his fingers graze down his stomach. "You're gonna watch me?"

"We can do something else, but if you don't want to change the itinerary, I'm going to prep you while you're touching yourself," he offered while gently grazing his fingertips from the boy's thigh to a knee.

"Just," Patrick shuddered. His fingers rolled down below his belly and between his legs. He let out a shaky breath from his quivering lips while he asked, "K-Keep talking to me, please? Stay aggressive... Like... What else would I do?"

"Maybe while you've got your fingers on your cock," Gerard chuckled as he watched the boy doing just that. "You'd stick a finger or two in your mouth, picturing it was me and you were sucking me off." With a gasp, Patrick put the second knuckles of his index and middle finger in between his teeth. He was doing anything Gerard asked and it made the older man lick his lips in anticipation. He pulled his own belt buckle off and threw it and the belt that accompanied it on the floor behind him and tried to do the same with his pants without taking his eyes off of Patrick, or rather Patrick's fingers.

"I want you for real," Patrick groaned around his knuckles before lifting them out of his mouth. He had quickened his pace while his thighs trembled at the touch. "Please?"

"Yeah, I'll get you," the older man told the boy before him. He pulled a shoe box from under his bed, flipped the lid onto the floor and grabbed a lube bottle from inside. He didn't have the same set up as Patrick between the adult toy pop-up shop underneath the teen's bed back in his dorm or the travel size bag of goodies Patrick had brought with him, but Gerard still had them covered. Not very gracefully, but he managed to pull his boxers off and put them into the hamper and grabbed a condom from his stash. "Keep touching yourself, I'm not done yet."

Patrick whimpered but did it anyways. "Please," he muttered. "Please, I want you..."

"And I want to see you cum," the older man shook his head while he rolled the condom onto himself. "I want to know what you look like when you're all alone." He had the lube cap opened up to squeeze a little onto his cock while he watched the boy turn into an unraveling mess on his mattress.

"Let's say you're done in the shower and it's late at night," Gerard continued while pulling himself in long slow jerks. "You're trying to be quiet so your roommate doesn't hear you, but you're aching."

Patrick lifted his hips up off of the bed for a split second in a rush of pleasure. It took him a second to regain composure because he didn't want it all to end so quickly, but he was still stroking himself with two harsh fingers. "Can I get a little lube? Just to make it feel better?"

"I got you sugar," he said with a grin, knowing damn well what that word did Patrick. He stopped stroking himself long enough to put a little lubricant on the boy's fingers. When Patrick went back to rubbing himself furiously, with three fingers this time, Gerard had slicked up one of his own and had it teasing the boy's asshole. "Close your eyes and picture this... like this isn't me, this is just you pretending that it's me. You're still working your cock but you're opening yourself up like I'm there to fuck you."

The boy was groaning while the first finger was pushed into him. "Oh god yes..." Patrick tried to buck into it, just to get a little bit fuller, before Gerard pulled his hand away.

"Not yet," he teased as he pulled away to slick up his other fingers. "I still want to see you cum."

With two fingers plunged back into him, Patrick let out a throaty moan. His lower lip shuddered a bit as his boyfriend was working him over. "Please," he begged and repeated himself. "I want you."

"And I want to see you fall apart," Gerard growled while he set a slow steady pace on the boy's ass.

"Please..." Patrick moaned as he threw his head back. He wasn't making a whole lot of noise after that and Gerard took note. He was making a little whimpering sound but other than that, he had gone very quiet. He bit his bottom lip with a shudder in his shoulders, and Gerard caught on to what was about to happen very quickly. The older man pulled back to watch the show on his knees. A few more strokes and Patrick was a mess; slacked jaw, hips hopping off and on the mattress, back arching slightly before he rolled onto this side as the warmth subsided and a sudden turn of his lips into a perfect 'O.' All with nothing more than a gasp.

As soon as he thought the boy was good enough to go again, Gerard crawled on top of the still trembling body. The boy was warming up his lungs, trying to get air to come back out of his lips when his collided with Gerard's. "I want you," the older man begged. "If you're ready now."

"Y-y-yeah," Patrick agreed and nodded. His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper, but he kept talking, "Just give me a second, okay?"

"Are you okay, baby?" he whispered as he hovered over the boy. "I didn't work you too hard, did I?"

"No, don't call me baby," Patrick argued with a shake of his head. "You call me sugar and you fuck me until I cum again."

The boy wasn't answering his question.

"I don't want to do anything if you're not okay with it." Gerard gave a small smile but he wasn't sure what he should do at the moment.

"No, just fuck me," the boy replied, still laying limp on the blankets.

"You're being really bossy for someone who wants to be dominated," he tried being smart right back but Patrick was having none of it.

"Let me get one thing straight right now," Patrick said as he struggled to sit up. Once he was upright, he had a finger in Gerard's face. "I have full control. If I say we stop, we stop. Even if you're close, we stop if I need to stop. The same goes for you, you say stop, and I stop. But I need to know that I still have that control. So if I want you to leave bruises on me or try to make me cum so hard I can't feel my legs, it's because I told you to. I wanted it. I am very demanding even when I want to be dominated."

He looked a little drunk, with his body swaying from side to side and front to back. But Gerard was smiling back at the little display, knowing damn well that the boy was serious even if it looked like a humorous drunken fit. "What do you want to me do now?"

Patrick threw himself back onto the bed. "I want to see your animal side again, and let it fuck me senseless."

"Anything specifically?" Gerard asked with his hand reaching up to Patrick's thigh.

"Your cock. My ass. Make it rough," he said the last part with a giggle before his boyfriend attacked his mouth again. They were both moaning loudly and were going right back to business.

Harshly, Gerard grabbed the boy by the hips and flipped him onto his stomach. "On your hands and knees," the older man growled into Patrick's ear. The boy tried to get himself in position, with a whole lot of Gerard's help as far as knees were concerned. "And stay there unless I say otherwise."

He lined himself up and pushed in slowly when the boy responded with a groan, "Yes, sir..." Gerard's eyebrows laced together when he let out a groan of his own. He could get used to this whole 'sir' thing.

"Shit, you're tight," he hissed at the realization that he should have prepped Patrick a little bit more. There was enough lube for him to move slowly, but he had to move _slowly_ so he didn't get hurt. Feeling the warmth of another body once he fully immersed, he took a second to enjoy it before he pulled back and snapped his hips forward. The pace started off fast, just to try and get them both off. This was no longer about all the passion or love they had for the other person like they had in the morning; this was all about them getting off in a way that would leave them exhausted. Gerard initially had Patrick's hips in a death grip but he quickly grabbed the boy by the chest and hoisted him up so they could fuck upwards. "Oh shit, sorry," Gerard apologized realized he had his arm around Patrick's breasts and he tried to readjust his arm but the boy grabbed his arm and put it back.

"Keep - ah - fucking me," Patrick yelped with his head was thrown back. He was at just the right angle to catch Gerard's mouth with his own. "I'm so close, baby, please..."

"Ah, fuck," he said when they were both bucking and starting to lean forward. He was right there with his boyfriend. When Patrick fell down forward onto his elbows, Gerard kept his grip around the boy's chest and sped up his pace. He was hell bent on cumming soon and the boy had him on edge. "I got you sugar. I'm gettin' close but I got you."

Patrick came with a hand on Gerard's wrist, three fingers stroking his own cock, and the verbal warning of, "Oh shit, baby!" His thighs had clamped down hard on his hand but he just worked his fingers the best he could. His bucking back against Gerard's cock was helping both of them get closer to completion, even if that wasn't his plan. When he was just starting to come back to his senses, the hand he had on Gerard's wrist shot down to the mattress to hold himself up.

His boyfriend, on the other hand, wasn't there yet; he was so close from the walls around his dick creating a tightening grip on him, but he wasn't there yet. A couple more thrusts made the difference for him, but instead of his usual grunting, groaning, or shouting something obscene while he came, he resorted to his teeth clamping down on Patrick's neck. Given Patrick was bucking back against the thrusts and was so caught up in his own orgasm that he didn't notice at first, but when he came off of his blissful high first and caught that Gerard's teeth were still in his skin, the boy momentarily freaked out.

"Shit! Shit shit shit... Gee get off," Patrick was begging as he pushed Gerard off of him. He could feel the burn but he didn't think it broke the skin. Gerard was still blissfully unaware that anything had happened yet. The boy touched the bite mark again and felt it sting under his touch, "Damn. You got me good."

"Did I bite you?" the older man asked when he was finally aware of his surroundings. "Holy shit! Patrick! I am so sorry!"

The boy scoffed it off when he brought his hand back in front of his face, seeing it free of any blood. "This is not as bad as I thought. Besides, I said I wanted to see your animal side. I got it."

"Still!" Gerard was beside himself that he actually bit Patrick. He rolled over onto his knees and looked at the wound himself. It was clearly his teeth, a bunch of little small imprints making the shapes of two crescents but the whole thing was starting to go from a light pink to dark red like it was surely going to bruise. The boy wasn't bleeding but he still couldn't believe he actually _bit_ his boyfriend. "I am so sorry, oh my god..."

"Can you grab my clothes? I'd like to get ice or a wet cloth on it, but my legs aren't working... you know," Patrick shrugged. He hadn't had a lot of experience with women before but if he had to guess, the whole 'legs not working after an orgasm' thing had to be biology. He watched Gerard jumped to the floor and started looking through the clothes pile to find his underwear at the very least. Patrick giggled when he realized that Gerard hadn't taken care of himself before trying to tend to his young boyfriend. "Baby, take care of the condom first."

"Oh shit," he found himself saying for what was easily the hundredth time that night. Sure enough, he had a fully used condom on his dick that needed to be tied off and disposed of before he got anything else done. With it thrown away in the trash bin underneath his desk before he went back to searching for clothes, but he never stopped being frantic about the whole process. Gerard had found the boy's underwear back in his jeans and had thrown them back onto the bed while he searched for Patrick's shirt. It ended up behind the dirty clothes hamper but Patrick was already walking into the bathroom on unsteady legs with just his boxers on by the time Gerard found them. "Baby?" he asked, realizing he was alone. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Patrick called from the bathroom. Gerard found his own boxers and jerked them on quickly to rush over to his boyfriend checking out the damage in the mirror.

"I am so sorry, I didn't mean to do it, I just got caught up in the whole thing and I just-" he blurted it all out before he could get cut off but Patrick found a word in edgewise regardless.

"Gerard you're fine," Patrick said with a tilt of his head so he could see the indentation a little better. "I said I wanted to see the bossy animal side you had going on earlier. I just didn't expect it to take a chunk of my neck."

"I think there's a first aid kit in the kitchen that Ray stuck there if we need it." Gerard caught a glimpse of Patrick's eyes in the mirror. The boy was smiling the whole time while Gerard thought he had ended their relationship over being so caught up in their latest sexual encounter. It wasn't until he saw Patrick smiling that he understood how he was blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

"I think I just need to wash it," Patrick chuckled as he grabbed one of the washcloths he could find from under the sink. After a little bit of water with some soap and he had it on his neck. "Mouths have a lot of bacteria so there's a better chance of me getting an infection than me needing stitches. You didn't go that deep."

"I am so sorry," Gerard apologized again and pressed his forehead into the center of Patrick's back.

"Want me to tell you a story to make you feel better?" the boy offered while still gently dabbing the bite mark with the wet cloth.

"Is it about the big bad wolf that bites the little piggy and goes to jail for domestic abuse?" Gerard grumbled while being an overdramatic baby.

"Did you just call me a piggy? I'm not that fat," Patrick giggled.

"No," the older man groaned heavily. "Just that I'm a fucking monster and you're just this sweet little thing that I tried to eat."

"Okay, story time," Patrick quickly changed the subject while still pressing the cloth into his neck. "A long time ago in a far away fantastic place known as Chicago, I was dating this dude named Chris. Pete introduced us, we started a band, and then we started seeing each other alone without the band. See, we hadn't been dating long and I came out to him barely into the relationship and he had no problem with it, but he...he didn't quite get my boundaries like you do."

"What did he do?" Gerard was afraid to ask.

"Dude was into spanking," Patrick started laughing as he told his story. "Like hardcore. To start off, Pete was telling him I was a virgin for weeks because he thought it would help out after crazy ex with the 'fuck it list,' and I was hell bent on proving to him that I wasn't and I told him I was into whatever he was into. Blindly agreeing with whatever the hell he said he was into. So the first night he had me all alone he had me over his knee-slapping my ass again and again to the point where he left bruises. I couldn't sit anywhere and it just made the anal hurt worse; not so much the sex in comparison to just the force of his balls slamming up against the bruises he already put on me, but it still hurt. And at one point he grabbed my nipple in the middle of sex and pulled on it so hard, it was fucking purple - and he didn't even ask, he just assumed that I was okay with my tits being touched and abused. Before he could even finish, Chicago PD was banging on his door. I was making so much noise while I was in pain from this terrible sex, his neighbors called the cops 'cuz they thought he was beating me."

"Jesus," Gerard exclaimed. He didn't have much to add just because he was mortified at the mental images he was getting of the whole fiasco. He didn't know which part was worse: Patrick's ass being bruised black and blue or the idea of the boy and this mysterious Chris naked at the door with the cops responding to a domestic.

"We didn't even finish after that; I just got dressed and hobbled home. Probably for the best, with us all being in a band together that didn't work out but imagine if it did... can't have the drummer getting spanked so hard he can't sit, you know?"

"Oh my god," Gerard sighed as he put his head on the unmarked side of Patrick's neck before popping back up with a sudden realization. "Wait - you played drums in the band? I thought you played guitar?"

"I play like everything, even classical instruments," the boy laughed. "I love that that's the part you pick up out of the whole thing."

"I fucked you worse than that guy, I got to look for a silver lining," the older man groaned again.

"Not even. Chris gave me the worst sex ever by not even making me cum, bruising my ass black and blue, and then making the cops think he was trying to murder me," Patrick said with a grin and turned his head to kiss Gerard on the lips. "You gave me an amazing orgasm and then gave me a souvenir for it. You'll be in New York next week and I'll still have this."

"You think you can cover that?" The bite mark was closer towards Patrick's back but far enough up his neck that a shirt couldn't cover all of it.

"I'll wear a jacket in class," the boy tried to figure it out aloud. "Outside of school, Joe will be the only one who sees it and he'll be freaked out regardless. Could have been a hickey and he'd react the same."

The older man just groaned again. "I'm so sorry baby."

"Seriously Gerard, it's not that big of a deal," Patrick tried protesting again. "I promise you I'm okay and it's not that big of a mark anyw-"

They knew that the storm had kept going on after they had gotten into the house but they both had ignored the rain and the thunder for the most part while they were preoccupied with one another. The most recent lightning strike released a boom of thunder so loud that it got both of their attention, and if it didn't, the power going out surely did.

"Whoa," Patrick exclaimed as he looked around at the darkness.

Gerard was still holding onto the boy but that was the only way he knew Patrick was still there. "It'll pop back on eventually, but I don't think we need anything that requires power."

"I mean, it's getting late, we can just crash," Patrick offered.

"Yeah but um... let me be one that bumps into the wall and shit, okay?" Gerard offered while feeling around for the door frame. He took Patrick's hand in his own and quietly led the way out of the bathroom. The bedroom door was still open, and thankfully just across the hall, so he used his foot to feel around for stuff on the floor. The streetlight outside hadn't been taken out by the storm and it lit up enough of the room to make out the big pieces of furniture, but the rest of the room was a dark blur. "I think it's just the generator for the building. The lights outside are still working. So the city still has power."

"What are we stopped for?" the boy questioned why they hadn't moved in a few moments.

"I don't want you to step on my belt buckle. I have and that little bat fucker hurts," Gerard responded while still using his foot to feel around. Another lightning bolt came down, and even though Gerard's window was covered it lit the room well enough for a split second for Patrick to make a run for the bed. "Seriously?"

"Yep," the boy said while the thunder cracked in the air. After he flipped over into his back, he held his arms out with little grabby hands beckoning the older man to come join him. "Come here."

He could have been completely mature and not acted like a little kid but Gerard got a decent run in before jumping into bed and Patrick's arms. They were both laughing at each other while cuddling up in each other's arms; dying at how they could get away with acting in such a childish way and not be judged, let alone for the bizarre behavior to be encouraged by one another; especially after how they were not even twenty minutes ago in the same bed. Legitimately, Gerard didn't want it to end on a bad note, but the closer he got to Patrick, the faster he realized the boy still didn't have a shirt on. "Do you need me to grab a shirt, baby?"

"No, you're fine..." Patrick trailed off as he was starting to fall asleep on his boyfriend's chest. He was always a belly sleeper, and it didn't make a difference if he had a top on or not when it came to falling asleep.

"I meant you, sugar," he whispered while running his fingertips lightly up and down Patrick's back.

"I'm okay, I'd like to make this a little normal for me, you know?" Patrick was in a good mindset for the moment, and he didn't want to ruin it like he had done earlier that morning.

"What do you mean?" Gerard asked as his fingers came up to the boy's head.

"Like, I've always been a fat kid, and I always will be," Patrick said quietly. "So even if I get my chest deflated a bit I'm still going to have something there."

"But what about right now?"

Patrick thought about for a moment. He had more dysphoria in the morning compared to at night. Sometimes he'd dream about being a normal guy with a normal chest and wake up to his feminine chest and be bummed out until he could get his binder on. "Just a shirt, mine or yours, doesn't matter."

"Got it." Gerard rolled out of bed almost literally and searched for a shirt on the floor. He came back with what he had assumed was his shirt, despite it being inside out, and knelt on the mattress next to the boy to try and put it on him. "Is it weird if I want to dress you? Like... I think it's one thing to rip your binder off when I want to fuck you, but it's something else to put clothes on you."

"No, that's not weird," Patrick commented and brought his arms up so Gerard could dress him. It was a bit of a mess trying to dress another person but not weird between them, but that was all because of the of the darkness they couldn't see through. "It's kinda deep...that you want to be there after the fact, instead of just leaving me to pick myself back up."

"You've been fucked over too many times - " the older man shook his head at the thought " - it breaks my heart when you say shit like that."

"I think I've got a more realistic approach to life because of the things that have happened to me," Patrick admitted. "It might be sad to some but I just wear my heart on my sleeve for the world to see like a bruise or black eye."

"Oh baby," Gerard shushed his boyfriend. There was enough light being let into the room from the streetlight for a soft yellow glow to radiate off of Patrick's face. It was a magical moment that he wanted to have last forever; the colors of the boy's eyes that glowed under the light, the soft curves on his face, the mess of hair that stuck to him from the sweat that framed his face, the feeling of the teen sliding his arms up Gerard's back. His head came down to press his lips tenderly against Patrick's. Gerard groaned lowly while his boyfriend opened up to let their tongues tangle against one another.

Patrick shifted a bit underneath the weight until he was able to be comfortably held by the other man. "I like this," he whispered against Gerard's lips. "Being so careful, just like you were this morning."

"We still have all weekend," was the quiet reply out of Gerard before he went back to kissing Patrick's plump lips. He occasionally pulled on the boy's bottom lip with his teeth, between the ongoing fight for dominance going on between their tongues.

"Which will be over before we know it," the boy commented while pressing a little string of kisses into his boyfriend's neck. He was making a little pink mark on the underside of the older man's jawline when he heard a little hum; he was doing good.

"So I shouldn't waste any time, should I?" Gerard chuckled at the thought. It was Friday night still, and even in the wake of Saturday, they still had a day and a half or so to hang out and spend time with another. He was going to be gone for a week, if not longer in case he got asked to stay later, so he didn't want to waste a moment without having Patrick right there.

"What do you want to do?" Patrick looked up at him with those doe eyes that made Gerard's heart melt. Even with the limited light, those blue eyes were shining in the dark while those specs of color were shimmering like diamonds thrown across a blue blanket.

"I don't know, but I don't want to sleep yet," he replied to the boy with a few kisses is his own. Gerard rested his head on top of the boy's shoulder with closed eyes, trying to relax but not drift to sleep yet when he jerked his head up to loudly exclaim, "Wait! Is this the shoulder I bit earlier?!"

The boy giggled for a moment until Gerard brought his head back down, eyes still glued onto Patrick's face. "It is but I'm fine! Stop beating yourself up."

"I'm just so stupid," Gerard whined quietly. Another roll of thunder filled the room and all the older man could do sigh when he came to the realization of another thing that made him stupid, "I totally didn't turn the lights off. Power comes back on, we're gonna be blinded."

"Just wait til then, baby," Patrick said while playing with Gerard's hair. Another lightning strike came close to the apartments and the boy counted down until he heard the thunder. "Doesn't seem like the storm will let up anytime soon. We can just play in the dark."

It took him a minute, even as the boy started drifting further down the bed. "Play in the dark?"

"Yeah." He could feel Patrick's smile grow bigger on his neck.

"What are you thinking?" Gerard groaned deep in the back of his throat as Patrick went further down.

"Well you watched me, I want to watch you," the boy commented. Gerard had picked himself up onto his outstretched arms as the boy kept going down.

"How are you going to watch me if you're down there?" He stayed up, just in case the plans shifted to him getting a blowjob because even if he wasn't clean, he wasn't going to turn it down. "Plus it's dark."

"I'm just gonna warm you up..." Patrick trailed off when he saw the tented boxers in front of him. "Seriously? It's like a hose. It just turns on and off," he ranted as he scooted back up the bed, still underneath his boyfriend.

"Sometimes it gets excited and I got to figure out why," Gerard chuckled at the thought. "Don't waste your time with dicks; having one is not all it's cracked up to be."

"Still want one," the boy whined as he rolled the thought around his mind. "And now I want to see you play with yours."

"What?" Gerard was momentarily freaking out at the thought. It was hot when Patrick masturbated in front of him but he didn't think he could do it back.

"Jerk off in front of me," Patrick smiled as he said it. "I want to play just like you did. Put little dirty thoughts into your brain and then make you cum at the thought of really doing it."

Gerard sat up on his knees and looked down at his boyfriend with a squeamish look on his face. "I-I-I don't think I can do that."

"But I can?" Patrick had a point. If he could do it, why couldn't Gerard put a show too?

"Good point, just give me a second," he agreed quietly to playing with himself. He pulled his boxers down just enough for his half hard cock to spring free. He stayed on his knees while Patrick gently shifted in place underneath him. The boy was propped up on his elbows by the time Gerard started tugging at his cock. It was such a strange experience for him, and he needed a little help. "What's the dirty thoughts you were talking about?"

"There was one thing I was thinking of right after we had first met." Patrick bit his bottom lip at the thought. He was pushing his own boxer shorts down a bit before his right hand went down it instead. He was stroking himself along with Gerard, and with his eyes were glued onto the other man's dick, there was no way that their pace would be off. "I thought about you getting all hot and bothered by me hanging around the shop. And you'd lock up when the coast was clear... and then put yourself in that storage room and jerk off to the thought of me."

"Ooh," he muttered. "Baby, I got to tell you... I almost did that right after we first met."

"You jerked off in the back room?" Patrick asked all stunned at the mental image of Gerard fucking his hand while backed into boxes of vinyl records.

"Not that," Gerard whispered between his little gasps of pleasure. "Right after we met... like the open mic night... I jerked off in the shower, thinking it was you."

"You're gonna end up talking through this one too," the boy licked his lips as he said it.

"I'm gonna end up cumming on your shirt is what I'm going to do." His hand quickened up a little, starting to feel the burn in his stomach ache for release.

"So you pictured me in the shower?" Patrick pulled up the shirt he was wearing up just enough his to get a good look at his tiny cock and his boyfriend's handiwork at the same time.

"Yeah," the older man nodded

"Wasn't this before I came out? Before we hooked up? Before you knew how my body looked like naked?" The boy was humming while he spoke. His fingers were being gentle, just because he didn't think Gerard was close to finishing.

"Yeah," Gerard repeated. "Before I knew you. Hell, I barely knew your name."

"I don't know if I should feel special or not," Patrick giggled. "But now I'm gonna picture you jacking off in the shower. If you cum on the bathroom walls, the water washes it away, no proof you did anything."

"Y-yeah," the older man blindly agreed, but he was too busy concentrating on his cock.

"Do you need me get you off?"

"I can do it," Gerard said as he shook his head rapidly. He wasn't going to accept defeat that easily, and he still had a job to do at the moment. "You wanted me to do this, I can do it. I got this."

"So stubborn," Patrick teased and smiled up at the other man but never stopped his relentless pace on his own cock.

"So close," Gerard groaned back before scrunching up his nose for a moment when he could feel the sensation that was building up in his stomach.

"Wow, you really are close." The boy stopped stroking with two fingers and started tugging on himself instead... until he noticed how freaked out Gerard was still acting, even while slowly jerking off. "I've got an idea," he announced. "Lay down next to me."

"What? Why? I-I-I got this," the older man tried reasoning while losing his balance on his knees.

"You feel vulnerable again?" Patrick's words hit him hard like a freight train and he didn't realize how right the boy was.

"Yeah," Gerard quietly admitted. He didn't want to at first, but that was one of the points of being a good boyfriend; he had to let himself open up and admit when he needed a little help.

"Then come here." Patrick pulled his hand out of his boxers and beckoned his boyfriend over with both of his hands.

Gerard thought about fighting it but he was so close to cumming, so he just fell forward into Patrick's arms. If he could just stop thinking about doing it in front of Patrick like a performer, maybe he could actually cum. The boy rolled them both over so they were on their sides and Gerard kicked his underwear off in the process before Patrick threw the Star Wars comforter over top of them. "I guess this will work."

"Just look at me." The request was kind of funny, given how the two of them were in the dark, but Gerard gave him his full attention. The limited light still shined back in Patrick's eyes. He spoke slowly and confidently because he wanted to set the mood, "It's just the two of us right now. At your place. In your bed. Not a shower. Not the backroom at your work. Not a public restroom or anywhere else. Just us. Under the covers."

"Okay," Gerard muttered as the words started to ease his mind.

"You can go back to touching yourself," Patrick offered while his hand slid down his own torso. "I want to see what you look like when you finish."

"I'm a mess," the older man chuckled but went along with it anyways. He was slowly stroking his cock with long movements, getting back into the pace of things. "You've seen it before."

"No, I've seen you cum while you were fucking me, but not by your own hand." Patrick groaned while he was working himself closer to completion. "Hell, I've seen you cum when I was fucking you."

"Mmmm," Gerard purred. "Keep talking."

"You want to try that again sometime soon?" Patrick looked up at him with those not so innocent baby blue eyes and the older man melted. "Maybe have you on your hands and knees like you had me earlier, so I can control you better. Reach around and jerk your cock until I have you screaming at me to let you cum."

"Don't stop." He found himself bucking his hips into it now. Gerard was closing in on his orgasm but it was almost like he was teetering on the edge of it and Patrick was going to have to pull it out of him.

"I'm wondering what else I can get you to do while I'm fucking you from behind," Patrick said slowly. Gerard had his face in the crook of the boy's neck at this point, so the boy could whisper all the dirty little sweet nothings he wanted to right into the older man's ear. "Put your face on the ground while I keep plowing into you like you're a fucking dog. Maybe when you're done I'll get you on your knees, and I'll pull that condom off and make you suck it. Oh, baby, I'd love to see what your lips look like wrapped around a cock."

"Oh god..." Gerard hissed loudly as he started spilling over his fingers. He quickly jerked his head up as he back arched a bit as he continued to gasp into the darkness of the room. A few spurts later and both he and his boyfriend's stomachs were covered in thin white stripes. The only barrier between them was the fabric of the boy's boxers.

Patrick kept encouraging the older man to keep going while trying to finish himself off. "You're doing so good. Don't stop, don't stop, don't..." Even with Gerard biting his lips to keep a loud moan from escaping as he was settling, Patrick wasn't far behind him; bucking against his fingers as he came with a deep groan. The boy kept his fingers going at full force until even soft grazes started to hurt.

The older man's breath was heavy, setting a slow and steady pace for the two of them as they were both coming back down.

"That was great..." Patrick sighed into the head of hair that was still buried in his neck.

"Yeah," Gerard breathlessly agreed. "Maybe next time we could fuck with clothes on. Like, girls get to just flip up a skirt, bang, flip it back down, and go about their life."

"I'm not wearing a skirt," the boy added his thought in edgewise very bluntly.

"I'll do it," Gerard said with a kiss punctuating his sentence. "And then you could bang me with my face on the floor like I'm a dog."

"If I'm fucking like you're a dog and in you're in a skirt, won't that make you a bitch?" Patrick giggled at the thought.

"You're lucky I love you." Gerard kissed him again.


	10. Tonight is all about "We miss you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Homesick At Space Camp" by Fall Out Boy

The two of them really tried to spend their last real day together in bed.

Patrick got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and grab a drink from the kitchen and Gerard was right behind him like a puppy to ask why he had gotten out of bed.

Before breakfast, the lights had come back on and Gerard brought his laptop into bed with him so he could do a little work with Patrick sleeping softly next to him.

By lunch, Patrick had gone into the kitchen again and cooked for the two of them in his underwear, even though he had purposely taken a detour to put his binder on. He brought back a plate of microwaveable pizza rolls to bed and sat next to Gerard while the two talked about nothing and everything all at once.

After noon, Gerard was on his back again with a strapped up Patrick Stump pounding into him from the foot of his bed.

"Oh fuck," he muttered as he rolled his head to the other side. It felt much better this time around since he wasn't holding back anymore.

"Good?" Patrick asked from between his legs. Gerard gave a muffled sound that sort of sounded like he was enjoying himself and was in extreme pain at the same time. Patrick pulled one of the older man's legs up to rest above his hip while the other one continued to just dangle off the side of the bed. He got a better angle to hit Gerard's prostate, and he knew he had when the older man gasped into the sheets. As soon as he was done pushing his glasses back up his face, he had to ask the panting man, "Better?"

"Oh god yes!" Gerard moaned again. The blanket and pillows had been kicked onto the floor when they first started making out, so the only thing he had to grip onto was the thin sheet that was barely holding onto the mattress as is. Patrick was still ramming into him, hitting his sweet spot every time, and he was steadily turning into a pile of orgasmic goo. "I'm gonna cum... I'm so sorry..."

The boy leaned forward as he slowed his pace greatly. After a few tender kisses between them, Patrick asked, "Why are you sorry?"

"I'm not lasting that long," Gerard sighed and slid both of his arms up Patrick's back. "I should be able to go longer."

"Baby," he started but then stopped briefly just to move both of Gerard's legs to wrap around his hips. Both of Patrick's legs were still firmly planted on the floor, but with his boyfriend wrapped around him, his stance was a lot sturdier. "We've been fucking like Catholic bunnies all weekend. I don't expect you to keep up like you did on night one."

"But baby, I don't want to leave you hanging," Gerard said slowly between thrusts.

"Ah, Gee," Patrick said with a kiss. "Just let me take care of you. You're gonna cum and you haven't even touched yourself? I'm taking this as a new record."

"B-but you... you haven't," he tried arguing but Patrick's lips collided with his again. Whatever got him to shut up, and it seemed to work really well.

"I'll worry about it in a minute, just let me worry about you," the boy hummed as he placed kisses down the older man's throat. This was everything he could have wanted; a boyfriend so overly concerned with making him feel good, who took getting fucked with a fake cock better than Patrick did with a real one, and who was patient with all of his dysphoria and anxiety. This one was a keeper.

"Use me like last time..." Gerard's voice was raspy like he was losing his voice. "...to get yourself off."

Patrick smiled back and leaned back so he could go back to fucking his boyfriend. He wasn't even close. The vibrating egg stayed in the bag this time, and he almost regretted it. But his skin was flushed and his breath was hitched, so he was getting there, just not as quickly as Gerard was going to. He went back to his initial pace with quick movements of his hips against Gerard's backside, all the while kissing the older man's neck. "I'll try my best, but...Will do, your highness."

When he came back up, he started to pull his glasses off but Gerard protested, "No keep them on! You look so good."

Patrick looked down, puzzled. "Do you have a glasses fetish or something?"

"No, it's just..." he groaned. "I know it's you. I know it's weird but..."

"No, baby it's not weird," Patrick chuckled at the thought. For the first time in what felt like forever, an aspect of him was appreciated and not fetishized. He really did love this guy. "I understand." He went back to plowing into Gerard, aiming for that sweet spot that earned him a gasp or the occasional moan out of the older man.

The older man dug the nails of one of his hands into the sheets and the nails of his other hand into Patrick's back. Between the bite mark, the scratches, scrapes, and God knows what else was on that boy's back, these new marks were just going to blend in. But it was worth it, everything felt so much better this time and probably the best he had felt in a long time as far as being fucked in the ass was concerned.

"Here baby, let me get you," Patrick added while he reached for Gerard's leaking cock.

The combination of a few thrusts, a few tugs, and a few curses out of the older man's mouth and he was cumming hard over Patrick's fingers in no time. Gerard was carrying himself through his orgasm by bucking back against Patrick's cock until he felt spent. It took almost everything he had left in his voice before he finally started to come back. Gerard hadn't caught himself screaming, but his voice was raspy, like he had screamed every word at a rock show. "O-okay," he gasped when he caught his breath from gasp after gasp. "Do what you nee-" he started to say but he blinked his vision back to no to look up at Patrick just in time to see the boy lick his fingers clean of cum.

"Didn't want you to wash the sheets," he chuckled after he sucked his ring finger clean. "Cuz then you'd leave the apartment."

"Jesus." The older man tried to sit up, plastic cock still buried in him. He had made a comment that morning about how nasty the sheets had gotten, but he didn't think Patrick would take it so literally. But more than anything, it was the sight of the boy licking his fingers clean that made Gerard want to dirty the sheets even more. "Can you do something that isn't incredibly hot? Just for like two seconds?"

"I thought you wanted me to cum," Patrick chuckled.

"Fine," Gerard bargained with his boyfriend. "Make yourself cum so we can get out of bed?"

"Deal." Patrick just laughed him off and went about trying to get off with the base of the dildo pressing against him. There was no special rough texture to help him get off or vibrating bulb that stayed in him while his partner was given the full shaft; but he had to work with what he had. A few minutes went by before he finally admitted defeat with, "Sorry Gee, but this ain't working."

"What can I do?" Gerard asked while he was already making a mental list of all of the things he could from where he was laying to help at his boyfriend off. He was starting to get hard again, just from Patrick brushing against the side of his prostate occasionally, but Gerard was afraid of how bad it would look if he got off a few times when Patrick couldn't even cum once.

"Just... I don't know," the boy answered as he still worked his hips against Gerard's backside. It was working, just not enough to get him close or set him off, but just enough for him to tread water in the sea of pleasure going on in his lower gut. And he could see Gerard's half hard cock, so he was convinced it all had to be in his head. "I really don't know."

Gerard didn't really wait for an opportunity to arrive before he started pulling at the straps on Patrick's hips and thighs. "Here, get this off and I can suck you off."

Patrick grabbed the hands working on the straps and protested, "You don't have to. Don't worry about it."

"No," Gerard said firmly, staring Patrick down, or rather up. "I want to do this. I want to, really."

The boy smiled back, the new little bits of red that tinted his cheeks on his skin blended in with his hair to the point where it was barely noticeable, but it was adorable to the older man nonetheless. Patrick couldn't even argue - he never had a boyfriend who wanted to go down on him, let alone insisted upon it - so he quickly readjusted himself and helped Gerard with the straps. "You're too good to me."

"Remember that when I'm gone," the older man chuckled to himself. He got one of the loops fully undone and pulled it loose enough to get Patrick bare.

"Smart allelic." Patrick did the rest, pulling the strap on off and dropping it onto the floor. He hadn't worn any underwear beneath it, but he did have his binder on which he promptly pulled off to throw onto the floor as well. He was bare minus the frames on his face which he tapped lightly with a fingernail and then mentioned, "Look, I've still got them on."

"Perfect, how 'bout you come here and straddle my face?" Gerard grinned back.

"Oooo, when'd you start getting all ballsy?" the boy started getting sassy. It wasn't a natural thing to do for him to walk on the mattress on his knees, especially given how uncoordinated he was, but Patrick did his best until he was on top of Gerard's chest. "Is this alright, or...?"

The older man didn't give a response, he simply grabbed Patrick by the thighs and readjusted the boy until he was doing what Gerard had suggested earlier. He started with a few lazy laps at the boy's folds, all the while looking up to see Patrick's reaction. Patrick went slack-jawed with a loud unsteady moan, like this was the special spot that made him melt instantly. Gerard moved his tongue inward but he purposely avoided his boyfriend's cock altogether. He knew how to keep Patrick on edge now, and he could use it for leverage so long as that boy kept making those low drawn out moans.

"Oh god..." Patrick let out. "You're... good god."

Gerard took the incoherent sentences as his way of saying that he was doing a good job, like a really good job, and then let it go to his head. Whenever he would even so much as graze up against Patrick's cock the boy's thighs would tremble. He pulled his head back just enough to ask, "You ready for me to stop teasing you?"

"This is you teasing?" the boy chuckled back. Gerard went back to work using his tongue to get the boy off but had his thumb flicking Patrick's cock like a light switch. That was a little rough for him to handle, so he had to say something between the pants and groans, "Ooh, no! Be gentle!"

Gerard moved to a nicer approach and just gently rotated it under his thumb instead. That seemed to do the trick and he didn't hear any more complaints; just moaning and groaning and the occasional, "Ooh, keep doing that."

There was a steady rhythm of Patrick rolling his hips against Gerard's face, Gerard's tongue spearing through Patrick's body, and Gerard's fingers never letting up off Patrick's cock, until it started to be a little too much for Patrick to handle and he felt his orgasm approaching. Without really thinking about it or the parts involved, he grabbed the hand that was on his hip and pulled it up to his chest for the older man to squeeze a breast as he continued riding his boyfriend's face.

The buildup in his belly was starting to teeter over the edge. He threw his head back and bit his bottom lip when it finally broke out of him. Like he would have done with the back end of the strap on, the boy rode his orgasm out with rolls in his hips and grinding up against Gerard face, and he'd be damned if he didn't feel amazing. Patrick's breath was steadying and he was blinking his eyes into focus when he realized what he had done. He put his hand back over top of Gerard's then said very quietly, "Don't tell anyone about this."

"You think I'm gonna tell anyone about our sex lives?" Gerard was purposely being breathy with his words so he was blowing air on Patrick's cock. He initially took it as a joke until he saw the look on Patrick's face.

"But this," he sighed and gestured to the hand still on his chest. "I'm not usually..."

Gerard pulled his hand back and rearranged them so Patrick could straddle his waist instead. "Did it feel natural?"

"I mean... yeah, but..."

"I won't do it again, promise," Gerard sighed. He always hated how Patrick would feel like this; he just wanted the boy to feel good, no flaming hoops to go through but he had signed up for this relationship, flaming hoops and all.

"That's not it... it's not you. I've never..." Patrick pushed a hand over his eyes and it pushed his glasses up into his unkempt hair.

"What do you want to do right now?" Gerard massaged the thighs on both sides of his hips. "We can ignore it or we can acknowledge that you like these parts being played with. Doesn't make you any less manly."

"Oh God." Patrick hid his face in his hands and then mumbled through them. "Two meltdowns in one weekend. I need to go back on my anxiety meds."

"You're doing fine," Gerard tried to reassure him. When the boy's hands came down and he let out a huff, the older man tried again. "Do you want to do something else?"

"We've spent most of the day in bed," the boy sighed loudly. "Maybe we should get out. Do stuff. Besides doing each other."

"What about...?" he trailed off when he realized he didn't know what to call it but Patrick's eyes lit up like they were speaking telepathically and the thought went across.

"The masturbating thing?" The boy both asked and answered simultaneously.

"Yeah, if you want to, I just don't want to leave you hanging," Gerard tried to explain, as he rubbed his hands up and down Patrick's arms while he spoke. "I meant what I said: I love you and if I can't handle a weekend with you having some anxiety, how am I gonna handle a month? Or a year?"

Patrick huffed and mumbled to himself, "Maybe that's a sign we shouldn't."

Before that moment, all Gerard could do was argue that he could be a better boyfriend or how it didn't matter to him that Patrick had this 'extra baggage,' but that was in that moment when his mind started spinning bad idea after bad idea about their relationship.

Between getting dressed and out of bed, he started to think about how he couldn't even watch Patrick give himself his shot. Needles were terrifying and Patrick would understand if he didn't want to watch, right?

While the teenager took a quick shower and brushed his teeth, Gerard's mind wandered off to his mother of all things. He had never came out to her personally. How was he going to explain that he liked guys but bring one home who wasn't legally male? Was it even his place to explain to that to his mother? Sure Mikey and Patrick got along that one time, but was Patrick really going to be okay around the rest of his family?

Like his grandmother might be terrified for a good moment before she would turn to asking question after question; and that was _if_ they'd both come out to the poor woman. And Gerard's dad, just the thought alone made him queasy. And he couldn't imagine what Donald would do Patrick; the old man wasn't homophobic but he had a "gay blind spot" where he still didn't know how to say things without being offensive.

Awhile later, Patrick got out some of his homework and tried to work while snuggled up on the couch. College. Gerard didn't even think about college. Patrick was still so young. His life wasn't even really starting, and Gerard was trying to make something of himself. It was just like Ray had said before the weekend started and now Gerard was starting to get why.

"What's wrong with you?" Patrick asked and poked him with a highlighter when he didn't answer right away.

"Oh shit." Gerard snapped to his senses and looked down at the boy's baby blue eyes staring back at him. He didn't catch the question but he gave an apology anyways. "Sorry, I'm just thinking."

"About?" Patrick asked before he returned his attention back to his US History book.

"What would happen if I get that job for real," the older man sighed. "Like balancing my time to see you and still get everything done. I'd move out of here, but where would I go? Still close to the college to be close to you or go closer to New York to cut down and work travel?"

All the little voices in his head told him to stop. End what he had going on with Patrick and start new with someone else. Tell the boy right there that they needed to stop. But then he kept going...

"Or I could apply for grants to live off campus. So we can look at apartments," Patrick offered, not aware of the internal argument going on in Gerard's mind.

"Yeah," the older man blindly agreed. He still couldn't get his head wrapped around the idea of him living away and having Patrick visit or the other way around. It wasn't like voices in his head talking to him about burning ants with a magnifying glass, but there were voices telling him not to do it. Telling him to leave Patrick behind. Telling him that Patrick was too young. Telling him that he was too old to be dragging this teenager along with him.

"Just hypothetical... Would we be in New York or stay in Jersey?" Patrick talked away while Gerard's mind was running.

"Well, um..." he trailed off. "New Jersey is still a hell of a lot cheaper, so I guess in Newark or Hoboken. There are trains from both of them to the city so it's easier to live there and commute than it would be to live in New York."

"Is it a lot to get a place there?" Patrick rolled his head to the side and looked back up at his boyfriend. The overhead lights hit the side of the boy's glasses in a way that almost illuminated his eyes, making him look angelic to Gerard. He couldn't taint the boy anymore. All these voices were turning into dangerous thoughts that were getting to him and this night was making it worse.

"Kind of," Gerard said when he realized he was being spoken to. "More expensive."

"Would it be worth living here, just to travel that far every day?"

"It'd be a bit of a drive and then the train but it might be cheaper." Patrick nuzzled closer to him and Gerard wrapped an arm around the boy's shoulders. He should have cut it off right then, instead of getting Patrick's hopes up, but he kept going. "I'll run numbers at some point."

"Okay, just when you get back?" The boy sighed and returned to reading his text book. "I don't want you to have one more thing to worry about while you're gone."

"Yeah," he blindly agreed and tried to clear his mind of all of these intrusive thoughts. He had a great job opportunity coming up. He had an amazing boyfriend in his arms. His life was finally coming together. This was the last thing he needed. "I've got enough to worry about right now."

"Where are you staying while you're in New York?" Patrick asked over his reading. He couldn't figure out by the tone what was going on in Gerard's mind, but he knew it was time to change the subject.

"An old friend of mine still lives there. I called him up just to tell him I'd be in, but he's got an empty couch in his apartment so I asked him if I could take it for the week," the older man huffed. He really wanted to stay with his old classmate or at a hotel but he didn't have the money and the old classmate was married to a woman who didn't want a stranger in her home. Completely understandable, but it was a bummer nonetheless.

Patrick let out a groan like he was pissed off about something. "It's not that old friend that you used to get high with and then he couldn't fuck you properly is it?"

"No!" Gerard laughed it off. "Honest. They do know each other. They used to be in a band."

"You and musicians, I swear," Patrick laughed. "You gonna hang out with that musician while you're out of town?"

"We might see each other but that band broke up and everyone's trying to get their lives together," the older man grumbled. "He pissed off their bassist and she left. But now their drummer's in med school, the guitarist works at some factory and I don't know what the singer's doing but I heard something about him working in bars."

"Which one are you crashing with?" Patrick asked.

"The guitarist, Steve. He works nights or else I'd have to find a real place to stay."

"Which one did you sleep with?"

"The singer. Jimmy. Again, he works at bars so he'd probably be working nights too," Gerard told the boy circled up in his lap. "Who knows? But that bridge burned down a long time ago."

"So I have nothing to worry about?" Patrick looked up when he asked it, but he had a coy little smile on his face which just made the older man know he was joking.

"Nothing at all, unless David Bowie pops up and then I'm ditching you to go be part of his intergalactic harem of lovers," Gerard said very matter-a-factually.

"No! Bring me with you!" the boy started to pout.

"If it's between me being left behind to get you or going, I'm taking the space ship," the older man quietly informed his boyfriend.

"You heartless bastard," Patrick gasped. Gerard kissed the boy on the cheek and then they both laughed it off while Patrick finished his reading.

~~~~~

It wasn't until he had Patrick cuddling with him in bed that he thought to ask about the next day. "So what's the plan for tomorrow?"

"When are you leaving?" the boy mumbled into the pillow.

"A little after noon. I need to pack my bag, and then just get dropped off at the station," Gerard said dryly. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want this weekend to end. He just wanted to stay right there in his bed with his arm wrapped tightly around Patrick's middle.

"Joe can pick me up, maybe drop you off too?" Patrick offered.

"I don't want things to be awkward."

"Things are always awkward, Gee," Patrick grumbled. "We're awkward. All the time. Joe just makes it even weirder but he can sit in the car for all I care."

"He'd be okay with that? Sitting in the car while we make out in the parking lot before I board the train and leave you for the week?"

Even with the lights out, Patrick's back was definitely outlined from the street light outside, rising and falling. It was almost hypnotic, just watching the teenager's body as it was starting to rest. "I don't really care if he's okay or not. I'm going to miss you and I will take my time to give you a proper goodbye."

A smile crept across Gerard's face. "I'm gonna miss you."

Patrick tightened the grip on the arm around his waist. "I'm gonna miss you too. But it's just a week. We can do it."

"Maybe," the older man sighed. Those terrible intrusive ideas were getting on board his train of thought.

He didn't realize it but he must have tensed up or changed his breathing pattern for Patrick to pick up on the subtle differences. "Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

Patrick said those words before they started their weekend. Back in the car when Gerard was too scared to tell the boy the truth about how he loved him so much. Three days ago shouldn't feel like three months ago, but here they were.

"I'm scared."

"What are you scared about?" Patrick asked as he turned to face his boyfriend. The lights were still off and they couldn't hold onto each other as well, but it was worth it just for the sentiment.

"If you're still gonna be here when I get back," Gerard sighed. "Like, I wonder if right now we should call it quits and start over with someone new on both of our part or if it's worth pushing the long distance thing when we're both going to have busy schedules. You're still so young, you're just starting school!"

"Let me worry about school," the boy interjected. "And you worry about work. And when we get time to spend with each other, we worry about each other."

That eased the older man's mind for a moment, if only for a moment. "Okay, sounds like a plan."

"We can make it work," Patrick reassured the two of them. "We got to."

"Yeah," Gerard silently agreed while starting to fall asleep. "We got this."

~~~~~

It was cut and dry on the last day.

They each got up, showered, dressed, and ate without so much of a smart ass joke towards the other one's directions. Instead of having Joe pick them both up, it made more sense for Gerard to bring them both to the train station and have Joe meet them there; that way, Gerard had a ride home when he got back, just in case he came back too late in the day for someone else to get him.

With his own two bags in the back with Patrick's stuff, they set off to leave for the day. The teenager texted his friend that they were leaving as the car drove out of the parking lot of the apartment complex, but there wasn't a lot of communication after that.

It was only for a week.

They both had to keep reminding themselves, it was only for a week. It didn't make it any less sad, but at least it was the truth. They stopped at the train station main entrance just for Gerard to get his boarding pass before he came back to the car with the intention to park it long term, but Joe's truck popped up alongside his car on the way out.

"Hey man!" Joe was already trying to get to Patrick's bags to pack them in the back of the truck bed. Gerard made it easier when he pulled his keys out and tossed them over to the other teenager, but afterward, he completely ignored Joe just to see Patrick.

"Hey baby," he sighed when Patrick got out of the car and the two embraced for a moment.

"Hey," the teen murmured into the older man's shoulder. Gerard tightened the grip he had with his arms around Patrick's back and chest as if he could somehow bring the boy with him. While gently rocking the two of them side to side, the older man kept an eye on the bags going into Joe's truck, just in case one of them was his.

Then he saw Patrick's guitar.

That poor thing never came out of its case. It hit Gerard like a baseball to the head that he was supposed to get his own private Patrick Stump show that weekend and it never happened.

"Oh no," he exclaimed aloud. "Your guitar."

"No, it'll be okay," Patrick hummed into Gerard's collarbone. "Joe's gonna be nice to it, he has a guitar of his own."

"No the songs, you said I was supposed to get ten songs," the older man rambled. "I forgot, and fuck, like, I love your voice."

"Weren't you saying something about getting ten of something else when we left your work on Thursday?" Patrick pulled the two of them apart so he could look up at his boyfriend with his baby blue eyes.

"I think so," Gerard tried to admit. It felt like so long ago when it was barely any time at all.

"Well here," Patrick offered. The boy stood up on his toes to take Gerard's mouth with his own. It was quick and barely lasted long enough for the older man to enjoy it. "One."

Patrick aimed for a cheek the next time. "Two."

Then the other cheek. "Three."

With a little more work, he was able to kiss Gerard's forehead. "Four."

"Five," was another kiss on the lips that lasted a bit longer than the first. Patrick started to take his time now.

"Six," was yet another one on the lips but it was even longer and involved Patrick pulling on Gerard's bottom lip between his teeth for just a brief second before kissing it once again, all by itself.

"Seven," was a breathtaking exchange of mouths and tongues, but only for a moment before Patrick parted the two for air.

"Eight," was a whisper between a long lingering kiss shared between the two of them like it would actually be their last.

"Nine," ended too quickly for both of them, regardless of the tangled tongues and Gerard's arms wrapping securely around Patrick's middle.

Suddenly, the older man had a hand on the teenager's cheek just to give a little extra security as the two collided again. It was deep, but not with what they did but rather how they did it. They each held onto one another like it was their last chance, if only for a moment. When their lips parted, Gerard held Patrick's head in place onto his shoulder and slowly rocked the two of them in place.

Then the two of the finally pulled away, Patrick had pushed a couple of tears away from his eyes. "Ten," he said with a smile.

Gerard rubbed his palms up and down the boy's arm. "I'll be back. I promise."

"I know."

"I love you, more than words can describe," Patrick mumbled.

"I love you, and it would take days for me to count the ways," Gerard said while still rocking them. He looked up to see his surroundings. The station was still there, Joe was leaning against his truck, and Patrick was still holding on to him tightly. "I need to go, baby."

"I know," Patrick mumbled again.

"See you in a week," Gerard said as he pulled away.

"Yeah," the boy smiled again. "I'll be here."


	11. And some secrets weren't meant to be told

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me" by Fall Out Boy

Patrick would have been there to pick him up had Gerard not stayed two extra days to help pitch the show to producers. It would have bugged him if he hadn't have called Patrick damn near every night he was gone; and each call would last until Steve got pissed off at the noise and cut the couple off, which sometimes would be hours. Regardless of how it gave him a late start to his plans, Gerard's mind was still working on all the things he could do now that he was back.

Get off the train and to his car? Check.

A week and an extra few days without driving because of the convenience of taxis and subways didn't break him from knowing how to drive, but he found himself speeding like crazy a couple of times on the way back to the apartment.

Shower then unpack? Check.

Well kind of. Clothes got thrown into the hamper and the bag of markers and Bristol paper was shoved as is into his closet. He could deal with it later; nothing was that important at the moment to keep him from getting to Patrick. Gerard even thought about just washing his hair in the sink to cut on time but there was something about the smell of Steve's apartment on him that he couldn't just try to spray over with some air freshener.

Get gas and go see Patrick? Check and check.

All Gerard could think about getting to see his little boyfriend from the second he got off the train. Being far apart from one another didn't help with any of those intrusive thoughts from filling up his mind, but he thought that maybe if he had the boy in his presence, all those thoughts could all be replaced with some comforting ones about their possible future. He knew Patrick would be in class, but Joe had Wednesday's off. So the older man figured he could bribe the teen to let him stay there and surprise his boyfriend. It worked out in his head, but he wasn't sure what he could use for bribery that was inside of a gas station.

Gerard was in the middle of deciding between Mountain Dew and Doritos or the weird pizza flavored Pringles when he got attacked from behind in a tight hug with bony little arms. Almost the entire convenience store turned to see him scream in shock before he turned around to see his brother's face smiling back at him.

"Mikey?!" Gerard asked, still in shock. "What the hell?!"

"I just saw you and knew I couldn't pass it up!" Mikey grinned back. This was possibly revenge for Gerard doing the same thing at the comic book store awhile back.

"Okay but..." The older brother couldn't shake it off so he had to calm himself down before trying it again, "What are you doing here?"

"Oh I'm doing my COMPASS tests today, and then I'll do financial aid and shit later," Mikey added.

"Wait, you're finally going to school?!" Gerard didn't wait for an answer before hugging his brother so hard that he lifted the younger man up off of the floor. "Finally!"

"Holy crap, man, put me down!" When Mikey's feet hit the floor, he brushed his clothes back in place before starting up again. "Next semester I'll be starting. I got to get a dorm even. I qualify, even though I'd be older than a lot of the kids there, so I don't have to be put into adult housing."

"You're still a kid though," Gerard chuckled and ruffled his brother's hair, knocking the pair of glasses off in the process.

"Shit - " Mikey grabbed his glasses before starting up again " - I mean I'm not right out of high school, and that's gonna make me stick out."

"Have you met Frank? You won't stick out, trust me," Gerard sighed. He turned to go back to his task at hand of trying to bribe Joe Trohman into letting him stay in Patrick's room until the teen got out of class. His eyes caught the giant sign for the beer on the coolers on the walls and his thought kept going. "Like Frank has a party going on for Halloween and we're hosting it at the apartment. Maybe you can stop by."

"Hell yeah," the younger Way agreed as the two of them walked over to the beer cooler. "If I'm in, then I'm getting my dorm assigned by the end of the month. So I'll be here."

"Seriously?" Gerard paused from making a selection of alcohol to look over at his brother. "How am I just now hearing about this?"

"I don't know man," Mikey said with a shrug. "Life. We've all been busy."

"I know," Gerard groaned and grabbed a six pack of bottles. Seemed like a good choice, plus if it sucked, there were only six of them. But after spending a week without anything more than water and instant coffee, everything else seemed like a good idea. Then it hit him that his brother didn't know what he had been going that past week. "Oh hey! Did you hear about New York?"

"Is it still standing?"

"Nah man, I mean yeah it's still there, but," the older man grinned when he got his thoughts together. "I got to do the illustrations for a show pitch for Cartoon Network."

"Really?! Dude that's awesome," Mikey exclaimed. "And then you'll do the art for the show, right?"

"If it gets picked up," Gerard groaned a bit at the thought. "I just got home and I'm bringing this to bribe Patrick's roommate to let me stay until he starts out of class. Want anything?"

"Nah, I'm grabbing a sandwich and then filling my car back up," the younger brother told him. "Then I gotta head back. But man! The chances of running into you!"

"I know!" Gerard exclaimed back. "Call me when you're done with financial aid okay? I'll be at Patrick's but we can make plans later while you're still in town."

"Hells yeah," Mikey agreed while they got in line. "I was just planning on going back home tonight, but I'll give mom a call and tell her I'm bunking with you."

The older man nodded his head agreement, but in the back of his mind, he was wondering when he agreed to let Mikey stay the night with him.

~~~~~

With a hug to his brother and a full tank of gas, Gerard bolted over to the dorms as fast as he could legally go to see his boyfriend. He was expecting to be there for maybe two hours or so before Patrick popped over after classes, so the beer was going to go over nicely. His knuckles were rapid on the door until he heard Joe curse on the other side, "Holy fuck! I'm on my way!"

Then the door opened. "No, I'm a Way."

Joe rolled his eyes at his the pun and heavily sighed, "Dude."

"Can I chill here until Patrick gets out of class?" the older man asked, but then held up the beer with a grin like it was his token to get past the tollbooth.

"Actually Patrick's here," Joe added but took the beer regardless. "His teacher is hella sick and he got out of class. Lucky you."

Yep. Lucky Gerard.

He made his way into the dorm before Joe pointed out that the teenager was still in his room. He started out gently knocking but after not getting a response, Gerard pressed on into the barely lit room. Patrick was sleeping on a bed of books and notes with a pen pulling his upper lip up while on his actual bed. Gerard was quiet while he moved about the room to sit in front of the teen but with his knees on the floor.

"Hey baby," he tried to whisper with a finger tracing the boy's face until Patrick jumped.

A textbook was thrown to the floor and a notebook went straight into the wall before Patrick realized what was going on. "Oh shit," he grumbled until he saw his boyfriend. "Oh, Gee!"

"Hey," the older man repeated himself as he was enveloped in a tight loving embrace by the smaller body.

"Oh, I'm so glad you're back," Patrick said and grinned into the other man's shoulder. Without making too much of a mess, he pushed the rest of his school supplies onto the floor to make room for Gerard on the mattress. "Here, I missed you."

Gerard climbed into the bed along with the boy and went almost immediately back to cuddling. While rubbing his hand up and down the boy's back, he could feel that Patrick didn't have a binder on and it eased his mind that the boy could sleep safely. "I missed you too."

"You said you were gonna be back on Friday," Patrick recalled one of their last conversations they had while Gerard was still in New York.

"I know, but I got out early." Gerard kissed the top of Patrick's head while he had an arm around Patrick middle to spoon the tinier body.

"Why are you here with me? You should be at work getting paid an' shit," the boy mumbled on. "I went to the store once and Justin had the place in shambles."

"Oh god," Gerard groaned. He knew he'd have to go back eventually, especially since Brian was so amazing with letting him out without much notice and then staying an extra two days, he just didn't want it to be so soon. "I'll call in a little bit. See when Brian wants me to be there."

"Okay," Patrick quietly agreed while snoozing into his boyfriend's arms. There was a part of Gerard that wanted to press on and try to convince Patrick for a quickie, but with the boy physically there with a tight grip on his torso and his heart, Gerard had abandoned all plans he initially had and stayed content with the teenager in his arms. As soon as the boy started to drift off to sleep, Gerard texted his brother to change their plans. Mikey could stop by sometime later, maybe the next time they had a party going on, but right then and there, the older man needed to be in that dorm with his boyfriend.

He was right where he needed to be.

~~~~~

The couple didn't get to see much of each other for the next week or so. Gerard didn't get a day off to make up for him being gone so long, and then Justin had to call out two weekends in a row for band performances (which in turn gave Gerard overtime) so his entire week was split between work and sleep.

Until that weekend. They all purposely planned on a "party" at Joe and Patrick's apartment just because Andy wasn't going to be present. That meant the minors could drink without supervision, but they were still reliant on Pete or one of the Jersey boys to get the booze. Ray had initially volunteered to pick up the bill (just in hopes that someone besides him or his girlfriend could be the designated drivers) until Gerard saw his paycheck.

The cashier at the liquor store tried to give them a once over when the two men brought their selection up to the counter. "Having a party are we?" he asked over the four cases of beer, two tequila bottles, and a bottle of Jack Daniels that Ray had to have.

"Kind of, we're celebrating," Gerard said with a grin.

"Being legal? Twenty-one shots can kill some kids," the cashier mentioned in a deadly monotone.

"Oh god no," Gerard protested. He brought out his ID for his own defense. "I'm twenty-five, Ray here is the same age, and we're going to be one of the younger guys there."

The cashier took the ID in his hand, examined it, and then returned it back to it owner with nothing more than, "Uh-huh, sure."

The two smiled back at one another when they were done checking out and out of the building. "The youngest ones there?" Ray repeated.

"Whatever gets the booze back to the dorms," Gerard chuckled as the bags were carefully placed in the back. "Besides, now we get an idea of what we should do for Frank's party in two weeks."

"I didn't even think out that," Ray mused it over. "We need to keep tallies on how much they can actually drink; that is if we can get the booze past Andy."

"Good idea," the other man agreed, mostly so they could go on ahead to the dormitory.

Ray's girlfriend beat them there, but she used to attend the college and he knew her way around a lot of better. Didn't help that Gerard and Ray got lost from taking 'a shortcut to the back entrance' but Christa was leaning on her car when the two finally showed up. "Well hello," she practically sang to them.

"Hey honey," her boyfriend sang back to her before stealing a kiss. He had a hand on her lower back and the other gripping the brown bag of liquor bottles. Gerard, on the other hand, was hobbling behind them both with his arms a little too full with the cases of beer he insisted on carrying in one go.

"My hands are empty," she offered and motioned to Gerard's full arms. "Can I help?"

"Nope!" the other man said, struggling with the words just as much as he was with the cases. "I got it!"

"Okay, where we going?" she asked, still following her boyfriend like he should be leading the party.

"Fifth floor," was all Gerard could mutter out for the moment.

"Let me help," Christa snapped as she grabbed half of the cases from Gerard's faltering arms.

He just let it happen since no amount of manliness could be retrieved if he was passed out in the elevator. "Fifth floor, dorm eight," he told them when he finally caught his breath.

"Your boyfriend's place?" Christa asked as she looked over her shoulder. Her eyes had lit up with a devilish gleam that could only mean she terrible intentions. Gerard would never get why she was excited over the notion of him having a boyfriend, but she was like this every time.

"And one of his best friends, plus the other best friend is stopping by, possibly my brother, and possibly Frank," he admitted his plan.

"Frank's coming?!" Ray shouted loud enough to gather some attention from other college students hanging around their dorms. Having the door open to the lounge didn't help. At all. But, most of the dormitory was filled with partying, teenage shenanigans, and loud music to begin with. Midterms were over and it wasn't even close to finals, so another party on the fifth floor was going to blend in with the rest of the noise.

"Maybe," Gerard tried to reason but he was much quieter as he waited until he was next to the taller man in the doorway before saying anything. "I was worried about him at our apartment and the Chicago Crew offered their place first. Remember? Test run."

Joe greeted the group at the door and then quickly shut the door behind the last person. "I don't want any stragglers," he admitted. "My best friends' boyfriend paid for this shit and I don't want anyone who isn't part of the group to partake in the spoils."

"Speaking of spoils - " Gerard motioned towards the cases in his dying arms " - Where are they going?"

"Kitchen counters," Pete announced from the kitchen and stole the cases. He was going to be a perfectionist in setting up his liquor buffet. Everyone else had heard him talk up a storm about that afternoon but the new attendees would hear all about it. "I cleaned up so we can set it up like a buffet style!"

"Yeah, 'cuz we need to shots in a buffet style," Patrick commented as he made his way into the room. He didn't really care about Pete and Joe being in his way since he barreled through them to get to his boyfriend. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Gerard said with a kiss. He had a grip with his hands onto Patrick's shirt and the boy had his own hands around Gerard's neck like they hadn't seen each other in years. "Feels like it's been forever."

"I know," the smaller of the two whined. It didn't stop him from rubbing up in the older man, whether his friends were watching or not.

"Hey," Joe announced over the two. "I've got a party to plan. I need all extra hands to not be fondling extra limbs."

"I think he means your penis," Patrick whispered in Gerard's ear and got a loud snort out of the older man. The sudden noise got some unwanted attention from Joe again so the two quickly split and helped set up the buffet of alcohol.

"You didn't invite a shit ton of people did you?" Joe snapped over at Gerard when he saw the couple split. That much booze couldn't just be for just three-fourths of the Chicago Crew, Gerard, Ray, Ray's girlfriend whose name Joe couldn't remember nor wanted to because he was being an asshole, and possibly Frank.

"Frank and maybe my brother," the older man admitted, and it caught Ray's attention.

"What do you mean maybe Mikey?" Ray had to ask. "You've said it twice but I'm wondering why he's gonna be in town."

"I kinda bailed on him the last time we hung out and I'm trying to make it up to him," Gerard tried explaining his unfortunate predicament. "He might have to come with one of us tonight so he won't have to drive home."

"One of us?" Ray repeated and then leaned with his back to the counter of the liquor buffet. "Where are you staying?"

"I don't know if you know this," Gerard started to joke. "But I'm sleeping with one of the guys that own this place."

Patrick was on the couch with his arms dangling off of the back, smiling like an idiot while listening to his boyfriend talk. "Hi."

Ray gave a weak wave at the boy before he walked away, trying to find something else to do. Gerard, on the other hand, just smiled back before he returned to putting the buffet up for the group and their guests.

He loved this boy.

A lot.

~~~~~

Frank showed up.

Shouldn't have been a surprise since he was invited. But he kept finding the means of getting between a rock and a hard place or in this case a Way and a Stump; at one point quite literally between the couple on the couch as he squished himself a seat between the two. "So I'm betting good money Gerard didn't get that job," the younger teen slurred words over to Patrick. "So be prepared to be the housewife of a failed artist."

"He'll get the job," Patrick said with a snarl. "There's no way he can't."

"Baby, don't," Gerard tried to break it up but he was quickly interrupted.

"No, tell him about it," the boy barked back. "Tell him about the show, tell him about Joe, tell him about the fucking monkey."

Had the group played music or had the TV on, the whole room wouldn't have been redirected to Gerard and his recent cartoon job with Patrick's outburst. Especially since he had heard his name, Joe sat right on the arm of the couch next to his best friend. "Yeah, we never heard how that went."

"Well, I mean," Gerard started to stutter before he placed his third beer on the table in front of him. "I...I-I guess."

"You gotta do the voice too," Patrick reminded him. "They were supposed to have a voice guy come in for the pilot but he couldn't make it so Gerard ended up voicing the main character for their pitch."

Gerard thought about arguing; he really didn't want to make this all about him, even if he loved living in the spotlight. He just wanted to hang out with his boyfriend, get drunk, and sleep in a bed with Patrick possibly after sex; but he saw the enamored look in Patrick's eyes so he got up to stand in the middle of the 'living room' to tell his story.

The group was perfectly placed around him at that point; all of the Chicago Crew on the couch after Frank gave up his seat to get even more liquored up 'before watching this shit show,' while Ray and Christa cuddled up together on one of the sides. He didn't really know how to start, but he tried from the beginning, "So my old friend from art school hit me up awhile back because of this opportunity he got. He knew he couldn't do it alone and he liked how I worked and liked my style and sense of humor. Patrick and I nicknamed him 'Artist Joe' when we would talk on the phone so we wouldn't get him and Trohman mixed up."

"So what as I?" the Joe sitting there asked. "Regular Joe?"

"Just Joe. Not like you weren't special, you were just the first one," Gerard tried to explain before going back to his pitch. "So the show's about this monkey who uses his superpowers to spread the greatness of breakfast around the world."

There was an awkward silence that took over the room and Gerard might have actually heard crickets.

"A monkey?" Joe asked when he got his thoughts together.

"With breakfast superpowers?" Frank added before taking a gulp of his drink.

"It would be fucking breakfast too, man," Pete laughed and started to poke Joe in his gut. "I mean have you had this dude make you pancakes on a Sunday? It's worth being up that fucking early."

"I know but," Joe started to agree but he wasn't all the way there. "A monkey...?"

"He's literally called the Breakfast Monkey," Gerard kept going. "So the pilot wasn't much of an origin story but just an idea of what a random episode would be like. Like there's this luchador who comes into the Breakfast Monkey's diner asking for a grilled cheese and the monkey is just not gonna do it because it is his breakfast diner it and straight up changes the wrestler's head into a stack of pancakes -"

"Do the voice!" Patrick interrupted him and egged him on while completely on the edge of the couch. "Do the voice! DO the voice!"

Suddenly the older man was all embarrassed, but he was gonna suck it up just to make Patrick smile. So Gerard cleared his throat before starting up, "Who-hoho silly man! Your language means nothing to me!"

The group was stunned for the most part. To hear such a high pitched squeaky little voice come out of Gerard was so unexpected.

"Wait?! THAT'S the little fucker's voice?" Frank was the first to say something.

"Uh... yeah," the older man admitted, almost shamefully. "That's the Breakfast Monkey."

"Well, I love it!" Patrick announced.

"Well, you're also slightly drunk," Gerard told his boyfriend. A few other partygoers agreed.

"I loved it even when I was sober," the younger teen tried to argue back but Gerard took advantage of the opportunity and stole a kiss from the boy, even (and especially) if it made Joe gag. When they parted, Patrick begged him to, "Get me another drink when you're done?"

"Sure," he agreed. "Hard liquor or the shitty beer?"

"I've only had whatever is in these glasses," the boy told him with the lime green plastic cup in view. Hard liquor it was.

"Wait so, Mucha Lucha gets his head turned back right?" Joe asked, being the one person who was still listening to the show summary. The other teen probably wanted to know how it ended since he was still sitting on the couch listening like he was invested in the story.

"Yeah. But not before terrorizing and destroying part of the city," Gerard agreed and nodded. He thought about expanding it to the rest of the plot but then he realized how the concept of Crazy Boy might be a bit... crazy for Joe to understand without visuals. "But then the Breakfast Monkey fixes him and they decide to spread the greatness of breakfast to the rest of the world."

Joe nodded along until he realized that was the end of it, "That's awesome man. Can't wait to see it."

The group had settled down enough around the dorm for him to leave the room to get his boyfriend a drink, just in time for a loud knock to bang on the door that startled everybody. Then the room erupted again, just this time with Joe instructing all of the illegally drunk teenagers to hide the booze and then themselves. Even Ray was busting his ass to move bottles to keep them all from going to jail.

"Um... anyone getting the door?" Gerard tried to ask even though no one was really paying attention to him. He had an idea of who could be at the door, and if he was right, then the group should be sharing their glasses instead of hiding them. Sure enough, the older man walked over to the door and opened it just a bit before throwing it open to show off, "Mikey!"

"Hey man!" His brother hugged him back.

That got enough of the group to stop freaking out, except Joe who kept shouting about, "I'm not gay but I will deep throat this bottle to keep from getting caught!"

"What did I walk in on?" Mikey asked as he saw the situation. All the lights were off except for the TV and one of the floor lamps in the corner, but the bodies were moving around enough for the younger Way to realize that there was a decent sized group at the 'party.'

"A bunch of minors freaking out over the thought of getting caught drinking underage," Gerard tried to explain.

"Wait, who the fuck is that? I thought Joe said no stragglers?!" Pete shouted from behind the couch.

"This - " Gerard motioned towards Mikey " - is my brother." He quickly tried to introduce everybody, from the Jersey Boys to the Chicago Crew, until he got to Patrick who had already met the younger brother. Almost instantly, Ray and Mikey were engulfed in a conversation about the bands on their shirts and the room went back to normal, or as normal as it got with this group of people, which was still debatable.

After his brother got better integrated into the festivities, Gerard went back to making Patrick a drink. A little bit too big of a splash of grenadine, some orange juice, and a whole lot tequila, and the older man brought over his half-assed sunrise back to his boyfriend who eagerly tried to take it in his grabby hands. "Thank you!" Patrick purred as he took it and took a long sip out of it. "I can't even taste the alcohol in it."

"A lot of grenadine, baby," Gerard informed and stole a kiss when Patrick wasn't expecting it.

It made the boy giggle and squirm further into his seat. It was noticeable and Joe rolled his eyes before going back to talking to the guys. The conversation was getting loud and Gerard didn't catch every word but he could tell Joe and Pete were getting into a heated debate. He tried to get a spot on the couch next to his boyfriend but it was all taken up by the group of teenagers. The best spot, he had reasoned to himself, would have to be the floor. Then he could play with Patrick's legs, or his thighs, or his feet, or whatever he could get a hold of. Mostly he just wanted to get the boy's attention; not really kill the conversation, but just to remind Patrick that he was there.

"So what are you guys harping about?" Gerard plopped onto the floor where the Chicago crew sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Pete changed his major again!" Joe announced with his beer bottle in the air.

"It's not that big of a deal," Pete groaned and threw his head back into the edge of the couch.

"This is like, your third time and it's our first semester!" Joe snapped back. Just the thought of how they hadn't been there in New Jersey long made Gerard think about how he hadn't been dating Patrick for all that long. It felt like it had been so much longer and he couldn't even fathom how it had been only a few months in the long run.

"Well, I for one - " Patrick piped in when he had a chance " - Think you will do really well in Political Science. Whatever the fuck that means."

"It's where I analyze politics and politicians," Pete barked in Patrick's direction now. "It's actually really fucking important."

"Your parents just taught you that when you were growing up," Joe giggled.

The argument between the two drunks kept going on and on with Gerard not understanding any bit of what they were saying. It had to all be based on personal jokes and their history because he didn't get one bit of it. Patrick caught the look of confusion on his boyfriend's face so he intervened for a moment. "Pete's parents met while they were both campaigning for a Chicago politician."

"Oh shit, cool," the older man commented.

"It's kinda cool." Patrick shrugged when he added, "He just pays close attention to politics and makes us worry about it more than we should. He'll do good in this new program."

"Yeah," Gerard blindly agreed and laid his head back on Patrick's lap.

The young boy took note of how Gerard was zoning out and started scratching the older man's head until he realized it wasn't making that much of a difference. "You okay?"

"Yeah I was just thinking about how you guys haven't been here long," Gerard said absentmindedly.

"Well yeah, it's still our first semester, remember?" the teen reminded him.

"I know but," he paused to sit up and look at Patrick, his arms still crossed in the boy's lap. "We haven't been dating very long either."

"You thinking of breaking up with me?" Patrick chuckled.

"No," Gerard laughed back if only slightly. All those intrusive thoughts were coming back full force, just now they were coming out. "I'm thinking about what would happen if I got that job in New York."

Patrick's head rolled back onto the couch before sighing. "Baby, why do you worry about this so much?"

"Just, you have all of this here, like the guys and school and junk - " he groaned loudly and looked up, pitifully " - Like if I wasn't here but this party was still going on, where would you be?"

"Probably wherever you are," the boy guessed.

"So you'd miss out on this party just to be lazy with me in New York?"

"I'm starting to think maybe I shouldn't have come to this party," Patrick mumbled lowly. "And I fucking live here."

"I didn't mean to start anything, I'm just getting more and more worried about whatever can happen when we're not near each other," Gerard tried explaining. "Cuz if it's just us, all the time, you're not going to get to do things like this."

"Maybe let me figure out what I want to spend my time doing?" Patrick rolled it around in his mind.

"I mean, of course, I just don't want to be selfish about it," the older man admitted. He meant every word, at least he thought he did, but it was still hard to get his words straight. "Like not every weekend should be spent with me, but at the same time we could also not see each other like ever and that would be heartbreaking."

"Are you going to let me make a decision in this at all?" the teenager asked between his drinks. "Like I get you're older and you're used to making decisions, but you've got to realize I'm half of this relationship. It's not just you here."

"I know but..." Gerard couldn't get his thoughts out. "I can't help but worry."

"Maybe just worry about hanging out with me for the time being huh?" Patrick offered while burying his hand into Gerard's hair. "And then worry about work while I worry about school and we see each other we'll get to take breaks from worrying so much."

"Yeah," the older man agreed just so he could these thoughts out of his mind. Maybe it would be like an 'out of sight, out of mind' thing where if they stopped talking about it, he could stop thinking about it.

The conversation between Joe and Pete was getting heated again and Patrick was trying to de-escalate it the best he could before he realized Gerard was still sitting there. "Hey," the teen started. "Go hang out with your brother or something for a minute. I'll come get you later, okay?"

There was a smidge of sultriness in Patrick's voice that Gerard almost didn't catch, but he knew what it meant. "Yeah?"

"Yeah baby," he reassured the older man as Gerard got up to leave.

The same time Patrick went to work trying to calm Joe and Pete down, Gerard went off to go join Frank and Ray's conversation. Mikey was also sitting in the group but he didn't seem to be talking much; just listening and evaluating the conversation. Gerard tried to ease his way in while he sat next to his brother. "What are we talking about?"

"Music and shit," Frank slurred an answer.

"Here, I'll try with you," Ray started to say before rearranging himself to face Gerard one on one. "Prince or Bowie?"

"What?" Gerard asked back as he didn't get the point of the question.

"Who did you get attached to more: Prince or David Bowie?" Ray repeated.

"Oh, Bowie," he answered, confidentially this time. "Easily."

"Okay, now do you know what their real names are?" Ray tried to expand the conversation.

"Well... David Bowie is really David Jones but there was another musician with the same name so he changed it," Gerard rattled off like he was talking about an elementary school experience instead of someone else's life. "I don't know about Prince though."

"It's just Prince," Mikey finally said something. "That's his actual first name. He dropped his last name to just be Prince."

"Which brings me to my next point," Ray said and brought the attention back to him. "Get a fucking stage name, Frank."

"What?!" the smaller man snapped back. "What's wrong with my name? I come from a long line of musicians with that same last name, thank you!"

"See, it's cursed," the curly-haired man continued to point out. "Change it!"

The next half hour was dominated with stage name after stage name, followed by band name ideas, and then the group (mostly Frank) trying to get Mikey to laugh; as in full on laugh out loud laughter at a joke. It wasn't working beyond a light chuckle or a soft nod at an occasional comment, but at least they had something to do. The whole tone of the party had died down for awhile. It was a nice change of pace. No running around or trying to please people or impress his boyfriend's friends. Just nice casual conversations over substances that three people at the party weren't legally allowed to enjoy. A nice change of pace.

There was a moment when the brothers got to hang out by themselves and talk in private. It felt like old times; sitting in the corner, watching everyone else, talking about their problems, making fun of the people of the party, and stealing sips from bottles of booze they didn't even check to see were theirs. "How's everything in the relationship going?" Mikey asked when they ran out of jokes about Frank's hair.

"It's perfect," Gerard lied. It wasn't immediate, he just didn't think to put much thought into his answer. "You know..."

"I don't, tell me about it," the younger Way beckoned for an explanation.

"I'm..." He paused before he could just blurt out what was on his mind. Gerard actually thought for a second that maybe he shouldn't share this with his brother but if he couldn't share it with Mikey, then who could he share this with? "I'm worried about New York."

"That job?"

"Yeah."

"What's to worry about? You'll get it, you get a job in New York with your degree and get your name out in the art world. You don't, things stay the same which still isn't bad," Mikey told him like he knew all of his brother's story.

"Patrick," Gerard mentioned.

"Ah," the younger brother realized the problem. "The relationship. It all comes together now."

"I can't bring him with me but I can't stay here either," Gerard admitted. "I'm at a crossroads. I feel like I've already made the decision in my head, played the conversations over and over again, and I can already see the outcome. But it's just so hard."

"You think you'd break it off?" Mikey asked with a perplexed look on his face.

"I think," the older brother trailed off. "I think it's best. But that's still if I get the job. That's if the show gets picked up. There's a lot of 'ifs' in this situation that I have to take into consideration before doing anything."

"That's a lot, man," Mikey sighed and took a long drink.

"What would you do?" Gerard asked while watching Patrick. The boy was leaned against the arm of the couch while deep in a conversation with his own friends. Occasionally, Patrick would look over at the brothers and it worried the older man. He was suddenly worried if Patrick could hear what he was saying, and then he wondered if he should have been talking about this at a party in the first place.

"Stick with your gut," his younger brother told him. "If your gut is telling you to leave, then leave. If your gut is telling you to stay, then stay. But enjoy what you got right now before you make a decision."

"Yeah," he blindly agreed.

"Just don't be an ass about it if you leave," Mikey offered. "Don't break his heart."

"I'll try," Gerard mumbled.

The conversation went dry and the two just sat in silence. It was one of the best ways they spent time together over the years and that night and at a party in a college dorm, that neither of them went to, wasn't any different. It said a lot about a friendship if the two people would continue talking even when there was nothing to talk about, and it was something else entirely when the two could just enjoy each other's company without saying a word. Brothers or not, they really were each other's best friend.

The silence was nice until a literal game of beer pong got started on the coffee table. The teens didn't even use red Solo cups like the game called for, but instead all of the cups and from the kitchen that wasn't being used for alcohol consumption in a pyramid shape. Gerard's personal favorite was the owl shaped coffee mug at the bottom just because it stuck out; quite literally since Joe positioned it in a way where the handle would hinder them from getting balls into the cup.

Before all of the cups could be stolen, Gerard decided he was going to make himself another drink until he felt a body rub against his back. If it wasn't so short with a hat bill poking him in between his shoulders, he would have slapped the person thinking it was Frank. He turned around just in time for Patrick to rub against this side of him.

"Hey," Patrick purred in his ear. "So I was thinking about how we haven't any _quality_ time together since you've gotten back."

"Whoa," the older man moaned lowly. For a quick second, he checked to see if anyone could see what they were doing, but everyone was too preoccupied with their games. "You're right."

"I was thinking how we could just lock the door and I could have my way with you," the boy whispered in a sultry tone. Patrick was never like this. Even during that weekend they had spent together, Patrick was never this flirtatious or this suave. It had to be the booze.

"Did you have another drink?" Gerard asked while pulling the boy's arms down to their sides.

"A few tonight," Patrick answered honestly. He wriggled out of the grasp on his wrists just to grab hold of Gerard's groin through the fabric of the older man's pants. "'Cmon, I need you. It's been weeks... I know you want it too."

This time the moan was more audible and when Gerard blinked the vision back into his eyes, he saw Joe staring at them from across the room. Even with Patrick grinding up against him and blocking most of his view, he knew Joe could see them. He knew that the other teen was watching their every move. He just couldn't figure out if Joe wanted to separate them or if Joe wanted them to get a room.

"'Cmon~nnn," Patrick purred again. "Let's go to my room."

"Okay," Gerard agreed, eyes still glued to Joe's. He really just wanted to get away from Joe's gaze. Into Patrick's pants was just a plus. "Sure." 

No one paid attention to what was going on besides Joe, even as Patrick was giggling like a school girl bringing his boyfriend over to his room, which was admittedly loud enough to get attention from other people. The teen got the door opened enough to hop inside while Gerard closed it behind them. Between the door and the bed were a few stolen kisses and some clothes being thrown onto the floor. Patrick was sitting on the edge of his bed clad in only a shirt and his binder after he finally chucked his hat across the floor with a shirtless Gerard standing between his open legs, both relentless on each other's mouths. "I missed you," Patrick commented when they parted.

Gerard pushed his weight against the shorter boy so the two of them fell back onto the bed. Now hovering over the teen while on stable on his own arms, Gerard was hell bent on placing little hickeys on Patrick's neck. He managed to only get one since he only put enough force in the last harsh suck. "Like you haven't seen me all night."

"I meant like this," the teen groaned. The low moan in the back of his throat got louder the further down Gerard's mouth went. "You need lube?"

"Not yet," Gerard mumbled against the curls of Patrick's groin. "A little busy."

Patrick let out that low moan that was buried deep in his throat when his boyfriend's tongue actually met up with his cock. He never had a boyfriend go down on him, and now he had one that _enjoyed_ it. How did he get so lucky?

Gerard lapped at the teen's folds, from bottom to top, again and again. He had done a little research to make sure he was doing it right. He hadn't done this in forever with the exception of Patrick, but he wanted to make sure he did right just for the teen. Gerard loved the way Patrick would arch his back, the way his mouth would look when he moaned, and the occasional high-pitched yelp that might escape from between his lips if the pleasure got to be too much. "Oh God," he moaned loudly. "I missed this."

The older man pulled off long enough for his breath to blow onto Patrick's now wet nether regions. "You didn't take care of yourself while I was gone?"

"Not like this," the teen said between pants. When his breath caught up, he pulled himself up onto his elbows to look down his torso and into Gerard's eyes. "This is not like rubbing one out."

"Don't you have toys though?" Gerard teased before going back to his job at hand, or rather, tongue.

Patrick dropped back onto the bed with a groan. "Toys will never be able to do this. They'll come out with something that supposed to be just as good but it'll never be like _this_." 

"So you like what I do?" the older man groaned against the boy's groin before going back to licking it up and down. Patrick didn't get a verbal answer. He did, however, grab Gerard's head and grind up against his crotch. His voice got higher and higher and he continued to ride his boyfriend's face, and Gerard just moved his mouth along with Patrick's body to keep going through what he could only assume would be an orgasm. 

It wasn't until Patrick was actually arched off of the bed, screaming into the room, while bucking against his face that Gerard knew that he did, in fact, give his boyfriend the first ever screaming orgasm the older man had ever seen. Gerard cleaned his jaw with the back of his hand while Patrick was slack on the bed like a ragdoll. "See," he started to say before his voice broke. "There will never a toy to do that."

"Maybe they should make one, name it after me," the older man chuckled. Patrick was still squirming in front of him trying to get the last waves of pleasures out of his body and it brought a smile to Gerard's face. He did that. He made the boy scream. He made the teenager do all of that.

"How much did you miss me?" Patrick muttered when he tried to sit up on his elbows.

"A lot," the older man countered and pushed himself up onto the bed so he could envelop Patrick's tinier body with his own.

"Show me," the teen growled into his boyfriend's neck. Patrick worked his way up to sit in Gerard's lap and gradually pulled the two of them so his back could be on the wall. "You got the lube, right?"

"No, I actually..." Gerard trailed off as he wondered whether or not he had packed anything. There were a few times he had packed condoms with him, but he hadn't ever thought about bringing lube. He was too busy thinking about whether or not he could actually bring a pack or a tiny bottle with him everywhere he went when Patrick pulled one from out the pillows and brought it up to their faces along with a wrapped condom.

"I got a store under my bed, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"Finger me?" Patrick asked like he was asking for something to be passed over to him; not a weird request or a sexual one in the slightest. 

"Oh hell yeah," Gerard answered him and grabbed the bottle. It had a push open top that made it easy to squeeze a little bit onto his fingers and Patrick only had his top on which made it easy to spread across Patrick's hole and then further into the teen's body.

Patrick shuddered and let out a weird gasp-moan when the first finger slipped in. "This... this is what I wanted. This is what I missed."

"Me too, baby," the older man growled. He was two fingers deep now and starting to move them at a steady pace. Everything was getting back to how he liked it; pressing wet sloppy kisses into Patrick's neck, getting his cock covered and slicked up and then pressing right up against his boyfriend's asshole. It had been awhile for the two of them, and a good part of Gerard wanted to draw this out and make it last, so he kept himself at bay. He did, however, beckon Patrick to take control with, "Tell me when."

"I swear to god Gerard, if you do not put that thing in me I will make you regret it," the teen growled. 

"Okay, okay," the older man chuckled before steadily pushing himself inside. Patrick's mouth shuddered into an O while Gerard's face almost perfectly imitated his. Maybe it had been a little too long for the two of them.

"Ah fuck," Patrick groaned while running his fingers down Gerard's chest. When the older man shuddered, the teen realized that was the most movement he had gotten out of his boyfriend. "Need me to take control?"

Gerard's mind was a flurry of thoughts, mostly about how he didn't know how Patrick could take any more control than he already had but they were in a weird position with the teen's back on the wall and his legs on both sides of Gerard's own. Plus he was shirtless while his boyfriend was pantless. So the whole thing was weird. "Yeah, sure."

Patrick took hold of the older man's shoulders and used them to hoist himself up and then let himself down. This was better. This was working _much_ better for both of them. They went about it for awhile with a few moans and groans here and there in between the two of them, before Patrick needed help. "Push me against the wall, I can get you in deeper." When the older man worked the teen a little further up, Patrick's head tilted back into the wall. One of his arms fell down from Gerard's shoulder and snaked its way down to his needy cock. "I'm getting close."

"Think I can get you to go again?" the older man asked breathlessly. He wasn't even close. It felt amazing, like he had never been that deep in someone before, and his entire length had never been this engulfed in tight heat like this before. Patrick let out a tiny squeak of a noise for a response along with a nod that just beckoned Gerard to push harder, plunge in a little deeper, and get a little bit rougher. "How about we let the party know?"

"I think... they know," the teen joked back in bits and pieces between thrusts. "I was... I was pretty loud...earlier." 

"You think?" 

"Y-y-yeah... yeah," was all the teenager could manage before he lost it.

Patrick suddenly slumped down onto his boyfriend's shoulders. The little slivers of shakes that ran through his arms sent out in waves down to the rest of his body, including his lips. It wasn't a scream, or a cry, or even a moan; it was just a small gasp, so small in fact, it almost wasn't even heard.But his body was like a tidal wave crashing onto the rocks on the shore. 

But his body was like a tidal wave crashing onto the rocks on the shore. His fingernails were scraping at the sensitive skin on Gerard's chest, his legs tensed up around his boyfriend's muddle so hard it almost hurt, and his insides tightened up so well around the older man's length that it locked the two in place. 

The shudders had made their way up his face and to his voice by the time Gerard had intervened and had both of his hands on the teenager's face. "Put me on my back," Patrick moaned. Of course, Patrick was still giving out orders even when he was slack jawed and dazed.

Gerard complied as quickly as he could but the pillows he tried to place Patrick on were hiding some goodies. The teen jumped up, almost in pain but mostly shock, at the lube bottle and boxed condoms that stabbed him in the back as soon as he laid down. Everything including two of the pillows were quickly shoved onto the floor before the older man went back to his task at hand; finishing off while getting Patrick to go again. 

He barely had his cock back into his boyfriend before Gerard started off at a quick pace. Even with his hips like pistons, he had to work both of their bodies into a much more comfortable position while they were still fucking. There was barely a word between them, but Patrick was barely making a sound. Patrick's face was a contorted mess of pleasure, but with no noise being emitted from his lips, it made all of Gerard's work feel it was for nothing.

"Baby?" he finally had to ask.

"I'm gonna... so close," Patrick shuddered just to ease his boyfriend's mind.Then it happened again, that tidal wave, just this time, Gerard was crashing right alongside him. Arms were twisted against one another. Lips grazed, barely making contact. Breaths were caught in their throats while sharing each other's air. Patrick's body had been frozen until his orgasm finally subsided, and then he fell onto the bed as a limp ragdoll. Gerard had continued with shallow thrusts until he was soft; so soft it almost hurt with Patrick's body constricting on his cock. 

Then it happened again, that tidal wave, just this time, Gerard was crashing right alongside him. Arms were twisted against one another. Lips grazed, barely making contact. Breaths were caught in their throats while sharing each other's air. Patrick's body had been frozen until his orgasm finally subsided, and then he fell onto the bed as a limp ragdoll. Gerard had continued with shallow thrusts until he was soft; so soft it almost hurt with Patrick's body constricting on his cock. The two of them stayed like that while their breaths were steadying, and their bodies were starting to feel more physical within this dimension.Gerard was still hovering over the smaller almost lifeless body underneath him until he leaned in to finally bring their lips together. 

Gerard was still hovering over the smaller almost lifeless body underneath him until he leaned in to finally bring their lips together; it was soft, gentle, and almost velvety.

Patrick's eyes fluttered open and he looked cherubic with the after glow and those baby blue eyes. "Hi."

"Hi," the older man parroted back. The two of them exchanged a small giggle before Gerard let his body fall next to Patrick. "That was amazing."

"You just keep getting better and better," the teen joked.

"So I guess if it's really good for you, you don't make any noises?" Gerard was trying to piece it together. Earlier he gave the boy a screaming orgasm, and just now Patrick wasn't making any noise when he came. 

"Sometimes, I can't control it when it's good like that," Patrick giggled. 

"Good to know," the older man said with a smile. Patrick rolled over onto his boyfriend's chest with an arm slung over the side. Gerard put his arm over the top of the opposite side of the teen just to rub his hand in loose circles on the boy's back. This was nice. So calming. He almost wanted to sleep.

Almost.The party was still going on and it was a little too loud for either of them to relax, and definitely way too loud for the two of them to try to get any sleep. So Gerard let out a loud groan and covered his face with a hand. "Should we go back out there?"

"I'm not," Patrick mumbled into the older man's armpit. This kid must have had a thing for armpits given how many times he'd stick his face in it.

"Should I?"

"Is Mikey staying the night?"

"I think."

"So no, you can say goodbye in the morning." 

"Oh shit, my phone," the older man grumbled. He had ignored it for most of the night, but his ritual of checking and responding to all of his messages before going to bed was convincing him to go back out there. "I've got to get that shit."

"Throw some clothes on and run," Patrick offered some advice. 

"I'm gonna put your shit on," Gerard chuckled. It took a moment for the two of them to part away, like the blankets and Patrick both were fighting to keep him in bed, and then he grabbed clothes from the floor. He put his own pants on, no underwear, and purposely grabbed his boyfriend's shirt. Before running out, he took a second to cover Patrick up in the blanket and kissing the boy atop of his head. "I'll just be a minute."

"Okay," the boy sighed and then snuggled further into the covers. 

Seeing that the teen was adequately comfortable, Gerard left the room, careful with the door to not show any of the room. Just as soon as his feet could the floor of the living room, the room erupted with a round of clapping. He couldn't even be mad at them all teasing him for getting laid; if he didn't want an audience he shouldn't have put on a show. So he smiled and took a bow before ignoring them all to get his phone. 

He left it on the charger he brought with him, just to keep it maxed out while partying, which was next to where Mikey was sitting. His brother gave him a hard time along with the rest of his friends. "Must have been good, but no amount of therapy is going to make this moment okay."

Gerard just scoffed back and grabbed his phone. "Hush, we grew up hearing much worse and you know it."

Mikey smiled and let out a small chuckle; Frank would be pissed that he didn't make the younger Way laugh first. "Well, your phone has been going off the hook. Go deal with that so I can try to bleach my brain in peace."

Gerard smiled back and walked away to check his phone in private. His phone had been ringing for awhile since the party started. For the most part, Gerard was ignoring it; he had better company than whoever was trying to contact him all him night as his missed messages were displaying. It had a New York code that he recognized but the number wasn't saved. Regardless, he redialed it and answered it with a, "Hello, Gerard Way speaking."

"Hey man, it's Joe!" Not Trohman, had to be Boyle. Trohman was trying to balance a pile of empty beer bottles into the shape of a pyramid within Gerard's eyesight. "I've been trying to reach you all day and I'm about to pass out for the night. What the hell took you so long?"

"Oh! I was uh..." He thought about lying to try to make himself sound better but he couldn't come up with one fast enough. "Celebrating at the boyfriend's place. Party isn't out of hand but I've been occupied."

"Celebrating? Who told you before me?!" Artist Joe drilled into his phone. "I just heard the news this morning, so who the hell told you about the show?"

"The show?" Gerard asked as he made his way past the beer bottle pyramid building, past the highly philosophical drunk conversation between Ray and Frank, and into the kitchen. "What happened to the show?"

"Dude we got signed! No one told you?"

"You just did," he said with a grin.

"Ah man! You have no idea how fucking amazing this is! I'll email you later about specifics but - holy shit, man! - we gotta celebrate just the two of us when you get to New York!"

Joe's words snapped him back into reality. New York. It was happening. The cat had caught his tongue and left him speechless. "Yeah, man. New York."

Just in time, Gerard looked back at the party to catch Patrick standing in the doorway of his bedroom in a new set of pajamas, along with his binder, as if he was going to come out and enjoy the party a little longer. He had that same look he did earlier like he knew what Gerard was saying. Gerard was frozen in fear. This was the beginning of the end right there; it all started when Patrick closed that door on him to separate the two of them from each other's line of sight.

"Oh shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A weird note about the Breakfast Monkey, I had no idea until about three months ago that Gerard did the voice of the monkey. I also now have the mental image of him using that voice on his wife, his child, and the animals that inhabit their home and I wanted to share that everyone who reads this in hopes that someone else will have that image in their head as well now.


	12. I know I'm not your favorite record

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Dead on Arrival" by Fall Out Boy

He was doing the right thing in his mind.

It was a mantra he said, again and again, to make himself feel better. He had never fallen for someone so hard and he knew already that breaking up with Patrick was going to be harder.

But Gerard reasoned that he still could have one last date with the boy before he broke the news. One last good moment between the two of them. Just one night and one last time. Patrick deserved that.

A real date. Like they always wanted to do but something would get in the way every time. He dressed semi-better than he usually would; a decent plain black shirt, a pair of faded and deteriorated black jeans that were closer to gray, a leather jacket and a scarf. Something in the back of his mind told him to wear some color, he wasn't going to a funeral, but he also wasn't going to a party either.

He picked Patrick up at the dorms, like normal, like nothing was going to happen. He greeted the teen with a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek. A few of the Chicago crew were hanging out in the dorm so he didn't want to stay for long. Didn't stop Pete from yelling some obscenity out of the window anyway.

Patrick had that David Bowie shirt on. Like another reminder as to why Gerard shouldn't be doing this. But he kept telling himself he had to... he had to let this happen.

Patrick brought a bag with him. No toys apparently, but he did pack a change of clothes. The second the teenager said he'd change in the morning, Gerard convinced himself he'd break the news in the morning, so it could truly be one last night together.

"So where do you want to go?" he finally asked when Patrick was in his car.

"Anywhere," the teen joked. "Really, anywhere you wanna go."

"Dinner to start?"

"Sure!"

"Where to?"

"That sandwich place we went to on our first real date?" Patrick offered.

"Great," Gerard agreed and drove the car out of the parking lot. He wanted to make small talk and make it seem like nothing was going to happen, but he also didn't want Patrick thinking that something was wrong.

"So when are you going to start working in New York?" the teen asked. That was exactly the conversation the older man wanted to avoid.

"December," he answered casually. He told himself to play it cool before starting that mantra up again in his mind. This was for the best. This was what Patrick deserved.

"Looking for places in New York or are you going to stay in New Jersey?" When the older man looked over at Patrick to gauge what tone the question was being asked in, Patrick was just blindly playing with the strings on his hoodie. The hat was casting shadows on the teen's face that made it even harder, so Gerard took a shot in the dark that everything was alright.

"Haven't decided yet," he grumbled. He really wanted to change the subject. The faster Patrick realized that they weren't staying together, the father this whole night was going to fall apart. He really didn't want to end this on such a bad note so soon.

"Okay," Patrick sighed and nodded. It was so hard to figure out Patrick's expression, so Gerard just put it in the back of his mind. Then it got quiet. The older man offered to play music on the radio, which he had hoped would prompt some car seat karaoke, but now it was just deadly quiet with Green Day as the soundtrack.

It stayed quiet for the most of the ride there. Then for them to get out of the car. Then go to the sub place. Then to stand in line for their food.

It hit him at one point he wasn't as affectionate as he usually was. He was almost always slipping an arm around Patrick, or holding his hands, or hugging up on the smaller teen, or just something in general as far as public displays of affection went. And right then he was standing there with his hands in his pockets while Patrick fiddled with his hat and glasses.

Maybe he should do something. But then if he was over doing the PDA, it would be really obvious that something was wrong. But if he didn't show any form of affection, wouldn't that be just as bad?

The thoughts were clouding up his mind so much, Patrick had to ask him twice what he wanted from the menu. "Gee, what are you getting?"

"Oh shit," he cursed when he caught on to his surroundings. "Uh... I guess a BLT."

Everything afterward moved really quickly. From the sandwich shop to the bench where Patrick came out to him was all one short moment in his mind. They sat there for awhile and talked about everything all at once. Neither of them brought up New York; it was a curse word in Gerard's mind and he wasn't going to tarnish the night by bringing it up.

Patrick ranted on and on about classes and mid terms and living with Joe and writing with Pete and bugging Andy to let him play on the older man's drums because he hadn't played in awhile and he really missed his old drums. Gerard was glad the teen was talking, it kept him from being to say something stupid.

It also gave him the opportunity to soak in everything about Patrick he loved. From the cheeks to the sideburns to his baby blue eyes. God, he was going to miss this. That whole thing about one letting the things they love go was weighing heavy on his mind; especially that part about it coming back if it was meant to be. Maybe if Gerard was lucky, Patrick would still be single when he was done with school. Or maybe he'd date around and find out that they were the best for one another and they could have a second chance. But first, he had to *ruin* this chance.

The drive home was monotonous. The same way they had gone, just the other way. In almost the same silence, just minus Patrick asking about Gerard's work.

He put in his two weeks. Justin was going to get more hours and Gerard got to help pick out the replacement employee; an older guy named Matt that was nicknamed Otter who knew Brian. But he wasn't telling Patrick any of that. So he talked about how they had a new guy and how Justin almost fell off a ladder and how Brian was about to clear the place of cook books because he was sick and tired of them.

"So if you want any, now's the time to grab one," Gerard added with a laugh.

"Maybe," Patrick humored him.

Even if it was the last time, walking into the apartment felt like he was on autopilot. Stopping to make sure Patrick grabbed his bag, getting the two of them inside, offering the boy a drink before trying to lead the whole situation into his bedroom.

Even the foreplay felt like it was on autopilot. Clothes were carelessly dropped onto the floor while the two of them made their way to the bed. Mouthes were barely on one another. Gerard had a hand on Patrick's hip helping the teenager pull his pants down, but other than that, the two of them undressed on their own.

The lights were on.

They stayed above the covers.

It was so cut and dry.

"Hold on," Gerard announced at one point.

Patrick's eyes lit up. "Yeah?"

The older man knelt on the floor and grabbed a hold of his little shoe box of goodies. Lube and condoms. He held up one of each with a smile and he swore that he saw the light in Patrick's eyes die.

It was all in his head, Gerard convinced himself. Then he reminded himself, 'This is for the best. You're doing the right thing.'

He started off just like how Patrick taught him; start off with two lubed fingers but only use one. There were little gasps here and there but he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted. No moans or screams. Maybe he was too tense and it was affecting his game.

Didn't take long before he was hard, covered and lubed up on his own. He was lined up with Patrick's open body when he finally found the nerve to say something. "Are you... ready?"

The teen just whispered a simple, "yes," before either of them moved. Quickly, Gerard pushed himself inside, feeling the tight heat he found himself loving after such a short amount of time. All he let out was a broken gasp when he was finally all the way in. Then a slow steady pace followed shortly after; he was going to make this last.

Every second of this moment he had with Patrick he was going to soak in. He almost regretted not taking his jeans off so he could feel the skin on skin like they'd done so many times before, but he was still going to enjoy it. He wanted to remember all those little noises and faces the teen would make, and he definitely wanted to take his time memorizing exactly how perfect Patrick would look.

Gerard looked down again and noticed how Patrick wasn't moaning, or groaning, or panting, or doing much of anything he'd usually do while they were fucking. The boy was just staring off at the wall in the distance like he was trying to imagine he wasn't there at all. "Baby?" Gerard tried to ask him while he kissed Patrick's neck but the boy pulled further away.

"How long are you going to draw this out before you say something?" Patrick said dryly towards the wall.

Gerard's heart dropped into his stomach. "Say something...?"

"I know you're dumping me after you cum," Patrick added dryly.

"Patrick, I didn't... how did you...?"

"I'm not stupid!" Patrick shoved the older man off of him and rolled off of the bed with nothing more than the harsh hiss when the other man's cock left him. He was quickly pulling his clothes off of the floor and trying to dress while Gerard was frozen in shock; there were thousands of thoughts running through his mind, but every one of them went silent when Patrick started barking at him. "I can fucking hear what you're saying to your goddamn friends and your fucking brother!"

"Patrick! I can explain-"

"Don't! You've had plenty of opportunities to say something tonight, but you didn't!" He was working on the buttons of his khakis before he finished with the just the top one undone to grab his binder off of the floor. He had flung it over his shoulders and started pulling it on his side when Patrick snapped, "You're just as bad as him."

He was talking about that ex. That ex that scared Patrick out of Chicago. And now Gerard was just as bad as him. He vowed a long time ago that he'd never be that man, but now, he was turning into another bad image Patrick would have burned into his memory.

"Waiting until you've unloaded into me to say something, always thinking with your junk." He wouldn't look up or look at Gerard while he was looking for his shirt or his hat.

Patrick had found both of them by the time Gerard finally had the guts to say something. "I didn't want to hurt you. I wanted to give you one last good night before we split, you deserved that at least."

"I deserved you telling me up front!" He found his shirt and jerked it on, grabbed his hat from the floor and then started to make his way out of the room. Gerard pulled his pants up and raced behind Patrick.

"Patrick, please! Let me explain!" The boy was putting his shoes on in the living room and was already heading out into the parking lot.

"There's nothing to explain that you couldn't have done hours ago!" Patrick was able to put some distance between them since Gerard had to stop to get dressed before running out of the apartment. Patrick needed to get out. He needed to run. He needed to run away before this got any worse. But just on his two feet in a town he barely knew, Patrick wasn't going to get that far.

So he called Pete. "Hey, I need someone to come pick me up."

"Wait, the fuck?" was all he got from the other line. The words were slurred together and if the younger man had to guess from it being it a Saturday night, that meant Pete was drunk.

"Is there anyone there who is sober and has access to a car to come and get me?" Patrick asked while still walking away.

"Andy," Pete both answered and was trying to get the other man's attention. "Can you get Patrick? ...He's on his way 'Trick. He's grabbing keys. Where are you?"

"I'm heading to that bus stop near Ger... near the apartments."

"Do you need more of us there?" Pete may have stopped being an aggressive little punk when he left Chicago, but he was not going to back down if his friend needed to be protected. They could get Pete out of fights but there was no getting the fight out of him.

"Andy's plenty of muscle," he almost laughed. "Tell him to hurry though." He was almost to the street corner with his phone in hand when he heard the sound of feet running behind him.

"Patrick, wait!" Gerard wasn't even wearing a shirt, he just had a zipped up jacket on with his feet shoved into his shoes with the backs bent in. "I don't want it to end like this!"

"You're the one who did this!" the boy interjected, knowing damn well how right he was. "We could have talked! You could have let me go nicely! But no - you had to be like this!"

"Patrick please," Gerard pleaded. "I didn't want this to be ugly. I just wanted to let you go. I can't take you with me and I can't expect you to stay here waiting for me."

"You asshole," Patrick hissed. He stood his ground there on the sidewalk, knowing he wasn't going to move any closer to that apartment. In the back of his mind, he knew he had left a bag of clothes there, just in case this night wasn't turning the way he thought it would, but he wasn't going back to get them. "Don't make this worse."

Right then, he did something he never thought he'd do in twenty-five years of living: beg. Gerard dropped to his knees, almost on instinct. He looked terrible, he knew it; from the fucked up hair to the saddened eyes, but he wasn't going to stop. "Let's talk now."

"No!" Patrick snapped. "You had plenty of opportunities!"

"Please, Patrick! Please!" He kept begging; maybe it would be enough to make this right. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did," the teen scoffed. "You did."

"I'm sorry," Gerard mumbled before hiding his head in his hands. The words he wanted to say weren't coming out; they were caught somewhere between his heart and his throat and somewhere along the way they were stuttering their way up. "I-I don't... I don't know what to do."

It was sad. Not in the 'Patrick's getting dumped again' kind of sad he was used to. It was a whole new thing he hadn't seen before. This man was genuinely upset to be doing this to him. He could see the pain going on with Gerard from the man's shaky hands to his sputtering breaths. But from Patrick's point of view, it was all so confusing.

"Why are you doing this?"

Just the sound of the teen's voice, so soft and comforting, got the older man to look up with his broken down eyes reddened from crying so much already. "You know when you love something, you let it go? Because everything is telling you that it's the best thing to do?"

It was quiet.

Even the sound of the city had muted.

Patrick didn't answer. He just kept standing there with his arms crossed and his phone in his hand, looking down at the emotional wreckage that he used to call his boyfriend.

"If New York doesn't work, I fail," Gerard finally pieced together. "I can't let you fail with me."

"So you're not even giving me a chance?" the teen asked, still not budging from his spot.

"I'm letting you go," the older man blurted out. "If it's meant to be, then it'll be."

"You're an asshole," Patrick spat back.

"I..." He looked up again, still worn out from everything he had just put himself through. "I know."

"How... how dare you?" Patrick started to growl back at him. Truthfully, Patrick didn't even have a coherent thought in his brain about what he was supposed to say next. Good thing too, since Andy pulled up.

The world went silent again.

Gerard tried to get up on his feet in time, but Andy already had an arm around the teenager's shoulders. The older man was in shock the whole time he watched as the taller of the two push and pull Patrick away and into the running car.

The last he ever saw of Patrick Stump was when the teen turned to look back for just a moment before disappearing behind the truck.

When the mute button was turned off, the first thing he heard was the sound of that truck driving off, full force, as far from him as they could get. So he watched the vehicle for as long as he could until it turned a corner and out of his line of sight.

A shaky breath came out of him whether he wanted it or not, but he quickly covered it with his even shakier hands. Suddenly all of those intrusive thoughts came back, full force. This time they weren't telling him to get rid of the boy, but were instead, telling him how big of a mistake it was.

"What have I done?" Gerard gasped aloud.

~~~~~

Andy reached over the center console to put his hand on Patrick's trembling shoulder. "You're doing good, man. There's no way he saw you crying or freaking out. You get to be the better man."

"I don't want to be," Patrick choked up. "I didn't want this!"

He was burying his face in his hands already. He didn't want his friends to see him like this. This was terrible beyond any reason. He was done being like this! Why did all of these feelings have to come back like this?!

"We're almost there," Andy tried reassuring him again. A few minutes between them and the dorm was all he had to get through to get Patrick safe.

One minute: park the truck and turn it off.

Two minutes: get Patrick out of the passenger seat. He wouldn't stop holding his chest, so removing the seat belt took a moment.

Three minutes: get them into the building and up the elevator. The dorm wasn't far from the elevator itself, so only a few more feet and they were home.

Joe hadn't had anything to drink that night, well up until the point that Patrick had called, so he drove the other half of the crew back to the dorm room. It also didn't help that Patrick never hung up the phone with Pete; so the two of them heard as much of the conversation as they could from Patrick's arms.

"Holy shit," he exclaimed when he finally Patrick came in. "Dude, I can't... holy shit."

Pete for one of the few times in his life was too stunned to say anything. His eyes lit up in a daze as he watched the young teen being led over to the couch.

Andy had this all covered.

For once.

He sat on the edge of the coffee table and pulled Patrick's arms down to take the phone away, turn it off and set it on the table. "What do you need right now?"

"I..." Patrick started to answer but stopped short. "I don't know right now."

"Have you eaten?" Andy started going through the mental checklist he had. He could start out with all of Patrick's physical needs and then move onto the emotional ones.

"Yeah, we ate on the date," the teen recalled the events from his night earlier.

"Water?" the older man continued on his list.

Patrick nodded; he couldn't even find the words to say at that point.

Andy got up, promised he'd back in just a minute and left for the kitchen.

The other two in the room started talking to each other about what they wanted to do to solve Patrick's problems.

"I can still drive," Joe mentioned.

"I think I've got a baseball bat," Pete chuckled. And with that, the two of them started coming up with a plan to make themselves look more menacing, get the weapons they'd need, and take care of business.

Both Pete and Joe were hyping themselves up to drive back through town to go kick Gerard's ass when Andy intervened. "Sit the fuck down!"

It took them all by surprise; he never raised his voice or used that tone. Even Patrick was scared from his place on the couch.

"Your friend is in pain and this is your first response? 'Let's go kick that jackass's teeth in?'" Andy was nearly growling as he asked the questions. "Karma will catch up to him. _Life_ will catch up with him. We don't worry about Gerard Way anymore. What you need to worry about is Patrick."

Patrick would have sniffled a little bit at the thought of his friend being so concerned about him if he hadn't cried his tear ducts dry already. He was used to the constant fights and the guys trying to make things better by dealing with obstacles. But to let the obstacle go... this was new.

"Patrick, binder off," Andy ordered.

"What? No, I'm good," he tried to reason.

"Your breathing has been short and shallow since I've gotten you back to the dorms," Andy pointed out. "It's restricting your lungs. Go take it off."

He didn't argue. He didn't have any fight left in him. His feet guided him into his room like he was on autopilot just to undress and then redress into his shirt and boxer shorts. He didn't want to be an emotional wreck. But he was glad his friends were there to help. With his feet like skates on ice, he didn't even realize he had made it back into the living room until he was on the couch, with Joe next to him. Pete was still hopping around the room, speaking nonsense, but no one was listening to him.

"Do we need to go back for any reason at all?" Joe asked, trying to find solutions rather than complaining or plotting to kill someone. "Did you leave anything there?"

"I think," Patrick paused when he put some thought into it. Andy left a plastic cup of water on the table, so the teenager assumed it was for him and took a great big gulp of it. It gave him time to think, and it gave him something in his throat, and it gave him something to help his thoughts come out of his mouth. "I left a shirt there. I left there in one of his shirts so that means I left one there. He can have it. I don't need anything that bad."

"Okay," Joe sighed and then took one of Patrick's hands into his own after the smaller teen put the cup back down. They'd all been here before. Patrick's last breakup was nasty and terrible and Joe would always regret not getting a punch in before they left Chicago.

"Wait - shit," Patrick groaned. He took his hand back just so he could bury his head in both of them. Joe didn't know what to do at first so he put his hand on his best friend's back and rubbed it in calming circles until the shorter teen talked again. "I left a whole bag of my clothes there. It's just a pair of jeans and a change of underwear, it can stay but... I might need to go shopping for a new pair. I'm running out of underwear."

Joe didn't want to laugh so it came out a bit like a scoff and everyone got an instant case of whiplash turning to glare at him. He didn't really care about the eyes on him when he said, "You dirty little man. Leaving your dirty boxers at people's houses."

"Shut up!" He was laughing. For the first time since he got home, he was laughing.

And then just as fast, he was crying again; maybe if it wasn't for the glass of water, he wouldn't have anything to make tears out of.

Joe put his hand back on Patrick's shoulder to pull himself closer. "We're here for you, man. We're not leaving."

Patrick looked up.

Andy was sitting in front of him again on the table. Pete was standing there behind the more heavily tattooed man. Joe was now leaning onto Patrick's back. All he needed was right there in that living room.

"I love you guys," he muttered when he finally caught his breath.

~~~~~

Ray came home a little earlier than he had planned. He was supposed to stay out the night before so his roommate could break off his relationship and he while he wanted to stay as far away from that train wreck as Ray could, he still wanted to take a shower in his apartment after his morning run. Hopefully, Gerard had done it the night before and there wasn't anything but wreckage for him to have to come home to.

There weren't any lights on when he opened the front door but the morning light was creeping its way through the windows and left tiny little boxes of glowing yellow light upon the figure that was sitting upright on the couch. It would have scared him if he didn't recognize who it was first. "Gerard? You okay?"

It didn't look like the other man had slept. His hair was more unkempt than usual. There were bags underneath his eyes. His skin lacked the pinkish tint that would hint that was he alive. Meanwhile, he just stared blankly at the wall.

"I made a mistake."

Gerard took a deep breath after finally saying the words aloud. They were stuck in his mind playing over and over again like a broken record he couldn't stand to listen to anymore. He closed his eyes softly and bit his lips from the inside of his mouth while he took another breath in before letting it out shakily.

"I made a terrible mistake."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we've made it the end of Haunted Grounds. Like I've said previously, this is a story with multiple installments. I've been spending most of my time writing chapters for the later installments, so there's rarely ever a day where I'm not writing at least a bare minimum of 500 words, but it where those words are that really counts.
> 
> I'll be taking a short break and then returning back to this as soon as possible. Love you guys.


	13. But the pages all are torn and frayed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "I'm Not Okay" by My Chemical Romance.

The months that passed were not friendly to Gerard in the slightest. Even though he had he moved out and now lived in his own one bedroom apartment up in Hoboken, he was often alone. Loneliness was a drug within itself and that November wasn't any help.

It took their mom convincing Mikey to stop by before anyone was able to get to him. She had stopped by once, so the only warning she had given Mikey was, "He's still wearing his clothes from the funeral."

Donna gave her younger son the copy of the key she had to go check on his older brother. Mikey had braced himself for the worst possible thing to greet him in the door but instead, Gerard was asleep on the couch in, sure enough, pieces from the same suit he had worn to their grandmother's funeral.

With a deep breath, Mikey gathered up some courage and gently shook his brother, praying that the older man would wake up and not be dead. But the older man jerked awake and broke all of Mikey's nerves at the same time. "What the...?"

"Hey." The younger of the two was so happy to see his brother alive, but he never wanted to see Gerard in this state. "How are you doing?"

"I'm... I'm okay," he lied.

"You need to shower, it's been over a week."

"I'm fine," Gerard grumbled before twisting back to sleep on the couch.

"No, you're not," Mikey snapped back. "At least shower and eat in front of me okay? Thanksgiving is next week and I have to take you home for the holidays."

"Or you could leave me here," he grumbled again.

"Okay, you know what!" Mikey snapped. He got up from the floor and rushed to the kitchen in such a flurry that even Gerard had to look up. His younger brother had came back into the room with a soda from the fridge and a couple of cookies from the pantry.

"Eat it," Mikey ordered with the food in his brother's face.

He legitimately thought about arguing or smacking them out of Mikey's hands, but the truth was, Gerard was weak. And tired. And hungry.

Mikey had to open up the can because Gerard's hands kept shaking, but after a few minutes, he had eaten enough for the younger Way to take a seat on the couch next to his brother.

"It's just a lot," Gerard admitted when the silence between them had gotten maddening.

"A lot of loss?" Mikey questioned.

"Yeah."

"She's in a better place now, even if you don't believe in heaven, she's not in pain anymore and that alone is a better place." Mikey was wise beyond his years.

"I know, but it still doesn't make her being gone any less painful," Gerard sighed as the room went back into its silence.

He kept thinking about all the time he had missed not being able to see or visit her because he was too busy with school, or work, or life in general. And now she was gone, as was his time with her. He kept trying to convince himself that it was okay, he still had time. Not anymore.

"You still think about-" Mikey tried to start up again, mostly to just stop talking about their grandmother.

"I think about him a lot," Gerard cut his brother off. It broke his heart. It one of those moments in his life that he would never be proud of, but he had to cut off his relationship with Patrick. The boy was too young, with too much life ahead of him. "I think of how much easier life could be right now if I had his shoulder to cry on."

"So this was just your breaking point?" Mikey asked over the internal monologue going on in Gerard's head. "The final straw to break the camel's back?"

"Feels like," the older brother admitted.

"I can't fix everything," Mikey offered with a hand on his brother's back. "But I can get you through the night, okay?"

He smirked a bit, just at the thought. "Get me sugared up and then cleaned up?"

"And get you to sleep in your own bed," was the deal maker.

Sugar was just the start. Mikey knew he had to get something in Gerard's system to start off with. It wasn't the best, but it was something, and it was just enough for Gerard to go shower on his own while Mikey tried to make a real meal in what was left of the kitchen. The only real stipulation was that Gerard couldn't lock the door; if he took too long in there, Mikey was going to rip him out of there as fast as he could.

Gerard was able to dress himself in something that wasn't from the funeral. It was just an old t-shirt and a pair of boxers, but it was better than putting on what he had been wearing or nothing at all. Then he was able to feed himself with Mikey's version of "breakfast for dinner" because that's all that there was in the kitchen.

"I'll go shopping; this weekend, I promise," Gerard told the other man over the microwaveable sausage patty.

"I'll get you if you don't," Mikey promised back. "Drag your ass to a Pathmark."

They both laughed if only for a second, but it was the only time they laughed that night. The rest of the night was filled with promises to get better, promises to put forth efforts, and Mikey promising he'd come back if he didn't at least hear from his brother.

"And call mom," the younger Way said while they were hugging goodbye. "She's just as worried, man."

"I will, but first I think I need to sleep, so I'll text you guys in the morning," Gerard agreed.

"Call. Don't text," Mikey reminded him.

"I will, promise," he said again for what felt like the millionth time that night. He could say it all he wanted, but whether or not he could actually keep his promises with his family members had yet to be proven.

He had to wait until Mikey had left to start sleeping in his bed again. It was the same bed he had from his last apartment, but his mother insisted he had to get more mature bedding. It was nowhere near as comfy, but it worked. And worked well enough to get him to pass out in less than a minute. He was just so mentally and emotionally exhausted from the ups and down, mostly downs, of the last month.

Gerard had decided on changing his underwear and his shirt the following morning. He still hadn't unpacked anything fully since he moved in and right then he had a box fall on top of him as proof of his laziness. Initially, he just wanted to throw it back into the closet, but when he realized what it was, he had to take another look.

His camera.

All just photos of his artwork. Eventually, he was going to have to work and start making art again, so maybe just a little bit of inspiration could get him out of his funk. So he turned it on and went to review the photos he had taken before, hoping to see something from his more happier days. Something to get him to feel better.

He wasn't expecting to see his ex-boyfriend.

Or rather, the artwork he had done on Patrick's feet back when they first started dating.

Gerard took a deep breath and regained his composure just to click on the next one. It was again Patrick.

Then a shot of just one of the characters.

Then the other.

Then a picture of the two of characters together.

He just threw his camera away from him, hoping to break it out of frustration, but it landed on his bed and was safe from harm. One of those signs that sometimes if you let something go and it comes back, it's meant to be yours.

But it still hurt. The reality of it stung. Patrick was gone, and the photos in his face didn't help at all.

He didn't actually put a lot of thought into it, but Gerard could feel his limbs moving about his apartment. He brought a canvas out from his closet and then the newspaper onto the floor and then his paints onto the newspaper. He had the photos up on the camera and his hands working like crazy. If he couldn't have Patrick, he could at least have this. This monument of their time together, and even if other people weren't going to know about how it connected them, he could at least put it out there for the world to see.

By the time his brain finally snapped back to where he realized what he was doing, there was a couple splattered in the blood of red paint sitting in front of him. Pain struck across both of their faces as if he finally had a physical image for his internal anguish for everyone else to see.

Every part of it looked new to him. Gerard's eyes danced across the piece, looking at each drop of paint and each brush stroke like he had seen it for the first time.

Suddenly a melodic chirp ripped him from his concentration and Gerard snapped his head over to his phone on its charger. Even with his hands dirty with paint, he still knew to go pick it up.

His mother.

Her name was lit up on the top screen and it made his heart sink. He couldn't talk to her right now, but... that's what he needed.

Gerard flipped open his phone and choked out, "Hey mom."

"Hey baby," she answered on the other side. "How are feeling?"

"I'm..." he started to sob and choke out words as he confessed to his mother. "I'm not... I'm not okay. I'm-I'm s-sorry."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want it for the record that I wrote this out, then thought "what are the chances?" and looked up her obituary, and their grandmother really did pass away November of 2003. Slightly weirded out and I didn't mean to do it, but it did, in fact, work out story wise.
> 
> I can also call this reason #8460 why I'll get a restraining order from this family.


End file.
